Buffy ran through the halls looking for Willow. She had no idea what was going to say when she caught up with Willow. She did, however, have a pretty good idea what she was going to do to Cordelia the next time she saw her.
Buffy turned right, passed the science lab, and then heard a sniffle. She paused, trying to home in on where it came from. Another sniffle and the faint sounds of crying coming from the janitor's closet. Gently she knocked on the door.
"Willow? It's me, Buffy." There was no reply.
"Willow. Look, I'm coming in. OK?" Buffy opened the door and went in.
Willow was sitting on the floor, her eyes red, her cheeks and shirt wet with tears. The sadness in Willow's face broke Buffy's heart. Buffy grabbed a roll of paper hand towels and, ripping off a piece, gave it to Willow. Willow took it, wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Buffy nearly laughed at the un-Willow like sound as she blew her nose. But any merriment died a quick death as Willow looked up at Buffy with hurt and sadness. Buffy sat down beside her, not knowing what to say or even do.
"What do you want?" Willow asked Buffy with an edge to her voice.
"You don't actually believe Cordelia, do you? About Xander doing that stuff?"
"No, of course not. It's just…" Willow looked down at the floor "Leave me alone."
"What?" Buffy asked. Willow looked up at her again, anger replacing hurt in her expression.
"I don't want to talk to you. Go away."
"Can't we just…"
"I said go away!" insisted Willow, anger boiling to the surface.
"Willow…"
"Get out! Get Out! GET OUT!!!" Willow screamed at Buffy. Hurt, Buffy left. Out in the hallway, tears welled up in Buffy's eyes. With a burst of Slayer speed, Buffy ran out of the school.
Xander sat down on the damp grass next to the tombstone. Ordinarily, a person sitting in a Sunnydale graveyard at night would be the definition of suicide, but it didn't worry Xander that much. Partly it was the fact that after so many years fighting vampires he was as much the hunter as the hunted. Mostly, however, it was because at this point he didn't care.
"Funny, isn't it? I got to watch my world go to hell. Saw the gang drift apart, the people I love slowly destroy themselves, become everything we fought against.
"Now I find myself here. Back to the beginning. I thought this was my chance to change it. To keep the Scooby Gang together, fix the mistakes of the past. But maybe I'm destined just to change the path to the same ending as before. Different path, same end." Xander gave a hollow chuckle.
"I love them. I'm *in* love with them and that, my friend, is as scary as anything the Hellmouth could spit out. Being in love with just one person is an intense experience as it is. But two? You have no idea buddy."
His fingers traced the outlines of Jessie's name.
"But when it's Buffy and Willow, you welcome it. All the pain, the danger, the whole emotional roller coaster, because you know they are worth it.
"Dawnie told me once that seeing and knowing was my power. When it comes to Buff and Wills, I think she was right. I can see them, the real them that is. The spark, who they really are, what they can become. And I know that it's worth a thousand, a million lifetimes of hell, just to live the one happy lifetime with them."
Behind him he heard something. Jumping up, he whirled around to face whatever danger was out there.
Ten feet from him stood Buffy, huge tears welling up and spilling down her cheeks. With a sob she closed the distance and Xander held her close. All Buffy's emotions came flooding out in her tears. For a long time the two stood there, in the middle of all the death, a monument to life.
"You know Buffy, this is so much easier when Joyce is clued in on the whole Slayer gig." Xander grumped as he climbed through Buffy's window.
"No way. Mom is not getting involved in my whacked out life. I want to keep her safe."
"Buffy, when she knows she's safer. When she knows, it's better for both of you." Xander sat down on Buffy's bed and picked up Mr Gordo. He held the stuffed pig in front of his face and waved its arms at Buffy.
"You need to tell her Buffy. Once she knows its better. Trust me. Us pigs know these things." Xander said in a piggy voice. He put the pig back on the bed.
"I'd listen to the little guy. He's got piggy intuition."
Buffy sat beside Xander and picked the pig up again. She absently played with his nose.
"She's the one normal thing left in my totally abnormal life. I don't want to loose that."
"You know, when your mom found out, in my timeline anyway, she didn't handle it well to start with. I think that partly has to do with the fact that you dumped it on her when Willow was in a coma in hospital, you were wanted by the police for Kendra's murder, and Angelus was about to end the world. You guys didn't have much time to talk. It was in retrospect, a less than ideal time for her to find out.
"But when she did, when she had a chance to come to terms with that part of your life, she was the greatest. Yeah, she worried about you, that's what good parents do. But she worried less knowing that you weren't out there alone, that you had Giles and Willow and me looking out for you. Plus knowing what was out there and knowing the rules of what to do and not do made her a lot safer than not knowing.
"And don't worry about loosing the normality. She kept your feet firmly on the ground. You could come home after a hard day of saving the world and, once she made sure you were OK, she made sure you did your homework and took out the garbage.
"You don't know how lucky you are. My parents suck big time and Willow's, well, they are best described as indifferent to her. Distant. Your mom took us in like we were members of the family. She didn't go out and fight vamps, but she was there waiting for you when you came back. Ready with the love and bandages."
Buffy listened to what Xander said. It was hard keeping it a secret from her mom and she didn't especially like lying to her all the time. But a little doubt remained.
"I'll think about it." She told him and Xander left it at that. They had discussed one issue, but the biggest still remained.
"She doesn't believe Cordy's little theory. Neither do I for that matter. But she's freaked about… you know… about us. About this… thing… developing between us."
"What do you think? I mean what do you think is developing between us, Buffy? What exactly do you think this 'thing' is?"
Buffy thought for a while.
"It's complicated."
Xander gave a little laugh.
"When isn't it?"
"It's just, I… we have these feelings, new and freaky feelings. My life is a freak show so it figures my love life would be high in the freak factor. First there was the vampire slayer in love with a vampire with a soul thing. Now I'm falling for my two best friends. The first is a guy from the future, while the second is from the present, but just happens to be a girl. Welcome to Buffy Summers, the walking freak show."
"You're… falling… for us? As in love. As in falling in love with Willow… and me?"
"What part of 'falling for' didn't you get? Yes, that's exactly what I meant! And I should be freaking out and having a major wiggins about this but with all the freaking and wigging about this future stuff, and Spike, and Angel, and my whole supernatural life I don't have any freaking or wigging left over to spare. All I know is that when I'm with you guys, it makes it all better. I feel safe and loved and normal and all I want to do is be with you guys and not just in a hanging out at the Bronze kind of way and it scares me.
"That's why when Willow started screaming at me to go away it hurt me so much. Because as scary as it is having this 'thing' with you guys, it scares me even more if I loose it."
Xander watched Buffy and didn't see a vampire slayer and champion of good. He saw a young woman, frightened and looking for reassurance that she was loved by the people she had given her heart to.
Gently he brushed a stray hair behind her ear and ran his thumb over her cheek. Cupping her jaw in his hand, he lent towards her and kissed her lips. It was a gentle, loving kiss from the heart.
"You're not going to loose me Buffy. I'm always going to be here for you, loving you, loving both of you."
"What about Willow?"
"You love her Buffy?" a nod "Then give her some time."
Willow got a little scare when she entered her room. Xander was sitting on her bed holding a rather old and battered Barbie doll. It took Xander a second to realise Willow was there.
"Wills! I… er… your mom let me in. Um… does she even have eyes these days? 'Cause she didn't even blink when I turned up. Not even a questioning glance."
Willow rolled her eyes and gave a bitter snort.
"You know her, if it isn't in one of precious psychology journals then she hasn't a damn clue."
Xander was taken back by her bitterness. Nervously he held up the Barbie doll to her.
"I… er… bring a peace offering."
Willow looked down at the doll in confusion. Xander saw the confusion.
"Eleven years is a long time to hold onto something that isn't yours. Especially if stealing it hurt someone you love."
Willow's features softened as she realised what it was. She took the doll and ran her fingers across the dirty and worse for wear Barbie. Tears distorted the doll as she started crying. Xander held her and her tears soaked his shirt. After a few minutes she stopped crying and Xander gave a little laugh.
"All I seem to be able to do these days is make you and Buffy cry. It's murder on a guys ego, not to mention shirts." He joked indicating to the wet spot on his shirt.
Willow gave him a little, but genuine smile. Xander looked at her, gentle concern on his face.
"You wanna talk, Wills?"
For long moments Willow did nothing but look at the doll.
"Cordy was right."
"Cordy was what now?"
"She's right. I am a sick freak."
"Wills! Enough with the crazy talk. You're not a sick freak."
"I am, Xander. I'm sick and perverted. I… it's… Buffy… and..."
"You think you being attracted to Buffy makes you sick and perverted? Since when did you start channelling your grandfather? You love who you love. The plumbing isn't really an issue. And if you're falling for a woman then it's hard to beat Buffy for a better one. Trust me, I know."
"You love her, don't you?"
A sense of deja vu came over Xander, but lately it had been deja vu 24/7.
"Don't you?"
"And that's the big problem! I love you, I've always loved you and for the first time you love me back. But now all of a sudden there's Buffy too and it's like I'm being pulled apart and having to choose between you two." Her voice cracking as she fought back her tears. "And I don't want to. I can't." she started crying again and once again Xander held her until she stopped.
"Wills. For the smartest person I know you sure can be clueless about stuff." He knelt down in front of her and took her hand. Willow's heart skipped a beat as he did so. One of her long held fantasies involved Xander getting down on one knee and taking her hand.
"We're not asking you to choose between us. It's not an either or type of deal. I know that you hate tests with it in it, but what we want… what we hope for, is that you fill in that little circle marked C: all of the above. You're allowed to do that you know."
He saw that the look of fear and hurt had gone and in its place was uncertainty. He could live with uncertainty. He stood up.
"I better go before I say something stupid and you stab me to death with a Barbie doll." He moved towards the door.
"Xander." He stopped just before the door.
"Why did you return it? I mean it's just a doll. After all these years, why return it now?"
"I was wrong to take it. Ok, yes, it was years ago, but I don't want anything of yours that you haven't given to me freely of your own accord." Willow walked up to him and took his hand.
She gave him the Barbie.
If there's one thing that's good for distracting a slayer from her problems then it's slaying vamps. At the moment her problems with Willow were the last thing on her mind as she ducked a vamps kick aimed at her head.
She ducked under the kick, punched the vamp in the face and threw it into the side of the tomb. While Buffy had her back turned the other vamp grabbed her from behind and went for her neck, but was stopped by the back of Buffy's head smashing into its nose. She broke free of its grasp and unleashed a withering hail of punches culminating in a powerful kick to the head that sent it flying.
She rounded on the first vamp that was now up and re-entering the fight. It back fisted her, punched her twice in the head, then grabbed a fist full of her hair and rammed her face into the side of the tomb a few times.
"OW! OW! OW! Watch the hair!" she yelled as she grabbed hold of the vamp's arm and twisted it, dislocating its shoulder. Roaring in pain the vamp dropped to one knee and Buffy shoved it to the ground and staked it.
"Big sissy hair puller." She said as the vamp turned to dust. Behind her she heard a roar and spun around to see the second vamp leaping at her. It never got there as it got blind-sided by Xander who crash tackled it and the two went rolling on the ground.
The vamp ended on top of Xander and went for the kill. Its face began to sizzle and smoke as Xander jammed a cross in it. The vamp recoiled in pain allowing Xander to roll clear and grab his axe that was lying on the ground. Two slashes across the vamp's chest and the coup de grace saw the vamps head separated from its body. Buffy came over and helped Xander up off the ground.
"Nice axe work. Very Paul Bunyan."
"Thanks Buff." He said brushing the grass of his jeans. He picked up his cross and shoved it into his jacket.
"These two aside, it's a pretty quiet night. I'm heading back to the library to take this axe back to Giles and then head home. You wanna come?"
"Nah, I'll catch up with Giles tomorrow. I've got a French test to study for next week."
"Buffy Summers studying? Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?" he teased with his patented playful Xander smirk.
"You wanna talk about sign of the apocalypse? Xander Harris got a B in an assignment. I can hear the horsemen mounting up as we speak."
"It was an B plus and it was for my woodwork project. And hello! I was a carpenter for 4 years so I better be good with my hands."
"I'd like to test that theory." Willow said as she rounded the tomb. Xander gave a yelp in surprise.
"Sweet fancy Moses! Will, don't do that to a man!"
Buffy looked a little unsettled.
"Willow… um, hi."
"Yeah, hi. Buffy, can we talk?" Willow asked.
"OK, sure. Whatever you want."
"I just get going then. I'll see you both tomorrow at the library?"
"Sure Xander, we'll see you tomorrow."
There was a period of awkward silence.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry Willow. I should have given you space to deal. I shouldn't have tried to push it."
"You're not the one who should be apologising here. I was the one who yelled at you."
"Yeah, but only after that bitch Cordelia came in and started firing off at us. Don't worry about what she says, OK? Before I became the Slayer I was exactly like her. Only I didn't single handedly put the ho into hooker. She's got more boobs than brains."
"But they're nice boobs."
"WILLOW!" a shocked Buffy yelled. Willow just giggled.
"So what now?"
"I don't know Giles."
Xander was sitting with Giles and Miss Calender explaining the situation to them in the library. After she and Cordelia were given the short version of Xander's tale, Jenny had pushed for Giles to tell her the whole story. Part of her wished he hadn't.
"This thing with us never happened in the future. This is the undiscovered country and I sure as hell ain't no Captain Kirk. I'm flying blind here."
Jenny laid a reassuring hand on his.
"Love is traditionally blind."
Xander sighed in resignation.
"I know. I'm just scared. What if I screw it up? I don't want what happened before happening again."
"No one does. A-and you have to realise that it probably won't… happen… this time…" Giles broke off as he looked towards the doors of the library.
Xander turned to she Buffy and Willow standing there. He stood up, unsure exactly what was happening. Willow walked up to him and, a little uncertainly, kissed him.
Time stopped as they kissed. Her kiss was exactly like how he remembered it from all those years ago. When it finished Xander started to speak but Willow held her finger to his lips.
"The answer is C: all of the above."