Duke Xander

Author: Alan Podjursky <alan.p[at]orcon.net.nz>

Summary: A Halloween drabble.

Crossover: Duke Nukem

Disclaimer: I own naught.

Feedback: If thou dost want.

Pre-fic Comments: All you guys started putting out drabbles, so I thought I'd try my hand at a spamfic.

If anyone's in search of good music at the moment, Dimmu Borgir's album "Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia" is quite good.

Xander flicked through the racks of clothing absently.

"Might I enquire what you are searching for?," the shopkeeper of 'Ethans Costume Shop' asked.

The boy jumped before turning to face the man. "Uh, just looking for something cheap that I can add to something from home for a costume.

Ethan nodded slowly, while looking at Xander. "Good build... wrong hair colour, that can be fixed... are you familiar with the Duke Nukem series of games? We've got a special on combat accessories and sunglasses, today."


Joyce Summers opened the door to find a rather... intimidating person before here.

"Duke Nukem, here to kick ass and get the girls!"

"Ah... is that you, Xander?"

"Ah, yeah. Good costume, isn't it?"

The Slayer's mother took another look. Bleached hair, sunglasses, pair of jeans, red singlet, combat harness, clips of ammo, golden Desert Eagle...

"Today is a good day to die -- isn't that the phrase you use?"

Xander looked disappointed. "Mrs Summers, that's the Klingons on Star Trek. Way different."

As Xander wandered in, Buffy got a look.

"Go, Xander! I didn't know you had muscles!"

Xander gave her a hurt look. "Where's Will?"

"Coming," Buffy said. "You'll love her costume."

And then the girl in question appeared, in a bedsheet.

"That's... a mighty fine boo you got there," Xander deadpanned.

"Uh, thanks," Willow said. "Nice costume. Duke Nukem?"

"Yeah," Xander said happily. "You're the first person in this house to guess!"

"Shall we go?," Buffy said. "Snyder waits for no man."


"Tell me how to break the spell," Giles commanded.

"Say 'Pretty Please'," Ethan jeered.

Duke kicked him in the ribs. "The man said tell."

"Where did you pick this neanderthal up, Ripper?," Ethan asked.

"This loser couldn't take care of himself if he was living with the Queen of England," Duke growled, kicking Ethan again. "Tell how to break the spell, or I'll start breaking your leg bones, one by one."

"Now, tell me how to break the spell," Giles commanded.

Ethan wasn't in this out of any sense of loyalty, more to have fun. And he wasn't having fun, with this blonde kicking in his ribs with the same expression he'd had when he kicked in Ethan's door.

"Janus," Ethan gasped. "Break the statue."

Giles lifted the statue over his head, then smashed it on the floor. Xander walked over to the shop window to check.

"They've all changed back," he declared.

Xander pulled a cigar from somewhere, lighting it.

"Give me that," Giles said, exasperated. "It's over."