I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. I know how odd that sounds, but it's true. She has a strength about her, but there's a gentleness there too. She had me mesmerized, and I don't mean literally. I wonder sometimes what she must have been like when she was alive, when she had a soul. She must have been very different. I don't think I would have fallen for her then. Maybe that's what scares me, that I've fallen in love with a soulless vampire. But she's different. She has such a capacity for love, both giving and receiving it.
She showed up at my window one night, shortly after her and Spike arrived in Sunnydale. At first I was afraid, but when I realized that she couldn't come in unless she was invited, I relaxed some. She was like a child, the way she spoke, the way she acted. I was drawn to her innocence. I wanted to reach out to her, to hold her. We talked for hours that first night, her sitting on my roof, leaning against the invisible barrier of my open window. She may have been crazy, but she was smarter then either Spike or Angelus gave her credit for. She told me about how she met Angelus, the things he had done to her before he brought her across. She spoke of the atrocities as though she were talking about the weather. She told me about how she met Spike. How he had taken care of her after Angel regained his soul. She talked about how sad it made her, to see her sire in pain. And then, she told me about Prague.
I sat and listened with rapped fascination. I felt the emotion in her voice, the sorrow and the love. I wanted so much to reach out and touch her, to comfort her. But I was afraid. She asked me questions, about Buffy and the others. So I told her. Nothing that could be used against them, I just told her how I felt about them. And she listened, she really listened. She was first person who ever did that.
Over the next year or so, Dru and I spent at least two or three nights a week like that. Me sitting in my room, her sitting on the roof, leaning against the open window. We talked about everything, but we never told each other anything that would be useful to our enemies. Not because we were afraid of each other, it just never came up. We knew how our compatriots would feel, about us consorting with the enemy. But we didn't care. When we sat there together on those nights, we weren't enemies. We were just two kindred spirits. Two lost souls who had each found someone else who understood.
I never told her that I loved her. I had a feeling that maybe she felt the same way, but I was afraid what that meant. There were nights, when all I could think about was inviting her in. And when the invisible barrier fell, and she would fall backwards into my room, I would catch her. I'd hold her in my arms, and tell her how much I loved her. I'd kiss her, and one thing would lead to another and...well, I'm not an idiot. I know what would happen. The funny part is, I wasn't afraid of being a vampire. As long as it meant being with her, I would have done it in a second. But I couldn't do that to my friends. I know what it's like to see a friend become something evil, and I know what it's like to be forced to kill him. I couldn't do that to them. And so I never told her. Who knew it would turn out to be the biggest regret of my life.
I don't know how much Dru knew about Angelus' plan with Acathla. Not that it really mattered, I wouldn't have expected her to tell me anyway. I know she didn't know about Buffy and Spike's temporary alliance. As odd as it may seem, I was relieved when I heard about that. Because I knew that at least Dru would be safe. Kendra was dead by Dru's hand, and when I rescued Giles from the mansion, I knew that she had had a part in his torment. But I didn't care. I knew what she was, I couldn't blame her for that. She couldn't break the sire/childe connection she had with Angelus, even if she wanted to. That's why I didn't tell Buffy that Willow was doing the restoration spell. Yes, I wanted him dead. But not just because of the pain he had caused Buffy, but because of the pain he had caused Drusilla too.
So life went on without her. I'm not sure how exactly, but it did. I depended on her so much. She was the only one who ever really knew me. The only one who ever cared enough to get to know me. She used to say that I was special, too special to be treated the way Buffy and the others treated me. No one had ever told me that before, not even my parents. But she believed it, and she made me believe it too. Of course I never told the others about what Dru and I had, I knew they'd never understand. I thought for sure though that they would suspect that something was wrong with me, as depressed as I was when she was gone. But I guess I overestimated their concern. They never even noticed.
So, that brings me to when this story takes place. About a year and a half after the whole thing went down. A year and a half since I last saw my Dru. Buffy and Willow are in college, both with new honeys, Riley and Tara respectively. Giles is still doing the watcher thing, Angel and Cordy are in LA, Oz is off god-knows-where exploring his inner-werewolf, and I'm living in my parent's basement wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Spike's back. Ain't that a kick in the butt. Dru finally dumped his ass. And where does he decide to go, with the whole world at his fingertips? Sunnydale. Okay, true, he was looking for the Gem of Amara, but come on. He had to know that coming back here was a colossal mistake. Well, he learned the hard way. Thanks to some local soldier boys, the Big Bad is now about as big and bad as a kitten in a tree. Actually, he's surprisingly helpful seeing as how the only way he get his aggression out is to beat the crap out of other demons. Not to mention that I'm actually starting to like the guy. I know, weird doesn't begin to cover it, but I think I see what Dru saw. He might be evil, but he's also pragmatic. He knows when he's beaten, and he's not the kind of guy to fight a hopeless battle. His dedication to himself was always greater then his dedication to evil. Plus, he's honest. He says what he thinks, when he thinks it, and he doesn't care what anyone thinks about it. That can be awfully refreshing when you're surrounded by people who regularly hide things from you to 'protect' you. The weirdest thing is, I think he actually likes me too. He's always saying that I'm the least objectionable of 'this bunch of pathetic do-gooders'. Which for Spike is down right nice. If he only knew how much we really have in common.
Giles was nowhere in sight when Xander walked into his apartment. Spike was sitting on the couch watching TV and sipping from a mug. "Hey, Deadboy the Sequel," Xander called out, using his new nickname for the blonde vampire. "What's up?"
"No idea," Spike answered, reaching up to tap fists with Xander as he walked by. "Rupert got a call from Brood-boy, and he's been edgy ever since. He got off long enough to call you losers and then called him back. He's still on the phone with him now."
"Must be big," Xander said sitting down on the chair.
The door opened and Buffy and Riley entered. "Hey," Buffy said. "What's going on?"
"We don't know yet," Xander said. "Giles is still on the phone."
"With who?" Riley asked.
"The guy you replaced," Spike said.
"Huh?" Riley asked.
"Brood-boy," Xander supplied.
"Dear old dad," Spike added. Riley still looked clueless, Buffy just looked annoyed. "An-gel," Spike over enunciated, as though he were speaking to a child or someone who didn't speak English. "Man, don't they require an intelligence test for the military any more?"
"Shut-up Spike," Buffy said. Xander just laughed. "Xander!"
"What? That was funny," Xander defended. Buffy shot him a dirty look, Xander just waved it off as he rose from his chair and headed over to the kitchen. "I need a Twinkie."
"Hey, grab me another bag of blood," Spike asked.
"Sure thing," Xander answered. He returned a few seconds later, Twinkie in hand. "Think fast," he said tossing the bag of blood to Spike. They both pretended they didn't see the dirty looks Buffy was shooting them. Spike knew how much his being chummy with Xander pissed the slayer off, it was one of the reasons he did it. And truth be told, it was one of the reasons Xander did it too.
"Why is he talking to Angel?" Buffy asked.
"Don't know, Luv," Spike said. "Maybe you should ask him."
The door opened again and Willow and Tara stepped in. "Hey guys, what's up?" Willow asked.
Just then Giles came down the stairs, cordless phone in hand and a worried expression on his face. "I think we're about to find out," Xander said.
"Hello everyone," Giles greeted. "Thank you for coming on such short notice. We have a situation."
"What's the matter Rupert, Angel all out of hair gel?" Spike asked. Xander laughed again. Buffy just rolled her eyes.
Giles cut the levity in the room with two words. "Drusilla's back."
Xander felt like somebody had punched him in the chest. He couldn't seem to breathe, and it felt like time was frozen. "Oh my god," he mumbled.
"What?" he heard someone say.
"Drusilla?"
"Ducks!"
"Who's Drusilla?"
"Spike's psycho ex-girlfriend."
"Oh my god," Xander mumbled again.
"Xander, relax," Buffy said. "You'll be safe, she's not going to hurt anyone. She's not going to get a chance," she said with anger in her voice.
Xander just shot her a look that would make a grown man wet himself. Buffy didn't even notice.
"Giles, what happened?" Willow asked.
"She showed up in LA a few days ago, on Angel's doorstep. Apparently she was...lonely. When Angel rejected her, she became enraged. She attacked Wesley."
"Is he all right?" Willow asked.
"Yes, he's fine. Angel tracked her through the city for a couple days before he lost her. He believes that she's headed here."
"Good," Buffy said. "Let her come." Her voice was flat and cold, and it made a chill run down Xander's spine. "I'm going to patrol," she said, heading for the door.
"We're going to patrol," Riley corrected, following her.
"Wait a second," Xander called out. "What are you going to do if you find her?"
Buffy pulled a stake from her belt. "What do you think?"
"Now wait just a bloody minute there," Spike said, on his feet and in front of the slayer in half a second. "I won't let you hurt her."
"Yeah, well you don't get a say in the matter chip-boy," Buffy said.
Spike growled and his game face came on. He made a step toward Buffy, but stopped, grabbing his head and crying out in pain. "Bloody hell," he cursed as he slumped against the wall.
"My point exactly," Buffy said, moving for the door again.
"Wait a second," Xander called out again. "Shouldn't we talk about this?"
"What's there to talk about?" Buffy said. "She killed Kendra. She tortured Giles, remember? She dies."
"I remember that Angel was the one torturing Giles," Xander said. "What, did he have a get out of slaying free card?"
Buffy just shot him a look. "She dies," she repeated.
"Not if I find her first," Spike said before turning and taking off out the door and disappearing into the night.
"Damn it!" Buffy swore. "Come on Riley," she said before heading out the door, Riley close behind.
"Damn it, Buffy," Xander muttered, rising from his seat and heading for the door.
"Xander, hold on," Giles called out. "Buffy can take care of herself, she doesn't need your help."
"I'm not going after Buffy," Xander said. "I'm going after Spike." Then he too disappeared out the door.
'Slick Harris, real slick,' Xander chided himself. 'Storming out into the deep dark Sunnydale night with no cross, no stake, no holy water. Why don't you just wear a big neon sign that says 'Eat Me'. He sighed to himself. She was coming here, back to Sunnydale. The woman he loved. The woman he thought he'd never see again. The woman Buffy was very gung-ho about killing. 'Damn her,' he thought. 'What the hell gives her the right to be so damn indignant? What, she's the only one who gets to decide which vampires live and which ones die.'
"Well, lookey what we have here." The voice came from behind him.
"Oh, shit," Xander muttered without even turning around. "Just what I need. Listen bloodsucker, why don't you go pick on somebody else."
"Nah, you look pretty tasty. I think I'll take you." Xander turned around swinging. His fist connected with the vampire's jaw, taking him by surprise. He managed a few kicks to the vampire's stomach, causing him to double over. Had he had a stake, he might have actually managed to kill the demon. But instead, Xander ran. Looking for a tree branch, anything. The vampire tackled him from behind, sending them both toppling to the ground. The demon flipped Xander over, pinning his arms down. "You're going to pay for that," he said, leaning down to bite Xander.
Xander closed his eyes and waited for it to come, but it never did. The weight was suddenly lifted off his body, and when he opened his eyes, he saw the vampire flying backwards through the air. Xander got to his feet as fast as he could and watched as a familiar figure with blonde hair wearing a black duster proceeded to beat the crap of the vampire that had been attacking him. Xander calmly walked to a nearby tree and broke off a piece of branch. Examining the broken edge, he decided that it was sharp enough, and he leaned against the tree and waited. When the other vampire's face had been reduced to hamburger and Spike seemed satisfied, he looked up to Xander. "You done?" Xander asked. Spike's only answer was to lift the vampire to his feet and shove him towards Xander's direction. Xander just held up the stick and let the vampire fall onto it, turning to dust as it pierced his heart. "Thanks for the save."
"I didn't do it for you, mate," Spike growled, his game face still on.
"I take it you haven't found her yet," Xander asked.
"What do you care?" Spike hissed. "Chip or no chip, I'm going to let anyone hurt her. And if the slayer thinks she can talk me down by sending you..."
"Whoa, back up," Xander said. "Buffy didn't send me, and I'm not trying to talk you out of anything. The fact is, I'm the only ally you've got right now."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I don't want Drusilla dead either. As hard as it may be to believe, I'm not a big fan of Buffy's every-vampire-who's-not-named-Angel-has- to-die policy."
"Why do you care?" Spike asked, his features returning to normal.
"Because I love her!" Xander snapped, a little louder than he had intended. Xander sighed as he looked at the shocked expression on Spike's face. "You might want to sit down, this is going to take a while."
"So let me get this straight," Spike said after Xander had explained everything as best he could. The two of them sat on the ground across from each other, leaning on gravestones. "You and Dru used to...talk. Just talk."
Xander sighed. "I didn't think you'd understand," Xander said.
"No," Spike said. "I think I understand. She's always had that effect on people. I just never thought any of you goody-goodies would be able to see it."
"How special she is?" Xander said. "I saw it the moment I laid eyes on her. Spike, can I ask you something? What happened between you two?"
Spike looked at the ground, and for a second, Xander thought he wasn't going to tell him. "We were fine, as long as she needed me to protect her. The more self-sufficient she became...I don't know, I guess she just didn't need me anymore."
"Spike, she loved you," Xander said. "That much I know. And she was always more self-sufficient then either you or Angelus knew. She loved you both. You were her family, that's why she stayed. Not because she needed to be protected."
"You think she's coming back for me?" Spike asked. "Or you?" he added.
"I don't think so," Xander said. "I think she's coming to kill Buffy."
"Why do you say that? Well, besides the obvious."
"Think about it. Angel said she was lonely. She's been on her own a while now, and while she can hunt and survive by herself, she still misses her family. So, she went to Angel, her sire, expecting a little sympathy. Maybe even a little love."
"But Angel's got his soul back, Dru knows that."
"She's still his childe. I think she expected more from him then she got. Frankly so did I. If Deadboy had one brain cell left in that Cro-Magnon head of his, he would have taken her in. She would have done whatever he said, including behaving herself. But no, he had to go and set her off. If she really is as angry as he said, and she's on her way here, then she's going to be after Buffy."
"The person who took Angel from her," Spike said, nodding with understanding. "Good. She'll kill the slayer, and then I'll have my Dru back. All is well with the world."
Xander just glared at him. "I'm not going to let Dru hurt Buffy," he said. "I might be mad at her right now, but I'm not going to let her get killed. Besides, if Buffy and Dru square off, there's no guarantee who'll come out on top. You can't afford that."
Spike just nodded reluctantly. "I take it you have a plan then."
Xander nodded. "But you're not going to like it."
"I had a feeling you were going to say that."
When Xander walked into Giles' later that night, he was met with five pairs of eyes all staring at him. "What?" he asked angrily.
"Did you find him?" Buffy asked.
"Who?"
"You know damn well who," Buffy snapped.
"Deadboy, Part Deux? No, I didn't see him," Xander lied.
"You know, that was pretty stupid Xander," Buffy said. "He might have that chip in his head but he's still dangerous. Despite what you may think, he's not your friend."
Xander's fists clenched until his fingernails dug into his palms. He decided to ignore Buffy's self-righteous tirade though and change the subject. "Did you find Drusilla?" he asked.
"No," Buffy answered. "But according to Willy the snitch, she's definitely in town."
"I assume you checked the usual places. The mansion, the factory?" Xander asked.
"Of course we did," Buffy snapped.
"The mansion looked broken into," Willow said. "But there was no trace of Drusilla."
"Hmm," Xander said, scratching his chin. "Oh well, tomorrow's another night. I'm going to split. Giles, you mind if I use your bathroom first?"
"Ah, no Xander, go right ahead," Giles answered.
"Thanks G-man," Xander replied, ascending the stairs and pretending not to notice the puzzled glances the rest of the group were sharing. He headed down the hallway, but instead of turning into the bathroom, he checked behind him quickly and ducked into Giles' bedroom. There was a steamer trunk at the foot of his bed, and Xander knew that what he wanted was located inside. He walked over to the dresser and picked up the key where it sat on the jewelry valet and walked back to the trunk, unlocking it. He picked through it, carefully and quietly for several moments before coming across the object of his desire. A small crystal globe. An Orb of Thelusa. He closed the trunk quickly and locked it. Replacing the key on the dresser where he found it, he stashed the orb in his shirt and headed for the stairs.
"I'm telling you, he's acting weird."
Xander stopped at the landing as he heard Buffy's voice in the living room.
"How do you mean?" Tara asked.
"His reaction to hearing about Drusilla, his chasing after Spike," Buffy said. "Something's going on."
"What are you saying Buffy?" Willow asked.
"I don't know. I just think we should keep an eye on him," Buffy said. Xander frowned. "Or maybe just keep him out of the loop all together on this one." Xander smiled.
'Whoever thought their low opinion of me would ever come in handy,' he thought to himself as he descended the stairs.
"I think Buffy's right," Riley said.
"Right about what?" Xander asked.
"Uh, um...uh," Riley stumbled. Xander had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing out loud at the flustered commando.
"About patrolling more of Spike and Dru's old haunts tomorrow night," Buffy supplied.
"Oh," Xander said. "Well, count me out. I'm going to be busy tomorrow night."
"Oh?" Buffy asked, brightening up. "I mean, oh, that's too bad," she said, trying to sound disappointed.
'God, if this wasn't so depressing it might actually be funny,' Xander thought to himself. "Yeah, well, I'll see you guys later."
"Bye," Buffy said.
"Bye Xander," Willow said too.
Xander gave them a little wave, using the hand attached to the arm that wasn't holding the orb against his side, and made his way home. He smiled once he was sure he was out of view, lifting his arm and letting the orb drop into his hand. He lifted the orb to the moonlight and looked at it. "Too easy," he said to himself. "I'm sorry Dru. I wish there were another way."
"Have I mentioned how much I hate this plan?" Spike asked the next night as he and Xander stood in the mausoleum that had become his temporary home.
"Several times," Xander said, looking over the ingredients for the spell, making sure he had everything.
"She wouldn't want this," Spike said.
"It's the only way to save her life," Xander defended.
"She won't be the woman you fell in love with," Spike said.
Xander's face fell. He knew he was right, but there was nothing else he could do. "What would you suggest we do?" he asked.
"We get Dru and we get the hell out of Dodge," Spike said.
"That won't work. Buffy will track her down, believe me. She's like a bloodhound. Once she gets the scent, she won't give up until either her or Dru is dead. This is the only way to save her life."
Spike threw his arms up in exasperation. "She'll hate us for it."
"Maybe," Xander said. "But that's a chance we'll have to take."
Spike squatted down to meet Xander at eye level where he was sitting on the ground, looking over the ingredients for the spell. Xander met his gaze, and an unspoken understanding passed between them. Neither of them liked this, but they both knew that Xander was right. It was the only way. "Do you know what you're doing with all of this?" Spike asked. "As I recall, it isn't an easy spell. Red had trouble with it, how the hell are we going to pull it off?"
"You leave that to me," Xander said. "You just worry about finding Dru before Buffy does. Willow said that the mansion had been broken into, but that Dru was nowhere in sight. Is there someplace she could have hidden, a secret passage or something?"
"Yeah," Spike said. "There's a secret room behind the fireplace. But why would she hide from the slayer when she's trying to kill her?"
"Because she's not ready to make her move yet," Xander said. "If there's one thing she learned from Deadboy, it's how to torment her enemies."
Spike smiled. "Is it any wonder I love her."
"Well, she's dedicated, I'll give her that. But she's still loony as a tune. I think I fell in love with her for a different reason then her maniacal torture technique."
"You'll miss it you know," Spike said. "What do you think is going to happen to that strength of hers that you admire so much when you clip her wings and anchor her down with a soul?"
Xander didn't answer, he just looked down at the ground. "I need another day to prepare," he finally said after a moment. "There are a few more ingredients I need for the spell. I need you to stay away from the mansion, I don't want you leading Buffy or the others there."
"Don't worry about me mate," Spike said casually.
"I mean it! One screw-up and Dru is dust, Buffy is not fucking around here!"
"I got it," Spike said, slightly more forceful.
"Good," Xander said, gathering the items before him and putting them into his backpack. He stood and walked to the door of the mausoleum. "I'll contact you when I'm ready."
"Hey Xander," Spike called out.
"Yeah," Xander asked as he turned.
"It's going to work."
Xander just nodded. "I know," he said. "It has to." Then he turned and left, leaving Spike sitting on the ground leaning against the crypt in the middle of the room.
He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it in his mouth. He lit it, and took a drag. Exhaling, he looked at the door where Xander had departed, and he shook his head. "I've already lost her."
I knew Spike was right, even if I wasn't willing to admit it, not even to myself. I kept telling myself that I couldn't be in love with a demon, that it was the girl underneath I loved. That I was doing the right thing by allowing her to be her again, freeing her from the demon and protecting her from Buffy at the same time. But the truth is, I knew what I was doing. There's a reason they call it a curse. But I just couldn't let her die, and I couldn't help her escape. Buffy and the others would never understand, and I would have lost everything all at once, Dru and my friends. I could have gone with them. I could have had Dru make me. But I was scared. I didn't want to be a vampire, all I wanted was my Dru. But it seemed that no matter what I did, I wasn't going to get that. I was afraid. More afraid than I had ever been in my entire life. It was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. But it was my only choice.
Xander spent most of the next day studying the spell. Every motion, every nuance, every pronunciation, until he was sure he had it down. Another quick trip to the magic shop and he had everything he needed. He let out a sigh as he looked down at all of the items for the curse, stuffed into his backpack. He took a deep breath and let it out. "Now or never, Harris," he said to himself. He picked up the pack and headed out the door.
A quick stop at the cemetery to pick up Spike, and soon they were both on their way to the mansion. Xander drove in silence most of the way. Spike didn't talk either, he just smoked. Until finally he broke the silence. "It won't take them long to figure out Dru's at the mansion," Spike said.
"I know," Xander said calmly.
"They might even be right behind us. You said they were getting suspicious, maybe they're following you."
"Trust me," Xander said. "They forgot all about me when I left Giles' the night before last. I doubt any of them has given me a second thought since."
"What are you going to do? I mean, how are you going to explain all of this to them?"
"I'm going to tell them the truth," Xander answered. "I know, it's a pretty radical concept when it comes to our little group, but frankly I don't have the energy right now to think up a clever cover story. Besides, what would I say? Oops, sorry guys. I was just waxing the orb when it suddenly went off."
Spike smiled at the joke. "We could tell them it was just me. Just keep out of sight for a while, they don't have to know you had anything to do with it."
Xander took his eyes off the road for the first time in the whole conversation to turn to Spike. "You'd do that?" he asked, surprised.
"Sure," Spike said, trying to make it sound casual.
"Why?"
Spike sighed. "Look kid, all I'm saying is that there's no reason for us both to go down for this. The slayer already thinks I'm scum on toast. We might as well make her think this was my plan."
Xander smiled a little bit. "Is this Spike? William the Bloody, The Big Bad? Showing concern for somebody else, a human no less? Did hell freeze over? No, really, I'm asking, 'cause you'd know if it did, right?"
Spike just grumbled. "Fine, forget I said anything. What the hell do I care," he said, turning to face his window.
"I appreciate the offer Spike," Xander said. "But one, Buffy and the others would never believe that restoring Dru's soul was your idea, and two..." he drifted off for a second.
"Two?" Spike prompted.
Xander sighed. "Two, I'm tired of lying." He paused. "My whole life has been a lie. I used to lie to my parents, make them think I had more friends than I did, back when they cared. I lie to my friends, about my parents. About them being drunks who don't even remember they have a son until they come downstairs to do laundry. Every joke, every wisecrack, they're all just lies. Covering up what I'm really feeling. Hell, I even lie to myself. Try to pretend that I'm happy, and that it doesn't bother me that my best friends in the world don't give two shits about me. I'm tired of it. I can't do it anymore. They're just going to have to deal with it. And if they can't, well, that's their problem."
"Damn kid, when did you grow a pair?" Spike asked.
Xander just smiled. "Probably around the same time you started showing concern for my well being," he returned.
Spike smiled too. "Touch�"
"I just don't get it!" Buffy cried out in frustration. "Three days and she hasn't shown herself once! What the hell is she up to."
"I don't know Buffy," Giles said. Just then, the phone rang. Giles picked it up. "Hello? Oh, hello Angel. No, no sign of her yet."
"I mean, where could she be? We've looked everywhere?" Buffy continued, even though Giles wasn't listening.
"No, we checked the mansion," Giles said into the phone. "It looked like someone broke in so we thought she might be there, but there was no sign of her. Probably just vandals or...what? Behind the fireplace? Why didn't you tell us that before?" Giles rolled his eyes. "Never came up, right. Well, thank you." He hung up the phone and turned his attention back to Buffy and the others. "Let's go," he said.
"Where?" Buffy asked.
"The mansion," Giles answered. "It seems there's a secret room behind the fireplace, Angel thinks Drusilla might be hiding in there."
Buffy gathered her things. "That sneaky little bitch," she muttered to herself as she followed Giles outside, Riley, Willow and Tara close behind.
The door creaked open, echoing throughout the entire house. "Dru!" Spike called out. "Dru, honey, come out. It's Spike!"
Xander walked into the musty old house and looked around. It looked abandoned. The windows were boarded up, with the exception of a few broken boards next to the front door, letting a very thin shaft of moonlight pour into the room. Xander took the Coleman lantern from his bag and turned it on. Walking to the center of the room, he set it down.
"Dru!" Spike called out again. He looked over to Xander.
"Maybe she just doesn't want to talk to you," Xander said. "Dru! Dru, baby, it's me, Xander!" Xander called out.
Almost immediately, there was a noise coming from behind the wall. Xander turned a looked toward the fireplace, where the noise was coming from, and he saw a figure in the shadows. She emerged, and stepped into the light. It was Drusilla, wearing a simple white dress and clutching her beloved Miss Edith in her hands.
Her face lit up in a smile when she saw Xander. "Kitten!" she called out, rushing to him and pulling him into a hug. Xander immediately wrapped his arms around her. He smiled as tears began to streak down his face. He finally got to hold her. He cried tears of joy, from being in the arms of the woman he loved. But he also cried tears of sorrow, because he knew what he was about to do to her. And he knew that very shortly, she wouldn't be that woman anymore. Xander pulled back a little from the hug. He reached up and touched her face. "Still as beautiful as ever Dru," he said with a smile, even though his voice was choked with tears.
"Why are you crying Kitten?" Dru asked.
"Because I'm so happy to see you," Xander half-lied.
"The mean old slayer took my Angel from me," Dru said with a pout. "I know she's your friend Kitten, but I want to make her pay. I want to make her hurt the way I hurt."
Xander pulled her into another hug. "I know baby, I know," he said soothingly. "I know it hurts."
"I miss my Angel. I miss the way things used to be," she said. "Miss Edith says that you're here to help me." She paused. "Miss Edith says that you love me."
Xander moved his head so that his forehead was against hers, their eyes looking into one another's. "I do Dru. I love you very much." She smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing Xander had ever seen. He felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest. Seeing her, holding her made him so happy. But he knew the pain and anguish he was about to cause her, and it made him weep. He pulled away from her again and tried to steady himself. He knew that if he waited much longer he would lose his conviction. "Dru, I need you to do what Spike and I ask you to, okay?"
Dru turned and noticed Spike for the first time. He had been standing there, watching the entire exchange with a depressed look on his face. "Hello Ducks," he said softly.
"Hello Spike," she said. "I'm sorry I left you, but Miss Edith said that you weren't being very nice."
"I know Dru," Spike said. "I'm sorry." He closed the distance between them and took her hand in his. "I know that I was overprotective, and overbearing, and stubborn. But it was all because I love you."
Dru just nodded. "I know Spike, I know," she said sweetly.
Xander wiped the tears from his face and cleared his throat. "We'd better get started," he said.
Spike just nodded, not taking his eyes off of Drusilla. "Right," he said in barely a whisper.
When Buffy and the others arrived at the mansion, they saw a light coming from inside. Buffy silently motioned for Giles and Riley to go around on opposite sides of the building, to make sure they weren't walking into a sneak attack. Willow and Tara stayed close to Buffy as she hefted her crossbow up and approached the front door. She listened closely, hearing the sound of a single voice, chanting. She needed to find a way to sneak inside. From the sound of the voice, whoever it was, was in the front room, so going through the front door was out. She was about to step away and go around the side to look for a way in when she heard a woman scream. Followed by a familiar voice with a British accent crying out "Bloody hell!" Buffy lifted the crossbow back up into a battle stance and kicked in the door. She charged in with her crossbow at the ready, prepared for anything. Anything but what she saw.
"What the hell?"
Xander sat kneeled on the floor, burning candles surrounding him. Drusilla was kneeled in front of him. Spike stood off to the side, a tense look on his face. Xander recited the incantation with a practiced ease, trying to concentrate on keeping his voice steady.
Drusilla for her part was mostly calm. She knew that her kitten would never hurt her, and that whatever he was doing would protect her from the slayer, just like he said it would. After a few moments she began to feel something. There was a tightness in her chest, and an unfamiliar feeling of pain. She tried to ignore it at first, shutting her eyes tightly, but it grew and grew until it became unbearable. Her hands clutched the sides of her head as she screamed. Her eyes shot open, glowing with a golden light for a moment before fading away. She thrashed out, kicking over the candles.
"Bloody hell!" Spike said as he tried to restrain her.
"Dru, Dru it's okay," Xander said, trying to sooth her as he went to her side. "Dru, it's me, it's Xander. Try to calm down." His voice seemed to calm her down a little, but she was still upset. Xander pulled her into a hug.
None of them even noticed at first when the door flew open and Buffy stepped in with her crossbow up. Her mouth fell open at the scene before her. Drusilla was the one who had screamed, and now she was crying. And Xander was holding her, trying to calm her down while Spike looked on. "What the hell?"
Xander and Spike looked up. "Buffy," Xander said in surprise. By this point, Giles and Riley had arrived too, leaving the whole gang standing just inside the door, looking at Xander expectantly.
Dru looked up when Xander said Buffy's name and noticed her standing there, still holding the crossbow. "No! Oh god, no, please!" She began to panic, pulling away from Xander.
Xander didn't let go. "Shhh, Dru, it's okay. Nobody's going to hurt you."
"Xander, what the hell is going on here!" Buffy demanded.
Dru flinched at the sound of her voice, but she just clung tighter to Xander. Giles stepped further into the room, spotting the orb and the candles on the floor he realized what had just taken place. He looked to Xander and saw a look of determination on his face as he held Dru protectively. "Xander, what have you done?" he asked.
"I saved her life," he answered.
Xander managed to get Dru upstairs before Buffy's presence caused another panic attack. He found her bedroom and laid her down on the bed, lighting a few candles for light. She curled into the fetal position on the bed, sobbing softly. Xander sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her face softly, trying to sooth her.
"What happened to me Kitten?" she asked, her voice choked with tears. "Why do I feel like this?"
"You have your soul back Dru," Xander answered, trying to hold back tears of his own. "It was the only way to save you from the slayer." Dru looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain. "I'm sorry," Xander, a tear creeping into his voice.
"I can't hear Miss Edith anymore," Dru said. "She's gone."
"I know baby," Xander said. "But I'm here." He'd always suspected that Miss Edith was Dru's inner manifestation of her demon, now he was sure. She protected Dru from her own conscience and guilt, and she gave Dru the strength to survive as a vampire despite her true gentle nature. She was Dru's protector, but she was gone, and that role fell to Xander now. It was a job he would take without hesitation or reservation until the end of his days, even though for Dru's sake, it was one he wished he didn't have to. "Try and rest Dru."
"Will you stay with me?"
"Of course," Xander answered. "Forever," he whispered.
When Xander descended the stairs twenty minutes later, he had a tired expression on his face. Everyone was still gathered in the front room, and they looked up expectantly when he arrived, especially Spike. "She's asleep," Xander said, sitting down on the couch that sat by the fireplace. "I think most of what we saw was the initial shock. I don't think we should leave her alone though, she might do something rash." He let out a long sigh as he wiped his hands across his face.
"You knew this wasn't going to be easy, mate," Spike said.
"I know," Xander said softly.
The others had watched in silence up until this point. Buffy broke the silence, as well as the solemn mood. "Okay, explanation time," she said in an accusing voice. "What did you do, Xander?"
Xander looked to Buffy, his eyes cold. He had been so worried about dealing with this moment, but now that it had arrived, he just didn't have the energy to care. "I think you already know the answer to that, Buffy," Xander answered.
"You restored her soul," Willow stated. There was no anger in her voice as there was in Buffy's, just surprise and curiosity.
"I did," Xander said.
"Why?" Buffy asked.
"Well, you didn't seem to keen on letting her live," Xander said, a little more angrily than he had intended. "Didn't leave us much choice."
"Damn it, Spike!" Buffy exclaimed turning to the blonde vampire. "I know this is your doing. I don't know what you said to Xander..."
"Hey!" Xander shouted rather loudly. "I don't if you've noticed or not, but I'm my own person! I'm not your shadow, I'm not your comic relief, and I'm not Spike's lackey. I restored Dru's soul to keep you from killing her, because..." Xander paused. "Because I love her."
Several mouths dropped open at that revelation. "Xander, don't take this the wrong way, but have you lost your mind!" Buffy shouted. "She's a monster, she killed Kendra. She nearly killed all of you."
"She couldn't help what she was, what she is," Xander answered. "She couldn't stop being a vampire any more than you could stop being the slayer. And I really don't think you want to start making a list of our enemies from two years ago, because we both know who number one would be."
"That's not fair," Buffy growled.
"Why not? What, you're the only one who's allowed to fall in love with a vampire? We don't get to choose Buffy, none of us do."
"Angel had a soul when I fell in love with him."
"And you think that makes a difference?" Xander returned. "A guilty conscience? The demon is still their Buff, it's just being shouted down." He let out a sigh. "Look, I don't pretend to understand it. But I refuse to believe that Drusilla is evil. Everything she did, she did to survive, or for the people she loved, to serve her sire. I'm not condoning it, but I'm not going to give into blind rage either. Why should Angel be the only one worth our consideration, worth redemption?"
"Angel earned those things, Drusilla hasn't," Buffy answered.
"I thought your job was to fight evil, not to judge people," Xander returned.
"My job is to kill vampires," Buffy spat. "I used to think we were in agreement on that."
"You don't know me Buffy, you never did. You never took the time to care."
"Well, I'm sorry Xander if I was a little too busy saving the world," Buffy said sarcastically.
"You don't get, do you? You think you're the only one that risks their life. The rest of us don't have super powers, remember. But we've fought by your side for four years, and you treat us like a nuisance." Xander paused. "For a long time I thought that's exactly what I was. My parents never hid their distaste for me, and my so- called best friends barely acknowledge my existence anymore. Dru was the one who showed me otherwise. She was the one who made me believe that maybe I was worth something. And I love her for that."
"And you think she loves you?" Buffy asked.
"I know she does," Xander answered.
There was a long moment of silence. "Then you're even stupider then I thought," Buffy finally said. She turned on her heel, and stormed out. Riley followed.
Xander sat back down on the couch and let his head fall into his hands. And he cried.
I don't want you to get the wrong impression of Buffy. She's really not a bad person, but she can be stubborn and downright blind at times. I really do love them all like a family, Buffy, Willow and Giles. Even though I felt like they didn't treat me with respect most of the time. Willow, Giles and Tara stayed after Buffy stormed off. They sat and listened while I told them everything. And while they weren't exactly thrilled by everything I had to say, they were considerably calmer then Buffy had been. They understood why I did what I did, even if they didn't necessarily understand why I felt what I felt. They respected my decision, even if they didn't agree with my methods. Willow even said she'd try to talk to Buffy about it. Try to calm her down. I wasn't very optimistic about that, but I appreciated the effort.
You see, that's the way Buffy and I worked. We fought. About once a year, all the unresolved anger and tension would come to a head and we'd have a good old fashioned screaming match. Afterwards, usually, we were better friends for it. But this time, I wasn't so sure.
When it came to Dru though, I was in a whole other private hell. I hated myself for what I'd done to her, for the pain I caused her. They all thought that I wanted to restore her soul, so she wouldn't be evil anymore. But I never thought she was truly evil, and I only did the restoration to save her from Buffy. She wasn't exactly happy about not being able to kill Dru because she had a soul, I really don't think I would have been able to stop her if she didn't. I kept asking myself the same questions Buffy had asked me. How could I be in love with Drusilla, after everything she had done? I had no answers, all I knew was how I felt. The only conclusion I could come to was that love didn't know good or evil, it didn't know right or wrong. It transcended those things. It was a force, and I was under it's control.
Xander stood in the doorway and watched Dru while she slept. The soft glow of the candlelight on her delicate features highlighted her beauty. She was truly breathtaking, Xander thought. And she had him completely enchanted. Xander turned and saw Spike standing in the hall, looking at him.
"I'm leaving," he said curtly, brushing past Xander and heading for the stairs.
"Spike," Xander called after him. "What do you mean you're leaving?"
"What, did I stutter? I mean I'm leaving Sunnydale. I have no reason to stay anymore," Spike said before turning and heading down the stairs.
"Spike, wait a minute," Xander called as he followed him. "What do you mean you don't have a reason to stay, what about Dru?"
"That's not my Dru, not anymore. The Dru I fell in love with would have killed the slayer where she stood, not cowered behind a human. This is your bed kid, you lie in it," he said, turning his back on Xander.
"Don't you dare bail on me now, we did this together," Xander said.
"Bullshit! This has nothing to do with me, this was your plan! I never wanted this!"
"And you think I did!" Xander shouted back. "I did this to save her life!"
"You did this so you could half the perfect little well-behaved vampire to go with your goody-goody lifestyle. Because you couldn't deal with the fact that you were in love with a demon. Well, you got what you wanted now. I hope you're happy."
"You son of a bitch!" Xander yelled. "What did you want me to do! Let her die!"
"You could have helped me get her out of Sunnydale. You could have come with us."
"You don't think I thought of that!" Xander paused, his voice calmed. "I was..."
"You were what?" Spike asked when Xander didn't finish right away.
"I was afraid, okay! I was afraid."
Spike shook his head. "In love with a vampire, but too afraid to admit it. Too afraid to enter her world of darkness. So you shackle her down with a soul, drag her into your world with you. Make her weak, so that she'll need you as much as you need her. That's not love, it's selfishness and you know it. So don't tell me you did this for her, you did it for you."
"That's not true!" Xander defended.
"I've seen you two together," Spike said. "I know you love her. You have to see that this is wrong. She trusted you and you betrayed her."
Xander was silent for a moment. "I never wanted to hurt her," he said softly.
"Yeah, well you did. And you're going to have to live with that," Spike said, heading for the door.
"She still loves you," Xander called after him.
He turned. "No she doesn't," he said. "But even if she did, she's not my Dru anymore. She's yours." And with that, he was gone.
Leaving Xander alone with his thoughts. What if he was right? Ever since this whole thing started Xander had been trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing for Dru. That restoring her soul was what was best for her, and even after he realized that that wasn't true, that he had done it to save her life. But she could have escaped Sunnydale with his help. Was he so afraid of losing her for a second time that he cursed her with a soul just so she would stay with him? "Oh, god," Xander said to himself as he sunk to the floor. The very thought made him shiver with horror. Not only had he cursed the woman he loved, but he did it for his own selfish reasons. "I never wanted this," he muttered, trying to convince himself. He never wanted to hurt her. He never wanted to turn her into something she wasn't. "I never wanted this, I never wanted this..."
Xander woke up to the sound of the door of the mansion creaking open. When he opened his eyes, he realized that he was still on the floor. That he had fallen asleep curled on the floor, crying as the panic washed over him. The panic of the realization that he had hurt the woman he loved for selfish reasons. He rose to his feet and brushed the dirt off his clothes. Walking out from behind the staircase, he saw Buffy standing by the door. She looked nervous, her hands fidgeting by her sides. "Hey," she said.
"Hey," Xander returned. They were both silent for a long time. It was make-up time, they both knew it. Things had been said, and usually this was when they were explained or apologized for. Somehow Xander doubted it would be that easy this time though. Neither one even knew where to begin. "So, what are you doing here?" Xander asked.
"I think we should talk," Buffy said.
"Okay," Xander replied.
"We both said some things that were pretty harsh," Buffy started. "I just want you to know that I said what I said because I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt."
"Buffy, this isn't an easy situation. Chances are I'll get hurt one way or another. I'm a big boy, I can deal with that."
"Xander, can't you see how...ludicrous this all is. Why put yourself through it? I mean, how can you have feelings for her after everything she's done?"
"The past is the past, I can't change that. I know what she's done, but I also know the kind of person she is. Maybe it's her insanity, I don't know, but I don't believe she's evil. Her demon gave her strength, it took away her conscience and her moral standards, but it didn't change the person she was. She killed for food, or to protect those she loved, or in some cases out of anger or revenge. But we've all acted out of those feelings, it doesn't make her evil." Xander paused, Buffy didn't reply. He let out a sigh. "Look Buff, I know you can't understand this. Just like there's still a lot I don't understand with you and Angel. But I accepted it. All I'm asking for is the same courtesy. You don't have to like it, but if you truly care about me as a friend, then you'll accept it."
Buffy was silent for a moment. "I can't forgive her for what she's done, for Kendra."
"I know," Xander said. "And there's a lot of things I can't forgive Angel for."
"Damn it, Xander! Will you stop comparing her to Angel, it's not the same."
"Isn't it? If Angel is no longer responsible for what he's done because he has a soul, what makes Dru any different?"
"That's the only reason she's still alive right now," Buffy said. "That isn't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you falling in love with a soulless demon that killed our friend. About the relationship you carried on with her for over a year behind our backs. You don't see anything wrong with that?"
"I never told her anything that would have put us in danger. We were just...a shoulder to cry on for each other. A person who would listen when no one else seemed to care."
"You always had us, Xander."
Xander chuckled sadly. "Don't even get me started at how laughable that statement is."
"So, you turned to a soulless vampire when you were upset instead of your friends, and you don't call that laughable. Jesus Xander, she could have killed you. How could you possible think she could have loved you?"
"Gee Buff, this is some apology. Did you practice on the way here?"
"I didn't come here to apologize Xander, I came to try and talk some sense into you."
"Oh, I see," he said sadly. "Poor Xander, blinded by stupidity. He can't possibly make it through life on his own. He can't even get into college. Jeez Buff, if you want to keep something around that will love you and that you can feel superior to, why don't you just get a dog. I hear they like to be patted on the head."
"Xander, don't be like that. I'm trying to help you."
"I don't want your help Buffy," Xander said. He paused. "All I want is your friendship. That's all I've ever wanted from you."
"I am your friend Xander," Buffy said. "And I can't believe that you would choose Drusilla over your friends."
Xander was silent for a moment. "You're making me choose?" he asked.
"Yes," Buffy said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Then it sounds to me like you're the one who's made a choice."
Buffy looked into Xander's eyes, and saw determination there. And sadness. "Fine," she said, her anger showing. "If that's what you want." She turned and started for the door.
"I never wanted this," Xander whispered to himself, too soft for Buffy to here. "Buffy," he called to her just as she reached the door. She turned. She expected an apology, she expected him to beg her forgiveness, anything but what he said. "Goodbye," he said sadly.
Buffy just stared at him for a moment, then she turned away, not wanting him to see the tears that were forming in her eyes. She walked out the door, and out of Xander's life.
If you love something, let it go. That's what I was thinking as I watched Buffy leave. Part of me wanted to keep fighting, because my relationship with Buffy was something worth fighting for. But I just didn't have the energy anymore. I thought about what I had said to Spike, about my whole life being a lie. And I thought about how Buffy deserved more then that. Regardless of the differences we had, I did love her. She was one of my best friends. I loved her, so I let her go.
Drusilla. I had never lied to her. But I didn't have the courage to let her go. So I cursed her. I drug her into my world, because I was afraid of hers, just like Spike had said. I owed her more then that. If Buffy was my best friend, then Dru was my heart and soul. And of all the people I had hurt, I hurt her most of all.
I had meant it when I said goodbye to Buffy, but it wasn't just her I was saying goodbye to. It was the pile of lies that had become my life. I was saying goodbye to that too. Getting ready to leave it behind, and face the world as it really was for the first time in my life. I didn't want to face it alone, but I was prepared to. I had one more thing to do. One more person to let go of.
The candles at Dru's bedside were almost completely burned down now. Xander sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at her, sleeping peacefully. He reached down and stroked her face, causing her eyes to flutter open. "Kitten?" she asked in a sleepy voice.
"It's me Dru," Xander answered. "How do you feel? Are you hungry?" Dru shook her head no and made a face of disgust. "Dru, I know how you feel, but you have to feed."
"Maybe not," she said. "Maybe I should just shrivel up and die. It would be best."
"Dru, please don't talk like that. You can't die, I won't let you," Xander said, his voice choked with tears. "I need you to live."
"I can hear their voices," she said. "Everyone I've hurt, and they're crying out for vengeance. I'm afraid Kitten," she said, starting to cry. "Please make them stop."
Xander lay down beside her and pulled her into his arms. She buried her face in his chest and cried, her blood tears soaking into Xander's shirt. He knew how dangerous that could be. The more she cried, the sooner she would need to feed. He stroked her hair and tried to calm her down. "It's okay Dru, it'll be okay. I promise."
Dru heard the tears in Xander's voice and looked up. "Why are you crying, Kitten?"
"Because I love you Dru, and it's hurts me to see you in pain. I'm sorry for what I've done baby, I'm so sorry."
"Spike never cried for me," Dru said, her tears beginning to subside. "He couldn't. He loved me, but he couldn't give me all the things that went with that. Compassion, kindness, tenderness. You've always treated me with those things Kitten, you've always loved me." She pressed her head against his chest as she held him tighter. "I don't want to see you cry Kitten. I promise that I'll try to live, for you. As long as you stay with me. Will you stay with me?"
"As long as you'll have me, Dru," Xander said. She never ceased to amaze him. Here she was, in the pits of despair, but she promised to try to get better for his sake, because he loved her. Because she loved him.
"Forever," she mumbled into his chest. "I'll have you forever."
Xander reached down and lifted her chin so that she was looking up at him. "I love you," he said softly, before leaning down and placing a tender kiss on her lips. Dru kissed him back sweetly. The kiss slowly became more passionate, Xander pushing his tongue between her parting lips. Dru opened her mouth more, inviting him as she kissed him back hungrily. His hand found it's way to her hair, burying itself in her dark brown tresses while his other arm pulled her closer. The kiss broke slowly, Drusilla sucking on Xander's lower lip. She rolled herself on top of him, bringing her face to his neck, placing gentle kisses along his collarbone. Her guilt temporarily forgotten, she focused on her passion for Xander. Xander's own mouth found her neck as his hands slid down her arms, pulling the top of her dress down as they went. Her skin was smooth as silk and slightly cool to the touch. Dru pulled back enough to get her hands between the two of them and rip Xander's shirt open, popping all the buttons. She ran her hands over his chest and down his abdomen, disappearing under the waistband of his jeans. Xander felt her fingers wrap around his member, and realized that he needed to take control of the situation before things were finished before they even really started.
Xander took her by her arms and rolled them both over until he lay partially on top of her. Dru pulled her arms free from the sleeves of her dress and brought them back up Xander's chest as he captured her mouth again with his own. He pulled back, sucking on Dru's lower lip before moving down and kissing her neck. He slowly trailed kisses down the valley between her breasts, stopping to cup them gently in his hands. He could feel her nipples harden against his palms. He moved his tongue to her left breast while he continued with his hand on her right, gently squeezing the nipple, causing her to cry out in pleasure. He gently licked and sucked on her nipple while Dru buried her hands in his hair, holding his head against her chest.
"Oh, Yes! Oh, Xander...please, I need you," she moaned.
She began pulling him upward, and given her superior strength, Xander felt he had two choices. Either comply, or lose a limb. He decided on the former, and reached down to undo his pants before Dru decided to rip them off. He slid out of them quickly, and helped Dru pull her dress the rest of the way off, letting both garments fall to the floor. He positioned himself back over her and brought his head down for another kiss. She crushed her lips to his as she wrapped her legs around him. She moaned loudly in his mouth when he plunged into her, her hips moving to match his trusts with her own. Xander knew he wouldn't last long once he was inside of her, it felt too good. The feel of her lips on his, of her arms wound around his neck, the way her sex surrounded him perfectly, it felt like their bodies were made for one another. Xander increased his pace, trusting into her faster and harder.
"Oh...Oh, Yes!" she screamed. "Oh, Xander! AGRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Xander felt her tighten around him as she came, and it sent him over the top. He heard a growl and when he looked down, he saw that Drusilla had her game face on. Her eyes glowed with a golden light for a moment, and then the light was gone. She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him down to her, sinking her teeth into his flesh. She drank from him as his orgasm came and he cried out, half in pleasure and half in pain. He was scared for a moment, but only a moment. He knew his Dru wouldn't hurt him, and he knew that this was definitely his Dru. She only drank for a few seconds before pulling back. Xander rolled off of her and back onto the bed, out of breath and lightheaded. He picked his shirt up from the floor without moving from the bed and balled it up. He held it to his neck to stop the bleeding. Dru cuddled up next to him, putting her head on his chest and cooing softly as she gently stroked it. And that's how Xander fell asleep, with the woman he loved in his arms, and bleeding from the neck.
When Xander woke up, he was alone in bed. He could tell by the soft glow coming from the edges of the boarded up window that it was daylight outside. He peeled the shirt away from his neck and winced as some of the dried blood tore loose. He brought his hand up and gently touched the wound. He had stopped bleeding, but the area was still tender. He let his fingers rest on his pulse point while his hand was there, and let out a small sigh of relief when he felt it. He wasn't really worried, but he felt the need to make sure just the same. He knew that a vampire had to feed during sex, that for them it was part of the act. Which explained where Dru was now. He knew she hadn't taken enough from him, just a taste. He heard soft footsteps coming down the hall, and when he looked, he saw something that he knew would be burned into his memory for the rest of his life. Dru stood in the doorway, bathed in the small amount of natural light that was in the room, completely naked, with a bag of blood in one hand, and clutching Miss Edith in the other. And on her face was the widest, most beautiful smile Xander had ever seen. Xander smiled back as Dru pounced onto the bed. She cuddled up to Xander and held the doll out in front of her.
"Look who I found downstairs," she said. "Miss Edith said that she missed me and that she's glad she's back. I'm glad too."
"So am I baby, so am I," Xander said, kissing the top of her head. "I see that you've gotten your appetite back."
Dru just nodded as she tore a corner off the bag and started to drink. She drank the whole bag down, and when she was finished, she tore it apart and began licking off what was left.
"My, you are hungry," Xander commented.
Dru just smiled again as she turned to face him. Her smile turned to a frown as her hand came up and gently touched the spot where she had bitten him the night before. "Did Mummy hurt her Kitten?"
"It's okay Dru, I'm fine. You didn't take too much."
Dru smiled again. "I'll kiss it and make it better," she said. She slid up his body and started kissing her neck, stopping occasionally to lick at some of the dried blood.
Xander laughed a little. "Stop, that tickles," he said. He pulled Dru away and she looked up into his eyes. Xander smiled as he looked down at her, but the smile began to fade. "Dru, you can't stay in Sunnydale. If Buffy finds out that you don't have your soul anymore, she'll kill you. Spike's probably still in town, you can leave with him. I won't tell Buffy and the others that you've lost your soul. She won't go after you, you'll be safe."
"But, I don't want to leave you Kitten," Dru said. "You promised you'd stay with me forever."
"I know I did Dru," Xander said, holding her tight, fighting the tears that threatened to come. "But I can't be what you need. I'm not a vampire, and I don't want to be one."
"Well, of course not silly," Dru said. "Miss Edith says that if you were a vampire then you wouldn't be my Kitten. I need you just the way you are."
"But you're strong now Dru, you don't need me anymore."
"But I do need you Kitten, I love you."
"I love you too," Xander said. "But how can you forgive me for what I did? For causing you such pain?"
"The same way you've forgiven me Kitten, for the pain I've caused you. I know that you did what you did because you love me, to protect me."
"I did it because I didn't want to lose you. I was selfish."
"I don't want to lose you either. We can be together Kitten, we'll both leave the nasty old slayer behind, and we can start over again. Just you and me."
That was all Xander had ever wanted, to leave it all behind and start over again. A chance to be happy, to have the life that he had always wanted but thought that he didn't deserve. A simple life, where he was loved and respected, and had the chance to be the man he always knew he could be. "Do you really mean it Dru?" Dru nodded. "You'll have to be a good girl, you can't hurt people anymore."
"I'll be good Kitten, I promise. As long as you stay with me."
"Okay Dru, we'll do it. We'll be together."
Dru smiled widely as she hugged Xander tightly. "Oh Kitten, I'm so happy. I love you."
"I love you too, baby," Xander said. "I love you too."
That day while Dru slept, I ran errands. A trip to the body shop, to have all the windows in my car tinted as dark as possible, even the windshield (yes, I know that's illegal, but you'd be surprised what a mechanic will do if you slip him a few bucks). A trip to the bank, to empty out all of my accounts. A trip to my place of employment, to quit and pick up my last check. And finally, a trip home to pack. Yes, part of me was scared, but I was mostly excited.
That night, Dru and I drove out of Sunnydale with the top down, under a blanket of stars. And we haven't looked back since. In my mind I had already said goodbye to the life I was leaving behind, so I didn't tell anyone I was leaving. I came to the realization that while I cared very much for my friends, this had nothing to do with them. It had to do with making my life my own, and taking charge of it. I hoped that they would understand, and even if they didn't, that they would accept it. I think about them sometimes now, and I wonder if they think about me.
I had been worried that I couldn't be what Dru needed, and that's why I restored her soul, so I wouldn't lose her. But Dru showed me that we needed each other. She protected me from the dark of night, and I protected her from the light of day. I told myself that if I loved her, I would let her go, so I did. And she came back to me, and showed me that she was mine forever, just as I had pledged to her. I once thought that love was a force, and that I was under it's control. But I was only half right. It is a force, but it doesn't control me, it empowers me. It flows through me like electricity, filling me with energy and giving me the strength to be the person I always knew I could be. The person I've always been, but was afraid to show the world. I'm not afraid anymore, thanks to Dru.
I've learned that love really does transcend everything, good and evil, right and wrong. It's boundless, truly and absolutely. As for my promise, well, let me just say this. Now that I have Dru, forever doesn't seem that long anymore.