Preternatural Pounding

Author: Alan Podjursky <alan.p[at]orcon.net.nz>

Summary: The first tournament in SunnyD!

Disclaimer: I own a few bottles of whisky, my computer, and that's it.

Feedback: Preferably in another posting for this round robin fic :D

Pre-fic Comments: Yes, I've just been watching Celebrity Deathmatch and reading mtcffULTRA. Does it show?

This isn't set in any particular season, so it's anything goes as far as continuity or people go. If you want to bring in someone from another series/game, you can, but you'd better make it good.

This is a roundrobin fic -- you can continue it, feel more than free to. Please try to ensure that there is a cleanly defined chain of responses, and that it doesn't branch like a rabbit's family tree. Add any plot or non-fight things you want to. Try to make the fics Xander-centric, so this doesn't get kicked off the list for OT-ness.


Chapter 1

Author: Alan Podjursky

Xander blinked. What was he doing here in this corridor? He vaguely recalled... ah! Now he remembered!

A woman had appeared to him, and commanded him to do as she commanded. He had no idea why now, but at the time he'd protested. The woman then hit him with some kinda mojo and...

Oh! Beating the crap out of Spike!

The Scoob smirked. And he knew just how to do it.

*****

The highschool gymnasium was packed. The entire hall was filled with bleachers and cheap folding chairs, except for where a large ring was placed with an empty space around it. Every living (and unliving) soul (and soulless being) in the small town was on the seating, cheering madly. Except for three empty seats ringside.

The announcers booth up on the wall had Rupert Giles and Jesse Wilson in it. Giles was dressed in tweed, while Jesse was in a black suit that was obviously new.

"WELCOME! TO! THE PRETERNATURAL POOOOOOOUUUUNDIIIIING!," Jesse yelled, his voice high at the start and cracking to a tenor at the end.

All the middleaged, elderly, and school aged hooligans in the crowd roared.

In the ring, Cordelia Chase began speaking, not bothering to wait for the roar to die down.

"Are you ready for PAIN?," she shrieked. "Are you ready for STRIFE?"

The crowd was indeed, and stood to affirm that.

"Then say HELLO to Sunnydale's favourite God and Goddess, WAR AND DISCORD!"

And they go nuts! A man in Roman armour and a woman in a flowing dress materialised in the ring. Eris held up a golden apple as Ares took the mike from Cordelia.

"That's right! For your pleasure and their gain, our fighters are gonna duke it out until one of them is at the top of the heap!," Ares bellowed. "The prize will stay here, at the top of the ring, until someone worthy has slaughtered the dross!"

Eris threw the apple high in the air. At the apex, it hung motionless, just short of the steel girders composing the rafters of the large room. The two deities sat on the reserved ringside seats as Jesse and Giles took up the announcing.

"And now, f-for our first fight," Giles said, "Spike! The vampire who earned the name William the Bloody through years of torture and torment!"

Black leather duster swirling around his legs, the bleached wonder strode arrogantly to the ring through the crowd. A few girls in the crowd shrieked louder than the rest, and he threw his half-burnt cigarette in their general direction.

"Glad to be here!," the ex-pat Brit said. "And who's the poor sod going up against me?"

"Standing against this monster," Jesse continued, "The White Knight, Alexander L Harris!"

On the other side of the hall, Xander strode through the double doors. He had on one of his Hawaiian shirts, a pair of jeans, and a black denim trenchcoat. Silent, he moved to the ring, rolled under the ropes and got up.

"Tryin' to steal my gig?," Spike asked. "It won't do you any good."

Xander grinned. "That would be like trying to steal your sense of cool, Spike."

The vampire grinned triumphantly, before working it out. "Hey!"

The referee stepped between them.

"And our referee for the night," Cordelia announced, "Daniel 'Oz the Wolfman' Osbourne!"

Cordy moved to sit by the two deities, while Oz started the fight.

"Okay," Oz said. "I want a good clean fight. Go."

Willow got onto the ring and started talking to Oz, as Spike punched Xander.

"This is gonna be dead boring," the vampire said.

Xander pulled a handgun out of his coat. It would be fairer to say handcannon.

"Funny you should say that."

"And the White Knight blows away Mr the Bloody's kneecap!," Jesse cheered.

"BLOODY HELL!," Spike screamed. "Ref! Oi!"

Willow looked up from where she and Oz were engaged in liplock. "He'll allow it!"

TBC…