Later in the day of Mixed Melodies, same café.
"What's with the what about Spike?"
"What do you mean Xander, he's been dust for ages?" Buffy responded.
"You said he was a boyfriend." The financially comfortable one of the group said. It was the first chance to speak alone they had had since breakfast. "When you complained about your psychiatrist you listed the boyfriend choice he was worried about."
"And I mentioned Spike."
"You mentioned Spike."
There was a moment's silence.
"You remember the 'will be done' spell Willow did?"
"Faith tried to sleep her way through the entire Lesbian Collective, Giles went blind, I forgot about everyone and worked until I collapsed from exhaustion, you and Spike…"
"Me and Spike."
"That doesn't make him a boyfriend." The dark haired man said with a somewhat puzzled air. Then he leaned forward and spoke earnestly. "You didn't cheat on Riley with our worst enemy, I mean it's amazing enough he didn't drain you while you were under a spell, did you?"
And another silent pause occurred in Sunnydale's best café. When the male of the two was about to explode the blonde finally spoke.
"He kept coming around, not killing us, not even attacking us, and I really thought about it." She was looking at her coffee with an intensity normally used only on potential slayage targets. Mr. And Mrs. Harris's son thought it unlikely she felt the need to stake it, however. Not absolute certainty, but it seemed unlikely. "Especially on nights when Riley wasn't around."
"And I SO did not need that mental image." Especially after the use his wife had once demonstrated for the blunted stake she otherwise used for sparing with him. Buffy always did seem worryingly fond of Mr Pointy. "But you're over that now, right, no more vampire fantasies for the elder slayer, right?"
A moment's silence.
"Right?"
"Well, I, ah, I don't know any that well anymore and Angel's out of the question, so…"
"Buffy are you crazy?"
"Yes if you believe my shrink." She said with the first absolute confidence in her voice in a long time.
There was another silent pause as both ate their lunches, which had finally arrived as the slayer was explaining her mental problems. Cathy, the waitress, seemed to hear it and ignore it, but then she was one of Buffy's fellow psychology students and was used to the medical fraternity's cliché that shrinks are all crazy anyway.
"Bufficus Maximus Slayercus, I still don't think it's a good reason for you to try sex with women." Xander finally responded. It was good that Buffy had a part time job with him as a 'security consultant'; it gave a legitimate reason for these sorts of meetings. And for him to yell at her sometimes, like he had a burning urge to do now. "I mean you never showed an interest in girls before, or me for that matter, or have I missed something?"
"I keep wondering what I'm missing. I mean there's mom and slave, Willow and Tara, Faith and whoever, and little old me. I mean there's just me and Cordelia out of the Scooby's who don't know what going down on a girl is like."
"And me?"
"I just keep ignoring you don't I?" She was staring intently into her coffee again. "I've spent the last five years not seeing you as you, even after you saved my life repeatedly – why did I have to hear the details of some of that from Angel's emails by the way – and I think I need to find out what I'm missing."
Finally she looked up into his eyes.
"I need to know what it feels like to be normal, and normal for our friends seems to mean sleeping with you and Faith."
"Buffy, are you actually interested, I mean, that waitress, do you think she's sexy, is she someone you'd consider?" Because right now you just sound a different variety of crazy to me, he didn't add. Going from heterosexual vampire layer to bisexual with humans was an improvement in his opinion, but if it was just to prove something to herself it still was not healthy. "Would you consider dating her if she asked?"
It was probably for the best that a demon broke out of the sewers and attacked the kitchen right about then. The screams and shouts and the kitchen staff running into the eating area brought conversation to a stop.
"Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more…"
"Xander you have got to stop watching that Kenneth Branagh DVD collection Giles gave you for Christmas." Buffy said as the pair brought out weapons and headed into the kitchen past the startled waitresses and patrons.
"The St Crispens Day speech gets to me, what can I say." They were pushing past the counter cautiously, not knowing what to expect beyond 'a big green thing with huge teeth' that the kitchen hand had been raving about. Buffy had a stake, Xander his issue M-4 carbine.
"You carried that to lunch?" The blonde slayer had asked incredulously when he brought it out of the special pocket in his custom-made lap top bag.
"I'm field testing the bag, for low profile assignments and undercover, you know."
Stalking was probably unnecessary, judging from the amount of noise the creature was making. There was a lot of Mmm, mmm, followed by biting, chewing, slathering sounds and things being slammed down. They had moved too fast to ask if everyone had made it out, but from the sounds some poor bastard hadn't. Coming around a corner they saw the creature.
It reached nearly to the roof, large and green, with huge teeth and tentacles around its mouth. Its scaled hide would be a tough proposition for the rifle, let alone Buffy's sharpened piece of wood. The delivery doors were wide or it would have had to tear the doorway out to get in. Xander looked at it angrily.
"Damn it Dave they do home deliver you know." The former Zeppo said, lowering his weapon. Buffy was still tensed for a fight, not knowing what was going on.
"But not to my home, my home address is a storm drain." And he went back to eating his vegetarian quiche, with much mmm, mmm, sounds.
"You know this, thing?" The elder Summers sister, understandably, was more than a little confused.
"Dave is the best mural painter in Sunnydale."
"I'm the best mural painter in California Xander and you known it." The creature said with pride, before swallowing most of the contents of a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon it had gotten from the storeroom. "And yes Xander I know this really isn't supposed to go with quiche but I like the combination so to hell with the wine snobs."
"Buffy, go tell them its just a misunderstanding but we really need to talk to the Chef." Not just one of the cooks, of course. Chef is French for Chief, and the Chef is the absolute master of the kitchen, the obvious man to deal with in this sort of situation. "NOW Buffy, so we can get the 911 call cancelled. I really don't need to piss off the police again with the 'it's a federal matter and you don't have a need to know' line again, I really don't."
Eventually they got the whole mess sorted out, partly through Xander paying over the rate for the damages and loss of income, partly through Dave promising to do one of his murals on the front of the store one night. He worked almost exclusively at night, most Sunnydale residents having the same reaction as the kitchen staff to his appearance.
"…and you promise to convince the delivery guy it's not a hoax call next time?" Dave was saying, after a long discussion with Chef Levoy about what the ideal orange soufflé.
"Yes, I will speak to him and I will try your idea, though I still say Grand Marnier is more appropriate."
"Chef, just give it a try, alright."
And so life went on in Sunnydale.