You ever get the feeling that things aren't as they seem, that there is a lot more to the world that what meets the eye? I remember when I first found out demons were real. To say that I was shocked would be the understatement of the century.
I had seen monsters before then, just not real live ones. My parents could be pretty bad on occasion but they didn't begin to compare to the creatures that I discovered had been hiding in the shadows for millennia. I remember thinking at that moment that it couldn't possibly get any weirder.
Boy was I wrong.
It seems like just when you think things can't change anymore then they already have, boom, life throws another curveball at you. For 3 years I had helped fight the good fight, content in knowing that there was safety in the daylight, where the creatures couldn't touch us.
If only I had known…
Just when you think things are as bad as they can be, reality hits you upside the head like a baseball bat and your entire world is turned upside down and inside out. Having the blinders that you've worn for so long be yanked from your eyes feels like your eyes are being ripped out of their sockets as you learn that you're entire life you've been watching the world through rose tinted glasses. It's like stepping outside of a dark theater into the blinding light, only in this case its not light but a searing darkness that burns into your soul.
I know what you must be thinking. 'what they hell is he talking about, right?'
To tell you the truth, I haven't even figured that out yet myself. All I know is that the world is a much darker place then I ever imagined. The monsters that for so long I've thought lurk in the shadows, turns out that they also walk the streets among us, ride in the subways with us, work alongside us, you name it.
I can remember when it all started, which isn't surprising being that it wasn't that long ago. I had left my hometown, Sunnydale, for the summer on a road trip. It was my chance to get out of the small town I'd spent my entire life in, to see a bit more of the world, to find myself… Of course that's all bullshit. To tell the truth it was all about getting the hell away from the hellmouth, from my friends.
Willow and Buffy, my best buds in the whole world, and at that time the two people who I wanted to get away from more then anyone else in the world. I couldn't face the fact that they were moving on without me, heading off the college to make something of themselves, while I would be stuck in the wonderful world of minimum wage employment. But it was more then that.
Ever since Buffy showed up and changed my world, I'd been playing the sidekick, doing more getting into trouble then getting out of it. It hadn't been so bad at first. We were all pretty new at the fighting evil thing and Willow got herself into messes about as much as me. But that all started to change during our Junior year. Willow was slowly becoming adept at magic and by Senior year she was just about as lethal as Buffy. And of course there was Oz, the too cool for himself guitar player who just happened to be a werewolf. He showed up and started dating Willow, and of course Angel and Buffy were constantly making moon eyes at each other. Before long it started to feel like everyone had someone, WAS someone.. Except me…
Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly the victim here. I had someone at one time, a very nice someone, but in typical Harris fashion I screwed it up, and wound up hurting several of my friends in the process. Still, in the end it felt like I was just a hanger-on, A Bucky the sidekick in the midst of Captain America and the Avengers. And we all know what happened to Bucky.
Of course, I'm not trying to say that I wanted powers or anything… well, maybe a little. I just wanted to feel like I belonged there, like I had a purpose. And for all that I tried to tell myself that I did contribute, in the end it felt like I was an unnecessary addition to an already powerful group. I could tell that the others felt the same way, and I think that was what hurt most of all.
To put it simply, I didn't belong there, or at least it felt like I didn't.
What I'm trying to say with all this, is that when I first set out, my road trip was more then just that. I wasn't sure when or even if I would return.
Sounds pretty bad doesn't it, well don't worry, it gets a lot worse.
Remember that eye opening experience I talked about earlier? It happened in New York city. I'm not sure now how I even got there or why I went there in the first place. For whatever reason, I found myself in a run down subway terminal at 2:30 am in a not so nice part of town.
I'd just like to restate for the hearing impaired that no, I don't remember how I got there and yes, I know it was incredibly stupid to be in such a place at such a time, which if I recalled why I was there in the first place might make a little more sense. Look back on it now, I think I was 'supposed' to be there, at that exact place at that exact time. That thought doesn't sit well with me.
So, anyways, there I was, waiting for the train to arrive so I could get the hell out of there. Something about that place just didn't sit right with me. Now I know what it was, but at that time I was still oblivious. I just knew that something wasn't right about it, any of it. The shadows were just a bit too dark, the area just a bit too quiet. Even the people there with me seemed off somehow, though not all of them. There were about 5 other people waiting for the train along with me, and while none of them looked particularly suspicious, they just seemed to exude something…evil is the best way I can describe it.
I just chalked it up to paranoia given the unsavory location I found myself in. I had started to scan the various adds and newspaper clipping taped to the walls of the station, partially out of boredom and also to get my mind off the weird feelings, when everything began to.. Shift. Even after all this time I have a hard time describing it, but the world seemed to change around me, not in any discernable way, but as if things just started becoming apparent to me. The first evidence of the change I remember was the smell. All of a sudden this stench hit my nostrils that reminded me of rotting flesh, so powerful that I had to suppress the urge to vomit. The darkness around me seemed deeper but at the same time less mysterious, as if its secrets were no longer hidden from me. The words on the walls begin to twist and swirl before my eyes, strange symbols became noticeable and though I had never before seen any of them, they seemed familiar to me. As I stared in a kind of horrified awe at these symbols, a voice began to sound in my mind. It seemed familiar to me and at the same time foreign. I can remember the worlds as clear now as if they had just been spoken to me. The voice said "DO NOT SUFFER THE UNCLEAN THING TO LIVE!"
It was at that point that the most significant change took place. I watched in awe as several of the people standing next to me began to change and shift before my very eyes. Flesh which had been healthy and pinsk began to turn greenish and peel away, exposing the bone. Clothes started to tear and the once clean garments now looked tattered and worn. All at once it was apparent that these 'people' were not human at all, but hideous creatures of some kind. From the corner of my eye I could see others like them hiding in the shadows and I was distrubed by the fact that I had not noticed them earlier. I could feel their desire to come into the light and feast but also I could feel their fear. They were afraid of something.
It was me. They were afraid of me. It seemed that, as the shift had brought their world more into focus for me, it had also brought me into focus for them.
All of these things became apparent to me in the space of mere seconds. I could tell that the creatures standing amongst us had sinister intentions. They didn't intend to let any of us live. I knew I had to do something yet all I had on me were a few stakes and none of the creatures were vampires. For some reason none of the people around me seemed to see these things for what they were, and given that until just a moment ago I had been like them, it didn't seem too shocking.
I wish I had had time to come up with some kind of plan, but those damn freaks forced my hand. I could sense one of the creatures approaching from behind and I could tell the others were tensed to strike.
Without thinking, I acted. I spun on my heel, yanking the stake from my jacket pocket and thrust it forward, not expecting it to do any good. Imagine my surprise when the sharp piece of wood pierced the rotting creature and it began to burn, dissolving it before my very eyes. Its cries went unnoticed by the humans around me, who it seemed had only seen me turn and toss a piece of wood into the air. The other creatures had noticed though and didn't seem very pleased that I had killed one of their comrades.
Things didn't look good. If these people couldn't see the creatures then they stood little chance of surviving. I had to do something to show them. It was right after that thought entered my mind that one of the people cried out in terror, pointing at the thing next to her. I caught look of terror in her eyes and knew that she could now see the creatures, and from the looks on the faces of the other people, so could they.
The creatures seemed to notice this too unfortunately and decided to attack. As they leapt at their helpless victims, I felt this intense hatred burning inside me. For the second time that night I acted, holding out my hand and commanding. "Don't touch them!" It was as if an invisible barrier had gone up around those people. The monsters just bounced harmeleessly off it when they attacked. For whatever reason, the creatures couldn't get to them. But I knew that, whatever it was that had happened, it wouldn't last.
At this point I felt the rage building in me again, and even as it set fire to my soul I felt it racing through my blood, pumping strength into my veins.
I don't remember too much of what happened after that, but I do remember that when I punched the first creature, I ripped a hold clean through it. Whatever happened after that, I can't say. But in the end, the creatures were dead, the people were saved, most of them, and I was damn near exhausted. I managed to limp away from the area and somehow got back to my hotel, where I collapsed on the bed and slept for the next day and a half
Lets get one thing straight right now. I'm not a superhero. Not even close. My friend Buffy is much closer to a superhero. I guess you could say I'm more like a regular Joe with a bit something extra.
Power is a funny word, people hear it and they think things like lifting Cars, knocking the bad guys 20 ft in the air, shooting heat rays. It doesn't work like that. Everything you do, has a cost. Sure, you might be able to punch a hole in the wall, but in doing so you'll also break every bone in your hand. Those heat rays? Great fun, just be sure you don't mine having cataracts and going blind. Super speed might come in handy in a fight but it also tears the hell out of your muscles. The human body wasn't designed to do half of the things that I can do, and half the things I can do suck the energy from my body like a vampire feeds on a victim. I don't go jumping into fight against half a dozen people and escape without a scratch and every time I use my abilities I feel like my soul is being ripped from my body and my heart is about to explode. Needless to say, I don't like using my abilities.
So what am I you ask? The common term used is 'Imbued'. Another expression is 'Hunter'. Take your pick. Whatever you want to call people like me, it all comes down to this; we kill monsters. Or at least we try to…
God I wish I had stayed in Sunnydale.