Xander flicked through the bargain bin, then paused as he found a remarkable mask. It was a cartoonish caricture of a coyote... where had he seen it before? There were several other pieces to the costume in the packet, of course.
That was it! Wiley! Man, he loved that coyote -- he had so much in common with the hungry critter. Every time he watched saturday morning cartoons, he kept hoping Wiley would catch that asshole Roadrunner.
Almost as good as the sheer niftiness was the price -- $2.00. Man, he'd have to rethink this whole soldier thing.
Wiley looked around, scratching his back. How'd he get here? The last thing he remembered was ordering a rocket sled from ACME, Inc. Now he was... somewhere. Sure didn't look like the desert.
He began to salivate as he spotted a chicken coop, producing cutlery, salt, pepper and a napkin from who knows where. Who needed a scrawny roadrunner when there was a good dozen fat hens right in front of him?
Half an hour (and six chickens) later, Wiley wandered down the road, looking for a place to curl up and go to sleep. A human ran up to him, panicked for some reason.
"Xander!," the female yelled.
Why could he understand her? He looked at her quizically.
"This is no time to goof around! We have to find Buffy!"
Ah well, he had nothing better to do. Might as well follow her.
Xander ripped his mask off as Ethan Rayne's spell was disrupted. He spat furiously into a pile of trash, ejecting several feathers from his mouth.
"YUCK!"
"Xander, what were you up to?," Buffy asked.
Xander pulled a face at Buffy. "I was dressed as Wile E. Coyote. Wiley is always hungry. Mrs K has chickens. You do the math."
"Ewww!"
"Double gross-out. Chickenboy."
"Shaddup, Deadboy."
"Make me, Coyote."
"And when I thought you could not be anymore of a freak," Cordelia said in disbelief.
"I don't get no respect anymore. Yeesh - first hyenas, now a genius coyote, what next?," Xander muttered. And Wiley's intelligence and warped mind seemed to have stayed to hang around -- he was already absently planning building a massive ballista that could fire three dozen crossbow bolts at once. He'd get rid of a gross of vampires, at least.
"What are we gonna do about this Judge?," Buffy moaned. "No weapon forged by man..."
Xander smirked evilly, showing teeth. Kinda like a certain coyote.
Willow kinda wished that Xander wasn't so quiet these days. Heck, if it weren't for school and answering teachers, she'd swear he was mute.
Angelus and Drusilla jumped from the mall balcony when they saw the weapon levelled against them. No way were they dumb enough to hang around.
Buffy pushed the Judge onto the pile (hands gloved, of course), and Xander pushed the plunger down, detonating the massive pile of probably highly illegal explosives.
True, they ended up having to rebuild the place, but it got rid of the Judge, right?
Post-fic Comments:
Wasn't that fun?