And so it begins...

Author: Michael Wilson <wyrdradio[at]>

Rating: PG-13 to R

Setting: BUFFY: Post Ending  DOGMA: After the movie by a month or so

Spoilers: Season 7 ending of Buffy. Ending of Dogma.

Summary: While away getting something for Giles in New York City, Xander meets some more people and is given an offer he can't refuse.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all things Buffy along with the Mutant Enemy company. The movie Dogma is owned by Kevin Smith and View Askew.

Author's notes: This is a BtVS/Dogma crossover... and a sequel to "One of the good ones."

" " as always means talking while *   * means thoughts.

Xander stared into space, his mind lost in the events of the last 15 minutes. Everything was so confusing.

*That really didn't happen... did it?*

He looked over at the closed door and shivered.

*How did she know my name?*

He looked up at the loudspeaker and closed his eyes.

*... and that song... now that was just...*

"Where the fuck is he?"

Xander opened his eyes and saw two men standing in front of him. They were facing away from him, looking around in all directions.

"Yeah, I know. He's got to be in here somewhere. They wouldn't tell us to come here, go through all that shit just to get in here, and then not have him show up."

Xander stared at the one talking and frowned. There was something about him that was just... annoying. He was thin and greasy-looking, wearing what looked like jeans and a hockey sweatshirt. Xander looked at the man next to him and was slightly confused. He was wearing a green trench coat and was a little on the hefty side... and hadn't spoken a word so far... yet the thin one went on and on as if he had.

"Might as well sit our asses down and wait for his punk ass."

They turned around and blinked in shock upon seeing Xander. They shared a look and smiled, then moved to sit on either side of him.

"Hey... what's up?"

Xander blinked a few times and just stared at them.

"Uh... not much."

The thin one looked at the other and raised his eyebrows... only to be answered with a nod.

"I'm Jay and this is my hetero life-partner Silent Bob."

Xander nodded and smiled slightly.


Jay's eyes widened and he grinned.

"That short for Alexander?"

Xander nodded.

"Yeah... why?"

Jay grinned widely and nodded to Silent Bob.

"Alexander... Protector of Mankind... see, told you I was listening."

Silent Bob rolled his eyes then smiled at Xander. Jay tapped Xander on the arm to get his attention.

"So... seen anything weird lately?"

Xander leaned away from Jay and frowned.

"Why do you ask?"

Jay smiled.

"Ah... well, you see, we deal with weird shit all the time. Fuck, Bob here's almost a freakin Jedi with all the shit he knows."

Xander looked at Silent Bob and raised an eyebrow. Silent bob smiled and shrugged.

"Right... um... what is it you two want?"

Jay smirked and shook his head.

"We were told to come here... that we were supposed to meet someone important. We think he's you."

Xander frowned, not believing.

"What makes you think that?"

Jay blinked in confusion.

"Uh... why... uh... shit man... what's with the hard questions... we just do... right?"

Silent Bob nodded and gestured strangely. Xander just shook his head and pulled his backpack closer to him.

"Right... I don't know what to tell you guys, but until you can answer my question... I'd like it if you'd leave me alone."

Jay frowned and stood up.

"Fuck man... all these questions... making my head hurt. Come on lunchbox, let's go get something to drink. Maybe we can sell something on the other side of the airport while I try to remember the answer to his fucking questions."

Silent Bob stood and together, he and Jay walked off toward the other end of the building. Xander watched them go and shook his head.

"They're right, you know."

Xander jerked and spun around in his seat. Sitting in Silent Bob's seat was now a tired, shaggy-haired man in his 40's.


The man rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"They're right. They were told to come here... to find you. The idiots actually got something right for a change."

Xander frowned and began to get angry.

"Me... why me?"

The man glared at Xander and shook his head.

"I don't even have to dignify that with a response. You know what you've done. You've single-handedly saved the world twice... and helped save it on another occasion as well. I know everything, Alexander, even the boiler room incident."

Xander's eyes widened in fear as he scrambled to his feet, backing away from the strange man.

"Who the hell are you?!"

The man got to his feet and stared Xander in the eyes.

"I am Le Metatron."

Xander blinked.


The man sighed and rolled his eyes. He looked up and shook his head.

"Why did you have to make them so stupid?"

He looked at Xander and frowned.

"I am the Voice of God. Every time someone reported hearing from God, they were either imagining it... or it was me."

Xander laughed.

"You're the voice of God... right..."

Metatron nodded.

"You met her earlier... sort of."

Xander frowned.

"Sort of?"

Metatron nodded.

"You didn't actually meet her, you met a representation of her... and you didn't actually talk to her, you talked to me talking through the representation of her."

Xander blinked in confusion.

"You lost me."

Metatron sighed.

"If you were to actually hear God speak... your head would cave in."

Xander nodded.

"Ok... so you were the one talking to me the whole time... so are you like an angel or something?"

Metatron nodded.


Xander smirked.

"So where are the wings?"

He was about to laugh when Metatron removed his jacket and unfolded the largest set of wings Xander had ever seen before.

"Holy Shit!"

Xander looked around in shock... but no one was looking at them.

"They can't see me... only you can see me."

Xander looked back at the angel... only to see him back in his jacket.

"Ok... say I believe you know... what does this have to do with me?"

Metatron smiled.

"You did an amazingly good deed earlier, Alexander. You gave all you had to help another, a child even. You did it without even a second though. This was a wondrous thing... and God was impressed. She wants you to do something special for her."

Xander blinked.

*So she was... and I... oh my...*

Xander shook his head.

"What does she want me to do?"

Metatron motioned to the chairs. Xander sat down and nodded.

"Before I answer that, let me tell you a story. There were once two fallen angels who wanted to get back into Heaven. They found a loophole and a woman, Bethany, was sent to stop them. She was the last scion. She managed to stop them, with the help of the two idiots you met earlier."

Xander laughed.

"Those clowns?"

Metatron nodded.

"Yes, they can be resourceful at times... but back to the story. Bethany stopped the rogue angels and everything was ok. As a thank you, God made Bethany... who was previously barren... pregnant, with the new last scion."

Xander nodded.

"Uh huh... nice story and all... glad she won, but... what does all of this have to do with me?"

Metatron smiled.

"Well... every baby needs a father."

Xander's eyes widened in shock... then rolled back into his head as he fainted. Metatron sighed and shook his head.

"Humans... so predictable....."