FADE IN:
INT-COLLEGE Union Building-NIGHT
The lobby of the building is spread out. It has a group of vending
machines on one side, and a bunch of tables everywhere over two
levels. It is just like any college main building. The place is packed.
College kids are everywhere; it's a weekend night. We focus on the main
doors to the outside. They fly open, as two girls run through them
into the Union. Everyone stops to look at them. The girls stop
mid-way into the building.
GIRL #1
Do you think we lost them?
GIRL #2
I hope to God we did.
Their hopes are dashed when the doors fly open, so hard that they
break half of the hinges. Three hellhounds come charging in. Everyone starts to panic, and take off. The two girls just back away, crying.
GIRL #1
(pleading)
No! We didn't mean it! We didn't know!
One of the hellhounds runs at them. It jumps into the air... and
is hit in the chest with a bolo. It falls to the ground, struggling to
get free. The girls, and everyone else hiding behind tables, turn
to the other side of the Union.
CUT TO:
INT -UNION Opposite-ENTRANCE
Xander, Gavin, Melissa, and Rebecca are standing holding
weapons. Gavin is pointing an oddly-shaped gun with a large front
towards the hellhounds.
GAVIN
(turns to Xander)
I told ya it would work.
XANDER
So I owe you five bucks. I still say you ripped off Batman.
REBECCA
Ah, guys.
(points with her ax)
We still have killer demon dogs to finish.
XANDER
(takes command)
Melissa, get the girls out of the way! Gavin,
Rebecca, give her some cover!
They all rush at once. Melissa grabs the two hysterical girls,
and pulls them to the side. Gavin and Rebecca go after the
nearest hellhound. Xander goes for the other one. Rebecca swings her
ax like a baseball bat, and the hellhound jumps easily over it.
GAVIN
Girl, this is not the major leagues.
REBECCA
(the hellhound jumps on top of her)
Funny! Get this thing off of me!
Gavin grabs the hellhound with both hands. He yanks so hard that
the hellhound and he fall backwards to the ground. His head just misses
the ax blade he has strapped to his back.
GAVIN
(struggling, but sees how close the ax blade is)
Shit!
CUT TO:
XANDER
Xander has a sword out, and is facing off against the
other hellhound. The hound jumps straight at him. Xander swings
the sword with all his might, and a little extra from his new powers.
The blade nails the hound in the chest. The hounds' insides spill
all over the floor. Xander pulls out the sword. It is covered with hound guts.
XANDER
(grossed out)
Yuck!
Xander pulls out his dart gun. He shoots the hound Gavin is fighting.
The hound doesn't fall, it just gets ticked off. It turns, and lunges at Xander.
He can't get out of the way in time. It knocks him down on his back.
He wrestles with it for a few seconds, and then a shot is heard. The hound
slumps down, and doesn't move. Xander looks up to see
Melissa, holding a gun.
XANDER (CONT'D)
Thanks.
MELISSA
(a little shaky)
Sure, no problem. I'd say that's good for the
third time I've fired this thing.
XANDER
Let's just not remind me about that right now.
MELISSA
(softly)
Yeah.
GAVIN
Ah, boss? The first one is getting lose.
They turn to see the first hellhound is halfway out the bolo.
Gavin and Rebecca get their weapons ready. While Xander walks
over to the two panicked girls. He says nothing, just looking them over
for a second. Then he grabs the crystal pendant one is wearing, and rips it off.
GIRL #1
(small voice)
Hey.
Xander lays it on a near by table. He swings his sword, and the pendant
shatters. A moment later all three hellhounds dissolve into
nothing. Not even the guts are left on the floor.
REBECCA
(surprised)
Please tell me we can always do that.
XANDER
(looking at the two girls)
Only when sorority girls conjure them up.
GIRL #2
(defensively)
We didn't know! We're just pledges! It was supposed
to be a stupid game, like when you say "Bloody Mary"
into a mirror three times!
XANDER
At least you only raised hellhounds. This could have been a lot worse.
The two girls look at each other. They start to get scared again.
XANDER (CONT'D)
Oh, no. Please tell me you didn't?
MELISSA
Didn't what?
XANDER
Hellhounds are foot soldiers for demons.
REBECCA
What kind of demons?
Before Xander can answer, all the glass near the doors shatters.
A green mist is seeping in the door. A demon then stands in
the entrance. It is seven feet tall with green skin, and horns
like a ram. Its eyes are glowing green.
XANDER
(crap)
Kind of like that one.
FADE OUT.
INSERT OPENING CREDITS
FADE IN:
EXT- COLLEGE CAMPUS- NIGHT
Xander, Gavin, Melissa, and Rebecca are limping through
the deserted parking lot. Their clothes are a mess, torn and ripped.
Gavin has a bandage on his arm. They stop at a black military
Humvee, with its top down.
GAVIN
(as he tosses his stuff in the back)
I don't care what the orders are. Next time, I'm
bringing a grenade launcher
MELISSA
At least you didn't ruin a brand-new forty dollar shirt.
REBECCA
(not believing that)
We just fought a...whatever that was, and you're complaining
about your clothes? You have to think of the big picture here!
MELISSA
I am! I even bought that on sale, and it still got ruined.
Gavin and Xander listen to them argue. Gavin is trying to tune them out,
while Xander is smiling.
GAVIN
(looks at him)
Why is it they always seem to do this after a major fight?
And why doesn't it bother you?
XANDER
It reminds me of some other people I know. It might take
a while, but eventually they will see eye to eye.
GAVIN
Says you. If you ask me, it's just hormones. They're
fine and all during our down time, but after a fight they go at it.
XANDER
Trust me. I have way too much experience in this
department. They will get along. And do not tell them
that you think it's hormones — Rebecca would kill you.
GAVIN
I'm telling you, it is. Girls are just slaves to their
juices. They don't have it under control like guys do...
Gavin stops talking, as he watches an attractive group of girls in
cheerleader outfits walk near by. The girls wave to him. He waves back.
XANDER
(pats him on the back, laughing)
Yeah, I can tell you have everything under control.
CUT TO:
EXT-STREET A FEW SECONDS LATER
The Humvee pulls out in to the street and takes off. As they
drive away, we pan over to a group of trees on the other side of the
street. A woman steps out from behind them. She is the woman who
helped out Cordelia in the alley. She watches them drive off, with a
worried look on her face.
CUT TO:
EXT-LA DOCKS -DAWN
The black Humvee with Xander driving is just clearing a checkpoint.
We follow it till it stops a minute later. They all pile out. They go to
the water's edge, and we can only see their faces.
XANDER
I still am so loving this. It beats Dead Boy's hotel hands down.
GAVIN
You sound like a broken record, man. You say that every
time we come back.
XANDER
(smiling)
Sorry, but I just would love to see his face if he ever
hears about our new home.
We slowly pan up, and out from their faces to see what they
are looking at. A white, brand-new cruise ship. It's huge. It looks
like it just came out of the shipyards. We can just make out armed
guards patrolling around the upper decks. The group walks over to a
covered area that leads to a large gangplank. The guard opens the gate,
as they head aboard.
CUT TO:
INT-XANDER'S SUITE
His suite looks more like a small apartment, than a room
on a ship. It's shaped like a T. Most of the space is divided up from the
bedroom, and the living room that could easily accommodate many
people. It even has a small kitchen. The living room is full of unopened
boxes. Xander comes in, and flicks on the light slowly.
XANDER
(tired, talking to himself)
Get some sleep, he says. I guess I will. Now, where did I put my bed...
(turns to the bedroom)
Oh, there it is.
He walks over to the end of the bed, and falls headfirst onto it.
He is asleep a split second later.
CUT TO:
EXT-HYPERION HOTEL-DAY
CUT TO:
INT- HYPERION LOBBY
Fred and Gunn are looking at something. We can't tell what it is.
But Gunn is quietly laughing.
FRED
(holding his arm)
Charles, be nice.
GUNN
(stops laughing, and tries to control himself)
You're right, sorry. I...
(he can't take it and starts laughing again)
Oh, man.
Fred gets annoyed. She starts to drag him to the office.
FRED
Sorry, we'll just leave you alone.
As they leave we turn to see Kristen, and Connor standing
there. Connor has a Burger King paper crown on his head, a yellow
'Chuck E Cheese' shirt on, plus he's holding a large inflatable green
alien. Kristen also has a shirt, and is holding two pink balloons on a
string. Connor looks at Kristen, confused.
CUT TO:
EXT-CRUISE SHIP-LATE AFTERNOON
CUT TO:
INT-XANDER'S SUITE
Close up on Xander's face. He is lightly snoring, as he lays on
the bed. We can hear an alarm going off, but Xander doesn't move.
After a beat, the alarm stops. We pull out to see Melissa lean
into frame. She kneels so she is level with Xander.
MELISSA
(a touch loud)
Xander! Time to wake up.
Xander doesn't move.
MELISSA (CONT'D)
(exasperated)
Captain Harris!
She shakes him, but he still doesn't wake up. She smiles and leans
in close to him, right next to his ear.
MELISSA (CONT'D)
(in a sultry soft voice)
Sweetheart, you were amazing last night.
Xander's head moves up a bit as he wakes up, but is still out of it.
XANDER
(half-asleep)
You really think so, Cordy?
MELISSA
(mock hurt)
Cordy? Are you cheating on me now, Xander Harris?!
Xander's eyes shoot open.
XANDER
What? No, of course not...
(he realizes who he is talking to, and groans)
Damn it, Melissa! I hate it when you do that!
MELISSA
It still amazes me how you can hear that, but not an
alarm right next to your head.
Xander shrugs, as he sits up on the bed.
MELISSA (CONT'D)
Now get ready. Andrews wants us in Command in 15 minutes.
XANDER
(playfully)
Yes, mother.
CUT TO:
INT-COMMAND CENTER
The command room is large. It is two decks deep with a large
computer station, like the last one in the underground base. With a
very large screen. There are computer consoles scattered all around the
two surrounding levels. Several crew techs are working on various
things. Gavin, Andrews, and Rebecca are seated at the new long meeting
table on a ledge on the upper floor. They look up, as Xander and Melissa
come in. Xander is all cleaned up and dressed in Air Force fatigues.
REBECCA
There you guys are.
MELISSA
(playful as she sits down)
We had a fight. Xander's cheating on me.
Rebecca rolls her eyes, while Gavin has a quick laugh.
GAVIN
Now why would you cheat on such a fine girl like Melissa here?
XANDER
(holds up his hands)
Enough, this is how rumors get started.
Even Andrews laughs a bit.
ANDREWS
It's good to see you're getting along so well.
XANDER
(shrugs)
Sort of happens when you go out nightly to fight the evil undead.
GAVIN
(sotto voce)
Or when a base falls down on top of you.
REBECCA
(to Xander)
Evil undead? Isn't all undead evil?
XANDER
(shakes his head)
Technically, nope. There's Angel, who's the vamp with a
soul...well, the first one anyway.
ANDREWS
(surprised)
A vampire with a soul?
XANDER
Oh yeah, he did his killing way back when, and a gypsy clan
cursed him by giving him his human soul back. Kind of stupid really,
since they wanted the demon to suffer, but Angel's soul gets
all the fun. The demon inside him could care less.
ANDREWS
(fascinated)
Sounds like this will be interesting reading, Captain.
XANDER
(a little nervous)
Look, General, I still don't think I should write a big report
about all my old friends and their powers. Walsh used
that sort of info to hunt for and terrorize the gang, after she failed
to kill Buffy. Not saying I think you would go all crazy on us,
but still...
ANDREWS
I can't get them clearance for our operation, unless
we do some background checking.
XANDER
I know. But it would help if we at least knew what
each group was up to. I'd rather not get into a end-of-
the-world thing, if they're already on top of it.
(notices Rebecca looking at him)
What?
REBECCA
I still find it kind of scary how easily you
use that 'end-of-the-world' phrase.
XANDER
(shrugs)
After eight or nine times not knowing if the world will
still be around the next day? You get a little tired of it.
A crew tech comes up, and speaks to Andrews.
TECH
Sir. We have her all set up. The emitters are in place,
and we are ready to go.
ANDREWS
Good. Proceed.
REBECCA
(relieved)
Finally. She's been on my case for weeks now.
XANDER
I know. But at least you didn't have to be the one to
tell her that the supply department lost half the
emitters in Japan.
The tech types a few commands on a wireless unit. And a
second later a shaft of yellow-orange light appears. It slowly takes
the form of April. She has her hair a bit longer. Plus, she is wearing
nothing but a very skimpy bikini. She would look right at home
in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
APRIL
Oh, thank God! I thought I would be stuck in there forever!
(sees the looks she is getting)
What?
Andrews, Rebecca, and the tech are stunned.
Xander and Gavin can't help but stare.
MELISSA
Ah, you do know that your swimsuit is a little... small?
APRIL
(in girl talk mode)
I know, isn't it great? I found it on the Fredericks of Hollywood web site!
MELISSA
Yeah, but it might not work for right now...
She looks at Xander for help, but his head is turned a bit as
he stares blankly at April. Melissa nudges him.
XANDER
(looks at her)
What?
(snaps out of it)
Oh. She's right. Yeah, we do have a dress code around here.
(turns to Andrews, uncertain)
We do have that here, right?
ANDREWS
(looks at him)
Yes, we do.
(says very strictly)
April, this is a military command. You will wear normal clothes!
APRIL
(protesting a bit)
But we're on a ship! Oh, fine.
Her image flashes, and she reforms in a light blue sundress with sandals.
ANDREWS
Much better. In the future, remember that there are regulations here.
April starts to walk away to a nearby computer station.
As she leaves, she leans down to Xander.
APRIL
(whispering)
But I looked good, didn't I?
She smiles, as Xander nods his head. Then she leaves.
ANDREWS
(shaking his head as April leaves)
Now let's start your debriefing. Our information was
correct about the college?
CUT TO:
EXT- CRUISE SHIP IN DOCK
CUT TO:
EXT- CRUISE SHIP AFT DECK RAILING
Xander is by himself, looking at the sun that is just starting to set
over the water. He looks lost in thought, as he stares ahead. As we look
at him, we start to hear voices.
BUFFY VOICE OVER
No. I'm sorry, Xander, but you can't come out with us anymore!
WILLOW VOICE OVER
(pleading)
We just don't want to see you get hurt!
Why can't you understand that?
XANDER VOICE OVER
Hurt? Willow, you've been in the hospital twice as much as me!
BUFFY VOICE OVER
Xander, you're taking far too many needless risks! I can't
watch out for you during the fighting anymore.
XANDER VOICE OVER
Who the hell asked you to?! I can hold my own better than Willow...
BUFFY VOICE OVER
Willow is a Wicca now. She can handle herself!
XANDER VOICE OVER
She can levitate a pencil! Bet that must come in real
handy! You know what... forget it! I don't need this
crap. I'll do this on my own. Heck, I did just fine the other
night, when you all were playing with that three-headed
Hellmouth demon!
BUFFY VOICE OVER
Xander, wait! How did you know about the demon?
And why did you go out, when we told you to stay in?!
XANDER VOICE OVER
Are you putting me on? I have to get a note from you now,
to leave my own house!?
WILLOW VOICE OVER
Xander, wait!!
We hear a door slam.
As the voice over flashback ends...Rebecca comes up behind him,
and joins him at the railing.
REBECCA
This is the third time now that I've seen you out here.
You want to talk about it?
XANDER
(still looking out at the water)
I'm still trying to make sense out of all of this. I was the Zeppo
for most of my life. And all I wanted was some powers like everyone
else I knew, but now that I have them... it feels all wrong somehow.
REBECCA
Zeppo?
XANDER
(shrugs)
Code word for useless. My high school girlfriend and I went through
a messy breakup. She was part of our little demon-fighting group, and
she made sure to remind me that my main job was to just get snacks
for everyone. Of course, she didn't have powers then either.
REBECCA
(concerned)
This is a bit of a change from the cocky "you'll be
dead soon anyway" guy I first met about two months ago.
XANDER
That was me trying to sound important. I tend to do
that a lot. See, all the time then, I was the sidekick. Now I'm
the head of the 'Four Horsemen'. Starting to think I
got promoted a bit too quickly.
REBECCA
(smiles)
I know I've been your biggest critic so far. But from
where I stand, you've been doing okay. Andrews
was right. You know a hell of a lot about this job. But
to make you feel better, I will still nag you about it. OK?
XANDER
(grins)
That sounds good. I seem to have someone
always nagging me. I kinda miss it.
(Xander's pocket starts beeping. He pulls out his cell phone)
Got my first email.
REBECCA
Well, don't keep me in suspense. Who's it from?
XANDER
Angel.
REBECCA
The vampire?
XANDER
Yeah. They have some info about something.
REBECCA
Just something?
XANDER
Buffy is probably just having him find out what I'm doing.
REBECCA
You go see what they want. The rest of us are
heading over to see a guy who might know how the
vampires got into our old base.
XANDER
(concerned)
You sure you don't need me for that?
REBECCA
No. It's just a techno nerd who once worked at the base.
XANDER
Well, call me if something comes up.
REBECCA
Will do.
She heads off. Xander looks back at the water once more, before leaving.
CUT TO:
CORDELIA'S APARTMENT BUILDING -NIGHT
Kristen and Cordelia are moving around a cabinet in the
living room. Each on one side of the large cabinet. Cordelia is straining
a bit, but Kristen is lifting it with ease. They are sliding it back
against the wall.
KRISTEN
(sliding it close)
Right up to it?
CORDELIA
(still having a bit of trouble)
Yeah.
They move it a little too quickly, and it bumps the wall a bit.
Enough that a blue and white vase wobbles a bit on the edge of a shelf.
They look in time to see it fall. But it stops in mid-air, and floats back
up to its spot on the shelf.
CORDELIA (CONT'D)
Thanks, Dennis.
KRISTEN
(surprised)
Your ghost?
(she jumps)
Hey!
Kristen starts to pull her arms to her body, as she starts to giggle.
KRISTEN (CONT'D)
He's tickling me!
CORDELIA
(sternly)
Hey, hey, Phantom Dennis! Cut that out.
(to Kristen)
He doesn't meet many new people. It's just his way of
saying hi. He did it to Fred too.
KRISTEN
(looking around smiling)
Nice to meet you too, Dennis.
Cordelia smiles, but then her face turns serious.
CORDELIA
It's time to head over. Xander should be there in a bit.
KRISTEN
(sighing)
I still can't believe I agreed to this. You know the Skip guy that well?
CORDELIA
(sadly)
Yeah. I haven't seen Skip for a while, but if he told
Angel then it's gotta be the real deal.
KRISTEN
We shouldn't have let Xander go.
CUT TO:
EXT-LA STREET NIGHT
A black SUV pulls up to a office building. Gavin, Melissa, and
Rebecca get out, and head into the building.
We flash over to the other side of the street. We see Angel's car sitting
there. Angel, Gunn, and Connor are watching them go in.
GUNN
You sure it has to go down this way, man?
ANGEL
I don't like it either, but we can't let this stuff happen to
Xander anymore. He's been through enough crap in his life.
GUNN
(shrugs)
Still sucks, though.
CUT TO:
EXT-HYPERION HOTEL -NIGHT
Xander is parking the black Humvee. He gets out
and heads to the front door.
CUT TO:
INT- HYPERION LOBBY
We are tight on the main lobby doors as they open to let Xander in.
He moves down the stairs, and stops.
CUT TO:
XANDER'S POINT OF VIEW
Kristen, Cordelia, Fred, Wesley, Buffy, Willow, and Lorne are there.
There is also an older, slightly Hispanic-looking couple with a
young teenage girl standing near the front desk. All of them
are looking at Xander accusingly.
XANDER
(getting wigged)
Why do I feel like I should just turn around, and head right back out?
Buffy comes up, and takes him by the arm. She leads him down
to sit at the red couch. As soon as they sit, Kristen comes
sits at his other side.
XANDER (CONT'D)
Ah, guys? What's going on?
The older man talks to Cordy.
OLDER MAN
We will go meet your boss. I can't thank you enough.
The family head out.
CORDELIA
(sadly)
It's what we do.
Less than a second after they leave, Xander gets antsy.
XANDER
Will someone kindly tell me what the hell is going on here!?
BUFFY
Those were the Estrichs...
Xander's face registers a total blank. But then...
XANDER
(shocked)
What!? As in...oh my God, what did you guys do?!
WESLEY
Xander, please... consider this an intervention of sorts.
XANDER
(clueless)
What are you people on?!
KRISTEN
(trying to be convincing)
Don't worry, Xander, we'll break this spell that's been put on you.
XANDER
(tries to get up, but the two Slayers hold him)
What spell?! Where are those people going to meet Angel?
CORDELIA
(comes up to him)
Those people are going to get their daughter.
XANDER
(completely loses it)
What? Are you people completely insane?!
He tries to get up, but again the Slayers hold him.
CORDELIA
Xander, Skip was here. He told us what's been going on.
XANDER
(pissed)
What the hell do I care about your demon Yoda's gossip?! Now let me go!
BUFFY
Xand. We know that the bad guys have been
controlling you, and the others...
XANDER
(deadly serious)
I don't give a crap what Skip told you! Let me go, now! If Angel
does what I think he's gonna do — so help me God, I will
stake his undead ass myself!
The girls and Wesley get nervous. Kristen isn't holding it in very well.
KRISTEN
(pleading)
Xander, please calm down. Everything will be alright.
XANDER
(turns to her)
Kristen, I don't want any trouble — not with you.
But let me go RIGHT NOW!
She shakes her head.
XANDER (CONT'D)
(getting mad)
Fine. The hard way it is then.
He starts to get up. The two Slayers move to hold him. But to their
shock, they can't. Xander pulls out of their grasp. He moves quickly,
grabs Wesley, and lifts him up by his shirt.
XANDER (CONT'D)
(pissed)
I won't ask again! Where are they going?!
The old Wesley would have maybe peed his pants now.
But this Wesley is calm.
WESLEY
Xander, please, we are doing the right thing here.
BUFFY
(surprised by Xander's show of strength, but still in command mode)
Xander! Put him down!
Xander realizes he will get nowhere with Wesley, so he lets him go.
He pulls out his cell phone, and hits a speed dial.
XANDER
(hurried)
Come on, come on!
He gets no answer. He gives up, and turns around to face the others.
XANDER (CONT'D)
(extremely pissed)
I don't know what the hell you guys think you're doing, but I swear
that if anything happens to Melissa...
He shakes his head, and starts to head out. Buffy goes to
grab him. Xander grabs her arm, and in a fluid motion flips
her onto her back. Wesley runs at Xander. At the last second, Xander
spins. He grabs Wesley, and throws him into the wall. He runs to the door.
Just before he leaves, he looks back at them with anger in his eyes.
CUT TO:
EXT-HYPERION-NIGHT
Xander is using his cell phone, as he runs to the Humvee.
XANDER
(into the phone, as he gets in the Humvee)
April! Thank God. Where were the others going?
Buffy and the others get out in time to see Xander speed away.
Everyone looks worried, but Kristen also looks horrified.
CUT TO:
EXT -LA STREET-NIGHT
The Humvee takes the corner fast. It races to the building
where we saw the others enter. The SUV is still there, but now there
is a small crowd gathered. Xander pulls up next to the car, and runs over.
Rebecca and Gavin are just starting to get up.
GAVIN
(groggy)
Man! What hit us?
Rebecca struggles to get up. Xander runs up to them.
XANDER
(worried)
What the hell happened?
REBECCA
(still somewhat weak)
Don't know. We came out, and someone hit us.
A big guy...then it all went black.
XANDER
(angry)
Where's Melissa?!
Gavin looks around, slightly panicked.
GAVIN
She was with us! They must have...
Xander isn't listening. He frantically looks around. He sees something.
CUT TO:
EXT- A FEW BLOCKS DOWN.
We can see a convertible's taillights speeding away.
CUT TO:
EXT-XANDER
Xander runs back to the still running Humvee. He quickly takes off.
CUT TO:
EXT-ANGEL'S CAR
Angel is driving through the deserted streets quickly.
Gunn is in the front, with Connor holding an unconscious
Melissa in the back. Gunn looks back.
GUNN
Damn!
ANGEL
What?
GUNN
We've got company.
Angel looks in the mirror, and sees the Humvee. He hits the gas.
Gunn looks again. He can see Xander through the windshield.
GUNN (CONT'D)
How the hell could he have gotten away from them?
CUT TO:
EXT -LA STREET 2 -NIGHT
We see Angel's car fly by, then three seconds later we
see Xander's Humvee shoot by.
CUT TO:
EXT-LA STREET 3-NIGHT
Angels car does a sharp right turn. A second later, Xander does the same.
CUT TO:
EXT-LA STREET 4-NIGHT
Angel looks back, as he sees Xander catching up.
GUNN
(pointing)
Yo, Angel!
Angel's head snaps back to see an orange fence blocking
the street. There is a bunch of road construction equipment behind it.
A sign that says 'Road Closed To Traffic' is there as well. Angel hits
the brakes, and skids. He tries to turn. After a tense moment the car spins,
just missing the fence. They look to see Xander also brake, and
turn the Humvee sideways to block the road. Xander gets out.
XANDER
(VERY pissed)
Let her go NOW, DEAD BOY!
ANGEL
(gets out)
Xander, please. You're being controlled. So
is she. Her family is worried...
XANDER
(in no mood for this)
I don't know how the hell you all got yourselves so easily
manipulated, Angel, but leave her and get lost before I decide
to dust your ass!
ANGEL
Xander...
XANDER
(furious)
Let me guess. Skip said something, right? Well, guess what moron?!
I'm pretty sure that wasn't Skip! The Powers have something on
their minds nowadays, they come to me direct!
ANGEL
(losing his temper)
If I have to fight you to stop this, I will.
XANDER
(unimpressed)
That didn't work in the hospital junior year, it won't
work now! I'm not afraid of you... vampire.
Angel starts forward. Suddenly another Humvee pulls up.
Five armed soldiers in black jump out. They all pull out guns, and
aim them at Angel and his people.
XANDER (CONT'D)
(to the troops)
If they try anything, take them down. But not out, understood?
SOLDIER #1
Yes sir!
ANGEL
(shocked)
Xander...
XANDER
(coldly)
Save it. That is, if you want to keep that undead body
of yours from ending up in a dustbuster.
Xander starts to move. Two of the soldiers move in behind him.
The others keep their guns on Angel. Xander moves to the car, as Gunn
and Connor back off from the troopers. Xander leans in, and takes Melissa
in his arms. He walks back to the Humvee with her, as the soldiers flank
him. He puts her in the passenger side, then comes back to Angel.
They stand face to face.
XANDER (CONT'D)
(coldly)
To think that I used to be jealous of you! You were played here,
you fool! You don't believe me, ask your friend Whistler. The Powers
would not have wanted this! You couldn't get your info straight before you
kidnap one of my team?!? My God, I can't believe I actually wanted them
to let you and your people in on...
Xander stops, turns, and walks back to his Humvee. He gets in, and
stares back at Angel with a deadly glare. Then he drives away. The soldiers
all keep their guns on Angel as they pile into the second Humvee,
and then they take off as well. Leaving Angel stunned.
CUT TO:
EXT -CRUISE SHIP DOCK -NIGHT
CUT TO:
INT- SHIP B DECK HALLWAY
Andrews and Xander are just leaving a suite room. We can see
Rebecca and Melissa through the door, sitting on a couch. A plate on
the door says 'M. Estrich' with a 4B next to it. The normally calm
Andrews is very upset. They talk as they walk down the hallway.
ANDREWS
(unbelieving)
Don't arrest them? They attacked your team, and kidnapped
one of them! If it was up to me, they'd be in front of a Federal
judge right now...
XANDER
(sighing)
I know, sir. But bottom line is, they are good people. They just got
some bad intel from what I'm guessing is an imposter for the Skip demon.
ANDREWS
(confused)
Skip demon?
XANDER
Whistler works for the Powers That Be, like I said
before. So does Skip. He's one scary-looking guy. But
he has helped them before, so they trusted him.
They were played. My guess is it's the same people
who wanted us dead before.
ANDREWS
(thoughtful)
It's been almost two months, and no major attacks like this.
XANDER
(nodding)
Which means they're getting desperate. Getting
Melissa's family to put her back in the psycho ward
would have occupied us for a while. Plus, whoever it
was knew enough to trick Angel and the others into doing this.
Something must be going down soon.
We follow them as Andrews thinks about Xander's comments.
Then as they turn a corner we...
CUT TO:
INT-HYPERION HOTEL-DAY
Everyone is in the lobby. No one is very happy. Kristen looks
filled with self-loathing and disgust, as she leans from behind the counter.
KRISTEN
(to herself, upset)
Only a few months as a Slayer, and I completely screw over one
of my best friends on the word of some idiot horror movie reject?!
She slams her fist on the counter hard in anger. Buffy comes over.
BUFFY
(conciliatory)
We still don't know exactly what's going on. We...
Kristen spins on her.
KRISTEN
(upset)
Oh, get off it! We were suckered in, by
the almighty Skip! And I betrayed one of my few true friends!
BUFFY
(ignores that)
When we get Xander out of whatever mess he's gotten into, we'll...
XANDER'S VOICE
Still thinking I'm the Zeppo needing to be rescued, Slayer?
And here I thought we settled this a long time ago...
Everyone spins to face the entrance. Xander is standing there,
leaning against the door.
CORDELIA
Xander!
BUFFY
(upset)
Xander, what the hell is going on?
XANDER
(smiles)
What's going on, Buff? It's kinda like this. My so-called
friends still think I'm too stupid to do anything right.
They seem to think I'm still the guy who just gets
them jelly doughnuts. Instead of playing it straight,
you did the worst thing you could possibly do to me!
Kristen comes forward.
KRISTEN
(on the verge of tears)
Xander, please, I'm so...
XANDER
(holds up his hand. Says calmly)
Kristen. Let's just have you chalk this up to a learning experience.
Kristen wants to say more, but she just nods her head.
BUFFY
Xander, how did you do what you did last night?
And where did you get army troops from?
XANDER
(irritated)
Listen to me, Slayer. I didn't show up to answer your questions!
I'm here to talk. First, thanks to the great brainpower around here,
Melissa's family now knows where she is!
WESLEY
(looks at him)
Xander, she's not well. After her friend was killed in front of
her by that gang, she slipped into depression. Her parents
have the right to....
XANDER
(unbelieving)
Wes, tell me you are not that stupid! Her friend
was killed by a vampire! And she was thrown into that hospital by
her family, after it became too embarrassing when no one believed her!
Her mega-rich parents bribed whoever it was to place her there, even
though she is well over 18. I'm just thankful the court ruling that let them
put her away is in the process of being overturned. It's amazing what you
can do, when you know some high-up people.
BUFFY
(shocked)
Xa...
XANDER
(abruptly)
To continue. None of you go near her now, for any reason. You were
all taken in by the bad guys, and to be honest your credibility in
certain circles is pretty much gone. People who were thinking
of asking for your help before, wouldn't touch you now with a
ten-foot pole.
Everyone looks down or away.
XANDER (CONT'D)
And we're betting the same people who tried to suck me and my
team into Hell two months ago, are responsible for said deception.
WILLOW
(confused)
Sucked into Hell? But, but the only thing that can do that is...
XANDER
(sardonic)
Yep, everyone's favorite petrified demon.
(turns to Wesley)
You might want to tell the Council to keep better track of
the toys they have, pal.
ANGEL
(astonished)
You mean someone tried to use...
XANDER
(rolls his eyes)
Yes, Angel. They tried to do what you did, but they're all dust now
thanks to me and my team. So from now on, get your goddamn info
straight before doing something stupid like that again!!
Xander turns to leave. Kristen comes up to the steps. Xander turns
back. Their eyes lock for a moment. She is silently pleading with him.
He nods with his head towards the door. She sighs a bit in relief, as she
moves to leave with him.
CONNOR
(concerned)
Kristen.
XANDER
(annoyed)
Don't worry, Dead Boy Jr. I'll have her back
before curfew. It is a school night and all.
Xander turns to leave, when he stops. He walks to a decorative
pillar that is near the entrance. It's solid concrete. As the others watch,
Xander's hand glows blue as he winds up, and slams his fist straight
through the thing. Everyone is shocked. He goes back to the door.
XANDER (CONT'D)
(turns back to Buffy and the others)
Here endeth the lesson for today, boys and girls.
He and a shocked Kristen leave. Leaving the others dumbfounded.
CUT TO:
EXT-BUILDING ACROSS FROM HYPERION-DAY
On the roof from a building across the street, we see the mystery woman
watching Xander and Kristen leave. We see through her binoculars to see
that she is mostly watching Kristen, and not Xander. She puts the
binoculars down, and just looks at Kristen. As she watches her get
into the Humvee, the woman sheds a single tear.
CUT TO:
INT - A DARK ROOM
There is only a small table, with one man sitting there. It is Quentin
Travers. He gets up, as two men enter the room. The first man is
huge. He's in a black suit, and has on black sunglasses. He's a
bodyguard. The second man is about 5' 8 with dark hair. He
looks white, but his skin is paler then normal. He is dressed
in a white suit that is so white, it's almost blinding. He has no
dirt on him anywhere.
WHITE SUIT MAN
Ah, Mr. Travers. I hope we haven't been keeping you waiting too long.
Travers glances at the large bodyguard, before he responds.
TRAVERS
Not long.
WHITE SUIT MAN
(smiles)
Well, good. After all, what would it say if we kept our guests waiting?
TRAVERS
(impatient)
Enough. I gave you what you wanted, my copies
of many of Giles' diaries. You can mess with
them anytime you want. Now, when do I get what I want?
WHITE SUIT MAN
(sits down at the table)
Oh, yes. You want to run the Watcher's Council, after
your enemies that currently run it are taken care of.
TRAVERS
You have something in mind for them, then?
WHITE SUIT MAN
(trying to make small talk)
Must it be business all the time, Quentin? Surely after
your stay at that little prison they put you in, you must
want to relax. Kick your feet up. Watch a few Ricki
Lake reruns. Maybe even take up a new hobby first. I
hear that birdwatching really calms the nerves.
TRAVERS
(getting agitated)
No. What I want is for Rupert Giles, and his little
band of followers, to get what's coming to them!
WHITE SUIT MAN
(totally relaxed)
Oh, they will. You can be sure of that.
TRAVERS
(annoyed)
You've been wasting time trying to get the Harris boy, you
know. He's nothing, I can take care of him myself afterwards.
We must deal with that Summers girl first.
WHITE SUIT MAN
(shakes his head, amused)
What is it with everyone's thing for the Slayer? She is
insignificant now. Xander Harris and his new team, they
are the ones that must be dealt with.
TRAVERS
(upset)
That band of government rejects?! They're of no importance.
And what did Harris ever do to warrant this kind of attention?
WHITE SUIT MAN
(suddenly annoyed)
He became an itch that we didn't scratch out in time. He
ruined everything. I should have killed him, the first
time I met him. Although, it was fun to make him fight his friends.
TRAVERS
(wondering)
Yes, how did you get the vampire's people to go against him?
WHITE SUIT MAN
(nonchalant)
Oh, that was with the help of my large friend here.
The up-to-now silent bodyguard walks forward. He says nothing; he stands
there for a second, then his features start to dissolve. Travers is surprised
when the man's features reform into the figure of Skip.
TRAVERS
(trying to hide his surprise)
Impressive. His talents must be in high demand.
WHITE SUIT MAN
He gets around. Now, after some consulting with my employers,
I should tell you we have decided that the Council is a low
priority at the moment.
TRAVERS
(enraged)
We had a deal!
WHITE SUIT MAN
(amused)
We only had a deal, because it would get us some
past information on Xander Harris. Now that we have
that, I see no need to go to the trouble of messing
around with a bunch of old bookworms in England.
They can be dealt with later.
TRAVERS
(smug)
You will never know how to get past the many
mystical wards protecting the Council. You need me.
WHITE SUIT MAN
(bored)
Mr. Travers. You are thinking too small. You see, we don't
need to get past anything. The Council members all have to
go home sometime. A few well-placed car bombs. Maybe a bad
case of food poisoning at a restaurant. Tragic carbon monoxide
leaks in their homes. And if we need to, a few well-placed surface-
to-air missiles that would level any Council buildings.
TRAVERS
(utterly shocked)
There is no way you could do what you are threatening.
WHITE SUIT MAN
(looking at him)
Quentin, you are far too used to just fighting vampires with
pointy little sticks. And I'm correct in guessing you never did any
of the actual fighting yourself, am I not?
TRAVERS
(not liking this)
You still need me. I know Harris, and his crew of idiots. And
just when did you first meet him anyway? I've never read about
you in Rupert's diaries.
WHITE SUIT MAN
When did I meet young Mr. Harris?
(checks his watch)
Well, I first met him about three weeks from now.
TRAVERS
(not understanding)
What? Three weeks from now?
WHITE SUIT MAN
(irritated)
Mr. Travers, we have a lot of preparations to attend to. We had
hoped that our operation would drive a wedge between Harris and his
dear old friends. But kids these days...they just don't hold a grudge
like they used to. I see now that if Ms. Chase can forgive him his
actions during their senior year, then anything is possible.
TRAVERS
(surprised)
Their senior year? But they left that high school years ago.
How long have your people been watching him?
WHITE SUIT MAN
(bored again)
Oh, we've had advance scouts around. You see, we first thought that
this world was going to be an easy target. Even though we were a
bit surprised, when we learned that demons evolved
separately from humans here.
TRAVERS
(now completely lost)
Humans and demons have always been separate species. And what do
you mean, 'this world'? What the bloody hell are you talking about?
The White Suit Man stands up.
WHITE SUIT MAN
I'm sorry, Mr. Travers, but that would be telling. Maybe I've told you
too much already. Ah, before I go, I must ask... what gets you madder?
That no one here in the States listens to you? Or that when the history
books about these days are written, you will be just a small footnote —
while people like Harris, Summers, Rosenberg, Chase, and Heyer will have schoolchildren writing papers about them in a hundred years? Maybe
they will even have their own TV shows.
TRAVERS
(getting ticked, his arrogance coming back)
You are wasting my time. Have your little fun with Harris if you must.
I will be dealing with the real threat. And if you try anything funny,
I will have the Council take you down.
The White Suit Man leans back and laughs.
WHITE SUIT MAN
Oh, Mr. Travers. You are such a riot! Was that a threat? I couldn't tell.
I am used to Mr. Harris and his wife's sense of humor, but I never
could get all the English jokes I've heard.
TRAVERS
(confused again momentarily)
His wife? Xander Harris isn't married. The only person he's ever
tried to marry is that hellbitch ex-demon. But she ended up dead.
The White Suit Man gets up.
WHITE SUIT MAN
You're right. This is a waste of time. But you see, I do have this
bad habit of getting quite bored. I guess I'm a people person. I like
to talk to my guests, even after I've ordered their deaths.
TRAVERS
(shocked)
What?!
The bodyguard that still has Skip's form moves to the table. He
thrusts his arm out. It turns into a long spear that impales Travers right
through his heart. He is instantly dead. The White Suit Man stares
at his jacket. It's got a few blood splatters on it. He tries to wipe
them away, but that only makes it worse.
WHITE SUIT MAN
(to himself)
Oh, dear. I think I might have to keep a few dry cleaners alive.
This earth is way too messy for my tastes.
CUT TO:
EXT-CRUISE SHIP - NIGHT
CUT TO:
INT- XANDER'S SUITE.
His radio is blasting, as he unpacks his stuff. He's hanging a large framed
poster over his couch. As he finishes, he stands back to check. We see it's a
poster of 'Optimus Prime' from the 'Transformers'.
OFF SCREEN VOICE
Still a Transformers nut, huh?
Xander jumps in surprise. He turns to look. Cordelia is
sitting at the end of his bed.
XANDER
(very surprised. Hits the power off on the radio)
Cordy! How did you get in here? Let alone get past the guards?!
CORDELIA
Nice to see you too. It's a demon thing.
XANDER
(surprised)
You can teleport now?
CORDELIA
Sometimes. It's hard as hell to do. But it was the only way I could
find you. Of course, I was kinda expecting a hug when I got here.
XANDER
(sitting in a love seat opposite the bed)
Sorry. But my nerves are still a bit on edge after you guys
tried to hold me against my will, and kidnap a friend
of mine. I take it the Estrichs are not waiting in the hall outside?
CORDELIA
(winces at Xander's tone)
Look, I don't know how anyone could have impersonated
Skip that way. I mean, I would have felt it. I was a slightly
higher being, you know.
XANDER
(getting a clue)
So you talked to Skip, then?
CORDELIA
(not wanting to admit it)
Well, not exactly...
(sees Xander's look)
No, OK?! I didn't see him. Skip went to Angel. I was
helping Kristen find a used car at the time.
XANDER
(smiles)
So, your little Yoda not coming to his star pupil wasn't a
surprise? I know you. You would've been miffed.
CORDELIA
(annoyed)
Okay, fine. It bothered me. I should have known to check!
You happy now?
XANDER
(suddenly cold)
I'm not the one you should be asking that to. You should
know it took me over two hours to talk Melissa out of trying to
make a run for it. She doesn't even like her family to know what country
she's in! Now every two-bit private eye in the city will be looking for her...
CORDELIA
(exasperated)
I said I was sorry! What else do you want from me, blood?
XANDER
(switching gears)
I guess you talked to Kristen.
CORDELIA
(surprised)
Yeah. Buffy questioned her for an hour, after you
dropped her off. But all she said was you guys talked. Hell,
Willow even tried to see if she saw your license plate number!
She pauses.
CORDELIA (CONT'D)
Xander, it was a stupid mistake. You're right, we
should have found out for sure what was going on. But
that's not why you're mad, is it? You're pissed because
we didn't even bother to contact you first. We just
assumed you were in trouble, because it was you.
Well, all of us except Kristen.
XANDER
(shakes his head)
I still to this day have never understood why that crap
ever started in the first place. I know why you had the 'call
Xander useless' thing and all. But everyone else?
CORDELIA
(winces again)
They just wanted to protect you...
XANDER
(annoyed)
From what? Dying? Back then, I didn't have much to live for.
CORDELIA
(surprised)
That's so not true.
XANDER
(coldly)
Isn't it? My father thought I was his personal punching
bag, my mom cared more for the kids on TV sitcoms
than me. Not to mention, my first real girlfriend made it her
life's mission to destroy me.
CORDELIA
(looks down)
Xander...
XANDER
(trying not to lose it)
My entire life, I was told I would be nothing. I thought I
would end up exactly like my dad, you know? Trapped in a loveless
marriage, and beating on my kids after I got wasted at bars all day.
Getting a beer gut, and ending up having Willow be too scared to
visit me anymore.
Cordelia looks at him with tears in her eyes.
XANDER (CONT'D)
When Buffy showed up, I thought I'd found
something I could be good at. I could be cannon
fodder. You know why every time I jumped into the
line of fire in front of one of you?
Cordelia just shakes her head, as he looks at her.
XANDER (CONT'D)
I thought that if I protected you guys, the more important ones,
that I would be remembered. That someone would look back one
day, and say to their kids that 'Xander Harris' died like a man.
He lowers his head, as tears start to form.
XANDER (CONT'D)
You remember Jesse? Look what happened to him. He was
turned into a vampire right away. I staked him myself. And how's
he remembered? He's not! I'm the only one who calls his
mother on his birthday every year. Even Willow stopped going
with me to visit his grave, after sophomore year.
He looks up again, and stares into her eyes.
XANDER (CONT'D)
Then you came along. Queen C — the ditziest, meanest bitch that I'd ever
known. I couldn't believe it when Cordelia Chase started to date me.
Me! Insignificant Xander Harris. But then you got so angry with me
'cause I wanted to tell people that we were dating. Hell, you broke up with
me because I wasn't good enough for your friends! Of course, I had to
screw it up with Willow in the end.
Cordelia goes over to sit next to him. She puts her arm around him.
CORDELIA
(softly)
Why didn't you ever tell anyone this stuff before?
XANDER
(surprised)
And get the Slayerette equivalent of a section eight? Buffy would have
never let me go anywhere with her, if she knew how ready I was to die
back then. Okay, sure, I had some ego boosts here and there. The zombies,
saving Buffy after the Master, the Judge, hell even the fight against the
Mayor. And Willow.
He gets serious.
XANDER (CONT'D)
But it's all me now, Cordy. If I screwed up before, it would be
just my neck. Now Melissa, and the others are following my
lead. I know why Buffy didn't want us tagging along at first.
Even though this is something I can't just walk away from.
CORDELIA
(gently)
This have something to do with the glowing blue hand thing?
XANDER
(sighs)
Yeah. I've got some 'things' now, even though I haven't
really figured out how it all works yet.
He looks her in the eyes.
XANDER (CONT'D)
There've been a few attempts on my life. We know someone, or
something is coming. And they want me dead. So I guess it's gonna
be big. And it's all going to be up to me. We think the fake Skip was
one of my new enemies. They were trying to separate me from you
guys. That's why I can't let that happen. No matter what. I need
you to promise me something, Cordy.
CORDELIA
Anything, Xander. You know that.
XANDER
If me and my team falls...someone has to be ready
to pick up with what's coming.
CORDELIA
(looks him in the eyes)
I promise. We will be ready, in case of whatever. And just so you
know? If whoever they are does anything to you, I will hunt them
down and chop off their heads myself.
XANDER
Thanks.
CORDELIA
You'd do the same for me. But there is one thing I want to tell you.
XANDER
What's that?
CORDELIA
(leans back, but keeps her eyes locked with Xander's)
You are not a screw-up. You never were. So you weren't the best fighter
out of all of them! It's one of the things that made me hot for you.
Any idiot with super-strength can go toe to toe with a vampire.
You Xander, you had nothing, but you went into the
battle anyway. You fought not because you had some grand
destiny, but because it was right. A hell of a lot of people are alive
today because they were saved not by Buffy Summers,
but by Xander Harris.
Xander just looks at her, not knowing what to say at first.
CORDELIA (CONT'D)
And let me tell you something else. You have no idea what it meant
to me, what you said at the hospital that night.
XANDER
(unsure)
Cordy? That was after I got you impaled.
Cordy lifts up the front of her shirt half way. She points to a small
line of slightly lighter colored skin.
CORDELIA
You mean this? This healed. Plus add in a good plastic surgeon
friend of my mom's, and it's gone. What I mean is, what you
said my last night in the hospital.
XANDER
(faraway look)
I remember.
CORDELIA
(softly)
You told me that no matter what, I was a great person.
That I should show my true self more often.
XANDER
(scoffs)
Some advice that was. You went right back to
being Queen C at her most...
CORDELIA
(cutting him off)
I was hurting then. But after a while, I thought about it. I was more
like you than you realize. I thought I'd end up like my mom.
Go through all the best schools, and then still become just a trophy
wife to a rich guy. When I came out to LA at first, I was so alone.
It felt like a part of me had died.
XANDER
(somewhat upset)
I told you that all you had to do was call, and I'd be there.
CORDELIA
(smiles)
I know. I was on a bit of an independent kick then.
(she smiles fondly)
You remember the weekend before I left?
XANDER
(laughs)
How could I ever forget those three days?
CORDELIA
(reminisces)
I don't think we set one foot outside of that hotel room at all.
XANDER
(smiles)
Not true. You went and got ice a few times.
CORDELIA
(big grin)
We just went through it so quick.
(her face gets serious)
You don't know how much it still means to me, that you were my first.
XANDER
(looks down)
I... I don't know what to say, Cordy.
CORDELIA
(brushes it aside)
It's good that you're still flustered by it. Someday, this body will
be famous. And I will let them say we were a couple, when
I'm interviewed by People Magazine.
XANDER
Trust me on this, Cordy. It won't be just your body that'll be
famous someday. It'll be your mind also.
CORDELIA
Damn straight!
They both laugh.
CORDELIA (CONT'D)
And just to make sure I'm getting my point into your thick head? If
you have any doubts about if you make a difference for anyone, all you
have to do is look at Kristen. She would be a brainwashed pawn
for Travers right now, if not for you. She talks about you like you're a
superhero. 'How Xander rescued me' is a story she doesn't ever get
tired of telling. But one thing I find funny about what she said,
is about the Slayers in Waiting you met there.
XANDER
She told you about them?
CORDELIA
Eight teenage girls crushing on you?
XANDER
(shrugs)
I had my famous moments.
CORDELIA
(a little jealous)
From what Kristen says, they treated you like a rock star.
XANDER
(smiles)
Well, I was one of the Slayerettes. You'd be surprised how often
Giles' diaries are read over there. We're all kinda like the Avengers to them.
CORDELIA
(changes gears)
What I want to know about is the Russian girl.
XANDER
(blushes)
Oh, her.
CORDELIA
(likes teasing him)
Oh, her? Xander, the way I heard it she practically flung
herself at you. And that she followed you into the showers at the
Council's fitness club late one night, in nothing but a towel!
XANDER
(covers his face with his hands)
Please tell me Buffy and Willow have not heard that one.
Look, she was 18.
CORDELIA
(grins)
They won't find out, if you tell me all the details.
Xander looks at her, and groans.
Music starts to play, and drowns them out as we pull out
from them. Out Xander's windows, and over to the LA
skyline in the background. The screen fades to black. All there is,
is a black screen as we hear...
CORDELIA (CONT'D)
(shocked)
Handcuffs!?
THE END