>>To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real
To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream
You do something to me
That I can't explain
So would I be out of line, If I said
I miss you.<<
Tara was awake long before she opened her eyes, she felt his arms wrapped around her and she reveled in the oh so familiar feelings she had for him. She decided unconsciously that she wouldn't be Tara again until she slipped out of the bed. When she got out of bed she would be Tara again, and all the consequences and guilt and inner loathing she so often felt would come back, but for now Tara was on hold.
All she is at the moment is a girl being held by her lover. Just a girl who felt something for the man who held her. Just a girl who was cheating on her girlfriend with him. She pushed that "Tara" thought aside, she promised to stay away until she got out of bed. Maybe she shouldn't leave the bed, live her life here, with all her problems and guilt sitting safely by the mattress never to plague her again. An eternity entwined with Xander, what lovely thought indeed. She let a smile caress the corners of her mouth lightly and a sigh escape her lungs.
She slowly let her eyes drift open and she turned around in Xander's embrace. She watched his eyes slowly open. He was about to speak when she silenced him with a kiss, "Not yet, there's a rule. While we're here in this bed, I'm not Tara and you're not Xander, and all of the problems Tara and Xander are causing don't exist here. Is that okay?" He nodded and she smiled. "Good Morning."
Xander smiled, "Good Morning." He squeezed Tara's body against his lightly, "I have a friend, and he used to see this girl last summer. They went their separate ways for a while, but he still cared for her and missed her every day." Tara looked up at him as he spoke, she felt a tear silently make its way down her cheek before Xander leaned down and captured the tear with his lips. "When he was reunited with the girl, he had a girlfriend and she had a girlfriend, who was also his friend. But try as he might, my friend couldn't stop thinking about this girl, couldn't stop missing her."
Tara closed her eyes and pressed her cheek firmly against Xander's chest. "What happened to your friend and this girl he couldn't stop missing?"
She felt Xander's chest rise as he smelled her hair, "First, he had tried to convince himself that he was over her. When that didn't work, he tried to convince himself that she was over him..."
Tara shook her head. "She isn't."
"Well, my friend had done a damn good job of convincing himself that she was over him, so he tried to move on..."
"Did he?" Tara felt a touch of dread as she waited for his answer.
Xander shook his head. "No, he tried so hard for the girl's sake. Then one night the girl visited my friend, she said that she wanted to prove that she was over him, but they ended up sleeping together."
"What happened then?"
"He doesn't know." They lay silently together. "How can I be holding you, and still miss you?"
Tara smiled through her tears, "Because we both know that eventually, we're going to have to go back to being Tara and Xander, and Tara is with Willow and Xander is with Anya..."
"Xander and Tara should let Willow and Anya be together..."
Tara laughed despite the pain, "That would solve our problems wouldn't it. But we both know that won't happen..." Xander nodded silently. "Because despite what we feel for each other, I'm in love with Willow and you're in love with Anya."
Xander felt tears burn his eyes as he kissed her forehead. "If we're in love with them, what is it we have here?"
Tara kissed his chest, "I don't know, but despite how wrong this is, it feels right somehow. Does that make any sense?"
"It may not make sense, but I feel that way too." They lay together silently again.
>>I see your picture, I smell your skin on, the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days, but already I am wasting away
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know, that I care
And I miss you...<<
Finally, Tara gave up on holding off the world. She pulled away the covers and began to slide out of bed, she felt Xander's hand on her shoulder. "Before you get out of bed, and we become Tara and Xander again, you should know, that I'm in love with you."
Hearing his words, Tara's first impulse was to kiss him and spend the day proving that she was in love with him too. Her second impulse was to cry out at the injustice of her and Xander's horribly bad timing. She bit her lip and tried to hold the tears back, but failed miserably. She leaned forward and they kissed briefly. "I'm in love with you too."
"You're leaving still though."
Tara nodded and dressed without looking at Xander once, afraid to look at him and lose the strength she needed to stand up and leave the basement. Xander watched her leave before falling back into bed, his heart breaking.
Meanwhile, Tara crumpled against the door and cried silently. When she had no more tears she whispered, "I miss you Xander." She walked away...