Dirty Secrets

A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fanfiction Story

Author: Jason W Thompson <jwt6577[at]quik.com>

January 29, 2001

Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a guy he wrote a story with characters and settings he didn't own, but he put a disclaimer on his story and that made it a little less illegal. BTVS and Angel are owned by Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. I don't own anything except the situation characters are in.

Category: Cordelia/Xander, Anya/Xander

Spoilers: Some minor for Season 5. Angel Season 2.

Warnings: Spousal abuse is dealt with here.

Summary: Fired by Angel, Cordelia comes back to Sunnydale to continue making a difference. She finds that making a difference starts a lot closer to home than she ever thought.

Rating: Rated NC-17

Distribution: Ask First.

Notes: This idea has rattled around in my brain forever. It's gone through a thousand different variations, but I think, I hope it works best this way.

Dedication: Dedicated to Bri, Mary, Duchess, Dale, Nate, Stone Cold, Aslan, Vega, Jen Zimmer, Louise, Sairs, and Queen Angel who have allowed me to bounce my ideas off them, and Krac, cause she has the evil bunny slippers.

Chapter 1

Cordelia looked up as Phantom Dennis placed another set of folded shirts on her bed. "I'm sorry Dennis, I really am. but I can't afford to live here anymore and Giles said with my business experience I could help him run his shop. I don't want to leave though, you've been such a good friend." She watched Dennis pick up a notepad and pen then he wrote down "I'll miss you." Cordelia felt a tear slide down her cheek, "Oh Dennis, I'll miss you too." She looked around, "This is everything isn't it?" Dennis' reply was to close her closet and "carry" her bags out to the front. She took one last look around her bedroom, then she turned and walked out the door turning out the light.

When she got out front she found Gunn and Wesley waiting for her, she smiled. "You guys don't have to do this, really."

They looked at each other then back to Cordelia, Gunn then said. "Yeah we do, if for nothing more than to make sure you're gone."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "What are you going to do Wesley?"

Wesley shrugged, "I'm not sure. Virginia wants me to do personal security for her. So perhaps I'll do that."

Gunn smirked, "Guy gets a girlfriend and thinks he can be a bodyguard." The three shared a laugh, Gunn then asked, "So you're going back to Sunnydale to do what again?"

Cordelia sighed, "Besides eat crow? I'm going to help run a Magic Shop, and help Buffy do the Slayer thing I guess." She looked at the ceiling as though asking for answers, "Why does it feel like I'm crawling home with my tail between my legs? I feel like a failure." Cordelia tucked her chin to her chest and tried to stay the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks.

Wesley placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Cordelia, it's always hard to go back home after a set back, but the Cordelia Chase I've come to know, is no failure. She's a strong young woman who has exceeded every expectation. You will make something happen for yourself Cordelia, I'm sure of it."

Cordelia looked up and smiled at Wesley, "Thank you."

Gunn picked up two of her bags and opened the door. "I'll start taking your things to my truck."


Cordelia looked around her new apartment. It was smaller than her LA apartment, but it was more within her new budget. Her bags sat in the middle of the living room floor. She sighed, but decided not to unpack just yet. First she'd stop by Giles shop. "Might as well get it over with." She left her apartment and locked the door behind her. She started to walk down the hall and down the stairs. She was at the front door when she collided with someone.

She crashed unceremoniously on her backside and her hair fell into her face, "Watch where you're going clod!"

The voice that replied was that of the one person she was most dreading and maybe most excited to see again. "I'm so sorry miss. I wasn't looking where I... Cordelia?"

As Xander hauled her to her feet she pushed hair out of her face. Xander's hair was longer but he looked pretty much the same as she remembered him. Until she stepped back and saw him in his T-shirt. She was surprised by the amount of muscle he had put onto his once lean frame. Then she was struck by his scent. It was mostly sweat, the kind of sweat you got from labor. It was rather sexy, but she couldn't let him know that. She put on her best disgusted face and said. "Eww, a shower is your friend Xander. Find one."

Xander smirked and his eyes twinkled, the last two years were instantly gone. "It's nice to see you haven't changed too much Cordelia, you're such a ball of sunshine."

Cordelia smiled slightly, "Only for losers like yourself."

Xander nodded, and the arrival of the uncomfortable silence was right on time. He looked around for a moment, "What are you doing in my building?"

Cordelia cocked an eyebrow, "Your building?"

Xander nodded "Yeah, I live here. For about six months now. Were you looking for me?" Was that hope in his voice? She couldn't quite be sure.

Cordelia looked at him like he was stupid, "Arrogant much? No I live here now, but you better not get all psycho ex-boyfriend stalker on me."

Xander smirked, "Don't worry about that. After all I think Anya might get jealous if I did."

Cordelia's eyebrow cocked, "Anya? DEMON Anya?"

Xander nodded, "One in the same. We actually live together." He suddenly looked down at his watch, "Speaking of, I gotta go, don't want to face her wrath." He winked at her, "She beats me you know." He ran inside. Leaving Cordelia trying to figure out why she suddenly felt the need to belt Demon-Anya. After a while she walked off for the shop.


Cordelia followed Giles around the shop as he explained her various responsibilities. In every, mundane, over-analyzed detail. Like why they weren't supposed to sell the musk of chaos demon, or why she was to lock up all the powders when using the vacuum, or how to log each sell in the inventory... Cordelia rolled her eyes, "Giles, why don't we get a computerized inventory system? It would make things so much easier to keep track of."

Giles looked at her, horrified, "I will not bring one of those devil machines in here, they will no doubt bring nothing but chaos."

Cordelia smiled wickedly, "Oh I forgot, that's what Anya is for."

Giles suppressed a snigger, "Touch� Actually Anya is a good employee. Even if she's a bit... eccentric."

Cordelia laughed, "Giles, she's a psycho, man-hating ex-demon. Eccentric doesn't begin to cover it."

Giles nodded, "Well, you two must co-exist as you will be working together now."

Cordelia nodded, "Trust me. I worked with not only Doyle, but Wesley and Gunn, so I can handle intolerable people."


"I'm going to kill her!" Cordelia growled and slammed her now empty latt�on the table.

Buffy and Willow shared a look before Buffy cocked an eyebrow at her, "Cordelia, it's been one day. Anya takes a while to grow on you. Like… a um… like a fungus."

Willow nodded, "Yep, Anya's very fungal-like."

Cordelia looked at them for a long moment, "How long does it take?"

Buffy smirked, "When we get there we'll let you know, but she makes Xander happy, so we tolerate her antics."

Cordelia sighed dejectedly, "Am I coming off jealous?"

Willow held up her hand extending her index finger and thumb less than an inch apart, "A tiny bit."

Buffy nodded, "It's hardly noticeable."

Willow smiled, "But on the bright side, your hair looks really nice short, especially with the blonde highlights."

Buffy nodded enthusiastically, "Definitely Cordelia, you look great."

Cordelia perked up and one of her higher wattage smiles graced her features, "Thanks guys, you really know how to perk me up." Willow and Buffy nodded, "Tell me this guys, do they fight at all?"

Buffy shrugged, "Some, mostly cause Anya hasn't bothered with learning what constitutes private conversation. So she happily shares even the most intimate details about their relationship. Why one time she tried to show us..." Buffy leaned into Cordelia's ear and whispered the rest. Cordelia turned bright red while Buffy began to laugh, "Y-you should have seen her chasing him through Giles' apartment yelling, 'Come here Xander so I can pull down your pants and show them.' After she tackled him, well... Tara and Willow couldn't look him in the eye for a week, they were so embarrassed."

Cordelia tried to stop laughing, then curiosity got the better of her good taste, "So um did you see?"

Willow nodded while reddening considerably and Buffy held her hands out a better than average distance apart. Cordelia made a mental note of the distance. The three of them settled into a companionable silence. After a while Cordelia sighed, "When I talked to him in front of the complex, it was like everything was back to normal. I wasn't dealing with demons or visions or my boss going Psycho-Vampire Hunter on us. It was just me and Xander, and you can call me crazy, but I think he felt the same." Cordelia sighed mournfully. "It's depressing, I could have any guy here wagging their tongues but I'm hung up on Xander."

Willow nodded while Buffy shrugged, they ignored the conceited part of Cordelia's admission while Buffy said. "Could be worse, you could be Xander and having to deal with Anya..."

Chapter 2

The next day Cordelia invited Xander over to help her unpack. Buffy and Willow were in class, and Anya and Giles were at the shop. The rain gave Xander an unexpected day off so she asked for his help. She was in the kitchen putting away her dishes while Xander was putting together a shelf unit for her.

She hazarded a glance out into the living room to see Xander looking very much like a handyman in those trashy romance novels that got her through so many dry spells. He had taken off his sweatshirt and was down to his tank top he was all but dripping with sweat from exertion. Mostly because Cordelia played the helpless woman perfectly and had Xander moving all the heavy objects around the apartment.

She watched with fascination as he finished hammering nails into place and chewed on her bottom lip when he stood the shelf unit up and pushed it into place. Was it her imagination or did the temperature raise a few degrees suddenly? She wanted nothing more than to follow her base thoughts and ride Xander all afternoon. She shook her head to try and clear those thoughts.

She then grabbed two bottles of water and walked out to him. "Here you go Xander."

Xander looked down at the bottle, he smirked up at her. "Did you spit in this?"

Cordelia matched his smirk with one of her own, "The cap is still sealed Xander, I have visions, not magic powers."

Xander cocked an eyebrow, "You have visions?"

Cordelia nodded, "Remember that guy Doyle I told you about?" When Xander nodded she continued, "Well when he died, he um. kissed me. With the kiss he gave me his visions. Now I get visions from the Powers That Be. They really helped with Angel, maybe now they can help Buffy."

Xander looked at his water for a long time before he said, "That settles that then."

Cordelia looked up from her shoes, "What?"

Xander smiled sadly, "I'm the last regular person in Sunnydale. I really am the Zeppo now."

Cordelia's eyes widened, she took Xander's hands in hers, "Xander, no. That's not true. You are special, and I'm sorry if I tried to make you feel useless. The truth is, I always thought you were the strongest of the gang."

Xander looked at her with a stunned expression, "Cordelia... I don't know what to say... I mean... You've never said anything like that before..."

Cordelia felt warmth on her hips. Looking down, she saw Xander's hands there. She slowly slid her hands up his arms, marveling at the feeling of the now muscled limbs under the skin that she'd touched countless times while kissing him all those years before. Her hands stopped at his shoulders, she looked up and his dark pools swallowed her soul. She watched as his lips started to inch closer to hers. She stood up on her toes and closed the distance between them.

Nothing happened for a long time, their lips just touched gently. Finally Cordelia pulled away, they locked eyes again. Then, as the pebble starts the avalanche, their lips crashed together again. This time, she wrapped her arms around his neck like a vice. She sighed and parted her lips inviting him to deepen the kiss. She whimpered a protest when Xander suddenly backed away. She could see the guilt in his eyes as he backed away before turning and fleeing her apartment.

She touched a trembling hand to her still tingling lips. Then the implications of the best kiss she'd ever had set in. "Oh God! What have I done?"


"...Then I kissed him. Buffy, I feel so horrible." Cordelia covered her face with her hands. She'd never kissed another girl's guy. Especially not after that had happened to her.

She looked at Buffy through her fingers, Buffy was just looking at her passively. "Please Buffy, say something."

Buffy looked down for a moment collecting her thoughts. "I think you have to talk to him as soon as you can Cordelia, cause the longer you wait, the more you'll build that kiss up and the more he'll build it up until you both lose out on whatever chance of friendship you have." She leaned forward, "Cordelia, Xander loves Anya. But I think he might still love you too. If you two have something, you have to wait for him to be ready. Personally, I prefer you to Anya any day, but I don't want her hurt as bad as you know she would be if Xander cheated on her with you."

Cordelia stood up, "I'll talk to him when I get home. Thanks for listening Buffy."

Buffy smirked, "Cordelia Chase thanking me, have you been possessed?"

Cordelia smiled, "Buffy, you may not know this, but working with the Brooding One has taught me to be a little nicer... To everyone who isn't Wesley."

Buffy rolled her eyes and laughed as Cordelia waved her good-bye and left the Summers' home.

The walk back to her complex was uneventful, and she made it back just before sunset. She walked up the steps and down the hall past her place towards Xander's apartment, that's when she heard arguing coming out of his apartment. Anya's voice crashed out of the door in a shrill angry tone, "I'M TIRED OF YOU HANGING AROUND WITH HER XANDER! IT'S BAD ENOUGH WITH BUFFY WILLOW AND TARA, BUT NOT HER TOO!"

She cringed at the sound of Anya's voice, but she was shocked at how timid Xander's response was, "I'm sorry Anya, I am. She's my friend though, I've known her forever."

"I DON'T CARE! I don't want you talking to Cordelia anymore, is that clear?"

"But Anya..." Cordelia was shocked by the sound that followed, it was the sound of a plate shattering on the wall. "Anya, please!"

"NO!" Then Cordelia heard the sound of a slap. Then she heard a harder sounding strike and it sounded like someone falling down.

Cordelia was shocked, did Xander just... "Look what you made me do! Look at me Xander! You made me hit you!"

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry." Cordelia's eyes widened, Anya had hit Xander. And Xander was apologizing to her.

She heard Anya speak in a softer tone, "You know I only hit you cause I love you Xander. You just get me so angry sometimes..." Cordelia backed away from the door and ran back to her apartment crying. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Anya hit Xander, and it didn't sound like the first time.

She couldn't quite wrap her brain around it. She'd never heard of a woman hitting a guy before, she never would have thought a woman would do such a thing, much less, that a man would stay in such a relationship.

Then the idea that Xander would stay with someone who abused him was just as hard to understand. Not after all he put up with his father, it had taken Cordelia going to Angel and getting the vampire to step in to get Xander's father to stop hitting him.

She had heard once that children of abusive parents often seek out abusive relationships. Could that be the case for Xander? Could he stay because he's used to being abused?

But why wouldn't the others notice? Wouldn't even Willow see the signs again? But then again, it's not something you want to see. To know that a friend is being abused by someone who claims to love them. She knew how hard it was to comprehend. She ended up crying herself to sleep that night.


Cordelia sat behind the counter, reading the newspaper. It was an extraordinarily slow day and she'd done very little else. She heard the bell for the front, she looked up with a smile and said, "Welcome to the Magic Box... Hi Xander."

"H-hey Cordelia." Xander looked at her uncomfortably. She saw the dark glasses he was wearing. She came around the counter, she walked up to him, and she could see him shy away.

Without preamble, Cordelia reached up and plucked the glasses from his face which revealed a black eye, "Care to explain?"

Xander's eyes widened and he stammered, "I ah... fell down at work?" Cordelia folded her arms across her chest. "Got into a fight?" She shook her head in the negative. "I'm going for the Goth look and ran out of eye make-up?"

Cordelia took his arm and led him into the back room. "Anya's hitting you isn't she?"

Xander's eyes widened angrily, "NO! That's crazy Cordelia. Do you honestly think-"

Cordelia took his hand, "I was there last night Xander, and I heard your argument. I heard her hit you."

Xander tried to walk away, "I'm not listening to this, all that time with Deadboy has you paranoid."

Cordelia held strong, "Xander please, I know what your father did, other than Angel, I'm the ONLY one who knows let me help you."

Xander yanked his hand away, "I don't want help!" He stormed out of the room.

Cordelia followed, "Xander don't walk away! Don't you dare walk away! She's abusing you, she's no better than your father!"

Xander spun around, "You're out of your MIND!"

"Am I? 'You made me hit you?'"

"Stop it!"

"How about this? 'You know I only hit you 'cause I love you Xander.'"

"Shut Up!"

"Or, 'You just get me so angry sometimes...' Any of this ringing a bell?"

"Shut up! Shut Up! SHUT UP!" Xander finally covered his ears trying to stop any more discussion. Cordelia watched tears well up in his eyes.

"Xander. Listen to me, you're better than her."

Xander shook his head, "You don't know her! You don't know what it's like between us! Besides, it's not every day, it doesn't happen that often. It's my fault really, I push and push and-"

Cordelia grabbed his forearms, "Listen to what you're saying! It is not your fault Xander! She hits you Xander, she has no more right to hit you then your father did."

"What's going on? Who's hitting who?"

Xander whipped around to see Willow, Buffy and Giles at the door, "It's nothing." He turned to Cordelia with a pleading look, "Please Cordelia, let this go."

He started to walk to the door, he was at the door when Cordelia said, "Anya's been hitting Xander, and she's the one who gave him the black eye."

Xander watched as Buffy and Giles looked at him, in shock, sympathy, and pity. While Willow looked at him in disbelief. Xander laughed, "Wow, that Cordelia! Huh," He turned to Cordelia in anger, "You are really funny Cordy. Why don't you tell them another whopper?" He then mouthed, 'Let this go.'

Cordelia looked him in the eye, "You won't push me away Xander. Not some, 'I can handle this, if you get in the way it'll only be worse for me' speech. Anya is hitting you, and you're letting it happen. Hell, you're practically asking for it. Xander please, get out of there before she really hurts you."

Xander crossed the room back to Cordelia, "I told you Cordelia, drop this. Yeah I kissed you, I'm sorry. This jealous stuff was fine, but lying about Anya?"

"Oh come off it Xander!" Cordelia threw her arms up in exasperation. The room screeched to a halt with what happened next. Everyone looked between Cordelia's raised hand and Xander, who had cringed away noticeably. He cringed as though he expected a blow to come.

Buffy's eyes widened, Willow ran sobbing to the bathroom while Giles' eyes darted back and forth as if trying to process the unthinkable. Buffy finally broke the silence, "Its true? She hits you?"

Xander looked between Buffy and Cordelia for a long and tense moment, before he charged past Cordelia to the backroom. They followed him and saw he'd already left through the backdoor. Cordelia turned to Buffy and Giles, she then snatched Giles' keys from his hand and ran for the front door. "Let me talk to him."


Xander walked down the hallway towards his apartment, he looked over his shoulder, practically waiting for someone to show up trying to talk to him. He pulled his keys out for the door. Turning, he saw Cordelia and screeched.

Cordelia stood motionless in front of the door, "We're going to talk." Xander turned to leave, to which Cordelia snapped out angrily. "You walk away now, and you better just keep walking. Cause Anya won't stop hitting you..."

"She loves me."

Cordelia sighed, "However true that may be, that doesn't excuse her. She needs help Xander. And you need to get away from her. Can't you understand? She's hurting you, and knowing that every night you're with her she hurts you, is going to eat away at me."

Xander sighed angrily, "Why do you even care Cordy?! You didn't treat me much better, verbal abuse hurts just as much. Why do you give a damn if Anya's hitting instead of insulting? Is it that you can't stand the competition?"

Cordelia bit back tears, "Damn you! DAMN YOU! You don't know? You can't tell? I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU! God Xander! Why do you always have to make things so hard? Well fine, let her hit you, let her shoot you, let her cut you into little pieces. It's obvious you don't want help, so I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore." She turned on her heel and started for her apartment. She jammed her key into the door, trying to bite back the tears Xander had caused. She unlocked her door and pushed it open, she stumbled into her apartment. Then, as she closed the door, she heard a thud followed by the sound of Xander yelling out and falling to the floor.

Chapter 3

Xander sat on Cordelia's couch, with an icepack on his nose to stop the bleeding. Cordelia sat next to him, torn between feeling awful and trying not to laugh. Xander sighed, "So much for romance..."

Cordelia looked up, "What?"

Xander took the icepack from his face, "Well that speech, I was so floored. Then I was coming after you to like kiss you or something and you hit me in the face with your door. 'So much for romance.' See?"

Cordelia laughed, "You are so strange Xander." She leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips, "But very sweet."

Xander smiled, his smile then faltered, "How am I going to be able to get away from her Cor?"

Cordelia smiled and caressed his cheek lightly, "We'll figure something out, we could get her counseling, push comes to shove, you file charges."

Xander nodded, silence settled between them. Eventually Cordelia got up and went into the kitchen. She began to make a pot of tea, since it was easier for her not to screw up. "Cordelia?"

Cordelia turned to see Xander looking at his feet timidly, she crossed the kitchen and tilted his chin up until he was looking into her eyes. "Yeah Xand?"

Xander looked at her, and for the first time in so long, she saw his defense down completely. No humor, no self-deprecation, no macho hardness, just the naked soul she'd fallen in love with. "Do you really think I'm worth the trouble I put you through?"

Cordelia felt the sting of her tears. No one had ever reassured him, his father, and Anya, and even she herself had torn him down again and again. He was shattered, so shattered that she was afraid she'd never be able to rebuild him. She took his hand and led him to the kitchen table. Sitting him down, she sat next to him and she held his hand between hers, "Xander, you are the single most amazing person I've ever met, you have this ability to see through people's fronts and find something. You showed me that there was something inside of me that was worth touching. You didn't stay with me because I was rich or popular or pretty, you stayed because you found deep down the Cordelia I wished I could be."

She smiled at him warmly, "Xander, I've spent the last year and a half helping people, if I didn't kiss you that night in Buffy's basement, and you hadn't found that Cordelia, do you think I'd have cared enough to do that?"

Xander shrugged, "Yeah I do."

Cordelia smiled, "My point exactly Xander, you believe that people are better than they are." Xander looked down and away, embarrassed at her words. She reached up and smoothed his hair. "I like your hair longer."

Xander looked up, "Really?" Cordelia nodded, "I like yours, makes you look more elegant."

Cordelia rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I'm elegance personified. I went from secretary for a Vampire Detective, to clerk at a magic shop, and to top it off I haven't bought anything Gucci in months."

Xander shrugged, "Could be worse, you could be Harmony." Cordelia laughed.

When her laughter died she noticed the whistling of the kettle. She stood up and poured water into a pot and dropped a tea bag in. She turned off the burner and took the kettle to the sink. "What do you take in your tea?" She turned around and found Xander standing in front of her.

Without preamble, he leaned down and kissed her. Cordelia reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck holding her to him. She felt his hands on her hips lifting her onto the counter. Cordelia sciccored her legs around his hips and parted her lips for him. She sighed into his mouth as his hands slid up her back, holding her against him.

Finally, as she became light-headed from oxygen deprivation she broke the kiss and gulped in air. She looked at Xander and smiled at her smudged lipstick on his lips. They just gazed at each other for a long time, quietly. Finally, Cordelia felt a wicked smile pull at her lips. "Xander?"


She arched an eyebrow at him, "Take me to bed."

Xander stepped back and slid an arm beneath her knees and picked her up. He carried her out of the kitchen to the bedroom. He gently placed her on the bed and Cordelia's heart began to race. Xander kicked off his shoes and climbed on the bed, he placed kisses on her jaw. Slowly moving towards her ear, before he began to dip down the side of her throat. Arriving at her collar bone, he pulled back suddenly. Cordelia's eyes drifted open to see Xander looking at her, "Xander?"

Xander's lip quivered for a moment, "Cordelia, tell me again. Please?"

Cordelia reached up and touched his cheek, "Xander, I love you."

Xander clenched his eyes shut for a moment, then he smiled and said, "I love you too." He leaned down and kissed her again. She felt his hand slide to the hem of her shirt and she whimpered when his fingers slid beneath the fabric and found the already superheated skin on her stomach. Her breath came sharply. She began to yank his shirt out of his pants, suddenly impatient.

Then she felt Xander's hand on her forearm. "Please Cordelia..." She stopped, Xander needed her to be gentle, and she imagined that Anya was impatient and forceful 'Such a bad time to be thinking of Demon-Anya Cordelia, just relax and go with the flow.'

She felt Xander pull his shirt out of his pants and return to nuzzling her throat for a while before he sat her up. Xander slid the button down shirt she wore over her tank top off and kissed the now exposed flesh on her shoulder. He pulled back and grabbed the hem of her tank top and slowly pulled the garment over her head.

Cordelia smiled and began to unbutton his shirt before pushing it off his shoulders and pulling it off his arms. She admired his bare chest a moment before she kissed his chest over his heart. She gently led him back onto the mattress before she got up on her knees and unbuttoned her khakis and slid them over her hips before pulling them off, casting them away. Then she reached out and unbuckled Xander's belt before unbuttoning his jeans and yanking them off, leaving him in his "Babylon5" boxers.

She rolled her eyes and laughed, "I'll be damned Xander, only *you* could look sexy in Babylon5 boxers."

Xander smiled lazily, "Wait until you see me in these and my Mr. T. Slippers. You'll forget you ever saw another man in your life."

Cordelia smiled and swung a leg over him, straddling his hips. She smiled sarcastically, "Oh baby!" She bent forward and kissed him on the forehead, then his chin she kissed his chest then sat up again. This time, she reached between her breasts and unclasped her bra and slid the white laced garment off of her breasts before letting it fall away. Xander sat up and latched onto her breast. Cordelia instinctively held his head to her chest tightly. She began to grind against him slowly, whimpering slightly with pleasure. She pushed back Xander as she lay on top of him. She quickly disposed of her panties and Xander's boxers.

She sat up and lifted herself on to him, sliding slowly down his length until she had Xander inside of her. Her head lolled back with a moan of pleasure. Her hands pressed into his chest, fingers spread she could feel his heart thundering as erratically as hers was. She began to move her hips slowly, wanting to prolong the moment for as long as she could. They moved against each other slowly. Cordelia's eyes were closed and she began to pant as she moved faster on top of Xander, creating more friction.

Xander then rolled them over and pushed deeper into her. She hooked her feet around his ass and moaned as he buried himself within her a little harder now. She felt him dip his head and bite lightly on her earlobe. "Oh... Xander..."

She felt him reach between them and massage her now painfully sensitive clitoris. She arched up against him and moaned loudly. She was already close to the edge. Xander picked up the pace of his rubbing and it became to much for Cordelia to take, she arched up against him hard and gasped, her voice suddenly gone, she felt her muscles clamp down on Xander as endorphins ran rampant through her body. The high of her orgasm swept through her. Finally she collapsed. She was surprised when Xander collapsed on top of her breathing raggedly.

He rolled them over so he was on his back. Cordelia just smiled down at him, she pushed a moist lock of hair off his forehead and kissed him there. "Thank you Cordelia."

Cordelia smiled and suppressed a giggle. "You don't have to thank me silly." She laid down on his chest, her ear to his heart, listening to it as his breathing and heart rate slowed to a more relaxed pace. "God Xander, I love you so much. I'm never going to hurt you if I can help it, you know that? Right?" Xander didn't answer, but she heard him sniff, she looked up to see his eyes clenched shut and tears squeezing through the clenched lids. She suddenly panicked, "Oh God Xander, don't cry, please. What's wrong?" Xander didn't answer and Cordelia wiped the tears away and held him tight, "Shh, shh, it's okay Xander. I'm here. I know she's hurt you, I know, it's gonna be alright I swear it is... Shh, shh..."


Cordelia awoke to see her alarm clock, it was just after ten pm. She sat up slowly, so she didn't wake up Xander. She gently slid out from under the covers. Xander rolled onto his back, stirring slightly in his disturbed sleep. She smoothed his hair away then kissed his lips lightly, "I love you Xander."

She quickly got dressed again, then left a quick note;

"Xand-- Stay here, I'll be back soon have to return Giles car. Love you, --Cordy."

She walked out of the bedroom, stopping at the front closet, she pulled out the aluminum bat she had kept under her bed in LA. "Here I come Anya."

Chapter 4

Giles and Buffy looked up when they heard the front door open, they saw Cordelia standing there, slightly disheveled and wearing the coat Xander had been wearing. They also noticed the baseball bat clutched in her hand, "Where does she live?"

Buffy's eyes widened while Giles stood up, "Now Cordelia, let's not do anything to rash."

Cordelia stared at the Watcher incredulously, "Are you serious? Rash? None of you had to see Xander break down like he did tonight. That bitch shattered him into a million pieces and you talk about rash?"

Buffy approached her in a neutral posture, "Cordelia, I agree Anya's done something inexcusable, and if she was still a demon, believe me, she'd be dead already, but the fact of the matter is she's human now. We can't hurt her; you don't want to go to jail over scum like her, do you?" Cordelia's eyes blazed a while longer before she finally realized the repercussions of caving Anya's head in would be. Buffy reached for the bat, "Xander needs you Cordy, probably more than anyone right now. How can you help him if you and Faith are cellmates?"

Cordelia nodded and let the bat go. "What about Anya?"

Buffy saddened, "Do you think we can get Xander to testify, because we talked to the police. They said if Xander files a report..."

Cordelia's eyes widened, "Buffy, he'll be so embarrassed."

Giles stepped forward, "It's the only way Cordelia."

Cordelia felt bitter tears forming, "Oh God, it'll be so hard on him."

Buffy nodded, "But we'll all be there for him. We're his family Cordelia, and if we had known before, we would have saved him all this pain. Now all we can do is stop her and get Xander help. Giles still has some friends in the council who are attorneys; we will make sure Anya goes away for a long time."


Cordelia sat in the waiting room reading a copy of Time so old it needed to be C-14 dated. She'd been there for almost two hours now waiting for Xander to get out of his session with Dr. Zimmer. She looked up at the plaque on the door, "Jennifer Zimmer" she'd been Xander's therapist for over a month.

Cordelia had to admire Xander's courage; they'd finally dealt with Anya with the courts just yesterday. She ended up with two years probation and a minimum of 200 hours of court ordered therapy. Cordelia wasn't happy with that, but at least they could put that part of their life to a close.

She heard the door knob turning and she looked up, Xander was still talking to Dr. Zimmer, "-Thanks Doctor, I'll see you Monday." Xander turned towards Cordelia, "Hey."

Cordelia smiled, "Hey, you ready?"

Xander nodded, and took her hand helping her to her feet. They left the office and started towards the parking lot. Xander stopped in front of his car. Cordelia turned around, "What's wrong Xand?"

Xander pulled her to him, and held her tight, Cordelia smiled and buried her face in his shoulder and inhaled his scent. She always liked it when Xander surprised her with a show of affection like this. "We talked about you today..."


She felt him nod, "I told the Doc how much you mean to me..."

Cordelia pulled back and looked up at Xander, "Xander I know..."

Xander smiled, "Cordelia, I don't think you do. If you weren't around, I'd still be in a relationship with Anya, not realizing that I didn't have to let it happen. You saved my life Cordy. If you ask my, the 'Angel' in Angel Investigations was you."

Cordelia couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled out of her, "That was the sappiest thing you've ever said."

Xander's chuckle rumbled around her, "It sounded romantic in my head."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "I'm sure it did." She stepped out of his embrace and kissed him gently. "I love you, you big Dork."

Xander grinned her favorite little lop-sided grin, "Good, cause I love you too Princess Cordy."

Cordelia smiled, "Of course you do, I mean look at me. I'm hot."

Xander's grin became a smirk, "And not at all conceited."

Cordelia nodded, "Damn straight." She gave him another kiss, "C'mon, I'm hungry."

Xander unlocked her door and opened it for her before sweeping around his car and getting in himself. "I could go for lunch. I'm a little hungry"

Cordelia laughed, "You? Hungry? Well, will wonders never cease?" Xander started the engine and pulled out of his parking space and stopped at the exit of the parking lot, before pulling out. Cordelia watched him with a smile, there was still a long way to go, but she could see her Xander coming back again, and that was all she really wanted.

Because that Xander made her happy.

And that was enough for her now, to be happy.