It was a stupid move.
Faith had known that at the time, but it still hadn't stopped her. She was all worked up from the fight, and he was right there, looking so inviting.
He'd saved her from the demons, she figured, so she might as well return the favor.
Want, take, have. It had seemed so simple right then. No real consequences. No regrets.
Yeah, right.
It'd been right there in the drawer. The box of condoms. But she'd been too caught up in the moment to think about it.
She had figured that once he was out the door, then that was it. She could just enjoy the moment, and then put it out of her mind.
Wrong.
She'd first gotten sick a week later. She hadn't known at the time, and just figured it was some bad Thai food from the previous night.
When she'd started getting sick every morning after that, though, she started to get a little worried. Her mind had begun to whisper hidden fears to her, which she valiantly tried to ignore.
Eventually, without telling her new boss, she'd gone and picked up a home test at the drug store.
It came out positive.
She'd cried for hours that night, cursing every deity she could think of for doing this to her. It was, by far, the most unfair thing she could comprehend. Of all the people in the world, she was probably the least worthy for something like this.
She never told anyone. Hell, she could barely admit it to herself. She threw herself into her new job with the mayor, doing everything in her power to distract herself from what was growing inside her.
Out of sight, out of mind, right?
It almost worked, too. But sometimes, late at night, as she lay awake in her apartment, she would catch herself doing little things, like listing names, or straining to hear the tiny heartbeat within. She usually ended up crying herself to sleep those nights.
The pain was killing her inside, and she wanted it gone. She'd come close a couple of times. She'd had her hand on the abortion clinic's door, but in the end, she just couldn't do it.
Maybe, she told herself, if you could bring one good, pure thing into this world, then it would all be worth it.
God help her, in those funny little moments outside of the real world, she could sometimes see herself as a mother, before reality returned to her.
She hadn't even begun to show, when all her dreams came crashing down.
She didn't blame Buffy, not really. How could she have known, after all? She was trying to save someone she loved, and in a way, Faith was doing the same. But when that dagger hit home, Faith felt it happen, and her already fragile heart broke.
Buffy would never know that although Faith survived, something did die on the tip of that blade. Something far more precious to Faith than her own life. It was the last thing Faith thought about, before slipping into a coma.
It was eight months later that Faith awoke, weak and disoriented, in that dark hospital room. It hadn't taken her long to figure out what had happened, and her first fears were not for herself.
With shaking hands, she began flipping through the clipboard at the end of her bed. It was on the bottom page, marked with the date of her initial admittance to the hospital, that she found the words that very nearly shattered her soul.
Severe internal injuries - Pregnancy Terminated.
She had collapsed to the ground, silent tears streaming down her face. She didn't know what she was going to do.
The days following were a formless blur. She had discovered that the Mayor had been defeated, and with him had gone her only support. Faith had tried to escape her own life, by stealing Buffy's.
It hadn't gone well.
She'd found herself on a bus headed for LA. She hadn't known what she would find there, but it had to be better than the memories brought about by this cursed town.
Silently, she'd traced her fingers across her abdomen, a far-off look in her eyes as she'd stared out the window at the passing desert.
Want, take, have, right?
It was true. The one thing that, despite all reason, she had found herself wanting more then anything else, had been taken from her.
But maybe one day, she'd thought, could she have it again?