He should have joined the football team

Author: <>

as modified by Starway Man

Author notes: This idea just came to me after all the 'What Ifs' from the Halloween fics. Dont know if im the first one that had this what if, Ive never seen one. So If im the first...go me!

Summary: We catch up with Xander and Cordelia's life in 03.

Xander: Uh, Cordy?
Cordelia spins around quickly, startled, and draws a frightened breath.
Xander: (points into the pool) That's not me.
-Go Fish


San Francisco, California.
June 21st, 2003

The day was like any other, in this part of southern California. Incredibly hot. A heat wave had descended along the entire cost. Most people had either cranked up their air conditioners full-blast, or found a second home near the beach.

But two young twenty-something men were sitting at a small outside café, chatting in one of the more expensive shopping districts. Expensive stores lined both sides of the street; it was a fact that just paying for parking here, almost literally cost an arm and a leg.

"So, bottom line, I told my dad that no way was I going to go into real estate just because he's always been part of it," Cody Mazer told his friend on the other side of the table.

"Yeah, I can see where you're coming from," Christian Woolbright replied, somewhat unsure. "But he owns the agency, pal. You'd have a job for life..."

"I know, but come on – go to work for my dad?" Cody groaned. "I don't really see that…" he stopped, as he saw his friend zone out. "Chris?"

His friend's only reply was a soft, "Hot damn!"

"What?" Cody demanded.

"Check out the total babe, that just came out of Victoria's Secret..." Christian turned as he spoke to look along the sidewalk, and Cody's eyes went huge as he got a better view. "Now THAT, my friend, is perfection..."

The object of their affections was a tall, well-tanned woman with jet-black hair. Her long, toned legs were barely covered in a light-blue wraparound skirt. Her top was a white V-neck shirt, with a large black Playboy Bunny on it. Both men admired the ample amount of cleavage it displayed...

"So, what do you think?" Chris asked.

"I dunno, C-cup?"

"C?!" his friend asked. "Dude, get your eyes checked. Those melons are an easy D..." Then with a grin, Chris added, "Wonder what she bought at Victoria's Secret?"

"Don't know," Cody answered as he got up. "But I'll find out, when she wears it for me tonight."

"No way. Five bucks says she busts your balls, even for trying."

"Watch and learn, young padawan," Cody said with a grin, as he moved to the woman.

The woman stopped, as the young man blocked her path. "Hello there, I was just wondering…" Cody started to say.

"No," the answer came before he could even get the line out.

"No, what?" Cody asked her, trying to sound innocent.

"No," the woman repeated, as she paused and looked him over. "I don't do the one night stand thing. Neither do I bother messing around with the wannabe-rich boys."

"Wannabe?" Cody looked at her in mild surprise. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I am not some wannabe, miss. My father runs Mazer & O'Keeffe..."

The attractive woman considered that. "The real estate firm?"

Cody nodded, thinking that he was impressing her. His face soon fell, however...

"Given how O'Keeffe plays strictly for West Hollywood, that'd make you Ed Mazer's kid. In other words, you're the son of a loser. And I know this, because I own fifty five percent of the stock in that partnership." She remembered something else, "You might want to tell your dad to remember that the whole point of dabbling in real estate is to make money, not lose it..."

With that, the California hottie continued on without another word. Christian patted his old friend on the back, as they watched her depart down the street. "Easiest five bucks I ever made. And don't worry, buddy. I won't tell anyone you went down in flames like that..."

Cody just stared at the woman's back. He then pointed, "But *look* at that ass, dude!" he whined like a child who hadn't gotten what he wanted for Christmas.

They watched, a little surprised as the babe stopped at a red Ford F-150 STX pickup truck. She placed her bags in, and quickly pulled out into traffic. When she drove by, she didn't even so much as glance at them.

The male duo read the custom license plate as the truck flashed by.

'Queen C'.


Several miles outside the city.
The 5.6 million dollar Chase Mansion.

Cordelia pulled up after navigating the long driveway, and left her pickup outside the fourth garage entryway. Grabbing her shopping bag, she then quickly went into the house.

And as soon as Cordy entered, she saw a familiar head pop out of the living room off the entry foyer. "Mistress, how was your shopping trip?"

"It was just fine, Elsie," Queen C said dismissively, as she headed for the stairs that wound their way in a soft arc to the second floor. "Were there any calls while I was away?"

"Only one, mistress," the maid answered. "A reminder of the stockholder's meeting next Friday..."

Cordelia just nodded wearily, as she went up the stairs. When she got to the top landing though, the black-haired woman stopped and turned back to look down. She watched, as Elsie went back to her cleaning of the large main room.

For the thousandth time, Ms. Chase stifled a mental chuckle. Her life had so many oddities in it, and her maid was one of them.

A school friend had recommended Elsie to her. A friend that had just happened to be a local dominatrix! She'd told Cordelia about the then-18-year-old Elsie, when the rich girl had told her of the need for a maid.

Later Cordelia had been a little surprised by the fetishes, or kinks of the servant. But since they didn't affect her performance, the Sunnydale High graduate had allowed the employee to wear the uniform she wanted. A very low-cut, black French maid uniform...

And apart from that, Elsie also addressed Cordelia Chase and Xander Harris as the 'mistress' and 'master' of the house, respectively.

As the former queen of Sunnydale High's elite watched silently, the maid bent down to pick something up off the floor. While Cordelia had no feelings whatsoever sexually for this girl or any other woman, she could still appreciate the beauty of the female form...

Just nowhere near the way Jesse McNally and Willow Rosenberg appreciated her maid's form.

As she turned and walked towards her master bedroom, Cordy remembered with a sigh the time when her two friends had last come for a visit...

Oz had just left to get in touch with his inner wolf, and Willow had been entering a new stage in her life. It had become apparent that Willow had started to swing both ways; well, at least, that much had been obvious to *her*, when the former cheerleader had seen the witch's face after Elsie had answered the door in her normal outfit.

Of course, Jesse had been stammering there right along with her. Cordelia could have warned them, or instructed Elsie to dress in a conventional uniform. But then she knew how much pleasure the maid would get from the stares of her two old friends...

And Jesse had been a little miffed that when by the time they had left, it was Willow who had procured a late-night encounter with Elsie, rather than him.

Still, Elsie was very good at her job. So good, in fact, that Cordelia entrusted her with the most important job at the house.

Well, when Cordelia herself could not attend to it herself, that is.

And that was caring for Xander.

A few years ago, Cordelia would have never let a woman so eager to please like Elsie anywhere near the guy. Not that she didn't trust her boyfriend, but the damn jealousy thing would have gotten in the way, no doubt...

The way it had gotten in the way when Harmony tried to put the moves on Xander, back in junior year. The little blond 'ho had believed that stealing Queen C's boyfriend would actually help her ascend up in the social order.

But she'd learned the hard way, that you *don't* mess with Cordelia Chase or her man that way.

As she changed into the clothes she had just purchased, Cordy thought back to the first time Elsie had met Xander. Cordelia had tried to prepare the girl, but Xander's current look...took some getting used to, after the *incident* of a few years ago.

Thirty minutes later Cordelia checked her makeup in the mirror, then tied her large robe shut. When she found Elsie, she was in the kitchen.

"Are you going downstairs now, mistress?" the maid asked, when she saw the robe.

Cordy nodded. "Yeah. And I do *not* wish to be disturbed, by anyone," she said sternly. "Unless we're getting attacked by a horde of vampires, or if the big one hits…" she trailed off for a moment. "No, come to think of it, I paid way too much to make this place earthquake-proof! So unless we're about to die or have an apocalypse, do not disturb us."

Elsie bowed her head slightly. "As you wish, mistress."

Cordelia turned to leave, but then turned back. "You did feed him today, right?"

Another slight bow. "I did, two hours ago mistress."

"Good," Cordelia said with nod, as she left the room.


The elevator stopped two stories below ground level. Cordelia didn't wait for the doors to fully open though, as she emerged from the lift.

Walking past the large bank of computer workstations she went right to the large, enclosed, thick glass tank that covered a large portion of the level. The enormous tank was filled with water, but not just any water...

It was the real deal. Not only shipped in from the most unpolluted streams or lakes she could find, it had been specifically treated to remove all traces of fluorine, PCBs or any other modern-day crap that you'd find in the U.S. water supply.

No way was the occupant of the tank going to live in plain old city water, if she had any say in it.

Cordelia pressed a button on the side of the custom-built tank. It was basically just flashing a large light under the water, in the equally large swimming pool outside.

The woman didn't have to wait long, as she saw the red light above the sealed door to the outside tube turn on. Then it closed again, as soon as he swam through it. Cordy watched, as the...person swam through the glass tube into the main tank, and headed right for her.

When he came to a stop in front of her on the opposite side of the glass, Xander put his webbed hand to the glass. Cordelia immediately placed her hand on her side. A large sheet of reinforced glass, the only thing between them.

She stared into his still-brown eyes, before she willed the mental link she shared with him open. //Were you out doing laps, sweetheart?//

//Sometimes, there isn't anything else for me to do,// his solemn answer came back to her.

//Didn't Elsie change the DVDs in the chamber today, to give you something to watch?//

No one else would have even seen it in his dark-grey, reptilian scaly face. Most people would have been too busy running away, but then she had learned to read this version of her boyfriend just as well as the old one. //What's wrong, Xander?//

The so-called fish monster turned his head away. //Probably just cabin fever. Or tank fever – whatever you wanna call it, I guess.//

//We just got the speedboat back from being repaired,// she sent to him. //We can hit the ocean later, if you want? I could work on getting rid of my tan lines, then go skinny-dipping with you,// she offered.

Cordelia almost kicked herself then, when Xander just got even more depressed. //Why? So we can run into even more of those stupid college students?//

The young woman was still pissed at how badly that incident three months ago had damaged the guy's already-small self-esteem.

They had been very far out to sea, near the small inlet of an island. Cordelia had sun-tanned in the nude off the back of the boat for a while, before she'd jumped into the water to join Xander – who had started to pal around with a few dolphins.

Despite what he had turned into years before, they had been having fun...

That is, until those five idiot frat boys had arrived on the scene.

They had seen an attractive woman in a tiny bikini, swimming near what had looked like a sea monster. And so, they'd proceeded to try and 'save' her from Xander. They'd shot at him with a hunting rifle...

And Cordelia's blood still boiled, whenever she remembered Xander's howl of pain as a bullet grazed his arm.

She'd had no idea why they had a rifle in the middle of the ocean, but at that point she hadn't cared. Queen C had just gotten Xander back to their boat and covered up, when the college boys had pulled alongside.

And when she had forbidden the bastards from coming aboard, one of them had suggested to the others that the 'monster' has hypnotized her to do its bidding.

Cordelia guessed that they'd thought they would rescue her, and mount Xander's head on their wall or something. Then Cordy would be so grateful she would screw them all, one after the after, or all of them at the same time – on the boat ride back to shore.

Yeah, right. They were lucky the Coast Guard hadn't caught up to them, after she'd instantly reported the five assholes as pirates intending to rape her.

It had taken her a month to make Xander get over it. < We chased and fought monsters for two years back in Sunnydale, and now he thinks he's one of them despite all I can do. Talk about irony... > she thought privately.

//Xander, damn it, you know how I hate it when you talk like that!// she then told him through their link. Cordelia shuddered to think on what Xander's mental state would be like today, if they hadn't had that British witch whom Rupert Giles had known endow them with this link.

Harris would have lost all traces of his humanity long ago, and either joined his buddies from the swim team out there somewhere in the world's vast, unexplored oceans – or committed suicide.

The fish guy looked at his reflection in the glass. //It's hard, Cor. And if we're gonna be honest, it's not getting any easier either. I…I don't know what I'd have done, if I didn't have you. And I know it's just a matter of time before you…//

//Before I what, Xander?// the black-haired woman sent. //Till I finally realize my boyfriend got turned into a fish because of that stupid asshole Coach Marin, who's hopefully now roasting in Hell? Before I forget about you, and find some male supermodel to take your place in my bed?//

He didn't answer her.

//Damn it, Xander! Knock it off, I'm haven't left you yet and I never will!// she told him sternly. //Was it hard as hell at the beginning? Hell, yes. But I love you, and you're stuck with me. That's the way it's always going to be. Buffy and Angel, Giles and Jenny, Amy and Jesse, and last but not least – Cordelia and Xander!//

Her boyfriend seemed to perk up a tiny bit, so she motioned to her robe. //I went shopping today. You like?//

His mouth, filled with those razor-sharp teeth, smiled as best it could. Cordelia giggled a bit, before she opened wide and then dropped the robe to the floor.

Xander's eyes became glued to her naked form. She was wearing a red three-piece set of lingerie, that showed off her body very well. //Cordy! My God, you look beautiful.//

She agreed with him at once, //I do, don't I?// Moving up to look at him full on in the eyes, she asked, //Care to have some fun with your girlfriend?// He just nodded his large, finned head.

She moved for the large black Oslo Chaise couch. As she had just placed her hand on it, she 'felt' a touch on her inner thigh. Turning to him with a grin Cordelia asked, //Easy there, big boy. Are you going to at least let me get comfortable first?//

The 22-year-old woman lay down on the sofa, giving him a great view of herself. She gave only a quick thought to the first time two years ago, when they'd found out their link could work this way.

Cordelia had been working at a nearby table. Bent over looking at some paperwork, when she'd felt a hand on her. She had spun around wildly, thinking they had a ghost or another invisible girl in the room...

Then Cordy had noticed Xander in the tank, and felt his embarrassment. Like any guy, he had started to daydream about touching his girlfriend. And to the surprise of both of them, she had physically felt what he was thinking.

Ms. Chase closed her eyes, and saw the psychic versions of themselves in her mind's eye. Her and his old body. They leapt for each other in the link.

Whenever one would think of touching the other, both of them would feel it. Cordelia moaned softly, as she felt his hands caressing her. From the many times now they had done this, he had learned every inch of her body.

But not for the first time, he who had been – and in many ways, still was – Xander Harris felt terribly ambivalent about doing this.

He understood they were no longer teenagers, clinging to each other to get through the nightmare that had been high school. Real life was creeping in, all around them...

< My God, it's been like this for five long years now. So, is this how it's going to be, for the next 50 years or whatever? That's not fair to Cordelia, whatever she might think. Damn it, I can't give her children – what, she's just going to grow old alone? That sucks! And how do I know whether I still have a human lifespan, whether or not I'll still be around – unchanged – long after she's been planted in the ground? I guess now I know how Deadboy feels about Buffy... >

But unbeknownst to Xander Harris, life was about to irrevocably alter – for both himself and the woman who'd promised to take care of him, that first time he'd gone skinless-dipping in the Sunnydale High swimming pool.