Xander unlocked his front door and entered his home. They had just finished dealing with Spike, Dru, and the Tarakan assassins, and he was looking forward to a good night's...
He froze.
Someone was humming. Cheerfully.
His parents were never cheerful.
"Who's there?" he called tentatively as he entered the kitchen.
"Oh, hey!" the scantily-clad woman gushed as she turned, munching on a peanut butter sandwich. "How've you been, Curly? It's been, what, two thousand years now?"
Xander blinked, "Aphrodite? What are you doing here?"
"Just thought I'd stop by, see how you were doing," the goddess of love said, reaching out and ruffling his hair. "And give you some help with your love life."
Ignoring the annoyance and the growing look of trepidation on his face, she shook her head in disgust, "Man, what is it with you and princesses, huh? Xena, Dirce, Niobe, Nebula, Nautica-..."
"Hey, that wasn't me!" Xander protested.
'Dite just shot him a Look. "Whatever. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Nautica, Ampata, and now this Cordelia girl? You've got some serious issues, kid." She smiled, "But I like you, and Hercie likes you, so I'm gonna give you a hand."
With that pronouncement, she vanished.
Xander stood there, stunned, then murmured, "I've got a baaad feeling about this..."
"I heard that!" came 'Dite's disembodied voice.
SMACK!
Xander clutched his stinging cheek and hung his head, "Oh, yeah. I'm in trouble."
The next morning, 'Dite was dragging her son by the ear.
"C'mon, Cupie, I said I'd help him, so you'd better not miss!"
"But Mom!" Cupid said. "She already loves him, and we agreed not to meddle anymore, remember?"
"So what?" 'Dite waved it off blithely. "This is just a personal little favor. I just want to show the guy how much she cares about him."
"No!" Cupid said, putting his proverbial foot down. "I won't do it!"
"Fine," 'Dite said, her voice just a touch away from a growl. "Then I will!"
She snatched his bow.
"Mom!"
Author's Note:
Okay, hands up, anyone who actually thinks this will turn out well.
That's what I thought.
Anyway, back to the 'fic...
Xander had managed to put aside his worry about just what 'Dite was planning on doing.
For the most part, anyway.
So it was that he was in the library when it happened.
Someone started nibbling on his ear.
He turned slowly. "K-Kendra?" he asked timidly. "What are you doing? I thought you were, ah, heading back?"
"I jest thought I'd... stay around for a while. Get to know dis town and de Hellmouth a little better."
"Oh, rats!" 'Dite huffed. "Missed!"
With an aggravated sigh, she drew her son's bow again.
Buffy frowned at Kendra's actions. This was not at all like the taciturn Slayer, though, Buffy admitted, she didn't really known the Caribbean girl that well.
The blonde Slayer shot Willow a sympathetic look.
*Mmm, Willow's pretty hot,* Buffy thought. Then blinked. *Where did that come from?!*
"Oops," 'Dite muttered. "Damn it, how do you aim this stupid thing?!"
Willow was doing her best to look anywhere but at Xander and the amorous Slayer.
*Why, Xander?* she wondered, pouting. *What is it with you and Slayers?*
Her gaze rested on Giles, and she suddenly smiled.
Was it getting warm in here, or was it just her?
"Argh!" 'Dite cried out. "All right, just one more try."
Giles shook his head. What was going through that girl's head? Was Buffy's influence that profound?
Perhaps... he froze and felt his cheeks burn.
*Stop it, Rupert!* he scolded himself. *She's just a child! A Slayer, no less!*
"Okay, that's it!" 'Dite threw the bow down. "I give up!"
"Does that mean you'll untie me now, Mom?" Cupid asked irritably from his rather uncomfortable position on the ground.
"No, Ma, I'm not gonna reverse it."
"I am your mother, Cupid!"
"Then start acting like one! Mom, you're supposed to be the responsible one here. Instead, you're acting like a two-year-old. Even Bliss is more mature than you, Mom!"
"Pleeeeeaaaase?" Aphrodite, goddess of love, was one step short of begging.
"No, you're going to have to learn to deal with what you've done, and that's final!"
"Kendra, that is hardly behavior appropriate to a Slayer," Giles said, bringing his Watcher training to the fore, but even that wasn't enough to stop his gaze from caressing the dark-skinned Slayer's figure.
*Bloody hell!* he thought, feeling his face redden even as he tore his gaze away. *This is most improper!*
"Aw, let 'em have their fun," Willow said, walking over to Giles and squeezing his arm.
Xander frowned. Willow was being awfully... friendly to Giles.
No, he wasn't jealous. Just concerned about his best friend having an unhealthy crush on the Watcher.
Yeah, that was it.
Buffy frowned. "Giles is right, Willow," she said. "This is no place to be making out."
*Angel!* Buffy thought forcefully. *Remember Angel? The guy you're dating?*
But, damn, Willow was hot. So adorable in that fuzzy little sweater...
*Stop it!* she scolded herself.
Xander looked around. What was going on? Why was Kendra draping herself over him? Why was Willow practically drooling over Giles, of all people? And why were Buffy and Giles turning red like that?
Something was very, very wrong here.
"Uh, you know what, I'm gonna, um, leave now," he said, rising and bolting.
"Wait for me!" Kendra called after him.
For those wondering, in the Xena episode A Comedy of Eros, it was made pretty evident that Cupid's arrows don't have the same overpowering effect the love spell from BB&B had.
Xander looked around.
Miss Calendar, Angel, Cordelia, and himself.
"Okay, people, something's wrong," Xander announced.
"Well, duh!" Cordy snapped. "That new Slayer girl was asking about you, and she actually seemed to like you. Of course something's wrong."
Xander scowled and shook his head, "It's more than that, Cor. Willow's got a thing for the G-man, and both Buffy and Giles were blushing like maniacs." He looked at Jenny and said, "You're the closest we've got to a real witch. Any idea what's going on?"
"Um," Jenny hazarded, "it could be a love spell. Many love spells call on Diana, and Aphrodite doesn't like that, so she tends to sabotage them."
"Aphrodite," Xander repeated. He suddenly felt very worried, but he shook it off.
'Dite couldn't foul up that badly, could she? Love was her official domain, right?
"Think you can do a counterspell?"
"I could try."
Willow sighed as she plodded up the stairs. Giles seemed so interested in working with the new Slayer, Kendra, that he hardly seemed to notice her.
If she didn't know better, she'd think he had a thing for her, which was preposterous.
She opened the door to her room and blinked in surprise.
"Buffy?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Can't I visit my best friend?" the Slayer asked innocently as she languidly rose from the bed.
"Well, o-of course you can," Willow stuttered, staring at Buffy's leather coat.
It seemed to be all she was wearing.
"But if you must know," Buffy whispered into her ear, "it's because I brought you a gift." She leaned back and tugged at the belt holding the coat closed. "C'mon," she teased, "don't you wanna open your present?"
Willow squeaked and fled.
Kendra was annoyed.
It was a new feeling, to be honest. She was often frustrated by Watcher Zabuto's refusal to see her accomplishments, disappointed with herself and her inability to please him, and upset when he verbally dissected what she had thought was a good job.
But annoyed was new.
And she was annoyed because Watcher Giles -- who wasn't even her Watcher -- was doing the same thing, pushing her training to new heights.
When she could be with that fascinating young man, Xander.
"Giles!"
Kendra turned. It was the redhead.
"We've got a problem."
"Okay," Xander said, holding the candle uncertainly. He looked at Angel and Cordy, who were each holding similar candles, then turned to Miss Calendar, "Everything ready?"
She nodded. "Here goes."
She began to chant.
Giles nodded, studiously keeping his eyes away from Kendra. "That would explain... certain things." Taking a deep breath, he said, "We should move quickly. If we're not the only ones affec-..."
Suddenly, the three of them collapsed.
The cauldron exploded.
Coughing, Xander waved the smoke away and looked around, "Hey, is everyone all right?"
"That... wasn't supposed to happen," Jenny said before erupting in a brief coughing fit. Blinking her eyes clear, her gaze settled on Xander, and she blushed. "Oh, my," she murmured.
"Miss Calendar?" he asked, concerned.
"Please," she said huskily, "call me Jenny."
Xander blinked. "Oh, no..."
"What the hell went wrong?" Cordy snapped furiously. She glared at Miss Calendar and smacked the computer teacher's arm, "And hey! Back off!"
Xander blinked in surprise. Okay, so it looked like the backfire only hit Miss Calendar... possibly. "Angel, you feel any different?"
"No," the vampire growled.
"Good, good," Xander said. "I-I'm gonna get Giles."
With that, he bolted, much to Jenny's disappointment.
"My goodness," Giles said as he shook his head clear. "I do believe whatever's affecting me seems have worn off."
He no longer felt any attraction to the dark-skinned Slayer.
"Yeah," Willow nodded, "I feel... normal." She looked at Kendra, "Do you feel any different?"
"No."
"GILES!"
"Ah," the Watcher sighed, "Xander. No doubt with a report of some new paranormal misfortune."
"We got a problem," Xander hissed.
"So I surmised."
"Huh?" Xander blinked, momentarily confused, then shook his head. "Whatever. Okay, I dunno if you noticed, but everyone's been acting a little weird. Miss Calendar thought it might've been a love spell, so we tried to counter it."
"And...?" Giles asked.
Xander closed his eyes and sighed, "And... I think it backfired. Miss Calendar tried to go Mrs. Robinson on me, and every girl or woman I passed on the way here started eyeing me. It's like the whole town's female population's fallen in love with me."
"Oh, dear," the Watcher murmured, his gaze tracking to the two girls in the room. Kendra was making doe-eyes at Xander, but Willow merely looked a little pale.
"Well, let's get to work then, shall we?"
"Well, that would explain it," Giles murmured.
"What?" Xander asked.
"Well," the Watcher said, "it appears that the culprit didn't call on Diana, which is why the counterspell backfired."
"Well, then who did the power come from?" Willow frowned.
Giles sighed, "Cupid. And as far as I know, the only way Cupid works is through his bow."
Xander's eyes widened as something clicked in his head.
"Oh, crap," Xander murmured. "I think I know what happened."
"Well, let's hear it."
He shook his head, "Sorry, but if I'm right, this is something I've gotta deal with this on my own."
Xander turned and left the library.
"He is quite a remarkable young man, isn't he?" Giles mused.
The Watcher paused and thought about what he'd just said.
"Oh, bugger."
"Xander!"
The so-named person stopped in the hallway and turned. He smiled, "Willow." He caught her in a hug as she barrelled into him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she said. "Just... be careful, okay?" she pleaded. "I don't want anything to happen to you."
"Don't worry," he reassured her. "I won't be in any danger. Trust me." He chuckled, "I'm just glad this whammy didn't hit you. I dunno what I'd do if you started nibbling on my ear."
*Probably panic,* he thought as Willow flushed and smacked his arm. *Or nibble right back,* he amended. She was beautiful. He'd have to be blind to not see that.
But he knew better than to risk their friendship for that extra step, and she'd probably freak if she found out he'd been entertaining the idea.
Planting a chaste kiss on her forehead, Xander turned and left.
"Hey, Kevin!" a voice called.
Startled, the demigod-turned-actor looked up, "What is it?"
"Phone call," the stage hand replied. "It's on the private line."
Herc's eyes widened. Only a few people had that number. Rising, he said, "I'll take it in my trailer."
When he picked up the phone, he said, "Hello?"
//Hello, Hercules.//
"It's good to hear from you again, old friend," he said with a smile.
Xander cursed as he dropped the phone. The line was busy. Didn't Herc say that number would put him straight through to him?
He sighed.
Well, it looked like he'd have to handle this without the big guy.
Which meant calling Giles and Angel. His face screwed in distaste at the idea of relying on Angel, but he shook it off.
He'd had to work with people he'd liked less. Like Ares.
He shoved that thought aside. That had not been a pleasant experience, and he had no desire to relive it, even in memory.
Xander rose and stepped out, looking around the darkened street cautiously for any sign of anything female. He blew out a sigh of relief and murmured, "Now to find Angel and Giles."
"I'm right here."
"Gyah!" he jumped, startled, and whirled. Jabbing a finger angrily at the ensouled vampire, he snarled, "Don't do that!"
Angel shrugged and tilted his head to the side, "Sorry."
He actually looked contrite, which surprised Xander.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah," Angel said, "just fine. You figure things out?"
"Sort of," Xander hedged.
"I knew you could do it."
Xander stared at him, then shook it off. If Angel was going to pick now to respect him, he wasn't going to...
Waitaminute. What if...?
No. No way. No freaking way. No freaking way in hell.
"Let's just find Giles," Xander growled, shaking off the very disturbing thought.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Giles asked hesitantly.
"Yeah," Xander nodded. "I'm not sure how much longer I can put up with this, and I don't even want to think what'll happen if the people who are affected start getting jealous."
He shuddered.
"Yes," Giles murmured. "Quite. Especially as the effects seem to be getting stronger."
Xander shot Giles a look and shook his head, "No. You mean...?"
"Unfortunately, yes," Giles said. "Thankfully, it's not affecting me as... strongly as it did before. Yet."
Xander looked at Angel, Cordy, and Willow, "You three aren't feeling anything, are you?"
Angel looked away sheepishly, which was answer enough.
*Well, that explains why he was creeping around my place,* Xander thought sourly.
Willow hesitated before shaking her head and saying, "I don't feel any different from normal." *Of course, I already love you, so...* she added silently.
"As if!" Cordy snorted. *No, those are not feelings for Xander. He's a good kisser, but he's a dork. No. Way.*
"Can we get on with this?" Willow asked.
There were nods all around, and they began the spell to summon the one person who could fix things.
Cupid.
"Hello, Cupid," Xander said. He glanced at the others and said, "Let me handle this, okay?"
"Xander," Giles protested, "I hardly think..."
"I mean it, Giles," Xander growled. He looked at Cupid and nodded to Giles's office, "What say we take this somewhere private, Cupid, hmm?"
The god glanced down at the diagram marked on the floor, and Xander nodded, reaching out with his foot and scrubbing away part of the binding pattern.
Cupid entered Giles's office, Xander a step behind. Xander closed the door behind them and turned.
"Okay, Cupid, just what did your mother do?" Xander asked, aggravated.
Cupid scowled, "She stole my bow. She doesn't know how to use it, and she fired off four of my arrows before giving up."
Xander closed his eyes and groaned, "And when we thought it was a spell and tried to reverse it, that just tangled it up even more."
"Yeah, that's about the size of it."
"Can you still reverse it?"
"I think so."
Xander's face split into a grin, "Great!"
"But I won't."
"What?" Xander sputtered. "Why not? Do you have any idea what kinda nightmare my life's been since this happened?"
Cupid whirled on him, "Because Mom needs to learn some responsibility, to face the consequences of her actions."
"That's great," Xander hissed, "but she's not facing them. I am!"
"Then you talk to her," Cupid snapped. Looking up, he called, "MOM!"
In a shower of pink and gold light, Aphrodite appeared, hands on her hips and what passed for a stern expression on her face as she looked at Cupid.
"What?"
Cupid pointed wordlessly at Xander, and 'Dite's gaze tracked over, then she grinned, "Hey, kiddo, how you doin'?"
"My life is a nightmare, thanks to you," Xander said with obviously false cheer, "and your son refuses to fix it."
"Yes, well," 'Dite stalled, "we'll fix that, won't we, sweetie?"
Cupid merely folded his arms.
'Dite let out a small growl.
Xander sighed, "You know what, Cupid? You want your mother to learn some responsibility, right?"
"Yeah."
He looked at Aphrodite as an idea occurred to him, and he nodded slowly. "Okay, you're gods, right? Well, Cupid, could you, say, create a simulated world, with its own population?"
"Yeah," Cupid said hesitantly, "but it would take me forever to populate a world like that."
"Could you use a template?"
Cupid nodded and asked, "Where are you going with this?"
"Well, I heard about this comic series. Japanese comics, actually. In it, the characters have their love lives all screwed up. I figure, if your mother can fix their problems, then she's learned something, right?"
"Hey, wait a minute..." 'Dite frowned.
Xander looked at her, "C'mon, 'Dite, a little matchmaking should be a piece of cake for the goddess of love, right?"
Cupid and 'Dite looked at each other for a long moment, then turned to look at him.
"So what's this comic series called?" Cupid asked.
"It's called Ranma One-Half."
Xander listened as the phone on the other end rang.
Click.
//Hello?//
"Hey, Herc, you were right."
//Xander! Uh, right about what?//
Xander grinned, "The Earth is round."
Hercules laughed.
//Took you long enough to admit it. It's good to hear your voice again.//
"Yeah," Xander shrugged, forgetting for a moment that the demigod couldn't see him. "I just felt kinda leery, y'know? I mean, I've got a new life now, Herc. I'm not... I'm not Iolaus anymore."
//Yes, you are, Xander,// Hercules replied. //New friends, new family, but when I see you, I still see my friend.//
"And that's why I never called," Xander said softly. "You've got to stop seeing me as Iolaus. Things are different now, Herc."
//All right. I guess I understand,// the demigod said. //Does this mean you'll keep in touch?//
"Yeah," Xander said. "Yeah, I think I will. Kinda hard not to with your relatives dropping by."
//What?//
"Hey, kiddo."
Xander looked up, "Uh, hold on, Herc. 'Dite just dropped by."
//WHAT?!?//
"What is it, 'Dite? How's the little game going?"
"Frustrating," she growled, then calmed herself. "I'm here to talk about you, Curly. I did this for a reason."
"And that reason is...?"
"Didn't you wonder why Willow wasn't affected?"
Xander blinked. "Huh. Now that you mention it, yeah. Same with Cordy."
'Dite waved that off. "That one has some serious emotional repression issues. She hid it, but good. Willow, now that girl... she wasn't affected 'cause she already loves you."
Xander blinked again.
She leaned over and whispered in his ear, "And here's a little secret. Remember Xena's little buddy, Gabby? She's her reincarnation."
With a grin, the goddess of love straightened up, winked, and teleported away.
//Xander! Xander, are you there?//
He numbly brought the phone to his ear, "Yeah, Herc, I'm here. I'll, uh, I'll call ya back. I've got some... thinking to do."
Willow blinked sleepily when she heard the knocking on her patio door. Her forehead creased in confusion as she opened the door.
"Xander?"
"Hey, Will."
She frowned in further confusion. "What are you doing here?" A thought struck her, and her eyes went wide with near-panic, "Oh, God, Buffy's in trouble, isn't she?"
Stepping in, he said, "No, Will. She's fine."
"So... why are you here?"
"I..." he swallowed, "I had to see you."
The redhead blinked. What was with him?
"Well, you're seeing me now," she said, then reddened as she realized how that sounded.
Xander chuckled and said, "I was thinking. A-about what happened."
"Wh-what about it?" she asked, suddenly nervous.
"Well," he said, "I was sorta wondering why you weren't affected."
She didn't know what to say. *I can't tell him! I just... can't!*
As he placed a hand on her cheek and gazed into her eyes, her mind began to shut down, and her mouth went dry.
*This can't be happening. It just can't be!*
Willow watched as Xander licked his lips, looking about as nervous as she felt. Finally, he bent down and kissed her, and she sank into his arms as she kissed him back.
After a long moment, he pulled away, looking at her uncertainly.
"You... kissed me," she murmured.
"Not exactly the reaction I was aiming for..." he said, his face splitting into a wry grin.
"Xander!" she smacked his arm. "Why did you kiss me?"
He sighed and closed his eyes, sitting on the edge of her bed, "Lots of different reasons, Will." He opened his eyes and looked up at her, "I just... I've looked at you as a sister for so long, Willow, but somewhere along the line... you grew up. And this thing happened, and I started wondering what would have happened if you were acting like Kendra was, and..." He shook his head.
This was it. This was her chance.
Now, if she could just get the words out of her mouth...
"Xander," she said, "I... I did get affected. I think." *Chicken!* she scolded herself.
He looked at her curiously, "You think?"
"I can't really tell, Xander," she said softly, "because I already love you. I'm already in love with you." She hesitated, then asked tentatively, "Do you... do you love me?"
"Of course I do, Will," he replied. "But am I in love with you? I just don't know."
"Oh."
Xander smiled faintly at her, "I'd like to find out, though. How would you like me to take you to dinner tomorrow night?"
She smiled, "I'd love to, Xander."
"YES!" Aphrodite, goddess of love, cheered, shaking her fist in triumph.
"Mom, what are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm just having a peek," she said, miffed. "I'm not meddling." Her gaze swept over, and her eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh, now those two do need help."
Cupid followed her gaze and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples to stave off an impending headache.
"A human and a gargoyle? Mom, they aren't even the same species."
"True love knows no boundaries, Cupid," she sniffed. "You should know that by now."
To be continued in Demons & Demigods.