"'Snot fair..."
"Damn straight..."
"'Snot fair that the bloody twit picked that whelp over the two've us!"
"Gotta go with you on that one..."
GLUG GLUG
"You want some too, Spike?"
"Sure..."
GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG
"Damn, Spike."
"Already am, mate..."
"But you-"
"JD soothes m'demon, it does. And besides, maybe if I get liquored up enough, it'll drown out the pain of that damned chip, and then I can kill you to feel a little better..."
"In your dreams...and can I have it back?"
"Sure, soldierboy..."
GLUG
"Thanks..."
PAUSE
"Well aren't we a sorry pair, mate?"
GLUG
"Can't disagree with you."
"A right sorry coupla drunken bastards."
"Yup."
"Dumped by the girl of our dreams-"
"Did you have to bring it up?"
"For someone who barely graduated high school, and now makes shelves."
"Basically."
GLUG
GLUG GLUG
"Rather pathetic."
SIGH
"But at least we aren't dead..."
"Speak for yourself, wanker..."
"Well, not 'dust in the wind' dead."
"And this is better how?"
PAUSE
"We've got a nice view of this clearing on the hill..."
"So?"
"And we can probably wash off some of the booze-smell in that pond down there..."
"Oh whoop-di doo..."
"I'm just looking on the bright side..."
"Which one, Iowa-boy?"
"Which pond?"
"No, which bright side. Cause all I can see right now are dark-sides."
"That's cause it's night-"
"I bloody well knew that-"
"And..."
"You don't see one either do ya, mate?"
GLUG GLUG GLUG
"No. But maybe in a couple minutes I will..."
"Yeah. Right next to the five beautiful women who just love drunks that will immediately appear, and the flying pigs..."
"Okay...not that drunk."
"Me either."
"But we oughta be."
"Well, let's get to it..."
GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG
GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG
PAUSE
GLUG
PAUSE
SIGH
"Heer ya gooo, Sp-"
THUMP
THA-THUMP, THA-THUMP, THA-THUMP SPLASH
"Hey, come back with my booze!"
THUMP, THUMP, THUMP
"WHOA!"
SPLASH
SILENCE
CRICKETS CHIRPING
SPLASH, GASP, THWAP
SPLASH, GASP
"Quack?"
"Quack."
"Quack quack quack quack?"
"Quack quack."
"Quack?"
"Quacky Quck..."
##
"What on earth is that sound?"
THWAP THWAP
CREAK
THWAP THWAP
"Anya, am I mistaken, or is that a pair of ducks that just walked into the store?"
"Well, though I am unfamiliar with most of the animals-"
"Anya...."
"Yup, it's a pair of ducks as far as I can tell."
"Then could you tell me why one of them has bleached blonde...I'll call it hair, for the lack of a better word?"
"Nope."
"Then I suppose explaining the fangs wouldn't be possible either."
"No."
PAUSE
"Quack."
PAUSE
"'Quack'? QUACK quack!"
CREAK, SHUFFLE
"Who asked for help?"
"QUACK!"
"Ah, Xander, how nice of you to join us in the front room. I suppose Buffy is still...straightening up?"
"Yeah..."
"Quack. Quack quack quack QUACK!"
"I know, I heard you Spike."
"Quack quack quack?"
"And you too, Riley."
PAUSE
WHOOSH
"SPIKE!? RILEY!?"
"Quack quack Quacks..."
"Giles?"
"I guess-"
"I'll get the hot water..."