Idiots Forever

Author: Bastard Snow <mamille5[at]>

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the general idea here, and even that's kinda iffy. So don't sue.

Summary: Sequel to Idiots in Love.

Author's Note: Okay. I know. I said no sequel to Idiots in love. But this damn plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone, so I went ahead and wrote it and said `consequences be damned!'

Pairings: B/X

Feedback: I would be most grateful for any comments you would be willing to share with me.

Thanks Drake for his Beta-ing and suggestions on improving the story...

I haven't written here since Buffy and Xander got together. I thought that was a good time to retire this little diary of mine, but now I see that retirement was premature.

It's the first night they've spent apart in almost a year. I mean, it makes sense, tonight of all nights, but it's weird to think about it. A whole year together, all night, every night, in the same bed.

It sounds nice.

Okay, they've been together for a lot more than a year. Almost three now, actually. But for both of them, the last year has pretty much been bliss.

It took Xander a while to get over some issues. The Spike thing, for instance, which is understandable. He also worried constantly that he wasn't good enough, because he didn't have powers or whatever, or wouldn't live forever. Again, valid. But there again, Xander was an idiot.

Oh, he's not the only one. Buffy's got quite the dumbass bug as well, or she did. She always worried that she was living in Anya's shadow. After Sunnydale, it really became apparent to everybody how much he truly did love her, so I guess that's also reasonable. And, speaking of Anya, Buffy worried about Xander's ability to commit, to go in for the long haul. Again, based on his past, a valid concern.

God, they're stupid.

Anytime that they fought about the past, those of us who love them (trying though it is at times) would smack ourselves in the forehead and give a very Homer-esque "D'oh!" Or at least I did.

Buffy and Xander fit. It is head-jarringly obvious to everyone who sees them together on a quiet day how much they simply adore each other, how much they need each other, how much the slight brush of a hand can make the other's smile light up the sky like the sun rising just above the horizon.

Okay, I embellish. I just took a creative writing course at college, so sue me.

And by the way, college is really cool. I'm majoring in archaeology with a minor in linguistics, and I have a part-time job as a lab assistant for one of my professors, translating some stuff that he found on a dig a few years ago. He can't figure out how I know what I know, and he said I'm the only person under about sixty-five he's ever met who can read English, Latin, Greek, Aramaic and Sumerian. I think he's going to set me up with a job after I graduate. That is so cool.

Anyway, Buffy and Xander were being complete morons! They were reacting to each other as though still in Sunnydale mode, when they had both changed so much since then. Right after Sunnydale, Xander was an insecure wreck, dealing with Anya's death and his new-found cyclopean status. Buffy was still in uber-bitch mode (which she still apologizes for) and treating everybody like her little army.

In time, though, Buffy calmed down and removed the ten-foot metal rod from her ass, and Xander moved past Anya, and started living again. Which is not to say he forgot her. None of us have.

Anyway, so they fought a lot, and made up a lot, and it was just a pain to be around them. About a year ago, they managed to move past all of that stupid crap because of something I would never have expected. Kennedy.

I swear she was channeling Faith.

Buffy and Xander were having another one of their yelling matches, in which the game seemed to be 'How much can I hurt you by bringing up the past?' Usually, they cleared a room by making people feel uncomfortable. Eventually, I guess, Kennedy just got tired of it.

She stalked into the room, punched Buffy in the face, shoved Xander into a wall and told them (as I've been saying) that they're idiots. That it was obvious they were perfect for each other, since only somebody as stupid as they were could ever stand to be with the other, and they should just, like, get the hell over it already, because it was pissing her off.

Definitely channeling Faith. Who, by the way, moved to England (without Wood, they broke up a few months after Buffy and Xander got together. Turns out she really isn't a long term kinda girl). She helped set up the European branch of the Watcher's Council (now headquartered in beautiful suburban Cleveland… gag.) Anyway, Faith has been training Slayers there for a while. She's here now, of course.

Oh yeah, now. The reason everyone is here. Buffy and Xander are getting married tomorrow.

We're having Buffy's bachelorette party in a few hours. Faith got to pick out the place, and I saw the stripper she chose. Wow. I mean, wow. Those abs. And the arms. And the gorgeous, tight little –

Of course, nothing would ever happen. I could never do that to Andrew. I know, he's geeky, and not the most attractive guy in the world, but he's sweet, and he's kind, and he's good to me and I love him.

Anyway, I have to go. Xander has something, a surprise, for both me and Buffy. He's a little nervous about it, and that makes Buffy nervous, too. I'd better go see what it is.


Buffy's crying. But it's a good cry. She's smiling as well. Xander, too is crying. I was, but I've stopped now.

He came from Salamanca (which is apparently somewhere in Spain), all the way to Cleveland, where we've built our new life. Angel found him (he's always doing things like that now, doing what Xander asks. Because Xander makes Buffy happy, I guess. The two of them are getting along pretty well). Angel also paid for his ticket out here. He knew it would be important, and we hadn't seen him in years, literally.

So, when we got to the conference room, Buffy and I were shocked speechless. Standing there, tanned, fit, and looking as young as ever, was Hank Summers, our biological father. And an incredible bastard.

Hank (I refuse to call him Dad) flew in to see us. Now. Of all times, now. He didn't come when Mom got sick. He didn't even have the decency to come bury the mother of his two children. We didn't tell him when Buffy died, because I didn't want to go live with him. I wanted to stay in Sunnydale, with my real family.

Hank said he received a letter from Xander, which basically said that he (Hank) had two beautiful daughters (Xander's words, not mine) who were growing up. One was in a serious, long term relationship, and the other was about to be married. He got the letter two months ago.

Anyway, the letter said something about how if he ever wanted to be a part of either of our lives, now might be a good time to do something about it. And it took him two months to show up.


So, there we are, an awkward silence hovering about the room, Xander holding Buffy's hand, and me not trying to look Hank in the eye, when Giles walks in. He apologized for intruding, and was generally being very British, when Buffy told him to stay. She introduced them. She said, and I'm quoting her here, "Rupert Giles, this is Hank Summers. Hank, this is Rupert Giles. Our father."

I think the only person more surprised to hear her say that than Hank was Giles, not because he didn't know we love, him, we do, we love him to death, but we had never actually told him that. But we both knew it. Xander did too.

Hank looked shocked that he had been replaced, but turn about is fair play. After all, we have a stepmother we've never met.

So, with Giles' prodding, we started talking, me and Buffy about what it was like for those few years before Giles all but adopted us, and Hank about why he did what he did. He said he just wasn't cut out to be a father, and found no disagreement from anywhere.

It really did feel good to talk about that, with him. I haven't forgiven him for not showing up when Mom died, and I'm not sure I ever will, but now he knows that. After a few hours of talking, the room grew quiet again.

Hank said it was getting late, but he was glad he came, and would like to be a bigger part of our lives, if we would let him. We said we would have to think about it, and Hank said that he understood, but would at least see us at the ceremony tomorrow. Buffy tossed a quick look at Xander. They can read each other so well.

Xander stood up (he's bigger than Hank, and fairly imposing with the eye patch) and said thank you for coming, but that he hadn't been a part of his daughter's lives for the past dozen or so years, and that he and Buffy would prefer that he not be there.

Hank stood there for a moment, then walked out. I don't know if he'll be back, but that's when the crying started. It was like a release for both of us, Buffy and me. Xander and Giles just held us as we cried.

That was tiring. I need a nap. That's the thing about college, it reintroduces you to the wonderful idea that is naps.


Okay, the party's in not long, so I don't have much time. Where was I?

Right, Buffy and Xander. Xander was so sweet when he proposed. He's all gentlemanly and everything, so this is what he did. He came by my dorm, and asked my permission. I know, I'm the younger sister, but he wanted to do something. And what was I going to say, 'Xander, you've made my sister happier than she's ever been. Go to Hell!'

Of course I gave him my permission. I think I made him deaf for a minute, with my shriek, which was loud enough to draw my slut of an RA away from her boyfriend for thirty seconds to see that I wasn't dying or something. Anyway, after I was done hugging Xander, him grinning and all, he left and proposed. And I think it was perfect for their relationship. Nothing huge, nothing… mystical or overly complex. They went to dinner, and he said, "So, do you wanna get married, or what?" and pulled out the ring, which, wow, I didn't know carpenters made that kind of money.

When I asked him about it, he just said, "Nothing but the best for my Buffy." I think Faith summed it up very well, when she saw it. I believe her exact words were "Holy shit, X, did you rob a fucking bank or something?"

So that was it. They got engaged. Everyone was happy. Giles is giving her away. I'm the maid of honor, and Faith is a bridesmaid, though she keeps complaining about having to 'dress up and shit.' Willow is Xander's best man (again) and Andrew is a groomsman. I can't wait to see him in a tux.

It's almost time for the party now, so I have to go put on something slutty.


Oh God. Oh holy Christ. Ohhhhhhh. Not good. So not good. So very not good. I have duties today. I have things to do. Responsibilities. Things that –

I think I just saw the pretzels I ate last night. That was not good. So very not good. Ohhhh…. This is it. I am never drinking ever again. Especially not… the T word… you know the one… ohhh so not good.

I think somebody is trying to break out of my head from the inside. Oh, no, that's just the door. Hold on.

Have I mentioned I love Andrew? He's the greatest. He's fantastic. He's wonderful. He brings me aspirin, and holds my hair without flinching as my pretzels try again to make a return visit. Has there ever been such a wonderful thing? And the washcloth. Oh, the cold, wet washcloth. He is a god.

Okay, it's time to get moving. I have to get dressed. My shoes… oh, there. Okay. Whoa. I really wish I had that Slayer constitution right about now. Okay, here's my checklist for the day.

Wake up. Check.

Get over hangover. In progress.

About that. I am really happy we're friends with a couple of vampires. That means the ceremony gets held at night. That means more time for Dawn the lush to recover. And there's something fitting ab—

Okay, that time I know I saw my pretzels.

Next. After the hangover, or during, as may be the case, are the rings. I have to make sure the rings get to the park. Buffy's getting married in a little gazebo in a park, with lights set up and a small microphone so that everyone can hear the… whatsit… wedding… talker guy.

Also, delivery. Deliver the bride. Bride is very much important to the ceremony. No wedding without Buffy. This comes later.

I have to get dressed. I have to do a last check with the caterers… we're having the reception in the hotel, it just makes sense. I've given the song list to the DJ. I have to pick somebody up. Who do I have to pick up?

Oh, right, the rest of the Fang Gang. Angel and Spike got here last night, what with them not able to be out during the day. The rest of the guys get here in about an hour. And with Cordy! She came out of her coma last year! Ohmygosh, you can't believe how excited we were, we all flew out to L.A. immediately, all of us who knew her, we all went. There were tearful reunions and all around happiness and everything. It was so great to see her not lying flat on her back, hooked up to all sorts of machines.

Okay, keys. Keys are necessary for van driveage. Giles. Giles will have keys.


"Joyce would be so proud of you if she could see you now, Dawnie."

It's a very simple phrase, and not really eloquent (not brutish or anything either). But those words mean so much to me. I swear, sometimes I think Xander is the absolute best guy on the planet. And I mean, like, ever.

I had dropped in on him to see how he was holding up. He is so completely relaxed, not at all like he was before the previous non-wedding. Which isn't a fair comparison to make, because, he really did love Anya, and they would be married today, I think (or, maybe Xander would be a widower, on the way to his second marriage), except that he was so much less secure with himself then.

But, I asked him about it anyway, why he was so relaxed now, and wasn't then. Xander smiled that smile he has and said that everything he did with Anya always took a lot of work, but that it was worth it, because she was worth it. But Buffy… loving Buffy was the easiest thing in the world for him.

Anyway, so then when I was leaving, that's when he said what he said. I turned back to him, I think I was tearing up a little. He told me that I was growing up to be wonderful person, that I was so beautiful it took his breath away, and that if she were alive, Mom wouldn't be able to help herself from being proud of me. Anyway, I almost knocked him over when I jumped at him. I think I surprised him, but pretty soon he just wrapped me in his arms and held me. How could anybody ever be better for my sister than him?

Okay, only a few minutes to spare, here, so we move on to the really important stuff.

When in the hell did Angel and Cordelia get together? Did I miss the memo? Did somebody forget to dial me in to that conference call? Because I swear I didn't know, but everybody else here knew what was up.

What bugs me, what really bugs me, is that when I asked Giles how he knew Angel and Cordelia were together, he said to me in his oh-so-British tone, "Oh, it was a foregone conclusion." IT WAS A WHAT? Angel, the same Angel who pined over my sister for years, whose very soul was tied to not having too much happiness with BUFFY, and it's a foregone conclusion he's going to end up with Cordelia? I think of a certain night when Willow was a vampire, and not at the same time, and remember what she said. "You all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did you?"

How could ANYBODY think it was a foregone conclusion? Or even a likely conclusion? Don't get me wrong, they're totally cute as a couple, and I'm all in favor of Angel happiness (not too much happiness, though) and Cordelia happiness, even Angel & Cordelia happiness. But WHY DIDN'T I KNOW?

I have to go now. Some of the Slayers are setting up the park, and I get to supervise.


I'm in my dress, and I no longer feel like my head is going to explode. This is a very good thing. Faith is in helping Buffy change, and Willow and Andrew have taken Xander to the park, where they will no doubt have to help him with his bow-tie.

Rona called from the park and said the guests have started to arrive, and that everything looks perfect. Slayers from all over have come into town, and not just to see the ceremony. A gathering this large at night, and we've got about thirty Slayers patrolling within a half mile of the park. Giles insisted on it. NOTHING is going to go wrong with this wedding.

I have to go in a minute, I need to help my sister, but I think that this might possibly be the most perfect day ever, except for the whole hangover, barfing thing.

And I have to tell you about Buffy's dress.

First, it's white, which we all know is a stretch, but really, nobody cares anymore. And it is so beautiful, it's just the perfect dress for her. It's got these… well, it has a big… thing. And the… traily thing… behind her. It's long and lacey. And then the veil has a roundish thing… um, with satin stuff. Okay, I suck at descriptions and this is a crappy record of what's going on, but dammit, just believe me. It's gorgeous, and so is she. The term 'glowing bride' seems like it was coined specifically for my sister.

Faith was saying earlier that it's a good thing this is taking place at night, because the shine coming off Buffy's smile would give people sunburn. She is sooooo happy right now. She was almost hyperventilating earlier, not because she's nervous (though she is, a little, she still has idiot issues from time to time) and not because she's scared. She can't believe she's marrying the guy who, in the end, turned out to be the man of her dreams. She can't believe she finally got it right.

And she knows it's for good this time.

During one of their fights, about a year and a half ago, when I was consoling her (while somehow managing not to take sides), I asked her if she thought Xander was the one. You know. The One. She kind of laughed a little and said that he had better be, because if this whole thing, the way he could make her feel, with just a look, with just a touch, or a simple kind word muttered not to make her feel good, but just because that's how he really feels, if this wasn't 'it' then she didn't think she could survive whatever 'it' was, and she was damn sure she didn't want to try.

I guess sometimes she's not so dumb after all.

It's time now. I have to go. In a little over an hour, my sister will be Buffy Anne Harris.

Buffy Anne Harris. Faith was rolling it over her tongue a few hours ago. Said it sounds a little weird. I think it sounds damn near perfect.


And what the hell is Faith's last name, anyway? Did she ever tell us? I don't think I know, and I've known the girl for years now. Sorry, just started bugging me all of a sudden.


Perfect. Absolutely perfect. The ceremony went off without a hitch (well, except for the one that was supposed to happen, you know, Buffy and Xander *getting* hitched). The ceremony was short, and sweet, and they both wrote and read their own vows. Willow cried. I cried. Giles cried and tried to hide it. And apparently the demons got the message, because the patrolling Slayers didn't hear one peep. Buffy and Xander shared the sweetest, tenderest, yet at the same time most passionate kiss… it was just all wonderful.

Then we went to the reception. Buffy and Xander danced, and Xander was surprisingly good, although that's not too much of a surprise. His slow dancing was never the problem. Buffy and Giles danced. This was maybe one of the first wedding receptions where the groom danced with his best man and it wasn't a joke.

So I danced with Andrew, and Faith and Xander danced, and Faith and Giles danced, which was really very funny, and a little scary.

Willow gave a speech about Xander, and what he's meant to all of us throughout the years. It was like the speech she was born to give. The two of them have been together forever, almost literally Xander cried and Willow cried and they hugged, and Buffy cried and they all hugged.

So then people started to go home, or at least to their rooms, and at the end of the night, the only people left sitting there were Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles. They stayed up talking for who knows how long. All I know is that when Vi got up in the morning to take her 'light run' of about 8 miles, Buffy and Willow were still in their dresses, and Xander and Giles still in their tuxes. How funny is that? Their wedding night, and they spend it sitting up talking with two other people.

Vi also said that Andrew was kind of off to one side practicing something, like he was afraid to approach them or nervous or something. Weird.

I guess it's kind of fitting though, the four of them staying up like that. A kind of a farewell to the past. They will always be friends, and always love each other, but Buffy and Xander are married now. That's going to change things, no matter what. Buffy and Xander will start a family. They've picked out an apartment, and are moving out of the hotel as soon as they can pick up the lease. Willow and Giles are family, as much as I am. In some ways more. But I think all four of them realize that last night was the end of one stage of their lives, and the beginning of another.

Buffy and Xander leave tonight. They're going on their honeymoon, a tour of Italy, which Giles paid for as their wedding present. They're going to come back, and everything will be different. They'll be looking towards the future.

Xander gave my sister a future worth looking forward to, something she never had all the years we were in Sunnydale. Even this Hellmouth isn't as bad. Not until we got here was Buffy ever able to be happy.

Maybe Cleveland isn't so bad after all.


No, on second thought, Cleveland still sucks. This was just a natural progression of things that would have happened anywhere, and we chose a god-awful city to have it happen in. That's how inevitable this was. It even happened in Cleveland. My stupid sister and her stupid husband are staying here when they don't have to.


I'm really retiring this thing now. That part of their story is over, and it's time to start something new.