"So, what do you think?"
"It's nice."
<<Nice. God, she sounds like she's humoring me.>> Xander walked closer to Buffy, and tried to be more direct. "But do you think Cordelia will like it?"
Buffy cocked her head at him, and took a closer look at the necklace he held. " I don't know." She held out her hand, and after a moment's pause, Xander handed her the necklace. She looked it over, then said, "Does she know what one of these is?"
He yanked the necklace out of her hand. <<You should talk, Buff. Okay, enough sour grapes, Xan, you know how she feels about you and that's not gonna change.>> "Okay, big yuks. When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?"
Buffy grinned at him. "I'm sorry. But never. I just think you could find somebody more . . . better."
"Uh, parallel universe, maybe. Here the only other person I'm interested in is, um . . . unavailable." <<Okay, Buffy-hormones, I said enough! No more naughty Buffy-thoughts!>>
"I wanna break up."
<<You're welcome, and--*WHAT?!*>> "Okay, not quite the reaction I was looking for."
He just stared at Cordelia as she told him, "I know. I'm sorry. It's just . . . Who are we kidding? Even if parts of us do see specialness, we don't fit."
He looked down at the necklace, imagining it to be his own heart for a moment, shattering into a million pieces and falling all over the floor where Cordelia could stomp all over it. He looked into her face and shouted, "Yeah! Okay . . . Do you know what's a good day to break up with somebody? Any day besides Valentine's Day! I mean, what, were you running low on dramatic irony?"
"I know. I didn't mean to do it this way. I . . . "
He couldn't bear to listen to this anymore. "Well, you did." He stalked away, thinking, <<Maybe Buffy was right. Maybe you don't know what a heart is. Or what you just did to mine!>>
Amy was chanting. "Diana . . . goddess of love and the hunt . . . I pray to thee. Let my cries bind the heart of Xander's beloved." He watched as she lowered the necklace into the potion. <<My *beloved*. Yeah, right!>> "May she neither rest nor sleep until she submits to his will only."
<<Submits to my will. That has possibilities . . .>>
"What do you want? You can't be sniffing around for more jewelry to melt, because all you ever gave me was that Smallmart-looking thing."
<<Um, okay. Maybe it just takes a moment for the spell to kick in. Maybe she's just trying to put up a good face for Harmony and the others, even though she knows she wants me. Maybe I need to be up-close-and-personal.>> He leaned in close to her. "Is this love? 'Cause maybe on you it doesn't look that different."
Instead of the lustful panting he was hoping for, he got a hand in the chest, pushing him away. "What are you doing? Are you going, like, stalker-boy on me now?
"Sorry. My mistake." <<Yeah, my mistake for getting Amy to do a spell for me. My mistake for thinking anything could go right in my life.>>
"You know what I'd like? Why don't you and I do something together tonight? Just the two of us."
"Really?" <<Oh, I can think of all kinds of things I'd like to do together. Wait, Xander, this is *Buffy* we're talking about here. Still just thinks of you as a friend, still getting over Deadboy. She's thinking a little Bronzing and maybe a bad movie on cable.>>
"Yeah. We can comfort each other."
<<Comfort. Oh, yeah.>> "Well, would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? 'Cause I find that very comforting." <<Oh my God, I just said that out loud! Now she's gonna deck me!>>
But what nearly floored him wasn't a right hook, it was an intense gaze from the short blonde, who moved closer to him and murmured, "Play your cards right . . ."
<<Oooh, relief! Buffster makes a funny! Ha ha, wow . . . um, okay, she's not laughing. *She's not laughing.*>> "Okay, uh . . . You do know that I'm Xander, right?"
She looked down at the floor a moment. "I don't know, I just . . . " <<What, just needed to break the tension by making a joke? C'mon, Buff, you->> Buffy looked up at him, and his thoughts stopped dead as she continued. " . . . heard that you and Cordy broke up, and I guess I was just surprised how glad I was." She reached out, and started running her hand over his shirt. He looked down at it. It was such a small hand, to be squeezing his heart so tightly. "It's funny . . . how you can see someone every day but not really see them. You know?"
"Yeah, it's funny. And it's just gettin' funnier." Buffy stopped his words with a finger on his lips, and slowly began leaning in. <<Oh, sweet mercy. She's gonna kiss me. I'm probably about to drop dead of a heart attack, but I'll die such a happy man . . .>>
"Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?" <<What was that? And why are they interrupting my bodily ascension into Heaven?!>>
Buffy pulled back slightly. He turned around, and Amy was standing there. <<Oh, no, she's here to tell me the spell didn't work. Newsflash, Amy, I already saw Cordelia.>> Then he looked back at Buffy.
<<Oh, Xan-man, the mood's broken, what're you gonna do now? Get rid of Amy, and hope the mood comes back, that's what you're gonna do!>> "Yeah, okay."
He followed Amy out of the library, glancing back through the window at Buffy. <<Just hold on a sec, Buff, I'll be right back and we can continue our little discussion . . .>>
"Xander." Amy's voice cut through his thoughts, and he turned to her.
"Yeah." <<Tell me so you can go.>>
"I don't think the spell worked out right."
"Oh, yeah, it bombed. No biggie." He started to turn away from her, but she stopped him.
"But I'm sure the spell did something, and I wanted to warn you. Love spells are . . . tricky. Sometimes they don't do exactly what you expect."
<<Well, I'm not expecting anything right now except to go get friendly with the girl of my dreams.>> "Um, it's okay. Don't worry about it." <<Just leave me alone so I can . . .>>
"Just be careful. The spell could've affected someone else. So tell me if anyone suddenly starts liking you a lot. People under love spells can become . . . irrational. Maybe even violent." She walked away, leaving a stunned Xander behind her.
<<Oh. My. God. The spell. "My beloved." I didn't love Cordelia when Amy was doing the spell, I was just angry at her . . . but I still have feelings for Buffy. I should've known this couldn't be real. Oh, God, what am I gonna tell Buffy? What is she gonna say to me when she finds out . . .
Waitaminute. Did she say 'violent?' Buffy getting violent usually ends with something getting a stake through its heart. This is *so* not good.>>
But when he looked back into the library, Giles was with Buffy again. <<Oh no. I am not going to let Giles know that I had someone put a whammy on Buffy, even by accident. Even if she doesn't get violent, he will. And I don't wanna find out why his nickname used to be "Ripper." I gotta go find Amy and talk to her.>>
Unfortunately, he didn't get a chance to talk to Amy alone for the rest of the day.
And talking was the last thing on Buffy's mind when she was waiting for him in his bedroom. In a raincoat. That he was sure had nothing underneath it. That she was starting to undo . . .
He choked out, "Buff, for the love of God, don't open that raincoat." <<No, Xan-man, don't call her Buff, 'cause she's probably *in* the buff under that coat, and you gotta think un-sexy thoughts here. Baseball. Tennis. Computers. Stakes through the heart!>>
"Come on! It's a party! Aren't you gonna open your present?"
<<Oh, boy. If I ever needed proof that this was just a spell . . .>> He started backing away from her. "It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes, the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now." He suddenly stopped, and he realized he'd backed into the door. "Not like this. This isn't real to you. You're only here because of a spell." She looked at him strangely. <<Maybe I can talk her out of this. Maybe, if I tell her the truth, she'll hold on until I can find Amy and reverse this spell.>> "I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me . . ." <<Oh, Buffy, what it would mean to me.>> "But you don't. So I can't."
Buffy just stared at him for a moment, and he chickened out. He couldn't bear to hear whatever it was she was going to say. So he yanked open the door and ran for his life, hoping Buffy wouldn't use her Slayer speed to catch up with him.
Amy glared at him as he explained what was going on. "I warned you, Xander! You're just lucky I prepared a counter-spell just in case. Here," and with that, she handed him the heart pendant necklace. "Just give this to Buffy, and the spell will be broken. But get ready to do a lot of talking, because she'll remember everything that happened."
<<Oh God. Is there still a French Foreign Legion?>> He nodded. "Thanks Amy. And . . . let's just call this even. I don't mention Mrs. Beakman, you don't mention Buffy."
Amy gave him an evil smile. "We'll see, Xander."
<<Oh God. Snoopy, Woodstock, Fort Zinderneuf, here I come!>>
When he showed up at Buffy's house, Mrs. Summers greeted him. "Hello, Xander. If you're looking for Buffy, she's not here right now. But I think she'll be back soon. Would you like to wait for her in the living room?"
<<Oh, great. Just . . . *Great!* Maybe I can just leave the necklace in her room. She'll pick it up, the spell will be broken, and I don't have to get killed.>> "Um, I just wanted to borrow some notes from chem class. Could I go see if they're up in her room? I'll just be a moment."
Joyce looked at him suspiciously. "All right, but don't be too long. If Buffy gets home and you're in her room, she'll accuse you of looking in her diary or something. She gets very skittish about people poking around in her room."
<<Yeah, 'cause she doesn't want anyone -- especially her mother -- to find all the stakes and crossbows. Which I hope she's not gonna want to use on me tomorrow.>>
Up in Buffy's room, he began looking around for a place to put the necklace. <<She has to see it, and pick it up before she does anything else. There! Perfect!>> He laid the necklace down on top of her diary. He started to go, but he heard something out near the window. He looked out for a moment, afraid he was going to see Buffy sneaking in through her window.
What he saw was a million times worse: Angelus smiling at him, in full game face. "Leaving so soon? But the main attraction's just about to begin!" And he grabbed Xander and pulled him through the window.
As they rolled off the roof fell to the ground, all Xander could think was <<Get away! Gotta get away!>> But his legs just wouldn't work. He was frozen in fear.
The vampire hauled him up off the ground by the collar of his shirt. "Perfect. I wanted to do something special for Buffy . . . actually, *to* Buffy . . . but this is so much better!"
But before Xander could even try to fight back, a fist suddenly came into view and hit Angelus across the chin. He let go of Xander, who fell limply to the ground.
"Get away from him!"
Xander could only stare in a daze as Buffy attacked Angelus, driving him backward with a flurry of punches and kicks. <<Oh God, no, Buff. She's gonna get herself killed because of me and my stupid spell!>>
But Angelus didn't seem to be in the mood for a one-on-one fight. "Maybe another time, Buff. St. Valentine's is for loving, not fighting. Maybe I'll come back on St. Patrick's, and show you what I can do with a shillelagh!" He turned away with a snarl and left.
Buffy watched him leave for a moment, then turned and dropped to her knees. "Oh, Xander, are you all right? Did he hurt you?" She gently pulled him to a sitting position.
He just stared into her hazel-green eyes for a long moment. <<What am I gonna say to her?>>
Then in a flash her arms were around him and she was kissing him.
<<OhGodOhGodOhGodHowAmIGonnaTellHerShesGonnaKillMeForThisButI'mGonnaDieH appyCauseILoveYouBuffy->>
"Buffy! What are you doing?"
They both looked up. Amy was standing there, looking down at both of them.
Buffy looked back at Xander, her face flushed. And then she said, in a small voice, "Oops."
"So the spell never worked at all?"
Xander was sitting in Buffy's living room with her and Amy.
"No, Xander." Amy explained. "There was no spell at all. Or at least, not a love spell. Just a pretty light show to make you think there was a spell." She looked over at Buffy, clearly expecting her to tell the story.
Buffy just stared at her feet.
Amy grimaced, then continued. "I knew I wouldn't be able to do that love spell, and I knew how dangerous it could be. Something was sure to go wrong. So I told Buffy and Giles, and they came up with a plan to teach you a lesson. Buffy would act like she was obsessed with you, for a little while, then tell you everything. If you came to me to break the spell, I would give you the 'cure,' only it wouldn't work right, and then-"
"Amy?" Buffy interrupted. "Could you leave us alone?"
Amy looked at her strangely for a moment, then shrugged and left.
Buffy turned back to him. She looked miserable. He didn't care. <<How could she do this to me? It was all an act? She teased me, tantalized me . . . *kissed* me, and it meant nothing?>> "So it was all a joke? None of it was real?"
"Xander, I want to tell you-"
He wasn't going to listen to this. "What? That you let me pour my heart out to you, and you were secretly laughing at me the whole time?"
"Xander, I never laughed-"
"No, you just made me think my fondest wish had come true, and then you ripped my heart out and threw it on the ground and stomped all over it!"
"Xander!" He stopped as she shouted at him. He started to get up, but she grabbed him by the arm. "I was going to tell you the truth, in your room, but you ran out before I could tell you. I . . . I never wanted to hurt you. I thought you'd gotten over your feelings for me a long time ago. I never realized . . ."
She blinked, and he could see there were tears in her eyes. "And then I saw you and Angel, and all I could think was, 'I have to save him! I have to save him!'" She put her hand on his cheek. "And when I saw you were all right . . . Xander, when I kissed you, I wasn't pretending."
He thought his heart was going to stop. Again.
"I know you're angry, and hurt . . . but I want to make it up to you." She bit her lip. "I'm not ready for any opening of gifts, or lap-dancing . . . but a regular dance at the Bronze, with you, would be pretty wonderful right now."
He just stood there. Silent.
"Say something? Please?"
He sighed. "The necklace. It's upstairs in your room. Could you go get it, please?"
Her brow crinkled. Then she turned, and went upstairs. After a minute or two, she came back downstairs with the pendant dangling from her hand.
"Now put it on."
She blinked at him in confusion, then put the necklace on.
It looked beautiful. *She* was beautiful.
"Now ask me again."
"Xander, would you like to go dancing with me?"
He smiled. "I'd love to."