Protected by his light

Author: Michael Wilson <wyrdradio[at]>

Rating: PG-13 to R

Disclaimer: Joss, Mutant Enemy, and a lot of other people own the characters from Buffy and Angel. Charmed is owned by Aaron Spelling, E. Duke Vincent, and the Warner Brothers Television Network. I get nothing by writing this except maybe some kind words of encouragement and a few cheers... at least I hope.

Spoilers: BUFFY: Season 7 ending. CHARMED: Not sure... but probably after Season 5. It's pretty far, its after the Whitelighters are killed by the Titans and Leo is made an Elder.

Summary: The White Knight is back... as a Whitelighter... but can he protect those he loves.

Author's Note: This is a sequel to "If I die before I wake..." "  " is for speech while *  * is for thoughts.

Distribution: If you like it... please feel free to place it on your site... but please tell me first.

Latest addition

Chapter 1

Xander stepped into the light and was transported to the Hall of the Elders. He looked around at the havoc left in the wake of the attack by the Titans and shook his head in disbelief.

*To think, just a few short weeks after I die... all this happens. No wonder they wanted to speed up my training, they need replacement Whitelighters like yesterday.*

He looked up as the large doors leading deeper into the hall opened and a man emerged. Xander recognized him almost immediately and smiled. He liked Leo the most of all of those who were made Elders. Leo was nice and actually seemed to care about his Whitelighters... unlike some of the other Elders.

"Xander... there you are... come with me. You begin the final phase of your training today."

Xander nodded and moved over to Leo's side. Leo placed his hand on Xander's shoulder and orbed them away, vanishing in a swirl of light...


Piper Halliwell lowered Wyatt down for his nap and smiled. He had been fussy all morning, but was now finally asleep... but his sleep didn't last long. A crash sounded from the kitchen and Wyatt opened his eyes and began to wail his annoyance at being woken up. Piper rolled her eyes and sighed then picked him up and, furious, stormed toward the kitchen to discover what was going on. As she arrived, she noticed Leo standing over a young man lying on the floor.

"... told you not to fidget like that, you know you tend to throw these things off some."

The young man looked up and scowled at Leo then climbed to his feet.

"Yeah, but if you'd just teach me how to do that already then I wouldn't have to piggyback with you... you know."

Leo sighed and nodded.

"That's why we're here... to train you safely with the help of someone who can guide you through it while I'm not around."

Piper cleared her throat and smirked when the young man jerked and spun around to face her.

"Would you two like to tell me what's going on here?"

Leo smiled and laughed slightly.

"Piper... I'd like you to meet Xander."

Xander smiled and nodded.

"Hi... you're prettier than Leo said."

Leo jerked his head toward Xander as Piper smiled.

"Thank you, Xander, that's very kind of you. Now... why are you here?"

Xander grinned and recognized the fiery temper Leo had warned him about beginning to emerge.

"Leo's training me to be a Whitelighter... well, technically I already am one, but I don't know how to orb yet, so he's going to be teaching me... or you will... or is it one of the others... Leo?"

Leo shook his head.

"It's Paige."

He turned to look at Piper and took a breath.

"Is she here?"

Piper nodded and looked up at the ceiling.

"Paige... get your butt down here... we have company."

A muffled reply came from above as Piper moved to hand Wyatt off to his father. Leo smiled at his son and sat down. Xander watched and grinned. He liked babies and hoped to maybe have one some day in the far distant future with Tara... or Willow... depending on if it's even possible.

"Xander is it?"

Xander looked up at Piper and nodded.

"Yes ma'am."

Leo snickered as Piper stared at Xander in shock.

"I'm just Piper, Xander, not ma'am."

Xander nodded.

"Got it... Piper."

Piper sighed and rolled her eyes. She knew already that Xander would be a handful.

"Can I get you anything while we wait for Paige to get down here?"

Xander shook his head.

"I'm fine... unless..."

At that moment, Paige entered in a sports bra and shorts.

"Unless what?"

Xander looked at her and blinked in shock.

"Um... you don't by any chance have any Twinkies... do you?"

Piper smiled and shook her head.

"You're in luck, someone here has a sweet tooth..."

Paige rolled her eyes and walked over to the cabinet to get the box of Twinkies she kept there. She grabbed one for Xander then gently tossed it over to him. Xander stared at it in awe for a moment then inhaled it in one bite... to the shock and amazement of all three of them.

"Oh god... I missed them so much..."

Paige grinned and sat down on the counter.

"No problem. So... why are you here?"

Leo smiled at Paige.

"We're here for you, actually."

Paige frowned and turned white.

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

Xander smirked and tried to stifle a laugh as Leo openly laughed.

"Actually, Paige, we need you to help train Xander here in orbing. He's a new Whitelighter and is almost ready for his charge."

Paige nodded and looked Xander up and down.

"Another one... cool. This should be fun."

Xander swallowed hard and felt for a moment like he was being sized up to be eaten alive.

"Why am I getting the feeling I'm a piece of cheesecake on a plate?"

Paige laughed and hopped off the counter. She walked toward the living room and beckoned for Xander to follow her.

"You're cute... but you're not that cute... now come on, we have a long day ahead of us."

Xander sighed and shook his head then followed the red haired witch out of the room... somehow knowing he'd probably regret it eventually...


Chapter 2

They walked into the living room and Xander's eyes were drawn down to Paige's ass as she walked. It seemed to sway from side to side in an almost hypnotic rhythm. He was so fascinated by it that when she stopped walking, he wasn't looking where he was going and tripped over the coffee table. As her laughter filled the room, Xander looked up at her and scowled... then joined her in laughing soon after.

"Ha ha... now help me up."

Paige wiped her eyes and reached out a hand to Xander. He took it and together they got him to his feet.

"So, what do I do first?"

Paige grinned evilly and laughed.

"This is going to be fun. Let's get started. First we..."

As she began to explain everything to Xander, he groaned inwardly and wondered just how long this would take...


The wind blew gently across the cemetery as a young woman made her way carefully among the headstones. She was dressed all in black, which looked wrong on her somehow, and kept tucking her vibrant red hair back behind her ears every time the wind whipped it into her teary eyes. This had become a daily occurrence for her, ever since they had made it to Cleveland. They buried Xander, or what they had of him that is. The morgue they brought him to had lost his body due to a clerical error. He had been cremated by accident and so now all they had of him was the urn at the base of his headstone.

"Hi Xander. I hope you're doing ok. We're all getting settled in nicely. Giles got us this really nice apartment building. We all have our own places, though Buffy, Faith and Dawn are all living together. Faith broke up with Robin over a fight they had... over you actually, if you can believe it. I never knew that she still cared about you."

Willow pulled out a tissue and wiped her eyes.

"I'm living with Kennedy... but I don't think it's going well. I found a pair of panties in her gym bag that aren't mine or hers. I think she might be dating someone else now; hiding it from me. I can understand. I haven't been that good of a girlfriend lately. I just miss you too much to be that warm and loving to her anymore. You're my Xander... mine... and you left me. First Tara... then you... and now Kennedy. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone after all. Maybe it's my penance for Warren and everything. If so, I can accept that."

Willow sighed and sat down in front of the urn.

"Dawn's doing ok in school. She's managed to make some friends. She misses you too though. She's glad you were able to spend your last moments with her. It's a sense of victory, though she won't see it that way. It's a gift, of sorts, you gave her. She loved you as much as the rest of us, maybe more, and you telling her goodbye... her... was so special, in a slightly morbid way... but that's you, Xander. You always were unusual, which is probably why we all loved you so much."

Willow looked up at the headstone and the inscription on it. The Slayers had gotten together and had suggested it the day of the funeral. It was so perfect that they had all agreed on it.

"You can't see your headstone, Xander, but it's perfect. Alexander Lavelle Harris... yes, I told them your middle name... Here lies our hero. When we fell, he picked us up. When we cried, he wiped away our tears. When we needed him the most, he was there. He was our Guardian Angel... and now he will be so for the rest of eternity. Thank you for watching over us. We all love you so much."

A teardrop fell onto the urn, followed by another and another, until a steady stream was falling on its stony surface. Without saying anything further, Willow got to her feet and ran away. The pain was still too fresh, too real for her. She couldn't take it, but knew she had to. She paused at the gates and turned to look back at Xander's grave.

"See you tomorrow, Xander."

She then turned and walked back to her car... another day done....


Tara watched Willow as she fled the cemetery and wiped away a tear.

"Hold on, my darling, just hold on. Xander's working so hard. He'll be ready soon... then you'll be better. Just hold on."

She dried her eyes and turned away. It had been a few days since Xander had been called away and she didn't know what was going on. She wasn't allowed to watch him during his training because of some obscure law concerning Whitelighters.

"Damn laws... I want to know what's going on. He needs to know what's happening. He needs to hurry."

Footsteps sounded behind her and she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I know, sweetie, but it has to be this way. Xander's not to know what his charge is doing until he's ready for her. If he knew the pain she was in right now, he'd go rushing off to save her... and then he might get her killed. You know this Tara."

Tara nodded and turned to look at the woman next to her.

"I know, Joyce, I know. I just wish there was something I could do to help him."

Joyce nodded.

"We all do, sweetie, we all do. For now, all we can do is wait. It won't be long now. Xander is a quick study. He'll be a full Whitelighter in no time... then he'll be back and the two of you can work on getting Willow back in shape."

Tara nodded and sighed. She would just have to be patient and wait. It didn't matter that waiting was so hard to do when those you love aren't there.

*Those I love... I do love them... equally... yet different. I love you, Willow, with all that is in me... and yet, I love you too, Xander, just the same.*

She thought back to the day Xander left and smiled. They had been together for a while and knowing they wouldn't see each other for some time, they had decided it was time. It had been so slow and sweet and tender. Tara hadn't known what to expect, but was pleasantly surprised. Xander had been so good to her and when it was over, she felt so alive... and so connected to him emotionally. She loved him just as much as she loved Willow. She told him her feelings and was pleased to see that he shared her feelings. They weren't a couple, they were two members of a triad. They loved each other... yet they both also loved Willow. There was no separating them. They would all be together. It was the only thing that made sense. All they had to do was hope that Willow felt the same.

*I hope she will. I know she loves him so much. I can see her accepting it if she can just open her heart and mind to it all.*

Tara smiled and nodded.

"Thanks for talking to me Joyce. I feel better now."

Joyce nodded and smiled.

"I'm glad I helped. If you need me..."

Tara nodded.

"I know, and thank you."

Joyce smiled and faded away, leaving Tara alone. She turned her gaze to San Francisco and smiled.

"Hurry home soon Xander... I miss you."

Chapter 3

"Focus on the candle, Xander. See it in your mind and feel it. Feel it's warmth and solidity. Call it to you."

Xander stared at the candle and focused everything in him on it. He could sense it in a strange, fuzzy way that didn't make much sense.

*Doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense... just do it.*

He reached out a hand and pulled it toward him with his thoughts.


The candle vanished with a mass of blue sparkles... then reappeared in his outstretched hand. Xander stared down at it and smiled.

"I did it."

Paige clapped and rushed to pull Xander into a hug.

"You did! Way to go!"

Xander laughed and stared down at it in awe. After almost a week of non-stop training, he had finally done it right. He looked up at Paige's happy face and grinned.

"Now what?"

Paige smiled and nodded to herself.

"Now, you practice this over and over until you can do it without speaking and without hesitating. When you can call item upon item to you in a blink of an eye, you will be done with that skill. I can't help you any further with that one... but I can get you started on the next important skill... orbing."

She moved to his side and took his hand.

"I'm going to orb us to the kitchen. I want you to concentrate on me and feel what I'm doing as we orb. I want you to feel it deep inside you and see what to do with your mind and powers."

Xander nodded and focused his mind, closing his eyes to concentrate better.


Paige took a breath and orbed them to the kitchen. They dissolved in a shower of blue lights... then reappeared in the kitchen. Xander opened his eyes and shook his head.

"I didn't feel anything."

Paige nodded. She knew it would take time... and she was ok with this.

"We'll do it again. It's ok, Xander. It's hard to get this the first time. You'll get it soon."

She smiled warmly at him and tilted his head.


Xander nodded and closed his eyes again. Paige nodded to herself and orbed them again...


Willow walked up the stairs to the fourth floor. She usually took the elevator, but today she felt like walking. As she entered the hallway, she could hear laughter from down the hall. She raised an eyebrow and headed on to her apartment. As she drew closer to it, the laughter grew louder and louder until she could tell where it was coming from... her apartment. She opened the door quietly and peeked inside. The living room was empty, but she could see what looked like a skirt lying across the arm of the couch.

*What is this?*

Laughter and a moan came from the direction of the bedroom. Anger and hurt came to Willow's mind as she moved slowly toward the open bedroom door. She didn't want to see what was going on in there... but yet, at the same time, she did. She had to know. She walked closer and closer until she was able to look in... and what she saw was shocking to her.

"Mmm... that's it baby.... yes... so good..."

Willow stared at Kennedy as she had sex with their neighbor from downstairs, Bethany. They were so into each other that they hadn't heard Willow enter the apartment. Willow felt herself begin to cry and let out a soft sob.

*What... why... how could she...*

She stared at them as they grew more intense and the hurt turned to anger. She could feel the rage building deep within her and could almost feel her hair growing close to going full black again.

"You bitch!"

Kennedy jerked in shock and kneed Bethany in the face. She looked around franticly and spotted Willow standing in the doorway. As she watched, the tips of Willow's hair grew black.

*Oh shit!*

Willow glared at them and noticed that Bethany was smirking at her. She raised her hand and blasted the slut across the room, knocking her unconscious. Kennedy squealed in fear and moved to help her.

"Baby.. you ok?"

Bethany refused to awaken. Kennedy turned toward Willow, anger on her face, and moved to attack... only to find herself trapped in place.

"You will gather your clothes, your things, and your slut and you will get out of my apartment. You will never come back... and don't even think about trying to get back at me. I will kill you if you come at me... faster than you could see."

Willow saw Kennedy fighting to break free and added one more thing.

"I'm going to be telling Buffy as well about this. If you try anything, don't think that she won't hurt you."

She released Kennedy and saw her fall to the floor. Kennedy glared up at her then moved to get dressed. As she gathered her things in a suitcase, she turned to Willow and growled.

"You won't get away with this. I'm not going anywhere. Once I tell Buffy what you did, you'll be sent back to England in no time at all."

Willow smiled.

"You think so? Why don't we ask her."

She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Buffy's number.

"Buffy... it's Willow... I'm fine. I called you because I just told Kennedy to move out... why, I just caught her having sex with that slut from downstairs... yes, she's unconscious but not hurt... yes, she staring at me right now... ok."

Willow handed the phone over to Kennedy and smiled.

"She wants to talk to you."

Kennedy ripped the phone from out of Willow's hand and put it to her ear.

"Buffy she..."

She jerked as the sound of Buffy's angry voice exploded out of the phone.

"Yes... yes... but.... no.... but... yes... it's not... you can't do this... no... no... fine!"

She threw the phone at the wall and stormed over to Bethany. She picked her up and threw her over her shoulder then picked up her suitcase. Willow smirked at her and moved out of her way.

"This isn't over... far from it."

Willow smirked and watched Kennedy leave, setting her ass on fire as she entered the hallway.... then slamming the door behind her. She stood there a few moments before she fell to the floor in tears.

"Oh Goddess... why me.. why is it always me..."


Tara looked down at Willow and felt close to breaking. Willow had gone too far and was teetering on the edge... and she could do nothing to help her.

"Hold on baby... please hold on. Xander's..."

Xander was still training... and there was nothing he could do. She was on her own.

"Hurry Xander... please hurry..."