Filed Under X

Author: Lone Templar <eric_prenovost[at]>

Disclaimer: We all know who really owns these characters.

Spoilers: Season Three

Pairings: W/X, G/J

Rating: R for naughty language and adult situations just to be safe

Feedback: Bring it on!

Summary: Xander makes an earth shaking decision.

Notes: This is the second story in the X series.

"There is nothing wrong with my clothes!" Xander protested loudly, throwing himself down on the bed to land on his back.

"Xander, we're not children anymore." Willow sighed, climbing on top of her husband so that she straddled him. "We have people worshipping us now. We should at least extend the proper courtesy and show that we take their prayers seriously." She explained before she captured his lips with hers.

"Wills… " Xander moaned into her mouth. Reaching around behind her back, he ran his hands under her sweater and unhooked her bra. "I'm the King of the Gods. I should be able to dress any damn well I pleased!" He whispered in her ear as his hands lightly scratched her back.

She wiggled her body on top of his, grinding down on his manhood. "Just… consider… it… okay?" She asked breathlessly as her small hands for his belt.

He groaned in response and kissed her again. "Later… promise." He managed to get out before the both of them lost all capability of rational thought.


Xander looked at himself in the mirror. Blue jeans, tennis shoes, black t-shirt, and a multi-colored monstrosity of a Hawaiian shirt was his carefully chosen ensemble for the day. With a sigh, he realized that he didn't look very godly at all. Rapidly putting his mind to work, he mentally sorted out all the outfits that he had ever worn. Shaking his head, he realized that they had all sucked in one- way or another.

"There's no doubt about it." He muttered miserably. "I need help." Walking over and sitting down on his throne, he scratched his neck absently as he thought of the possibilities. He could just ask Willow, but she needed the help as much as he did. Giles? Well, he was the High Priest, so it could technically fall under his job description. Considering the possibility for a moment, he winced when he found the flaw. No, the G-Man would use the opportunity to tease him mercilessly. Jenny? Well, she did have good taste, but she also couldn't keep a secret from her husband. Thus, that way led to teasing also.

For a brief second, he considered erasing the mind of a mortal after getting their advice, but shrugged it off. He couldn't very well just go around erasing embarrassing moments from his reign. After all, he snorted in amusement, he had way too many embarrassing moments happening on a weekly basis. He looked over the side of his throne and say the magazine that Willow had purchased for him yesterday. True, it was only a local thing, limited to Sunnydale only, but someone had caught the divine couple doing the naughty down by the pond.

He snickered as the memory came flooding back to him. There was just the two of them, minding their own business under the moonlight, having a good time au natural. Then, out of the darkness, there came a series of flashing lights that had almost blinded the both of them in their intensity. He had used his manly reflexes to roll her over and out of the way of danger, only to wind up rolling them right over into the extremely cold pond. 'Yep, my life is just too much fun.' He told himself.

So who else was left? Xander searched his memories for the right person. Face after face, he considered them all and rejected each. Then, one particular face stood out from the crowd. Cordelia. He sighed in resignation. Willow wanted a new image for the both of them, so he shouldn't delay too long. Raising a hand wearily, he snapped his fingers and disappeared.


Cordelia Chase, self-professed queen of Sunnydale High School, sat royally in the lunchroom. Her loyal retainers surrounded her, each willing to pay lip service to the queen at a moment's notice. Daintily, she took another bite of the food in front of her and considered her options for the day. Shopping, she knew, was a must. After all, the senior prom was happening this year for her, and everything needed to be perfect.

Casually, her eyes swept around the room. Somewhere in here, she sighed heavily, was going to be the lucky guy that was going to take her to the prom. Unfortunately, she had no idea who it was going to be. Would it be the captain of the football team? Well, socially, it was acceptable, but she thought he looked too plain for her. Maybe the class president would be acceptable? A quick glance at the boy and she knew that he was too immature for someone of her social standing.

'Maybe, if I'm really lucky, we'll get a transfer student in who would be gorgeous, smart, funny, and a perfect dancer.' She thought unhappily. 'Of course, who in the hell would want to transfer to a nothing town like this?' She continued on smarmily.

Her musings were brought to a halt when she saw the person who had just entered the room. All conversation came to a screeching halt as if someone had thrown a switch. Eyes widened in disbelief. Jaws dropped in shock. Skin paled in fear. Everyone knew that a God walked amongst them.

Years of dealing with her father's 'friends' allowed Cordelia to maintain her aloof expression, but a feeling of unease grew larger and larger as Xander made his way unerringly to her table to come to a stop before her.

"Hey, Cordy. Got a minute?" Xander asked casually, dropping down in the seat across from her.

"Sure." She replied suavely. Cordelia turned her attention to her stunned friend for a second. "Harm, can you take care of this for me?" She asked, waving a hand at her half-eaten tray. Getting a shaken nod in return, the brunette rose gracefully to her feet. Smiling at everyone, Xander's eyes sparkled with mischief as he snapped his fingers.

To the students in the lunchroom, witnessing a miracle didn't really make them feel that good. Even thought they didn't know about the 'night life' on a conscious level, seeing one of the classmates disappear before their eyes in a flash of light brought new meaning to their mortality.


When Cordelia could focus again, she found herself in a mall. Looking around for key features, she soon remembered where she had seen them before. "You brought me to a mall in Los Angeles? Why?" She asked, turning in a huff to face her former acquaintance.

"I need your help." The dark haired youth smiled at her as he leaned casually against a wall. Crossing his arms, he looked around and mentally ignored the stares that he was getting from the populace.

"You need my help?" Cordy was shocked, although she didn't allow it to affect her facial expression of cool disdain. After all, it was never too early to worry about wrinkles, and she shuddered in fear of getting frown lines.

"Yep." He nodded, waiting patiently.

"With what? You've got all this power now, what do you need me for?" Cordy snapped, sure that she was going to be the butt of one of his famous jokes.

"Fashion." He replied, a growing smirk gracing his divine features.

"So you don't want to dress like a loser anymore?" She sounded surprised. "Well, that's a start." She murmured already deep in thought. "First, we have to pick out what color would suit you… maybe a dark blue."

Xander rolled his eyes. "For Willow too." He told her, wanting this experience over with already.

"Okay." She nodded slowly. "I can do it. But what's in it for me?"

"I won't make your hair fall out?" Xander informed her, raising his eyebrows.

"As if." Cordy snorted. "I'd just go to Willow and she'd fix it. Try again."

The young man stared at her for a few moments before a broad smile lit up his features. "How would you like to be the Goddess of Fashion?" He asked smoothly, not missing the way her pupils dilated as her mind fantasized about the details. He pushed himself off the wall and slowly circled the woman. Calmly, he whispered into each of her ears as he continued to circle her frozen form. "Designer's from all over the world would seek out your blessing for their new clothing lines. High priced salesmen would constantly seek you out and ply you with fancy dinners, fine wine, high quality products, and all for your blessing. Think of the power you could exert over the fashion industry… you would never have to wear last season's clothes or worry about what was coming up in the future because you would already now it. You would always be at the height of the fashion world. Think about it, Cordy… you and a temple full of clothes. You could have your sheep become your priestesses. And best of all, you'd never age. You'd always look young and beautiful for eternity."

"Oh, God, Yes!" Cordelia Chase moaned out loud. She could feel her body tingling with the pleasure her fantasies were creating. She would finally be worshipped in the way she deserved.

"But you have to keep your fellow Gods dressed properly. It would be your main duty." He smiled at her nodding head. Laying his hand on her shoulder, he snapped his fingers and they disappeared from sight.


"You made Cordy a what?" It was a loud screech. Loud enough to make the King of the Gods wince in pain. He momentarily reflected that having his wife's scream bounce off the walls so that the sound waves hit him more than once was more than a little unfair.

"I made her the… um… Goddess of Fashion?" He stumbled on the words, not meeting her eyes.

"You… you… you idiot!" Willow yelled. He could almost see the steam shooting from her ears. "She made our lives miserable for years, and you give her this? What's wrong with you?"

"Willow, what do I know about fashion?" Xander said calmly, trying to place his hands on her shoulders and then pull her into a hug.

"You could have learned!" She snapped, taking a step back. Reaching out, she poked him in the chest with her finger. "You know, read someone's mind. You do it all the time with everything else." Poke.

"Ouch! Cut that out!" Xander replied, rubbing at his chest. "Besides, fashion is boring!"

Poke. "It can't be that hard! Cordy's sheep have been doing it for years!" The redhead screamed. Poke.

"Hey! Quit poking me!" He yelled back. "And we never have to worry about fashions again! She's going to take care of everything!"

Poke. "Wonderful." She muttered. Poke. "Cordy is going to tell me what to wear for eternity." Poke. Poke. "Yah, me." Poke. Poke. Poke.

"Willow, come on! Give me a break here! I did the best I could!" He stammered, trying to slap her finger away from his chest.

Poke. Poke. "I can't believe you did something like this without even talking to me first!" She grimaced. Poke. Poke. Poke. "And what about poor Giles? He's going to have to put up with her also." Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. "I just can't believe you some times, Xander." She glared at him. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

"That really hurts! And we won't have to actually talk to her that much… she'll send her Chosen over with outfits!" He complained, his hands weaving a complicated defensive pattern over his chest region to protect it.

"She wanted a chosen warrior? What would she want with a warrior?" Willow murmured in shock, frozen in place with her finger extended.

"Well, her Chosen One isn't exactly a warrior." Xander winced.

Willow crossed her arms and stared at her husband. "Well?" She finally snapped, tired of waiting for the shoe to fall.

"Cordy's Chosen One is a model." Xander said, lowering his eyes in submission. "A new one will be called whenever the current one dies or starts to develop wrinkles."

"Wrinkles." Willow stated calmly.

"Yep." Xander nodded furiously.

"A new Chosen One is called because of wrinkles." The redhead almost whispered.

"Um… yeah?" Xander shifted nervously, not liking this new development. Willow was either in shock or unhappy. He was praying for shock.

"Wrinkles." She whispered, turning around and walking out the door. "A Chosen One worried about wrinkles. Of course, it gives the term Watcher's Council a whole new outlook on life." She kept muttering as she left the room.

Xander simply stared at her for a few seconds before suddenly slapping himself on the head. "Oh, damn. I forgot to tell her about Harmony." He muttered. He considered chasing her down, but changed his mind. "No, I'm not going to be the one that tells her about Harmony becoming a High Priestess." He shook his head violently back and forth.

He thought about it for a few moments, and then sighed. "Well, someone has to tell her." He muttered, pacing back and forth. "Someone that isn't me." He stopped and scratched his neck for a second before his face lit up in delight. "Of course! I'll just get the G-Man to do it!"


Thus ends another chapter in the chronicles of Xander the Super-Duper- Magnificent. Of course, there are more tales of action, adventure, and romance concerning this divine being, but they are for another time and place.

The End.