Xander Harris whistled to himself as he walked back to the Summers residence, a small box with airholes poked it in safely tucked under his arm. It wasn't the most cheerful of whistles, but he was coming to terms with Buffy's death, or at least he was convincing himself that he was. Whichever.
The girls, though, weren't doing so well.
It was hardest on Dawn, of course, coming so soon after the death of her mother.
But Xander was honestly more worried about Willow. She wasn't taking it well, and that was an understatement of Hellmouth-Epic proportions.
He didn't know what to do about Willow, so he was going to leave that in Tara's capable hands while he went to work on Dawn. God knows, she needed something other then Spike. The Vampire had actually been good towards her, Xander had to give him that, but all this 'all night' and no sun stuff couldn't be healthy.
Besides, Xander didn't think that Dawn needed to deal with more death right now, and that's all that Spike was. Again, nothing against the fang face dude, but he was a Vamp and, aside from being dead, all he talked about was killing and fighting.
<Well, that and Passions.> Xander shook his head in a dazed sort of wonder. <It just figures that vamps like Soap Operas... Must have something to do with decayed brain cells.>
He sighed, shaking his head as he lifted the box up a little and smiled through the holes. "You're going to make a little girl I know very happy."
The occupant of the box sneezed in response and Xander chuckled, returning the box to his underarm as he hefted the heavy bag of pet food with the other and awkwardly fished the keys to his SUV from his pocket.
The doors clicked open as the alarm chirped off, and Xander hopped in after putting the box down on the passenger seat.
"All righty then..." Xander grinned, starting the car. "To Casa Del Summers we go!"
Dawn Summers slumped on the couch as the Saturday morning cartoons played on, not really watching the TV. It wasn't like it was important to watch it, of course, it didn't take a brainiac to know the plot of a cartoon, Superman *always* won.
"Hey girls!" The voice of Xander Harris yelled from the hallway as he let himself in. "Is everyone decent?"
Dawn winced.
She hated that joke.
Xander was chuckling to himself as he walked into the living room and spotted her, "Hey Dawnie... How's it going?"
She shrugged, making a show of paying attention to the TV.
"Oh hey! Cartoons!" Xander came to life in an instant, vaulting the couch and flopping down beside her. "Hey cool! Superman's in trouble... wonder if he'll get out of it this time?"
Dawn just closed her eyes and started to count to ten.
She loved Xander, she really did. But he *always* treated her like a kid and it was getting really old. At least Spike talked to her like an adult.
Well, most of the time.
Actually, Dawn frowned as she thought about it, Spike never talked to her like an adult. Spike just didn't act like a kid himself.
<Oh great. Now I'm getting myself depressed even more.> She sighed, shaking her head.
Beside her, Xander had noted her mood and quickly toned his down a lot. "Hey Dawn... You alright?"
"I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine." Xander said quietly, looking over at her.
"Fine! You win! How am I supposed to sound!?" Dawn turned on him, yelling.
It wasn't the first time it happened, but Xander still felt a strange mixture of a breaking heart and wild relief when he heard it. He hated the pain in her voice, but Dawn was just to tightly wound these days, and if she wanted to yell at him, he was fine with that.
"Maybe I should be skipping up and down the streets and whistling the smurfs tune!?" Dawn snapped sarcastically, actually getting up and skipping a few steps as shw started whistling.
After a few seconds of that, she paused, then started to whistle again, then paused.
"It goes like this... la la lalala la... la lala la la" Xander said.
"Shut up!" She turned on him. "I know how it goes! Stop doing that!"
"Doing what?" Xander asked mildly.
"Trying to make me laugh! It won't work!" She growled at him, stalking closer.
Xander smiled sadly, shrugging. "It's what I do."
"Well quit it!" She snapped, "I don't want to laugh... I... I..."
She slowed down, visibly slumping. "I... I don't want to laugh."
"Yeah." Xander reached up and pulled her down beside him, wrapping an arm around her. "I get that. I really do."
"It's not fair." Dawn's voice grew darker. "Buffy wasn't supposed to die. Mom wasn't supposed to die... It wasn't supposed to..."
"Hey hey..." Xander said quickly, then winced as she looked at him and got herself a little more under control. Dawn needed a good cry, and he'd just distracted her from it.
<Idiot.>
"I know it's not fair... And there's nothing I can say that won't sound like some corny piece of crap intended to make you feel better about the world shitting on you." Xander decided to opt for frank brutality.
Dawn blinked in shock as he cursed. She'd never heard Xander say that before.
"And you know, even Gman sucks at this stuff..." Xander smiled softly thinking back to what Giles' had to say about all the death and destruction they dealt with in high school. "But that's the life here in Sunnydale..."
Xander fell silent himself, then finally took a deep breath. "Look, Dawn... I'm thinking... maybe you should go and live with your Dad..."
"No!" Dawn yelled, shocked both by the suggestion and her gut reflex reaction to it. "No... Please... I don't... I want to stay here."
Xander sighed, "I don't know if that's a good idea..."
"I'll be good!" She protested, "I won't be so depressed all the time! Please, Xan... please don't send me away..."
He words were so morose that Xander's heart almost broke as he clutched her tighter. It was against his better judgment, in fact he suspected that it was criminally stupid, but he nodded. "Alright... Alright, I won't bring it up with the others."
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou..." Dawn responded, burying her head in his shoulder, sobs starting to wrack her small body. "I'msosorry.... I didn't mean to be bad..."
"Oh Dawn..." Xander pulled her away so he could look at her face. Tears were starting to flow, but he took no relief in them this time as he knew that she wasn't crying over her legitimate pain, she was crying because he'd hurt her. "It's not that. Never that! Sunnydale just isn't safe... I don't want anything to happen to my Summers Girl."
That did it.
An old phrase, one that Xander barely remembered actually, triggered it and in a few seconds Dawn was crying on his shoulder, this time from very real grief. And as she did, Xander felt his own throat tighten and his vision became blurry as he blinked away the tears he could feel forming. Summers Girl.
There had been a time when it was plural, but no more.
"Oh Please. I'm crying in my beer here."
Xander's head snapped up.
"Xander?" Dawn blinked looking up in confusion. "What is it?"
"Did you hear that?" He frowned, looking around.
"W... w... what?" She asked through shuddered gulps for air.
Xander shook his head, "Nothing... I must be hearing things... weird."
"If you think this is weird, you wait t'ill the drugs wear off."
"Who said that!?" Xander jumped up, looking around.
"I didn't hear anything..." Dawn pushed a little way away from Xander. "Are you ok?"
Xander shook his head, rubbing his eyes and nodding finally. "Yeah... Yeah. I'm good...."
He looked around, at a loss for a moment longer, then forced a smile. "Hey... You want your present?"
"Present?" Dawn looked up, wiping her eyes with a swipe of wrist. "You brought me a present?"
Xander nodded, smiling despite himself as he saw the greedy-guts gleam in her eyes. It was really quite adorable.
Really.
"You just have to promise that you don't tell Anya." He grinned, pulling the box from behind the couch.
Dawn looked puzzled. "Tell Anya? Tell her what?"
Xander opened the box and Dawn's breath rushed out in surprise as she reached into the box and pulled the occupant out.
It was a small, furry, and incomparably cute rabbit with floppy ears. The white and grey of it's fur was so soft as Dawn held it close that she quickly rubbed it along her neck and face. "It's SOOOOOO cute! Thank you, Xander! Thank you! I promise, I won't tell Anya *anything*!"
Xander grinned, but quickly lost the urge to do so as he looked up to see Anya standing in the doorway. "A.... A.... Ahn..."
"Won't tell Anya *what* exactly!?" She glared, hands on her hips, and stalked in with eyes on Xander.
Dawn gulped and moved to hide the rabbit, but that in itself drew Anya's eyes to the small furry cuteness.
Anya blanched so white that Xander thought she was going to vanish against the wall for a moment, then backed away with a look of sheer terror on her face. "Bun... Bun... Bun... Bun... Bun..."
Xander sighed, "It's 'Bunny', Ahn... and come on, it's just a pet for Dawn."
"Bun... Bun.... Bun..." She kept saying, back flat against a wall as she stared at Dawn.
"Bun-ny." Dawn grinned impudently at her, "Bun-ny rabbit. Can you say Bunny rabbit?"
"Bun Bun's the name," The white and Grey rabbit said after a moment, hopping out of Dawn's arms and onto the couch. He looked over at Anya for a moment, "You look familiar, Toots. I know you from somewhere?"
There was a stunned silence for a long moment, punctuated only by the rapid hyperventilating that was coming from where Any was pressed up against the wall.
Finally, Dawn spoke. "Uh... Xander... Is the rabbit *talking*, or are you playing a *really* weird joke?"
Xander half opened his mouth, but the mini-lop beat him to the punch.
"What are ya talkin to the geek-boy for?" Bun Bun asked, looking over at Dawn. "I'm right here, and the only joke in this room is his wardrobe."
"Hey!" Xander managed to get out as he looked down at his brown leather jacket. "What's wrong with my coat!?"
"And why the HELL am I talking to a rabbit!?" He went on, looking up at the ceiling. After a moment he glared back at the grey and white furred form. "Alright, you little demony.... whatsit... get away from Dawn and stop scaring my fiancé!"
Dawn's eyes went up at that last, but before she could say anything the rabbit sneered up at Xander.
"And what are you gonna do if I don't, geek boy?"
Xander took a couple steps toward the rabbit, growling threateningly as the rabbit stood it's ground, only to be stopped by Anya's cry.
"No! Xander, stop!"
He paused, looking over to where she was still shaking. "What?"
"H... He's *dangerous* Xander!" She said, pointing her hand at the bunny, barely able to keep the finger from shaking so badly it would rove the room. "Don't make him angry...."
Xander rolled his eyes, "How bad could he be? He's just a cute little bunny..."
"Looks are deceiving, Geek boy. Look at you, if you hadn't opened your mouth I probably would have thought you had half a brain." The rabbit said blithely before turning the look at the TV. "Hey, you guys get basic cable here? And where's the remote anyway?"
"Alright, that's IT!" Xander growled, grabbing the rabbit. "You're going right back to the shop and I'm gonna kick that clerk's ass for selling you to me!"
The rabbit squirmed around in his grip until he was looking straight at Xander, and Xander could have sworn he was grinning. "You know, normally I'd hurt you on general principal just for touching me, but I'm with you on the clerk thing. That bastard kept me doped up for weeks... Soon as I get my faculties back, I'm gonna carve a porterhouse out of him and serve him up with fries!"
Xander paused, lifting the rabbit up to his face. "You're telling me that the guy from Pets-Mart was keeping you drugged and against your will?"
"Not quite, Geek boy." The Rabbit snapped, "I *told* you that, and the fact that you're asking me to recap tells me that you've got about the same mental capacity as Nerd-boy."
Xander blinked, then frowned. "Hey! Cut that crap out. What kind of demon are you anyway? What kinda wimp let's a pet care clerk keep him doped up until he can sell him anyway??"
"Keep flappin yer lips, Geek boy... you're ticking me off."
Xander stared at the smart mouthed little furball in his hands, amazed by the thing's nerve. "And just what do you think you can do about it?"
"Xander..."
He ignored Anya's warning, "Think about it, demon-bunny... I outweigh you by a couple hundred times, I'm bigger, I'm stronger, I'm...."
The rabbit kicked suddenly in his hands, popping right up out of his grip and into the air, then summersaulted in mid-air as it nailed him cleanly with both feet and sent Xander stumbling backwards.
He hit the couch first, legs buckling under him as he went over, slamming into the cushion headfirst, and rolling clear off the couch and onto the floor with a bang.
The rabbit, on the other hand, landed easily on one of the sofa chairs and then hopped over to the couch so it could look down to where Xander was groaning on the floor. "Sucks to be you, geek boy."
Xander groaned, pushing himself up off the ground and glared up at the rabbit. "Lucky move, demon. But I'm not going to let you hurt Dawn or Anya."
"Look, porkchop," The Bunny glared at him, "Do I *look* like a demon to you? I'm a rabbit, ok? And you, you need to back off before I have to hurt *you* on general principals. Unless the babes are planning on getting on my nerves, I've got no interest in them."
"Oh yeah? Then why is Anya so scared of you?" Xander challenged, getting up.
The mini-lop did a credible shrug. "Don't know. Maybe she saw someone *piss* me off, eh Geek Boy?"
Xander growled, showing his teeth, and started forward again, only to have Dawn stop him.
"Wait! Xander... don't start a fight, ok?" She asked, "Let's just try to figure out what he is... as long as he isn't trying to hurt anyone, then let's keep it that way... right?"
"I'm a rabbit, toots." Bun Bun told her evenly, "And unless you've got an Alfalfa margarita kicking around here, I'm long gone. I've got a home to get too, don't you know?"
"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Xander advised him as the rabbit started to hop away.
"Ww... wait!" Dawn yelled suddenly, startling pretty much everyone in the room. She cast about and spotted the bag of pet food that Xander had bought and grabbed for it, "I knew that Xander wouldn't have gotten a rabbit without some rabbit food... stay for a while?"
"Dawn!?" Xander and Anya both yelped.
"What's he got in there?" Bun Bun asked, hopping over.
"Umm... Looks like some pellets..."
"I'm outta here."
"Wait! I mean," Dawn bit her lip, "They say alfalfa on them..."
"Yeah?" The rabbit shuffled over and stuck it's head in the bag. After a moment they heard him shout something and he dove in.
The three of them watched the bag move around vigorously for several minutes, then slowly stop, until the rabbit finally poked his head out again. He sighed contentedly, then settled into the arm of the couch and laid down.
After a moment, he looked up and nodded. "Good grub."
Dawn nodded, "Xander always gets the best stuff!"
"Really?" He looked over at Xander speculatively. "Maybe I'll have to revise my opinion of him."
Xander scowled at the rabbit openly.
"He might be worth the air he breaths." The rabbit shrugged, "I doubt it, you know... but anything's possible."
Xander growled quietly, not liking the little bastard one little bit. He didn't know what breed of demon it was, but it was more annoying then SPIKE. "Listen here you little furry douche bag, if you're planning on sticking around here you're gonna be polite in front of the girls, you got that?"
"You gonna make me, Geek boy?" The rabbit got up on it's hind legs, folding it's fore-paws over it's chest.
Dawn instantly got his dreamy look on her face. "Awww.... he's sooooo cute!"
"Dawn!" Xander blurted out in exasperation. "It's a *talking*rabbit! Come on, this is obviously a hellmouth kind of thing and those are NEVER cute."
"Guess that makes you one of them, huh Geek boy?" The Rabbit challenged him.
"Oh, that's it! You got a lucky shot earlier but I'm gonna have to put you down now!" Xander started forward.
The Rabbit jumped up, "You and what army, Porkchop?"
Bun Bun charged this time, jumping straight for Xander's face as Xander barely managed to slow down and get his hands up to protect himself. He caught Bun Bun in mid stride, but fell back from the unexpected force of the attack.
The two of them went rolling across the living room, knocking over a lamp and then rolling out into the hallway.
Dawn and Anya looked at each other in shock, then rushed out at the same time to see Xander and the Rabbit still struggling on the ground, both cursing and muttering under their breath. The Rabbit got in two shots to Xander's face, raising heavy bruises around his eyes as the carpenter yelped in shock, then Xander managed to catch the rabbit with a backhand that sent it flying across the hall.
Bun Bun hit the wall, sliding down to the floor as Xander rolled up to his knees and glared.
"Alright. Now I'm mad."
"Bleedin hell!" Spike cursed, looking up at the darkened ceiling above him as a roar of clattering and cursing that was coming from upstairs.
He'd gotten caught here at dawn, something that was happening more and more often since Buffy had died and he helped look after the little bit. Normally that was an ok thing, it was quiet and he got his rest.
This, though, was annoying.
The Vampire rolled over, pulling a pillow over his head as he tried to block out the sounds for a moment, then gave up.
"Sounds like someone's started a bloody war up there!" He bitched, getting out of bed. "If the wanker's given the bit more of those sugary cereals, I'm gonna hit 'im right in the nose... the pain will be worth it."
The grumbling vampire made his way up the stairs, groaning and cursing the whole way.
At the top of the stairs he shoved open the door and glared out, "Will you cut out the rackkk...... What the bloody hell!?"
There, on the floor, Xander was wrestling with what looked like a little bunny rabbit. And the wanker was *losing*.
Spike couldn't have helped it if he'd wanted to. He started laughing.
"Bloody hell, wanker..." He got out between guffaws, scorn dripping from his voice. "I know you ain't much of a demon fighter, but I could have sworn that you'd be able to take a little 'bunny wabbit'..."
"This... is... harder... then... it... looks." Xander grunted out in between moments of trading blows with the rabbit.
"Yeah, right." Spike reached down, plucking the rabbit up by the scruff of it's neck. "It's a real terror, I can see."
He lifted the rabbit up to eye level and was surprised when it seemed to glare right at him.
"Oh goodie." The rabbit said, pulling something from behind his back.
The switchblade went 'ka click' as Bun Bun glared at Spike. "Another chew toy."
Spike's first thought was 'Well I'll be buggered. It talks!'.
Or rather, that *would* have been his first thought if he hadn't gotten as far as 'I'll be bug...' before Bun Bun attacked.
What he actually thought was more along the lines of 'Well I'll be bug... FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!', then he fell over backwards and tumbled down the stairs into the basement with a pissed off mini lop hacking away at him with a switchblade.
Upstairs, Xander got up slowly, groaning and walked over to the basement door. He winced a couple times as he heard cursing and the occasional thump, then grimaced as a ripping noise was heard throughout the house.
"Bloody hell!" Spike's outraged voice wafted up from the basement. "That was my favorite shirt!"
Xander looked down the stairs, the at the door, then down the stairs again.
"Xander!" Dawn snapped, jerking his head around. "You are NOT thinking about locking Spike down there with that thing, are you!?"
"Umm..." Xander looked at the door longingly, then shook his head. "No. Course not! What do you take me for?"
<For a minute there she must have thought I was actually *sane*> Xander sighed as he zipped up the leather jacket and started down the stairs.
"Xander!"
This time it was Anya screaming, and he turned around to see her, still deathly pale, "What?"
"You can't go down there... You can't... He's..."
"Dangerous. I get that now, I really do. But honestly, Ahn... we deal with demons and the end of the world all the time... How bad can a bunny rabbit be!?" Xander asked, the decided to ignore the sudden sickly green look on her face as he turned back down the stairs and took a deep breath.
"Bloody Sodding Poof!" Spike cursed, hammering his left fist into the little furry slive of death that was trying to end his unlife.
"Powdered wig wearing british fag sucker!" The rabbit growled back, kicking Spike in the face, then slicing him from shoulder to guts in a long diagonal slash that opened up his flesh and shit and caused Spike to jump back as he hissed in pain.
"Oh you're dead, and I'm gonna have me four brand new lucky rabbits feet!" Spike growled back, "And for callin me that I'm gonna make it HURT!"
"Hey, I can smell the smoke on you Brit-Boy." The rabbit sneered, then pretended to look surprised. "Oh wait... you thought I meant...? Gee, hit a nerve did I?"
Spike growled unintelligibly and charged.
Xander hit the bottom of the steps just as Spike dove at the rabbit, and just in time to se the rabbit hop up and over him, land on Spike's head, and kick the Master Vampire's face into the cement floor.
He actually winced in sympathy as Spike skidded for three feet along the rough floor, using his face as pretty much his only contact with the ground.
"That HAD to hurt." Xander muttered, shaking his head.
Spike, though, just growled as he finally vamped out and spun around, leaping to his feet. "Come back here ya little mouthful! I don't normally drink animal blood, but I'm aiming to make an exception!"
"Oh great." Bun Bun muttered, drawing Xander's attention.
Xander goggled. Somehow the damned bunny had gotten a hold of one of the folding chairs and just *whipped* the chair across Spike's back.
"Arrrrrghhhh!" The Vampire yelled, hitting the floor again and laying there for a moment.
"Great." Bun Bun muttered, throwing the metal chair away. "A Vampire..."
The rabbit turned and started hopping around the room, looking at things. After a few seconds he looked back, "Be a good bloodsucker and stay right there while I find a wooden stake..."
Spike groaned, rolling over onto his back and grimacing in pain. He glared at Xander, "Well!?"
"Well what?" Xander asked from the bottom of the stairs.
"Aren't you gonna help me, ya soddin wanker!?"
"What? Does the Big Bad need help with a ittle bitty bunny wabbit?" Xander mocked the vampire with a smirk.
"Ah Sod Off!" Spike rolled over to his feet, fingers checking the cut wounds in his arms and chest as he started to get madder. "What the bloody hell is that thing anyway!?"
Xander shook his head, "Don't know, but I think it's the reason why Anya's scared of rabbits."
Spike snorted. "Can't say I blame her much then."
"Tell me about it." Xander shook his head, looking around for the rabbit again. "Oh Shit! Spike, he got into the weapons chest!!"
Spike whirled around just in time to see a huge battle axe come whirling at him from the corner. "Bleedin hell!"
"Hold still!" Bun Bun ordered as he missed by a bare inch, pulling the big weapon back up to swing again.
"Throw me a weapon or something you bloody poof!" Spike yelled as the rabbit chased him around the basement.
Xander grabbed up the closest thing at hand, the folding chair that Bun Bn had used earlier, and tossed it to Spike. "Here! Catch!"
Spike caught the chair, barely getting it into position to block the next axe swing, and cursed. "Bollocks! Couldn't you find me a real weapon!?"
"Oh quit whining!" The psychopathic rabbit told him as he swung the axe again. "You didn't hear me complain when you healed up from by switchblade did you?"
"Yes I did!" Spike growled, "You told me to hold still while you got a Stake!!"
"And you didn't listen did you?" Bun Bun shrugged, smashing the axe into the upheld chair again. "So you're wimp as well as a crybaby... Now just hold still for... one... more... second..."
"Bloody well HELP ME you damned wanker!!" Spike yelled out, falling back from each swing as the rabbit kept up the pressure.
"Stop yelling for help and take this like a grown up bloodsucker..." Bun Bun said, pulling the big axe back for another swing.
Only to have it plucked from his grip just before he could swing it.
"Hey!" He snarled, turning around to face Xander, "I was using that!"
"I noticed." Xander smirked, "But you see, there's a little girl upstairs who actually likes Spike... so I can't let you kill him."
"Bah!" The rabbit glared at the two of them. "I'll take you both!"
Spike and Xander just had time to blink in surprise at that statement, then Bun Bun leapt from the ground, caromed off Spike's head, then plowed into Xander's stomach.
And the fight was on again.
Upstairs, Dawn and Anya winced and jumped as the sounds of banging and yelling and cursing wafted up from downstairs.
"I still think we should help them?"
Anya shook her head crazily. "Oh no! I'm NOT going down there... and Xander would kill me if I let you try to stop that crazy Bunny!"
Dawn sighed, taking a seat. "What's his story anyway?"
"You so don't want to know." Anya sighed, sitting down across from her, wincing as another series of clangs and bangs sounded from downstairs.
"Don't you think we should get some help for them? I mean, Willow and Tara are just upstairs... I could wake them up..."
Anya shook her head, waving her hand. "Nah. I doubt Bun Bun will hurt them permanently... It's not like they're trying to sell him anything."
"Huh?"
"Don't ask." Anya shuddered. "I had this job for a few weeks a couple years ago as a..."
She leaned forward and whispered, "Telemarketer."
"Telemarketer!?" Dawn blurted, confused.
"SHHHHH!!!" Anya hissed urgently, "Not so loud! I like my lungs where they are... Bun Bun *hates* telemarketers!"
"Oh... Is that how you know him?"
"Eh." Anya shrugged, "Yes and no."
"Now what is THAT supposed to mean!?" Dawn asked, exasperated.
"You don't want to know." Anya shook her head, frowning as things went quiet downstairs. "Hmmm... I don't like the sounds of that."
"What? I don't hear anything?"
"Exactly." Anya started to get up, then another series of bangs and clatters happened and she sighed in relief. "Ok, no one's hurt seriously."
Dawn stared at her in shock, but didn't say anything.
"So anyway," Anya sat back down. "How's school been?"
"Damn vampires." Bun Bun growled, kicking Spike in the face for good measure before brushing his feet off on the semi-conscious vampire's ragged shirt and hopped off. "There has to be some wood around here somewhere..."
Xander groaned as he pushed himself to his knees and started to stagger after the rabbit.
"You got balls, Geel boy. I'll give you that." The rabbit said, sitting back on it's haunches and waving it's paws in a 'come get me' manner. "Come on then, let's go."
Xander growled and lunged at the bunny, grabbing it in a tackle and the two of them rolled over to the stairs and started to fight along the bottom of the steps.
"Ha! You'll have to do better then that!" Bun Bun grinned, hopping clear and jumping up a couple steps.
Xander growled, charging up the stairs and grabbed Bun Bun as he did, slamming the bunny along each step as they passed. As they reached the top, Bun Bun suddenly grabbed ahold of one of the steps, and Xander catapulted over him and through the semi-closed door, landing back in the hall way.
"Alright Geek Boy." The rabbit stepped out of the basement, eyes gleaming. "Time to DIE!!!"
"Oh no." Anya whimpered. "They're back upstairs."
Dawn spun around just in time to see Xander come to a rest a few feet from the basement door, lying flat on his back and looking like a vampire had just kneed him in the groin. Somehow, Xan managed to roll over and start to climb back to his knees, but then her eyes roved to the basement door and the feral gleam that lay in the eyes of the mini-lop standing there.
Bun Bun had a knife in hand and was glaring at Xander with a near maniacal glint as he grinned and called out, "Alright Geek Boy... Time to DIE!"
Then he charged the still recovering Xander.
"Xander!" Anya and Dawn screamed at the same time, watching in horror as the duo tumbled past them and rolled into the kitchen.
Dawn and Anya exchanged horrified looks, then charged together into the kitchen just as the tables and chairs were overturned and tossed aside by the brawling duo.
Xander twisted in mid motion, barely evading a knife slash, and grabbed the bunny with both hands, struggling to his feet and swinging around as he fought to hold on.
Dawn bolted across the room, hand slamming on the release catch of the microwave, and then she yelled. "Xander! Over here!"
Xander spun around, teeth gritting, then whipped the bunny through the air and into the appliance. Dawn slammed the door shut, and Xander rushed over to throw his weight against it as well.
"I... I think we got hi..... ulp!" Xander gulped as the nuker started to shake and shudder.
"Quick! Turn it on!" Anya yelled.
Xander's fingers reached out and punched in a series of commands into the nuker, all the while thinking <Damn it! I could have gone for one of the cheap models with the easy to set dial, but NOOOO.... I had to give Buffy the expensive digital one!!>
The nuker hummed into action on the 'pop corn' setting, and the rumbles from it stopped. Xander and Dawn leaned back against the machine for a few more seconds, then slowly backed away as they watched the sparks fly off the knife in the counting down machine.
It finally pinged done, and the room went silent.
"Do you think it's dead?" Dawn asked softly, her voice almost sad.
"I don't know." Xander said hesitantly, edging forward.
"Xander... I don't know if I'd do that..."
"Well, we can't just leave it in there!" Xander snapped over his shoulder, glaring at Anya. "That's the only microwave in the house!"
Just as he turned back the door to the nuker flung open, and everyone jumped back as a very VERY fluffy Bun Bun staggered out of the appliance, steam evaporating from his fur, and glared at Xander in what could only be described as a 'murderous rage'.
"Did I say dead??" Bun Bun asked softly, sparks still falling from the gleaming metal of his switch blade. "I *meant* skinned alive and castrated Geek BOY!"
Xander paled, though not quite as much as Anya, and barely got his hands up in defense as the mini-lop charged.
Xander stumbled back, hitting the overturned table and toppling to the floor with Bun Bun hacking away at him like made, the switch blade slicing through the heavy brown leather of his coat as he desperately tried to defend himself from the blade.
"G.... Guys!? A little help!!" Xander cried out, yelping in pain as one slash bit deep into the shoulder of his coat and sliced through flesh.
Anya cast about, then rushed over to the counter and grabbed a heavy knife from the cutting block, "Here Xander! Catch!"
She threw the knife.
"Yeouch!! Damnation Anya!"
"Sorry! So Sorry!!"
Xander grimaced as he pulled the knife from where it was stuck in his coat with one hand as he get Bun Bun at bay with the other. As Bun Bun slashed with the switchblade, Xander blocked with the kitchen knife, and the fighting moved up a couple notches.
Xander took a spare moment to glare over his shoulder. "Who's side are you on anyway!?"
"Sorry!"
Metal clashing on metal rang through the house and was the final straw.
"Ooohhh I'm gonna ground her for a WEEK!"
"Now now, Will... She's just being a kid. Leave Dawn alone."
"But... but... it's Saturday! Sleep in day!"
"Kids never sleep in. Let her have her fun."
"Oh Alright."
"..."
"I wonder what they're doing down there anyway? Sounds like a sword fight..."
"Probably have the cartoons up too loud."
"Yeah. Probably... I wonder which one?"
"Willow...."
"Yeah yeah... let the girl have her fun."
"Right. Dawn's had a tough time of it."
"Yeah, I know... Say, Tara..."
"What?"
"Can I have my fun??"
"Mmmm... Thought you'd never ask."
"God damn, conniving, troublesome, murderous, psychotic, cute, little bunny!" Xander growled out as he and Bun Bun crossed blades time and again.
The problem was, Bun Bun was WAY better at it, and Xander was certainly getting the short end of the stick.
Or, rather, the sharp end of the blade.
"We have to do something!!" Dawn screamed as she and Anya chased the duo on their fight through the house.
"Like what!?" Anya demanded, wincing as another slash got through and made even more tatters of Xander's coat. "I just bought him that one!"
"Really?" Dawn asked, pausing. "I would have expected better taste from you..."
"What are you trying to say?" Anya glowered, tapping her foot as the screaming and cursing rolled on away from them.
"Nothing... nothing... It's just... not very flattering a coat, you know?"
Anya shrugged, "I know. I don't want other girls seeing Xander-Muscles."
"Xander has muscles?" Dawn blinked.
Anya smiled.
"Man. This I've got to see." Dawn declared after a moment's thought.
"And THAT is why I made him buy that coat!" Anya snapped.
A scream of pain and rage from behind them brought them both out of the conversation.
"They're in the living room!" Dawn yelled, running in the direction of the yelling.
"I've got an Idea!"
"Hold still, Geek boy. This'll only hurt a lot!"
"Gnnnnnkkkk!" Xander replied.
Ok, so it wasn't as witty as he'd have liked, but he was trying to keep the bunny's blade off his throat as the rolled around on the floor in front of the couch.
Inch by inch the blade was drawing nearer, and Xander could feel the tingle of cold steel on his neck even as his muscles popped under his tattered clothes while he strained against the impossible strength of the mini-lop rabbit.
Then, just as the knife touched his skin, the TV flipped on with the volume cranked up and both he and Bun Bun turned to stare at it in shock.
And continued to stare at it as the watched Pamela Anderson *bounce*down an empty beach with one hell of a pair of 'flotation devices'.
They looked at the TV, then back at each other, then at the TV again until Bun Bun let up the pressure and shrugged.
"Match called on account of Baywatch."
"Deal." Xander croaked, nodding once as the rabbit hopped up onto the Couch and settled in.
Xander laid there on the floor for a while, then sighed and crawled up on the couch too. While people on TV pretended to drown in order to get Pam to run, Xander peeled off his ruined jacket and grimaced as the pain from the multiple knife wounds started to seep through to his nervous system.
"Sory bout the jacket, Geek boy."
"Eh. No big. It was an ugly piece of crap anyway." Xander shrugged, "Hey... how come you're apologizing? You just did it!"
The rabbit shrugged, "Baywatch soothes the savage soul."
Xander nodded, "Yeah. Point. Sorry about the microwave thing..."
"Just never mention it again. EVER." Bun Bun muttered, trying to get his fur to flatten down. "You going to need stitches for that shoulder cut?"
Xander nodded, "Yep."
"Good."
"Bastard."
"Geek Boy."
"Shh... Commercials over."
Willow yawned, the action not masking the goofy grin her face was sporting in the least, and tied off her housecoat as she headed down the stairs.
<Tara's really the best...> She thought to herself, still smiling stupidly.
She went on grinning inanely until she reached the hallway and spotted a few scraps of wood lying on the ground. "That's odd... it looks like pieces of furniture..."
She looked around, blinking, and then stuck her head in the kitchen for a peek.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Two point three seconds later, one very pissed redhead hit the living room.
"What happened to the furniture in the.... GODDESS!! Xander! What happened to you!???!?"
"Owowowowowowowowowowowow." Xander winced as Anya worked on sewing up his arm.
"Oh stop being such a baby." Anya scolded him, drawing the needle through the skin of his arm and pulling the plastic thread with it. She paused for a moment and glowered at Willow, "And you, keep it down. I'm trying to fix my Fiancé here."
Xander groaned, hiding his face for a moment. "Ahn... probably not the right time."
"Oh please. You spilled to Dawn earlier."
"My god! What happened to your arm!? And the kitchen??"
"And Spike." Dawn said, closing the basement door. "He's gonna be ok, but I think he's gonna need an extra blood pack... or twelve."
"And Spike!?" Willow blurted, eyes round with shock. "Something hurt Spike??? What could have hurt Spike?"
"Bun Bun." Dawn shook her head and brushed past Willow. "For a little guy he can really make a mess."
"Who the hell is Bun Bun!?"
"That'd be me, toots." Bun Bun hopped up on the couch and waved his knife around. "Now shut the freak up so I can hear Baywatch!"
Willow stared at the rabbit for about ten seconds, then her eyes rolled up into her head, and she hit the floor.
"Willow!" Dawn yelped, rushing back.
"OW!" Xander screamed as Anya jerked in surprise and jumped to see where Willow had fallen. "Damn it Anya!!"
"Wuss." Bun Bun said from beside him.
"Oh Xander! I'm so sorry! I'll be careful next time... I swear I'll make it up to you later too..."
"It's only being wussy if there's no girl here to appreciate it." Xander hissed out of the side of his mouth as Anya babbled on.
Bun Bun blinked in shock.
"Damn. The Geek boy is giving ME tips on women... and Damnitall! He's right!" The Rabbit sighed, shaking his head. "Riff and Nerd Boy have been a real bad influence on me."
"What happened to Willow??" Tara asked as she came down the stairs, "I heard her scream... Oh my god! Is she ok!?"
Dawn looked up and nodded, "Yeah... I think she just fainted."
"Fainted? Why?"
"Girl can't handle a real Bun."
Tara looked toward the voice, and froze.
"Dawn..." She said carefully, "Is that a rabbit on the couch?"
"Uh huh."
"And was the rabbit on the couch *talking*?"
"Uh huh."
"Oh Good." Tara said, nodding. "Come on, I think we have some smelling salts in the bathroom."
"Oh Good?" Dawn asked as Tara got up. "Huh?"
"Well, I figured that if you saw it too then at least I'd have some company at the asylum." Tara shrugged, heading for the bathroom.
Dawn blinked, then shrugged. "Good point."
On the couch, Anya tied off Xander stitches and shook her head. "There... I think I'm doing better at this now..."
Xander looked down, and nodded. "Nice stitching Ahn... clean, tight... much better then the job you did last week."
"Thank you." She smiled, leaning over to kiss him once. "I'll put away the kit. Be right back."
After Anya left, Bun Bun looked over at his companion on the couch. "Weird babes."
Xander shrugged, "You ever met any that weren't?"
"Point." The mini-lop conceded. "What is this anyway? Basic cable?"
Xander nodded, "Yeah. Why?"
"I can't find the playboy channel!"
"Ok Dawn, where did the rabbit come from?" Tara asked in a low voice.
"Bun Bun? Xander bought him at the pet store." Dawn replied.
Tara stared at her for a moment, then shook her head. "A... and it didn't occur to anyone that a talking rabbit was a weird thing??"
"Well of course it did!" Dawn snapped, "But this IS sunnydale. Besides, after he beat up Xander and Spike we really didn't feel like being next."
"He b...b...beat up Xander and Spike?"
"Well... mostly just Spike..." Dawn admitted, "But he and Xander did fight all through the house... he cut Xander pretty bad with his knife..."
Tara looked over her shoulder sharply, "He has a K...Knife??"
"Oh relax..." Dawn assured her. "Once we put on Baywatch, he became almost polite..."
"Baywatch??" Tara looked so confused that Dawn reached out to brace her up.
"Are you ok? Maybe we should get you..."
"N... no! L... let's just wake Willow up..." Tara said firmly, heading for the bathroom. "Uh... Why did he cut Xander??"
"Oh, because Xander microwaved him."
"O... oh."
"So..."
"So what?"
"Homicidal Bunny, huh?"
"Only part time."
"How's that working for you?"
"Surprisingly fulfilling."
Xander nodded silently for a long while, looking for something else to say.
"So..."
Bun Bun looked up at him, glaring. "So what?"
"I've got satellite service at home." Xander said, "Five hundred channels."
"Premium?"
"All of 'em."
"Why didn't you say so!" Bun Bun hopped up. "Let's go!"
"Alright." Xander nodded, getting up.
Bun Bun suddenly frowned, "Hey... How come you're suddenly offering up free TV?"
Xander shrugged, "Anything to get you away from the girls. I don't want them hurt."
The rabbit scowled at him, then shrugged. "Eh. What the hell. Wouldn't be the first time I used my rep to get stuff for free."
Bun Bun hopped on Xander's shoulder, causing him to hiss.
"What?"
"You mind sitting on the *uninjured* shoulder?" Xander gritted out.
"Whoops. Sorry. My bad." Bun Bun grinned.
"Still sore about the Microwave I see."
"I told you, Never mention that. EVER."
"Right. Sorry."
Xander walked out the door, then headed toward his SUV.
"Hey, how come you've got satellite and the girls are stuck with basic cable?"
Xander shrugged, "Eh. All they watch is Passions with Spike."
Bun Bun stared at him incredulously.
"The Vampire watches *Passions*?"
Xander nodded miserably.
Bun Bun shuddered. "And you stopped me from staking him, *why*??"
Xander sighed, "I really don't remember anymore."
"Xander?" Anya called, looking around. "Xander??"
The room was empty, and slowly it dawned on her that Bun Bun was gone too.
"OHMYGOD!! Xander's loose on the Hellmouth with Bun Bun!!!!!!"
Anyone who does NOT recognize this crossover is invited to go to the following link :
http://sluggy.com/daily.php?date=970920
If you don't laugh your ASS off after reading that, then see your doctor, there IS something wrong with you. If you do as I expect, go back to the start of the archive and We'll see you again in a week or so.
Note to other authors : Apologizing in advance for the lack of FB on the group while readers are in this archive. I've reread it a few times myself over the last year, and it has drained many a productive hour from my life.
(Hey! I do SO have productive hours!!)
This is a maybe one shot, maybe series... (knowing me, it's a series) If I get enough people who recognize it and leave FB, I'll probably continue it.