Dreams of the Heart

Author: Michael Wilson <wyrdradio[at]yahoo.com>

My website: http://www.angelfire.com/hero/wyrdradio/

My Yahoo! Group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Collected_Works_Of_Wyrdradio

Rating: R (for dream sex, language, and violence)

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer is owned by either Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The song, "Possession", is owned by Sarah McLachlan... the Goddess herself. I own none of this... just the idea for placing all of this together.

Spoilers: None

Setting: Sometime after Restless

Author's Notes: Love the song and this idea came into my head. I tried putting it aside to work on my other stuff, but it just wouldn't let me go... so here goes. This is going to be a T/X fic.. so people who think Tara should stay gay.. just stop reading right now. As always.. " " mean speech and * * mean thoughts.

Summary: You see the truth... in your dreams... but can you face it in the light of day.

Fingers slid up her leg to her knee and squeezed gently sending a trickle of excitement coursing through her. She moaned slightly, concentrating on the feelings she was feeling, trying to not scream from the sheer joy of it.

*Oh... oh yes... mmmmmm."

She opened her eyes to just slits and stared down at the body between her legs and smiled at the pleasure exploding through her body. All she could see was brown hair and strong arms holding onto her legs... and then it hit her.

*Brown hair...?*

She opened her eyes completely and swallowed. It was then she heard the voice... the male voice.

"... I was right about you being like a Twinkie..."


Tara awoke with a start and looked franticly around the room. She was breathing hard and her body was covered in sweat... and she felt a dampness under her body. Lifting the sheet slowly, she looked down and bit her lip in shock. Her clothing was sweat-drenched and her panties were decidedly wet.

*What the fuck just happened... who was that...?*

Tara sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest. She knew who the person in the dream was. She had been having this dream every night or other night for the last couple of weeks... she just didn't understand it or want to believe it.

"Why him... and why a HIM in particular... I'm gay.."

Just then there was movement next to her in the bed and Tara jumped.

"Hmm.. what is it baby?"

Tara smiled. Willow was always so sleepy and sweet when you woke her up late at night.

"Nothing.. just had a dream is all."

Willow rolled over and felt the wet spot on the sheets and looked up at Tara, a smile on her face.

"You had a nice dream then, I take it?"

Tara blushed and bit her lip.

*Hell yeah it was nice... but it wasn't about you, sweetie, and that is what I don't understand.*

She nodded and then smiled as Willow licked her lips.

"What were we doing... or should I say who?"

Tara blushed a brighter red and smiled.

*I'm so sorry baby.. but you can't know this..*

"Angelina Jolie."

Willow's eyes widened and she smiled seductively.

"Ah... nice... so that's why you're so jumpy... I can imagine..."

She reached out and ran her fingers over Tara's bare skin.

"Let's recreate your dream... sans Angie..."

Tara nodded, still excited by her dream, and lay back down next to Willow. As she leaned into her, kissing her, she couldn't help but have that face flash through her mind... a face of someone she shouldn't be thinking about...

Xander Harris


They walked into the Magic Box and smiled at everyone before taking a seat at the table. Giles was talking to Buffy about some new monster that had popped up, Anya was behind the register counting money, and Xander was... not there.

*Not here... I hope he's ok.*

Just then Xander entered in from the back room carrying a large box. As he set it down next to the counter, Tara felt her breath catch in her throat. Xander was wearing a pair of tight black sweatpants and a black tank... and he was all sweaty and glistening... and the fact that she was noticing was starting to give Tara the wiggins.

Xander looked over at them and smiled then walked over.

"Hey there.. how are my two wiccan babes doing this fine day... still beautiful as ever, I see."

Willow laughed as Tara blushed and smiled.

"We're fine, Xander, but you need a shower. You're all sweaty and smelly."

Tara smiled at Willow's comment and added one of her own, but in a whisper.

"I like it.."

Xander raised an eyebrow at their words and smiled.

"Did you just... naw.. can't expect you to say anything like what I thought I heard you whisper, Tara. You're like a Twinkie..."

Willow raised an eyebrow while Tara looked startled and interested.


Xander smiled.

"Golden on the outside, all sweet and good and perfect on the inside."

Tara blushed as Willow smiled warmly at Xander.

"Thank you."

Xander nodded and winked at her.. then went back to moving boxes, disappearing into the back room. Once he was gone, Tara closed her eyes and tried to calm herself... but her thoughts kept going back to almost a month ago....


"Young... and sweet... I bet you taste like candy."

Tara tried to run away from the vampire chasing her but it was hard to run on a twisted ankle... so she hobbled away while the vampire stalked her playfully.

"Yes.. run my sweet.. you're just making this more fun for me."

Tara ran down the alley and came to a halt when it dead ended. She knew then that she was doomed... there was no way out. She turned to the vampire and brought her hands up to defend herself... hoping she could get away but not really believing it.

"I..I..I'm n..not af..fraid of you."

The vampire laughed and lunged at her. Tara jumped to the side and punched the vampire in the shoulder, making it hiss in anger. It backhanded her across the face, knocking her head back and to the side... sending her into the brick wall. Tara cried out at the pain and began to cry as the vampire stalked closer and closer.

*I'm going to die..*

The vampire grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to her feet, smiling when she screamed in pain. He then turned her head to the side, revealing her neck, and moved in slowly to bite her. His teeth brushed her skin and Tara felt them begin to enter when she heard running footsteps, and explosion of air, and then felt herself falling to the ground... only she never hit it.


Tara opened her eyes and stared into the chocolate eyes staring back at her... the eyes of the person who had saved her.

"Tara... oh god.. are you ok?"

Tara looked at the face of her savior and her vision slowly cleared. It was Xander.


Xander pulled her tight against his chest and held her. As her head touched his chest, something inside Tara let loose and she began to cry.

"Shh.. it's ok.. let it out.. I've got you.."

Tara wrapped her arms around Xander and held onto him as if he were a lifejacket and she were in the middle of the ocean. He was the only sure thing, just then, in her life... and she felt so warm and safe in his arms.

"It hurt me..."

Xander ran his fingers comfortingly through her hair and nodded.

"Shh.. I know hon... I know... but it's ok... I killed him.. he won't hurt you anymore..."

Xander looked at her neck and saw the beginning of two small bite marks. The vampire hadn't had enough time to bite all the way through, which was a blessing. A little holy water and a bandage should fix everything up.

"You're going to be ok, Tara, let's just get you up and take you back.."

Tara clung to Xander and shook her head.


Xander jerked in shock. He wasn't expecting that kind of reaction.


Tara held onto him tighter and just shook.

"Just hold me...please..."

Xander nodded and then picked her up into his arms.

"We can't stay here... I'll take you back to my place, Anya is out of town.. so we can sit and watch tv and you can just relax."

Tara nuzzled against his chest and nodded.


Xander smiled and carried Tara back to his place, wishing he understood just what was going on...



Tara looked up and looked around.


Willow smiled.

"Where were you? I've been talking to, you trying to get your attention, for the last 5 minutes."

Tara smiled.

"Just.. just thinking."

Willow laughed and nodded, then went back to her book.

"Well.. must have been some thoughts... was it about last night?"

Tara blushed and nodded slightly. Willow smiled a self-satisfied grin and went back to her reading. Tara let out her breath and looked over at Xander, who had returned while she was daydreaming.

*Why him... I mean, I know why him.. but why do I want to throw him down now and make him scream for his mommy. I'm gay. I like girls. I shouldn't be feeling this...*

Xander looked up from his comic book and caught Tara staring at him. He smiled and winked at her and then saw her blush and look away.

*Something is up with her... maybe she's... no way, Xander.. even if you do dream about her, there is no way she'd switch teams... at least not for you.*

Xander sighed and went back to reading his comic... not noticing that Tara was staring at him again...


/Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide
Voices trapped in yearning,
Memories trapped in time,
The night is my companion and solitude my guide,
Would I spend forever here and not be satisfied...\

Tara smiled in the moonlight as the wind blew her hair across her face. She knew he was there, and that he was waiting for him. She licked her lips and opened her eyes to see a blanket laid out upon the ground... with him next to it, looking more beautiful that she could ever imagine.

"You look beautiful..."

Tara blushed and looked down at herself. She was in a long peach dress with matching nail polish. She looked... very sexy... which was unusual for her.

*Wow. I do look good.*

"You look beautiful too."

Xander grinned and laughed.

"What.. this old thing?"

He was wearing a dark blue dress shirt and back jeans... and to Tara, he looked delicious. He looked so yummy in fact that she felt the need to show him. Tara stepped toward him and crawled in his lap, stratling his legs, her dress riding up and revealing more and more of her naked skin.

"Very nice... for an old thing... and I think you look yummy."

Xander grinned.

"Yummy huh.. are you sure.. maybe you should check."

Tara nodded and purred... then dove in, capturing Xander's lips with her own, kissing him with a passion she never felt before... almost bruising their lips...

/And I would be the one to hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away,
And after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear...\

Tara slid her tongue into his open mouth and slid it across his, tasting him and smiling at his flavor... all peppermint and spearmint. Her hands pushed him down until he was laying flat on the ground and she began to run her fingers through his hair, enjoying the full cool feeling of it, all soft like silk.

*So good.. oh so good...*

As she deepened the kiss, Tara felt Xander's hand on her back and she moaned as he slid them down to caress her skin under the dress. The touch of his fingers was driving her into a frenzy and she knew she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.

*Oh god...*

The feelings overtook her and she began to writhe her hips against his groin.. rocking back and forth and side to side.. building a steady rhythm that was driving her insane. Quickly she was taken higher... and higher.. until she screamed into his mouth and collapsed against him... still fully clothed.

As they broke the kiss, Tara smiled and panted for breath and then sighed happily.

"I love you Xander..."


Tara bolted awake in bed and gasped for breath... then heard someone next to her. She turned her head and saw Willow staring at her... in shock.


Tara's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak... but was stopped by Willow.

"No! You said I love you Xander! How could you!"

Tara felt her eyes filling with tears.

"I didn't.. I haven't.."

Willow was angry now.

"But you want to! It's him, isn't it.. the one who makes you so hot and excited! He's the one who makes you mess the sheets!"

Tara whimpered as she slowly nodded.

"I'm sorry... I can't h.help it.. t..t..they're just d..dreams."

Willow climbed out of bed and moved to grab her robe.

"Dreams are the truth we cannot face, Tara. You taught me that."

Then, without looking back, she opened the bedroom door and left the dorm room... leaving a shocked and broken-hearted Tara behind. She stared at the door for a few minutes then collapsed into a wailing heap on the bed.


Days passed and Tara was still alone. Willow had moved out all of her stuff earlier while she had been in class and it had shocked Tara so much when she came back to find it all gone. That fact had spun her into a depression that made her skip the next week's worth of classes. She hadn't planned on going anywhere until she realized she was out of food.. and so she then meekly ventured out again... into the pain of reality... and it was on this trip that she saw something that broke her completely.

Willow was in a small cafe... with another woman... and they were kissing.

*No.. how.. how could she... I didn't do anything!*

Tara stared at them and saw Willow see her... then watched as she kissed the other woman with more passion. Tara closed her eyes and walked away... feeling shattered, betrayed, and almost dead inside...

/Through this world I've stumbled so many times betrayed,
Trying to find an honest word,
To find the truth enslaved...\

She was so into her depression that she didn't see Xander until she had already run into him, knocking them both to the ground.

"Hey there... why so glum.. why is this not of the good.. when anything of the good should be with you.. cause you're always highly of the good."

Tara stared at Xander in shock and felt herself giggle.. then blushed as she noticed she was lying on top of him... just like in her dream.. and she felt a flush of heat fill her body and not so nice thought began to fill her mind...

/Oh you speak to me in riddle and you speak to me in rhymes,
My body aches to breathe your breath,
Your words keep me alive...\

Overcome by her emotions, Tara grabbed Xander and kissed him, a hard passionate kiss... her tongue battering against his lips and teeth, begging him to let her in. Xander was in shock for a second, then let his body relax and went with it as Tara tried to lick her way down his throat...

/And I would be the one to hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away,
And after I'd wipe away your tears,
Just close your eyes dear...\

Realization hit Tara and she backed away in shock.

"I.. I.. I'm sorry."

She climbed to her feet and ran away, leaving a stunned and highly turned on Xander behind. Tara ran and ran, back to her dorm and then collapsed on her bed and cried.

*I screwed up.. oh god..*

She broke down and started crying harder then... and cried herself to sleep...


Tara found herself in her dorm room and there was someone knocking on the door. She got to her feet and opened the door. It was Xander... and he looked shocked.

"Hey.. can we talk?"

Tara nodded and stepped aside. Xander entered and sat down.

"I love you, Tara. I just wanted you to know that in case you never want me back here... in your dreams."

Tara nodded. She knew it was a dream... the only place she could do the things she so desperately wanted to do now...

/Into this night I wander,
It's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread,
Into the sea of waking dreams,
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here and I won't be denied...\

She nodded.

"I understand."

She wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffled. Xander held her face and smiled at her.

"Once more.... to remember me?"

Tara nodded and leaned in to kiss him... feeling swept away on contact with his lips...

/And I would be the one to hold you down,
Kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away,
And after I'd wipe away your tears,
Just close your eyes dear...\


Tara opened her eyes slowly to the sound of knocking and felt he heart jump. She got up and answered the door and gasped when he dream became reality.


Xander looked at Tara and reached up to touch his lips.

"Tara... um.. can we talk?"

Tara saw his flushed skin and the bulge in his pants and smiled.

*Maybe my dream is going to come true...*

Tara nodded and stepped aside. Xander entered the room and waited for Tara to close the door. When she turned around, Xander was on her... kissing her with a passion similar to how Tara had kissed him earlier. Tara gasped against his lips and then grabbed onto him, wrapping her legs around his waist.

*Oh god... its true... it's coming true..*

They kissed for what felt like forever before they had to break it to breath. Xander carried Tara over to her bed and sat down, her legs still entwined about his waist.

"Tara... can I ask you a question?"

Her eyes bright and happy from the kiss, Tara nodded.


Xander smiled.

"How do you feel about... men... and me in general?"

Tara bit her lip.

"Men... don't know... you... I... um.............."

Xander looked at her. He hadn't been able to hear what she said last.

"What was that?"

Tara blushed and buried her head in his chest.

"I think I love you."

Xander's breath caught and then he smiled.

"Ah.. good then... cause I think I might feel the same. I've been having these dreams lately..."

Tara looked up, her eyes wide with shock. She could see in his eyes he had had sexual dreams about her.. but could he have had her favorite one, the one where Xander was between her legs... and....

She blushed remembering and his comments...

"... you really are like a Twinkie..."

Tara blushed bright red and smiled at him.

"Want to find out if the dream is as good as reality?"

Xander grinned sexily at her.

"Damn Skippy... you bet your cute ass I do."

Tara giggled as Xander picked her up and threw her on her bed... knowing the fun was just beginning.....

The End