Author: Michael Dunbar <Mutant190583[at]>

Disclaimer: Joss and CO own everything about the Buff Verse

Timeline: Set in season 2 sometime after Angel went bad. No other slayers exist either.

Summary: What's preordained cannot be changed

Author's notes: Just getting back into the swing of things with a Xander POV fic. I'm trying to write the last parts of my immortal years story as I type this, ill get it done within the next few months hopefully.

Author's notes 2: I'm also looking for a beta reader and somebody to throw ideas at if anybody's interested.

Author's notes 3: This will be an average length fic, something along the lines of 10 parts or something.

Latest addition


I'm hurting bad, the pain in my side is a stabbing pain that just seems to be getting sharper by the minute.

My head hurts even worse than my side and I can feel the blood trickling down the side of my face from the injury that I can't seem to really remember getting.

All I really remember really was a wall coming towards me and then pain and darkness.

I'm sure my arms broken or dislocated or something; it hurts a lot although I try really hard not to focus on that in the here and now.

It isn't really good for the thought processes or the ability to move and besides if I did I'd be tempted to sit down in a corner somewhere and cry.

"Come on tough man" I goad myself, it helps me have some semblance of control other my bodily functions.

I seem to be losing that control by the second.

The stake is snug in my only working hand and my only protection against the advancing figure.

His eyes are feral yellow and he has a smirk on his face, that evil bastard.

I hate him.

I hate what he did to my friends.

But most of all

I hate what he did to Buffy.

He always thought he was so tough, so hard, so Mr. I can't be beaten by anyone even a slayer.

Angelus is hurting though, despite the smirk.

I think the sword sticking from his side and the bruises lining his face have something to do with that.

I'm glad I brought that sword along.

But I can't fool myself. I can try but it won't do much good.

I am not in a good position right now, fucked up pretty badly with only a stake and an ugly vampire for company.

But then I was prepared for this inevitability I knew it would come down to this from the beginning.


(5 days earlier)

"Come on Wills" I moan at her with a sad look on my face.

I knew it'd get to her.

It always did.

No one can resist my moaning voice; they always give in at the end.

What can I say, I know how to annoy to the next level of annoyingness.. ness.

"But Xan I've got to get my own work finished and patrol with Buffy and Giles.. and do my hair and meet Oz and… "

Big guns time

I look at her like someone kicked my puppy, all head down eyes glazed over in a sad pathetic looking way.




"Oh who am I kidding; of course I'll help you with your history homework"

Bringing her into a sideways hug I smile widely.

Knew it would work.

"But you be prepared to work, I'm not doing it for you this time and no television. You are not watching badly dubbed Bollywood movies while we work"


I have to do work this time, I can tell there's no room for diplomacy.

Willow's resolve face is on and even I don't mess with that

"Fine…" I moan again "I'll work I promise, now come on… to the library fair wench"

Willow looks at me likes she's going to use a bad spell to turn me into something horrible.

Like Angels hair gel.

"Relax Wills I'm just getting into the history thing.."

"The homework's on world war 2" Willow reply's with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay then mein Fuhrer.. To Ze head quarters" I try out my best German accent and cause her to laugh outright as we head for the library.

The days were getting better

Buffy isn't as down, depressed and sad as she used to be a few week back which I am personally glad about.

She even smiles occasionally, just occasionally though.

But then I guess it's hard to smile when the one you love is out there and wants to kill you and your friends.

Not much to smile about

But that's what I am here for, to make her smile

I always like a challenge

Well one that isn't particularly difficult anyways

What can I say, I'm a lazy individual. I can live with it.

"Buffster" I smile widely as I see my friend sitting at the table reading some big book.

Obviously some research thingy going down.

Willow heads straight for the computer

I just lean on the table and put my bag on the floor.

"How is my favourite slayer today? "

"Favourite?" She says with a smile playing on her lips "I am the one and only Xander"

"Well that only proves my point then although id say you rely too much on that one and only business"

"hmm Xander" I turn my head way too fast and nearly fall over and hear Buffy stifle a giggle at the side of me.

I stick my tongue out at her then turn my attention back to Giles "Yes G dude"

"hmmm" I know that he is thinking of something to say to my new moniker for him but he just takes his glasses off and rubs his nose in an irate manner.

For that I have just gained 5 bucks from my good red headed friend and can't help but turn and smile smugly over at her.

Willow just sticks her middle finger up and flips me the bird.

"I need your help moving something in my office.." Giles finally says after grabbing my attention once more.

"Me? But you've got your very own on call weight lifting, bench pressing a Buick, Slayer sitting right here…"

"I don't lift" Buffy simply replies with a smile, the one that always causes me to go weak at the knees "I might break a nail"

"Oh no" I reply sarcastically "We wouldn't want that"

Giles rubs his nose again and puts his glasses back in there place "Must you be so tiresome… the sooner we get it done the sooner you can get back to your laying about time"

"You know, I resent that implication Giles"

"I only tell the truth" he says with an annoying pompous smile.

"Fine I'll do this moving thing but if I get an hernia don't think I won't sue, I'll take you for every penny Mr cant move a stupid thing in my office"

As it was I didn't hurt myself unfortunately.

Accident Direct would have been on him like a vampire on a virgin.


Oh great, Queen C has arrived.

She can kiss great but sometimes I really wish she couldn't talk.


Scratch sometimes.

All of the time.

"Yea Cordy"

Cordelia is standing near the door of the library and looks pretty angry.

Even more angry than she usually is

I take a step towards her but she holds up her hands motioning for me to stay where I am or lose something vital to my manliness.

"Did you forget something last night by any chance? "

I thought real hard for about 5 seconds.

The date

I totally forgot about our date to the cinema.

She must have been there all alone.

I might as well just carve my own headstone, dig a grave and jump in because I am going to be on the wrong end of a rather pointy shoe any moment now.

"Ermmmm…" is all I manage to get out.

"Yes ERMM!!" Cordelia shouts out "You were supposed to be with me, your girlfriend. You know… girlfriend. I'm sure even you can grasp that"

"Well Cor you see…"

How is the Xandman going to get himself out of this one?

"He was patrolling last night" Buffy says quietly from her seat "We were patrolling…"

Thanks Buff

But somehow I don't think that's going to make her any happier.

"What can't miss slayalot do it on her own now? She has to steal my boyfriend and put his life in danger…"

I have to intervene; I don't want a fight between Cordelia and Buffy.

Cordelia would be a stain on the floor in 5 seconds.

"Look Co…"

"No you look" She interrupts sadly "I.. I think we should call it quits"

I remain quiet not really knowing what to stay, so I just stand there dumbly and watch as she walks out of the library.

The closet excursions would be sorely missed.

But more than that, I thought I was actually getting to know her.

Getting to know Queen C what a joke

I feel a hand on my arm and turn to see Buffy looking at me with worry and put on a fake smile.

"Are you okay Xan?"

"I'm fine" I reassure her and widen my smile "Just fine, I've got something to do before classes start. I'll see you later folks"

Exiting the library I head towards the main entrance of the school and take a deep breath.

Country music here I come.

Chapter 1

I have no idea why but country music just doesn't cut it any more.

In fact I'd say that it worsened my emotional state rather than helped me heal from the emotional tirade that Cordelia had barraged me with.

Look at me using the big words, Willow would be so proud.

The music just doesn't cure my depressive states anymore, not like when I was rejected by the Buffster.

Maybe depression is a tinsy winsy bit of a strong word.

I am upset I guess, losing Cordy isn't a thing I'm happy about that's for sure.

I mean she can do this thing with her tongue that….

Well I'll just leave it at that shall I before I embarrass myself in the middle of maths class.

Cordelia probably hasn't even batted an eyelid, in fact I bet she's got a new stud on her arm by this evening's event at the bronze.

It's not like I meant that much to her.

I guess I annoyed her so much that she felt the need to shut me up any way possible.

But what a way to shut somebody up

Mr Stalls our mathematics teacher is prattling on about something but I can't say I'm particularly interested.

Then I notice him look at me as I lounge across the table in an almost sleep filled state.

"Alexander… Do you care to enlighten us with the basic equation of the Pythagoras theorem?"


Everyone's looking at me now and I'm sure Willow's sniggering in her seat at my side.

Little witch

"Well… It's a theorem…"

Well that's lame

Another F for Xander


I could tell by the way he was smiling that he knew I didn't know but he just loved to push the boat out.

"It was a guy named Pythagoras and it was his theorem?"

Just kill me now

I can hear the laughing around the class

Don't think I won't get them back

Some how

Some day

I will repay

"How very enlightening Alexander…"

"I thought so" I mumble to myself as the class goes back into full swing

Maths always seems to last forever

Like it defies time itself just to bore me into a state of utter boredom.

At any moment now I could feel the need to swallow my own tongue just for a bit of excitement.

Where's an apocalypse when you need one?



On second thoughts I'm not that bored.

Wow the class has finally ended, the bell ringing while very loud and sometime annoying pleases me no end.

I am out of class before the teacher utters another word.

Don't want to be insulted by the teacher revelations on my lack of maths skills, since to me it's no revelation whatsoever.

Now where's that vending machine, I feel the need to satisfy my misery with some chocolaty goodness.

Ahh which shall it be?

Cocorific bar maybe, or shall I go for the class but never over done Twinkie?

"You know Xander, it isn't supposed to be a life decision"

Buffy's at my side now and she's looking particularly nice but then when doesn't she?

I smile

"Oh Buffy, so young and naïve… I envy thee"

Clutching my heart in mock envy she laughs at me and slaps me on the arm.

"I see you've recovered from Cordelia's dumping of you"

"It sounds so nice when you say it" I reply sarcastically and type a number into the vending machine.




And the chocolate is mine, oh yes.

I can't help but munch it down greedily with a big grin on my face.

Chocolate is Gods way of telling me I should have been a fat overweight man who looks at porn on the internet.

What a life that would be.

Instead I'm in good old Sunnydale getting punched by vampires on a nightly basis.

But at least I get to see Buffy in leather.


Ah the witch of my life.

"You really nailed that pythagoras question"

"I know, what can I say I'm a regular maths dude"

We take a walk out to the quad and head towards our usual seats that just happen to be across from Cordelia and her giggling posse.

God how I hate life

"We can go somewhere else Xan if you want" Buffy says touching my arm gently.

"Naa I'll be fine"

I smile to reassure her and we sit on the bench, by now the chocolate had all gone and all I can do is frown at the empty wrapper before placing it in the bin at the side of the bench.

I can see Cordelia purposely try to ignore me, she looks across occasionally and once or twice I'm sure I saw regret in them beautiful eyes.

Must be getting delusional in my old age

Buffy and Willow are talking about something irrelevant, I can always trust my girly friends to talk about the pointless and bring me back from wherever I go once in a while.

"I'm telling you Wills… I saw Larry totally making on a guy in the Bronze the other night"

"Larry, "Mr I'll beat you up for nothing" Larry? " Will fell into a giggle and I laugh joining in, ignoring my ex for the time been.

My friends were always more important.

Ex, it feels strange calling her that.

Were me and Cordelia ever truly an item?

Do you have had to have sex with each other to class them as your ex when you're dumped?

The world is so strange, not just Sunnydale.

Out of my funk I smile lightly at the girls in my life "So, are we up for some boogying at the bronze tonight? Can I pull out my party hat and put on my funky shoes?"

"Exam tomorrow Xander" Willow states simply and I smile.

Things never change

"What? We won't be out late, 10 the latest. Come on Wills. You get to see your guitar playing boyfriend whip out his thang in front of an audience and could that sound anymore disgusting?"

Wills and Buffy both shake there heads to the negative.

"Well I guess I can stretch to 10, I'll have to revise before I go out though or ill be a stress head for the entire night"

"Wills… My darling Wills… You're always a stress head"

The punch came fast and furious and actually made me wince, slightly.

I'm just a normal human with human capabilities and I also bruise real easily.

"May I just say…. ouch ….and that I'm happy cos I got my girls to go to the bronze…"

"Your girls?" Buffy asks eyebrow raised and a small smile on her lips.

I'm sure I see something new in her eyes but I let it pass and turn away.

No way do I even want to go there

"Yea, your both my girls.."

I smile widely at them both and bring them both into a hug.

"Will you both get a tattoo?"

The bruises I receive next will be there for a month.


Chapter 2

The bronze is packed.

We only managed to get a table thanks to my scary demeanour. Also the fact that the previous occupants had ran off to get drinks might have been a big reason too.

It's survival of the fittest here in clubbing land.

Buffy is jaw drop worthy and I have to regain my composure several times within a minute as I occasionally look at her.

Man she is fine…er.

Willow looks like Willow, my best friend. Just with a few extra curves than I'm used to. Willow is too busy looking at her boyfriend doing his thing on stage to even consider my appraisals anyway.

He's getting better at the guitar, not that I'm a guru myself.

I played the flugelhorn when I was younger and they are kind of similar except for the fact that they are completely different.

Cordy's in here somewhere, I saw her when I came past the brick wall guarding the entrance.

His names John, as brick walls go he's not too bad.

Although I often amuse myself with the idea that one time he will try and stop Buffy from coming in and she'll have to show the 7 foot monster up.

That'd be a sight.

I'm dressed in my usual wacky wear, as I so fondly call my dress sense, it's comfortable and that's why I like it.

The fashion world be damned.

"Xan" Buffy drew my attention from the floor to her and I offered a smile "You want to dance?"

I'm sure my heart just stopped…

… … …

Ah… there it goes.

"Oh.. Um … err"

Find your tongue and use it


Man I have a squeaky voice.

I take her hand and we walk to the middle of the dance floor, gyrating teenagers surrounding us.

I'm not even sure what songs on, I think my five senses gave up when she held onto my hand.

She looks beautiful and somewhat happy.

He's still out there somewhere and I can tell that's the source of all her pain. I'm hoping she's not attached to him anymore like she was before, that she can give up the idea of them two together.

Not for my sake, but for her own.

Every life he takes is on her shoulders and I don't want her to carry that load.

A night that should have been the happiest or one of the happiest of there lives turned into a living nightmare.

How wonderful is Sunnydale?

The songs a slow one, I know that now. The gently rhythm of the couples around me gives in to me holding her hand in mine and she leans forward to hug herself to my chest.

I think my jaws on the floor somewhere and possibly my spine too.


Her voice is so quiet, so gentle.


Mine is still annoyingly squeaky.

"I'm over Angel..."

I lean back to look into her eyes and she smiles at me and I push her to carry on with the look I give her.

"I... I love him still, I mean I think I always will.. But he's not here, he probably never will be and I know I can find someone else to love more and who could love me back without it turning awful… I miss him sometimes, but I know that it can't every happen. That even if he does come back through some miracle that I wouldn't want him, that even though its not Angel out there killing, I couldn't look at him the same way I did before."

I guess it was okay when they started out and she couldn't see Angelus's victims from the past before he was cursed.

Seeing them now, seeing the people he's killed.

Miss Calendar.

It must have got to her.


I'm not sure what to say.

I just hug her more and she doesn't fight it.

If she's willing to move on that's good, although I have no idea why she's tell me this.

One part of me screams YES!!!

That's the part of me I've labelled "idiot".

I love her and I possibly always will.

I don't think it goes away ever; maybe some ointment could cure me. I've always been a glutton for punishment.

I'll never admit it to her, she thought it was a crush and probably even still does. She can probably tell I'm attracted to her from the looks I give her every so often.

She's willing to move on, that's good.

No doubt about that, no sirree.

I guess a part of me wants to ask her out right now, heck a part of me wants to get down on one knee and propose.

That's the idiot part again.

She might be willing to move on, but I'm not about to let her move on. I think she needs to really think about this and possibly kill the guy with her lovers face before she can truly push herself forward.

I'll be there for her, helping her.

"I'm glad Buffy" I whisper to her "it's good you can move on"

That's all I say to her as we dance the rest of the song away.

Cordelia's staring daggers at us from the corner, she's got her arm around some guy but she keeps looking my way.

Please, she dumps me then expects me to just sit and mope.

To even my surprise I flip Cordelia the bird and continue to dance.

The next thing I see is her storming out of the club with the dim- witted guy she is with in toe.

You can tell he's a dimwit.

I mean who wears flares in this day and age?

I'm a bit slow but even I get there eventually.


Buffy feels me tense and steps away.

"Cordelia... Vampire... come on" Is all I manage to utter as I run for the exit.

Have you ever had your nightmares pulled out of your head and displayed before you?

Neither had I before tonight.

In fact I wouldn't say this was my nightmare, I'd say it was much worse than anything my imagination could come up with.

That guy or sucking fiend from hell as I so fondly call the overbite bearers was working for Angelus just to get Cordelia.

Or that's the way it looks as he runs off.

I thought Cordelia was smarter than this, she knows to look for fashion no-no's.

Maybe she was too caught up in our break up to notice.

We are too late now, I can see that.

She's on the floor of the alley at the side of the bronze and there's so much blood and all he can do, his face half hidden in the darkness, is smile.

His wicked evil smile

A smile I so wish I could rip from his face with some kind of an axe.

Angelus disappears quickly enough though, runs off to somewhere just like he always does.

The fucking pansy ass bastard can't stay and fight.

Even though I'm no match, I want a chance.

I don't think I can move.

I haven't really tried yet.

Buffy's screaming at me but I just can't hear her, I can't do anything.

Just like always.

Been useless has got to be a Harris trait.

My dad is useless so I'm guessing I got it from him.

Useless is as useless does.

I'm next to Cordelia now; blood is running in all directions from her body.

Half of her neck seems to be missing where he bit and fed from her.

Angelus didn't just bite her; he ravaged her like an animal.

That's exactly what he is.

An animal

What do you do when an animal bites a human?

You put it down

"She'll turn…" is the next thing I hear.

His blood runs down from Cordelia's mouth, I can see that plainly now.

That bastard just turned my ex.

Cordelia an immortal forever creature, my deepest nightmares aren't even this bad.

I'll get him, somehow.


Buffy touches my arm gently and I pull away harshly.

She thinks it's her fault and I guess some part of me does too despite what I thought earlier.

The next thing I know I'm staring down at my dinner as I vomit onto the concrete. My stomach makes it painfully aware that there's nothing left to bring up.

I'll get the bastard…

I promise Cordelia.

Chapter 3

I'm not sure what has changed in me, not entirely anyway.

You can call it an epiphany, an act of god, hell you could call it changing from a child into a man but all I know is that something is completely different.

Maybe the realisation of Cordelia's turning finally struck something inside me, making me step forward past the idealism of been a sidekick for a superhero like in the comic books I had read when I was younger.

Maybe I have just finally fucking grown up.

I wasn't in love with Cordelia that's for sure, but maybe if we'd have stayed together then it could have been the real thing.

Or maybe I'm just kidding myself and I'm still in love with a blonde slayer that doesn't even look my way and I always will be.

Always is such a long time.

I'm such a fuck up, my entire life I've never been anything else.

But this time my fuck up got Cordelia killed, if it wasn't for me she'd be somewhere close insulting my dress sense as usual and right at this moment that would be music to my ears.

I hurt Buffy when I slapped her hands away earlier, not in the physical sense I mean like that could ever happen, I could see it in her eyes.

She was hurt by my rejection.

But I'd say that is one of my smaller problems at the moment.

I'm not even sure where I am, I'm pretty sure I passed out.

Which was a big manly thing to do if I do say so myself.

I think I'm on Buffy's couch, there are a few pictures on the mantle of her and her mom and they kind of give my locale away.

Buffy must have carried me here, A tiny blonde girl carrying tall gangly old me through half the town, at any other time in my life I'd have laughed at that thought.

Now just isn't the time.

Cordelia wouldn't rise tonight, it would be tomorrow.

It takes 24 hours for demonic possession to take hold or so I've learnt over the past couple of years or so.

She won't even live a night I owe her nothing less; I won't let a fucking demon take her and hold her for any longer than a night.

I don't plan on been a Buffy and been held back by my feelings, that creature isn't Cordelia and will never be her again even if we managed to curse her.

You don't come back from visions of torture, feeding off humans and murder the same.

Believe me.

For the first time I have managed to get a good look around the room and notice Buffy's limp form on the chair.

She must be uncomfortable on the chair, despite her slayer suppleness.

The moonlight from outside just seems to shimmer down her sleep filled state and she looks so peaceful and just so happy.

Maybe Buffy is with him in her dreams, they have the white picket fence, the 2.4 children, the dog called Sparky and maybe they even have a happy ever after there.

I know the dream; I've had it so many times.

Then you get bombed down with reality, it hits you like a lead weight and you realise the dream can never possibly be.

But you live on because there truly is no other alternative.

My feet are on the floor before I even realise it and I've picked up Buffy's unconscious form and have laid her down in my former position on the couch and she sprawls out welcoming the extra space.

Buffy doesn't make a murmur.

She must be comfortable with my presence, at least that's something.

So peaceful and happy, it's not often I or anybody else gets to see Buffy like this.

It's one of the finest things to witness in my opinion.

I have no idea where I am going but the night air touches my face before I even realise it.

The darkness is only illuminated by the half moon shining down from above and the street lamps shining down onto the pavement.

Suddenly my feet stop and I realise I'm at the closest cemetery to Buffy's house. Not missing a beat I let myself through the gate and immediately lean down near a tree and pick up a branch that had fallen.

I now know what I came here for tonight, I came to kill.

But I'm Xander, the sidekick.

Maybe the vampires will see me and die of laughter.

Then suddenly it all changes because I see one of them, so obvious, so predatory.

So monstrous

Then all my doubts are gone and there is just me, the vampire and the foot long branch in my hand.

I have no idea where it comes from, such pain and rage. It fills me from head to toe like an almighty injection of adrenaline and then I'm attacking.

There's just blood, screams and then there's nothing.

Just a calm eerie quiet.

The creature is dust; id slammed the branch into his chest.

My breath is heavy as I slump to the floor into the vampires dust.

I'd beaten him to a bloody pulp first before going for the kill, broken what seemed like thousands of bones as I lunged and smashed with the large piece of wood.

Blood had sprayed all over and even onto me, my shirt is covered in that foul creatures liquid and I don't have a second thought as I rip it off and leave the tattered shirt to the birds.

I just run, run in pain and anger.

Tomorrow I'll free Cordelia.

Chapter 4

(The next night)

Maybe I should just stake her and be done with it, end her torment before I even get to see her vampire face. But then, I'd never be truly sure whether she is or has been taken over.

It's stupid, it's daft and it may not be tactically sound but I can't kill her without been sure, without knowing that she's what I dread the most.

The morgue is freezing, but then I don't know what I expected. It's always been this cold, every single time I've visited.

Way too often

Cordelia lays there unmoving, but she will move soon. 10 minutes or less and she'll want to drink my blood and she'll want to turn me.

Although maybe she won't, maybe she'll wake up normal and Cordelia like. Be as bitchy as ever and I can sigh and actually enjoy the insults aimed at me.

I'm in fantasy land, I know that.

She looks more peaceful now than she ever was, laid on the cold metal table. The two red marks can still be clearly seen on the side of her neck where he bit her and I have to hold my dinner down just at the awful thought.

We must have some fast funerals in this town, all the vampires we kill that are climbing from the grave and all.

Cordelia's funeral will have to wait till her mom and dad get back from Spain; they went on a second honeymoon and should be coming back at the weekend.

They'll come home to her death and they'll cry and know that they weren't there for her even though they never really could have been.

I should have been.

For once Buffy didn't argue with me when I said I wanted to kil… free Cordelia. I guess she knows it's something I have to do.

She didn't pull the whole slayer act on me.

I've got a cross, holy water, a stake and a crossbow.

I am prepared

Still I'm shaking like a leaf as I lean against the metal lockers, just waiting.

I didn't go to school today and I don't know if I want to go ever again. It won't be the same without Queen C bitching at every single thing, the way Buffy has her hair or the new girl who looks like a hippy.

Willow won't let me get off with skipping school for too long, she'll use her wiles and believe me she has them in spades.

Cordelia's moving now but it's more like she gasps for a large breath.

Reminds me of Highlander in a way

I know now and I have to help her. Her vampire face is on and it looks so awful. I still can't believe that one of my friends is a vampire and not the kind with a cursed soul.

Not that Angel was ever my friend.

"Hey there Xander.. Have you come to give Cordy a get well kiss?"

She's so confident and very predatory but I guess they are born that way. They are born and instantly know that they are stronger and faster than anything on the planet.

Besides a few demons and the slayer that is.

I guess that's where the confidence comes from.

"No Cordelia… I've come to say goodbye"

Cordelia raises one eyebrow and then spots the crossbow in my hand.

She's running now, as fast as she can and believe you me that's pretty quick for a vampire.

But I am faster.


And I press the trigger on the crossbow and I see the pain in her eyes and the shock on her face. She crumbles before me and all that is left is a very fine dust coating the hard tiled floor.

"I'll miss you"


(A few minutes later)

I'm glad I did what I did, it wouldn't help the world any if every one of us that got turned got let off because they were friends.

It doesn't work that way.

Although I hope there never is any more of us that get turned, I don't know if I could take it. The one thing that I'm not happy about is the fact that the chases won't be able the bury Cordelia because there's now no body to bury.

Everyone should have the right to be buried in full.

The vampires take that away from us.

For once in the past few days I can actually breathe without feeling the need to knock myself unconscious with a heavy object just so I don't have to face the world.

"Hey Xan"

I look up to see Buffy waiting for me by the gate; she's wearing her slayer outfit.

She was waiting for my call just in case I needed any help.

Obviously Cordelia didn't mean anything to Angelus, he just did it to play with us otherwise he'd have had vampires here ready to collect her.

"Hey… It's done" I sigh "I did it"

Buffy loops her arm into mine and leans into me "I'm sorry Xan"

"Yea, me too.. "

"You up for some patrolling with your favourite slayer?"

"I would be, if only she was here"

I get a slap for that one as she drags me down the street.

"Hardy har har… come on, say it Xan… Buffy's my favourite slayer…"

"You know" I reply with a smile, the first on my face for a few days "you really should get that ego checked…"

Another slap and I hold up my hands defensively.

"Okay… superhero strength remember and you know you're my favourite slayer… "

Buffy smiles

"But if Britney spears was a vampire slayer now that'd be something else entirely"

"Eugghh men" she mutters before dragging me into a graveyard.

"You take me to the nicest places" I reply

All this talk is just tittle tattle. Maybe she is really interested in me now in other than a friend way at least it seems that way.

I don't think that it really matters that much anymore.

Buffy thinks that me been Mr Vampire Killer is over because I killed Cordelia, because I rid the world of another demon when there's thousands out there still hunting and preying on innocents.

I can't do anything about them all but there's one particular demon I'm thinking about at the moment.

In a few days, he'll be mine.

Angelus you son of a bitch, I'm coming for you.

And I've got nothing to lose.


Chapter 5

I can't just go in and kill him, that isn't the way to go about it. If I had the strength or the speed to do that I would, I'd love to see the look on his face when I stabbed a sharp piece of wood through his chest after battering his legions of vampires on my own.

But it just isn't going to happen.

Tactics is what will help me win out in the end, that and a whole lot of explosives.

I have some stuff left from the previous year's excursion to the army base. It wasn't the smartest thing to do but I was sure they'd be more worried about the rocket launcher going missing than a few pistols, some C4 and a few grenades.

It's all holed up in my basement; nobody goes down there anymore due to the fact that it smells pretty nasty down there after a pipe burst a few years ago.

Nobody cleans up in the Harris household.

It's under some plastic covering in a few heavy duty boxes, I didn't even want to think what would happen if something managed to ignite down there.

My street would be a whole lot brighter for a day or so.

I wish I could go back in time a few days, just a few days so I could save her and stop myself from starting what I've been building myself up to do.

It's not that much to ask is it?

After all I've been party to what, 5 or something world saving ventures. I think I deserve something from the big guy upstairs after all the shit we've been through. Like a few days would make that much of a difference.

Although I already knew, even back then, that this was going to happen eventually. At one point we were going to have to face Angel and it would have been Buffy normally.

Buffy would have been on her own fighting that creature the one with the face that she loves.

Could she ever have done the job?

I wish to think so, I hope beyond all hope that in that situation she'd live up to my hero worship but somewhere or something inside me tells me my way is a lot better for everyone.

If I die, I'm just another statistic.

But if Buffy dies, the world might as well just go with it because I cant see another slayer been quite as good as her.


So anyway back to less deep-filled thoughts and back to my current situation.

I can't believe the vampires have the audacity to live in the Crawford Street Mansion. All the windows blackened or boarded up to prevent sunlight from getting in through the day.

Angelus always like to live it up, he reminds me of a weak pathetic Lestat clone in a way.

I also can't believe how easy it was to find his current locale, I mean all I did was follow a vampire I spotted in the cemetery and fanny's your aunt. Here I am, Vamp watching from the branches of a tree.

You know I love pretending to be all army guy, I never hardly get to wear the combats. They make me blend into the darkened scales of the old tree that is rooted just at the gate of the mansion.

I lied to Willow and Buffy.

They think I'm just at home, living the depressed "my ex is dead so leave me alone" life.

I'm not Angel.

He's there now, instructing some little piss ant vampire to do something at the door of the mansion.

Sometimes I wish I had a sniper rifle and the knowledge to use it, well just this time actually.

I really want to see his head pop.

Dropping out of the tree I wait till the vampire comes within grabbing distance, and then cross at the ready I place it against his lips as I grab him from behind and drag him into the bushes.

"Listen up… You tell me what Angelus ordered you to do and I kill you quickly, if not… This cross can be used elsewhere"

Wow, I actually pulled off the scary guy act. I'm quite impressed with myself.

His lips are all burnt from where the cross was placed and I'm sure he's about to cry. Trust me to get the pansy ass vampire that can't even withstand a little cross burn.

"Okay… " He sniffles and I roll my eyes "Angelus.. Wanted me to grab a book called the Hell^sharif from the magic store in town…"

"What for?"

"I don't know…" He replied.

I didn't break my promise, I was quick.

He was dust.

This book sounds interesting; I should really go see about it myself. I couldn't get it right now because the store wouldn't be open but I guess vampires don't particularly care about that particular courtesy.




That's there life.

I'll see about it in the morning, Angelus shouldn't suspect any foul play till the guy doesn't get back to him tomorrow night.

This book could be interesting and a way for me to get what I want.

Angelus in hell screaming as little devils poke him with pitch forks.

Some patrolling is in order; I'm kind of stiff after sitting in the tree for 3 hours.

You'd never think that the first cemetery I walked into would be the one Buffy chose to patrol at the exact same time would you?

I guess the old Harris luck hits it out of the field again.


Not been able to move or do anything I remain still in hope that she'll disappear and not ask questions about my combat gear or the stakes in my belt.

Hopes all I have.



She's still there.

Managing to turn I smile weakly at her pissed off expression. Obviously aware of what I'm out here for as she stands her hands on her hips, a stake held firmly between her fingers.

"Hey, you know what's funny?" I try weakly to break some of the tension "I changed my mind about staying in tonight"

"So what?" Buffy replied "You thought you'd come out and get yourself killed instead?"

"Well I was hoping to kill a few without the me dying part but I'm willing to go the full hurdle if that's what you're asking"

I guess she didn't expect that response. She seems kind of shocked, I think it's never a good thing to shock a slayer especially one that's within 5 feet of you.

"Xander, you shouldn't be out here. This is my job"

"I'd say this is more voluntary work than career based Buff and right now I feel like joining up"

"You'll get hurt Xan, you don't have the same abilities as me…. "

I can see she's starting to cool down a little; her eyes aren't as flary anymore.

If that's even a word that can be used to describe eyes.

"I'll do fine Buff, I cant not be on the front lines anymore and even if you don't agree with what I'm doing the only way you'll stop me is by tying me up… and you aren't that kinky are you?"

Buffy blushes at me but still manages to remain in control of herself as she replies "Okay, I guess ill have to give in somewhat… You can patrol but with me, no lone slaying.. And the same goes for me… Do we agree?"

You know, I might have actually won an argument with a girl.

Does that even happen?


I know something's wrong.

I don't win arguments against women; it just isn't something that happens.

"I guess you can tell Giles then"

Ahh DAMN!!!