Evil Willow

Author: Alan Podjursky <alan.p[at]orcon.net.nz>

Summary: Evil is found in Sunnydale. YAHF.

Crossover: To Be Disclosed

Disclaimer: I own precisely bugger all.

Feedback: Absolutely, please.

Chapter 1

Willow blinked as a flash went off in the normally somewhat dim library. Her finger shot towards the monitor's 'off' button, only to be caught by Buffy's traitorous hand.

"Caught ya, Wills!," Xander said gleefully. "Playing computer games... and here you said you were studying."

"I was," Willow said primly. She then affected a somewhat pompous voice. "I was studying... how to be an EVIL GENIUS!"

Xander stuck a finger in his ear, pretending to clean it out. "I don't think they heard you in Hawaii, Wills."

"We still have to think of a costume for tonight, Willow," Buffy pointed out. "I heard of a new costume shop opening, we could get some good deals there."

Willow smiled contentedly.

"Going as a ghost again?," Xander asked.

Buffy looked horrified. "You are not going as a ghost! My God, you're supposed to go as someone you aren't for Halloween!"

Willow smacked Xander. "Hey! Stop playing my game! And I don't see why I can't go as a ghost. I mean, I can't think of anything else."

"You could go as an evil genius," Xander offered, eyes glued to the monitor. He wasn't relinquishing the mouse to Willow, either. "And we could be your henchmen."

"Oooooh, I could totally do the evil henchwoman," Buffy offered.

"What characters are there in the game?," Xander asked. "Oooo, voodoo priest henchman. Go hex that guy!"

"That's you settled," Buffy decided.


"You didn't call your costume fast enough," Buffy shrugged. "Now, what henchwomen are there in the game?"

"There is... a little old lady who is way too fond of electroshock therapy," Xander offered.


"A mad scientist lady who looks like she was struck by lightning and works with cosmetics," Willow offered.

"Tempting, but... no."

"That's it for female henchmen, then."

"That is so sexist!"

"You could crossdress as one of the guy henchmen," Xander offered.

"Red Ivan?," Willow suggested with a giggle, managing to get the mouse from Xander and pulling up the glossary entry for Red Ivan.

All three teenagers looked at the screen. Red Ivan looked like the human equivalent of a T-34 tank. Arnie would have felt inadequate beside Red Ivan.

"Oh, hell no," Buffy said.

"What about the doctor dude?," Xander said, stealing the mouse back.

"Xander," Willow began, "stop stealing my mouse!"

She then clicked on 'The Butcher' in the glossary.

"With a scary voice and a disturbing love of scientific equipment, this guy will haunt your nightmares," Buffy read off the screen.

"Humanitarian doctor gone bad in cannibal country," Xander summed up. "You're all set, Buff."

"What?! But--"

"No," Willow said, resolve face on. "You decided for Xander, so I decided for you."

"Now... for the Evil Genius herself," Xander said.


Joyce blinked in surprise as she opened the door.

"Oh... Xander," she greeted her guest. "Uh... where is your shirt?"

"Buffy decided that I was going as an evil voodoo priest," Xander said, scratching the back of his head nervously.

He had a long black coat on, open at the chest. Normal if grubby jeans, no shirt, shoes, and a top hat. Oh yes, white paint on his chest, face paint, and a necklace with teeth on it. He couldn't be bothered trying to darken his skin for the costume.

"It looks... very nice," Joyce said diplomatically.

"Thanks, I guess," Xander said. "How are my girls?"

"Your girls?," an indignant voice came from the top of the stairs.

"Ah, the Doctor is in," Xander joked as Buffy descended the stairs.

She was clothed in a long white coat, the buttons going down the left side of the coat. Black gloves adorned her hands, a white and red mask was over her face, and her hair was dyed red. A big butcher's knife in one hand finished the costume.

"And where is our employer?," Xander asked.

"Coming," Buffy said.

"So is Christmas."

"I know how to put a costume on, Mister," Willow's voice came from the top of the stairs.

Xander wolf-whistled, and Willow immediately went bright red.

"H-hey!," she protested.

Willow was in a closely-fitting elegant black and white dress. A small hat was perched on her head, with a veil descending from it as far as her eyes. Long black velvet gloves encased her hands, while her hair was done up in a bun. Her feet were in some fine high heeled shoes, and her right hand was loosely gripping a cigarette holder. Her pale complexion did nothing but enhance the costume.

"I hope you're not going to use that holder," Joyce said. "You do look very nice. Evil, but nice."

"I'll second that any day," Xander said.

"No, it's tissue paper and notebook paper, see?," Willow said, holding the fake cigarette and holder out to Buffy's mum.

"Okay, now say cheese for the camera," Joyce said, holding up the Kodak.


Snyder had had a few harsh words for them, but since their clothes were basically decent he had let them go.

Willow was escorting her kids to Mrs Oldman's house, when she felt a wave of weakness roll over her. She grabbed at the letterbox for stability, cigarette holder managing to not fall from her hands.

And Willow Lightbringer, Evil Genius par extraordinaire, rose to her feet.

"Where am I?," she muttered, lighting her cigarette. "And where are those henchmen of mine?"

She turned, to see Ethan Asia across the street. The doctor had been adrift in Papua New Guinea, until she had take the young medical specialist under her wing.

"Ethan," she called out throatily.

"Coming," the doctor grumbled. "Something is wrong, Lightbringer."

"Oh?," she asked wordlessly, eyebrow raising.

"Why am I a woman right now?," Ethan asked plaintively. For some reason, the evil impulses (from the cannibal's pancreas he had been forced to transplant when his own had exploded) were fading.

"I... don't know," Willow said. "I also don't know why I'm a few inches short. We need to find Montezuma. He's the expert in this sort of magic."

"You are sure it is magic, then?," the doctor asked as they started to walk down the street.

"I am," Willow said, pausing to take a puff of her cigarette to calm her nerves. "It happened far too quickly to be anything else, and I do not allow that manner of technology in my own secret base."

"There he is," Ethan said, pointing towards the voodoo man. "Montezuma!"

The man in the top hat turned. "Boss? Whatchu doin' here?"

"You don't know anything about what's going on?," Willow asked, eyebrow raised again.

"De spirits tell me that de Roman spirit Janus be behind this," Montezuma said, eyes staring towards the end of the street. "A bad man dey call Ethan Rayne be doin' this."


"The spirit man is here!," Drusilla said, clapping her hands. "He's here! But he has to leave soon, otherwise the Knight will be cross with him."

"Who is this man?," Spike asked her. Maybe he could help Dru. "Come on, tell Daddy."

"He's the one who talks with Miss Edith, Mister Black, and all their friends," Drusilla explained, looking serious. "Do you think they would like some cake?"

"You have some cake with them then," Spike said soothingly. "I'll take a couple of the boys and find him. What's he look like then?"

"Oh, he's here alllll the waaaay... from the little island above Brazil..."

Voodoo, then. Spike hated voodoo.

"Bugger that. I'm stayin' in. Last time I messed with one of those assholes I spent the week diggin' ditches for 'im."


Ethan Rayne found himself paralysed in short by the voodoo priest, and then Ethan Asia went to work on him until Rayne explained what was going on.

Willow Lightbringer then smashed the statue, wanting to return to her evil base.


"Most remarkable," Giles said, cleaning his glasses. "And you don't remember anything?"

"Nope," Xander said. "Except I cook a mean gumbo now."

"I can ace School Certificate now!," Willow said gleefully.

"Uh... I can really kick ass at Thanksgiving with the turkey knife?," Buffy tried.

Giles sighed. "Go on, get to class. I'll get to work on writing this up."

All three wandered off to the corridor.

"We'll see you after French then," Buffy said to Xander.

"Okay," he shrugged, watching the two girls walk around the corner.

"Hey, your bodyguard just left," Larry teased him.

He turned to look at Larry, and muttered something under his breath.

Larry farted. It was a long, loud fart that ended in a prominent 'SQUELCH!'

Harmony, Cordelia and the other cheerleaders giggled at him and the spreading brown stain on his pants.

"I think you'd better go clean that up, don't you?"


Post-fic Comments:

The crossover was Evil Genius, by Elixir Studios. Along with an OC based on the game. Timeline continuity is something that happens to other people.

Please don't hurt me.

The End