A Moment of Doubt

Author: Cyclone <cyclone[at]citynet.net>

Feedback: Please be gentle.

Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966 or http://fanfiction.net/~cyclone

Rating: I'm gonna go say PG.

Spoilers: Up to Grave and Witch Way Now?

Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to other people. I'm just borrowing them for a while.

Summary: Xander worries about his performance as a Whitelighter.

Author's Note: Running out of things to say, here.


"Leo," Xander turned. "How're the girls?"

"They're doing okay," Leo said. "Phoebe's shaken by... recent events with Cole."

Xander shook his head, "It bothers me, Leo. This whole Cole thing... it's like Angel all over again."

"I know," Leo said. "If only..."

"If only," Xander snorted. "If only Angel's curse didn't have that loophole, if only he'd known about the clause, if only Buffy had kept him out of her pants. We can't live on 'if only's, Leo." He shook his head, "What brings you here? Shouldn't you be with them?"

"You," Leo said simply. "You didn't fail, Xander."

"Didn't I?" Xander asked. "Leo, one of my charges was literally sleeping with the enemy, while another nearly destroyed the world we're supposed to be protecting!"

"But the world's still here," Leo said, "and Buffy's getting better, connecting to the rest of you. Xander, you're a Whitelighter, not a god. You can't help it if they choose to ignore your guidance."

"Maybe not, but I should have tried harder," Xander said softly. "I should have known something was wrong with Buffy. I should have sensed it."


"Leo, you can sense what your charges are going through halfway around the world, but I can't sense what Buffy's feeling when she's in the same room!"

"It's the Hellmouth, Xander," Leo explained. "It interferes with our senses, and it takes a lot of experience to break through it. That's why the Elders only assigned you charges here in Sunnydale. You know that."

Xander shook his head, "Maybe, but I... I just feel like I failed. I mean, none of your charges ever tried to end the world."

Leo snorted, "No, but one did become queen of all evil."

Xander stared, "Okay, ya got me there. You didn't tell me about that."

"We were so busy trying to deal with it, I didn't have time," Leo shrugged. "Cole was taken over by the Source. He fought it, but it wasn't enough. He even tried to become human again, transferring his powers to a wizard, and he almost succeeded, but Phoebe... she killed the wizard and chose to be his queen. We almost didn't get her back."

After a moment, Xander commented, "We've got some really screwed up charges, don't we, Leo?"

"That we do. You okay now?"

Xander nodded, "Yes, I am, sir."

Leo shook his head, "Don't 'sir' me. I was just a medic." With that, he orbed out.

"A medic?" Xander blinked in confusion.


Author's Postscript:

One more to go to finish up the Moments series.

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