And you don't seem to understand
A shame you seemed an honest man
And all the fears you hold so dear
Will turn to whisper in your ear
That's the worst part. You know, of all the things to think of as 'the worst part' of being the Slayer, it's strange what I've picked.
Or, am picking.
I'm not really sure of that at this point. I'm not sure of anything right now. And yet, that's not what's bothering me.
I'm not upset about dying. Lord knows I saw it coming. Hell, even Spike saw it coming, and I'd always kinda thought that he couldn't see past his ego. But no, he'd been right. Was right. Would be right. Right. Think I'll stay away from tenses for a while.
No, I knew that I was going to die. Was dying. Again with the tenses. But what bothers me...what really bugs me about this whole thing was the one thing I truly couldn't have changed.
At least, I hope that I couldn't have changed it. I mean, I did, but...you get what I mean. Well, what I mean is...I never tried. And that's part of what's 'the worst part'.
Never having tried.
And you know what they say might hurt you
And you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing
Yeah, the worst part. I was getting to that.
You know, I didn't even realized till now how many times he's saved me. Maybe a million. Trillion. Though I think it's closer to twelve.
But not by much.
But yeah, back to him.
He's saved me more times then I can remember right now. And then. No, I never remembered then either. Never thanked him, even though deep down inside of me, I knew that a simple thank you would have meant so much to him.
And I can't now.
It's another part of 'the worst part'.
I am falling,
I am fading,
I have lost it all.
Chances.
Choices.
Time.
Love.
Thanksgiving.
Forgivness.
All gone now.
And you don't seem the lying kind
A shame then I can read your mind
And all the things that I can read there
Candle lit smile that we both share
You know, they're wrong.
When you're dying, you don't see your life flash before your eyes. At least, that's now how it is...was...will be for me.
I'm seeing what wasn't my life. The could've. The would've. The maybe. All the ways things could have gone.
And he's there.
He's always there. With me. Helping me through the darkness that I live in. Lived.
Damn tenses. Damn me.
And you know I don't mean to hurt you
But you know that it means so much
And you don't even feel a thing
Why hadn't I told him? Why hadn't I taken the million and one chances I'd had just minutes ago.
Hours ago.
Why hadn't I realized it all? Why did I have to die before I realized how to live?
And that's the worst part. The worst part of my job, of my life, of being the damned Chosen One.
That he never gets to know.
That he'll never understand.
I am falling,
I am fading,
I am drowning,
Help me to breathe…
I am hurting,
I have lost it all
I am losing,
Help me to breathe
I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please...love me.
"Of course I love you, An."
"I didn't say anything."