Sex in the City

Los Angeles style

Author: Nodakskip <nodakskip[at]>

Ok, I saw a thing on the History Channel about the parties and wrote this up in about 2 hours.

Time setting: After season 4 Buffy/ Season 1 Angel.

Rated R for mild talk.

Summary: Women talk and Xander finds a good home.

Chapter 1

Harris Manor
Los Angeles, California
December 20th, 2028

"Mom, you home?" Twenty-year-old Michaela Harris called out, as she came into her family's residence.

"Michaela?" came a surprised yell as her mother, 47-year-old world-famous photographer Cordelia Chase-Harris, emerged at the second floor landing. "What are you doing here?" the woman asked, as she started to descend the staircase. "You're early-"

"I was able to get an earlier flight." Michaela shrugged, as she hugged her mother when they met at the bottom of the wide staircase.

As they separated, Cordelia steped back to look at her baby girl. "Just look at you!" she said, appraising her daughter. "You're as beautiful as ever, but then you are 'my' daughter..."

The middle-aged woman smirked, before frowning. "You know, your father is not going to like that top you have on. Just thought I'd warn you."

Michaela looked down at the smallish black tank top she had on under her light jacket with a grin. She had inherited the same busty figure her mother had had at that age, and the top certainly did nothing to hide it. "Oh, come on - I'm 20 years old, mom! Dad will just have to suffer and deal."

Cordelia grinned back. "While I do like watching your father squirm a bit, go easy on him - okay?" She took one of her little girl's bags. "I'm sure you remember what happened the last time..."

"You mean..." her daughter started to say, as they lugged the two bags to her bedroom. "When he almost beat up that fraternity guy, who was trying to pick me up?"

"He's a father," Cordelia said, as they came into the room. "It's his job to do that. And besides, if he hadn't, then I would have. The jerk tried to grab your-"

"It wasn't that bad, mom!" the younger Harris woman said instantly, sitting on the bed. "I live in a co-ed dorm, I've seen drunk guys and some girls do much worse." The girl took a moment to look around her childhood room.

As her eyes rested on a framed family photo from two years before, Michaela asked, "Where are the two males, anyway? It doesn't feel like I'm home, unless I can drive Peter nuts!"

Cordelia took a seat at the old art desk. "Your brother and father are at a sneak-peak preview screening of that new zombie movie."

"Ah, I see," Michaela said with a knowing smile. "And you didn't want to go with?"

The face that her mother made was priceless. "No! Like I want to watch movie zombies, when I've fought the real thing three times in my life? For your father, it's been four times...and yet, they both run off to see the latest Hollywood B-movie..."

"Well, you know Peter's favorite actress is in it, don't you?" her firstborn asked.

"You mean that girl that he has posters of in his bedroom?" Mrs. Harris asked sarcastically. "No, I had no idea that the porn star slash actress that my teenage son drools over is in that particular flick! Oh no, wait, I DO believe it was her huge fake breasts on that movie poster that I saw-"

Michaela recalled the Internet controversy about the actress. "Uh, no, they have to be real. She said so herself. And if you can't trust a B list celebrity, then who can you trust?"

"Trust 'me', sweetheart," Cordelia told her child. "I've seen more than enough fake breasts in my line of work, to know 'em when I see 'em."

"She's going to be at the mansion's Christmas Party, right?" Michaela asked.

"God, I hope not," Cordelia replied, thinking it over. "I didn't think to check. But thank heaven, the Playboy mansion Christmas Parties aren't as raunchy as some of the others I could name. Or else I wouldn't be taking my son anywhere near it..." She then shrugged. "It's not like they would sneak away to go make out in the Grotto."

Michaela instantly made a face that showed her distaste. "Argh! I don't 'ever' want to think of my kid brother bringing any girl to the place where I was conceived!"

Cordelia shook her head. "You know, I still have no idea why your father was brain-dead enough to tell you that little fact..."

"Come on, mom!" Michaela responded. "It was going to be in all the gossip rags. It was either he told me, or I read about it with my friends..." She then had to shake her head. "Plus, I'm now a member of the Grotto Kids Club. I even get the newsletter every month."

Her mother's face scrunched up in disbelief. "They have a newsletter?"

"Oh yeah," her daughter said. "It's got a lot of members, too. Lot of kids were conceived in that little hideaway; not so many now, of course, but back in old Hef's day...."

Cordelia instantly decided this was not a line of conversation that she wanted to continue with. Standing back up she said, "The guys will be gone for a while, so what say we hit Rodeo Drive for some new dresses? I feel like knocking the socks off of your father."

As expected Michaela agreed right away, the love of a good shopping binge was something else she had inherited from her mother. And so as the two Harris women left the bedroom and the manor, Cordelia reflected on how her and Xander's life had ended up the way it had...


Los Angeles, California
August, 2000

Cordelia Chase sat drinking her latté on the patio of a local Starbucks while reading the newspaper, the large umbrella attached to the table giving just enough shade from the noon sun. She was into an article in the fashion section, when a woman sat down across from her. "Ah...hi. Do I know you?" Cordy asked.

The girl was a tad short with blond hair. Dyed blond hair, Cordelia noted. The woman said, "Oh it has been a while - hasn't it? About a year, I'd say."

The former cheerleader squinted at her, trying to recall something from her mind. "Hey! Wait a minute. Aren't you..."

"The former vengeance demon you called forth to smite your unfaithful boyfriend?" Anya Jenkins told her. "Yes, that's me."

Now, that was not something Cordelia was expecting. "Ah, I was going to say the boys' track student manager, but...demon, huh?" she asked, before she got worried. " need to go a-smiting here! Xander and I have done the crying thing and spanked our inner moppets. We're good. So, no him eating his own liver or anything like that...okay?"

"Oh, don't worry!" Anya said, as she waved the other woman's fears aside. "I would never visit any vengeance upon Xander! He's been good to me."

Now that got Cordelia's attention. "Good to you? But I thought you were the man-hating demon!"

"Well, yes, I was," Anya said, still a little annoyed at that. "But then that pesky 'what if' version of the unemployed Watcher destroyed my power center..."

When she saw the look of confusion on the face of the woman across from her, the former Anyanka continued, "Bottom line, I've had Xander for a while now. And make no mistake about it - he has performed very well, for a male human of his day and age."

"Are you trying to say you and Xander are going out?" Cordelia asked, unsure.

"Yes," Anya said, before she sighed. "At least, we were."

"Were?" Cordy wondered.

The former Sunnydale princess had known that Xander would eventually pick up with another girl, after she'd left. After all, Cordelia herself had had a few dates here and there. Even if her brief time with Doyle, before it was over, was the only good relationship she'd had ever since Sunnydale.

Anya got a sad look on her face. "I've thought about it for a long time now. And I just had to let Xander go."

"You broke up with him?" Cordelia wondered. "Why? He didn't cheat again, did he?"

"Oh, no!" Anya told her. "He was a good boyfriend. He only got naked and aroused for me."

Cordelia almost choked on her latté. "Whoa, too much information there!"

Anya looked at her watch. "Yes, well, that's why I wanted to see you."

"You honestly wanted to come all this way, just to tell me that you dumped my ex?"

"Well, that," Anya hesitated. "And to tell you that he's moving here to LA."

"He is?" Cordelia said in shock. "But why would he leave Sunnydale? Or Buffy? Or Willow, for that matter?"

Anya sat back as she filled in some of the blanks. "Things have changed, ever since you left town. See, they had this big argument a few months ago. The vampire Spike tried to stir trouble up, and it worked - if only for a while. Still, Xander took it to heart more than the others. He felt like his life was like an old movie within a VCR, forever stuck on pause. He wants to go his own way, and not be a sidekick forever." The blond snorted. "And it's not like Buffy really needs him for the slaying stuff..."

This kind of made sense to the LA girl. "Okay, so Xander's moving to town and you want make sure he's got some friends here? No problem. I guess it'll be good to have old Dweeb Boy around, if I ever want to talk."

"Do you still have the feelings for him?" Anya asked, out of the blue. "The ones that make a girl feel weak, or want to vomit?"

"What?" the perky brunette demanded. "You're asking me if I still like him THAT way?"

"Yes," Anya said dead serious. "Even if it's over between us, I still want to make sure he ends up in a nice home."

"A nice home?!" Cordelia screeched, and annoyed at the dog-like reference. "You want him to move in with me?"

"That will do fine," Anya told her. "At least that way, he won't spend all his time with all those naked women."

"What the 'hell' are you talking about?" Cordy demanded.

"It's his new job, the one that he started last week. He meets women who professionally remove their clothes in a mansion," Anya said with a great deal of annoyance in her voice. "I'd rather see him with you than them, those posers are nothing but bad news for someone like Xander. Besides, he'll make a good mate and a very good breeding partner for you-"

"Okay, stop!" Cordelia said, holding her hands up. "Let's recap. You are the former demon who wanted to at first give Xander a horrible death. But then you lost your powers, and started to date him. Now you've broken up with him, and since he's moving here to do God knows what... you want me to take him back?"

"Yes!" the blond ex-demon said, glad the other girl was finally getting it. "He'll respond well to you. After all - he did call your name out once, during our sexual role-playing time."

"He did what?!" Cordelia yelled.

"Well, it was only the once," Anya said as if it was nothing. "He didn't even know he did it, and later I didn't want to interrupt his attempt to break our orgasm record for something so trivial. Now if he'd done it again, then maybe...but still. The training was good for him, by the way."

"Training?" Cordelia demanded. "What was he training for?"

"For me!" the blond said. "I was training him. That's what the book by that lady doctor said to call it. Granted, she had a very dim view of males. She might actually have been a client, in my demon days."

"Look," Cordelia said in honest confusion, not knowing what to think. "Xander's a good guy. Sometimes, he can be slow on the uptake...and I'll admit that I have missed having Dweebo around to spar with. But even if I wanted it, getting back together with him will take time," she stated. "I mean, I have to get to know him again..."

Cordelia trailed off, as Anya pulled out a large blue notebook. "What's that?"

Anya flashed the cover so Cordelia could see. It had 'Xander' written in large text on it. "This details his sexual training."

Cordelia was almost struck speechless. " kept a record of your guy's sex life?!"

"Well, how else was I supposed to judge his progress?" Anya asked in honest perplexity. "And Xander was a very fast study, though several lessons had to be repeated a few times. But all in all, he got very good at almost all aspects of sexual pleasure. He is very good at role-playing; his favorite was the college girl picking up the high school boy..."

The former demon changed tactics at seeing the shellshocked look on Cordelia's face. "Also, without his knowledge, I had him further improved through a few spells I knew. Xander can...last...for a very long time now..."

Trying to push the 'sale', the blond woman spoke again. "Let's face it, most women your age have guys who aren't even worth the trouble of getting naked over. Those boys are like a mule, or-or a donkey. Now, Xander is like...what are those animals that pull the cart in the snow for the beer commercial? Ah yes, Xander is a Clydesdales."

Anya then opened the notebook to page 37, and slid it over to Cordelia. "That's one of the areas he is 'very' good at."

Cordelia shook her head. "Look, unlike you I can't base a relationship on just sex! Xander and I did the lust thing alr-" she trailed off, as Cordy read the thing Anya was referring to. "He can honestly do that?!"

"Not only can he do it," Anya said with a smile, knowing now she had the other girl hooked. "He can perform it several times in one night. As I said, he likes to attempt beating his own records."

The table was silent then, as Cordelia read through the page and then flipped through several more pages. The former Queen C's eyes bulged at a number of the entries.


Cordelia's Silverlake apartment
Two nights later

Gunn walked around the boxes from the destroyed office to the kitchen. He answered the door on the second knock, "What do you need?" he asked the white boy on the other side.

"Ah, hi," Xander Harris said, looking at a slip of paper in his hands. "I'm looking for Cordelia Chase's apartment?"

"She knows you?" Gunn demanded. "Hey, you're not the pervert neighbor from across the street, are you?"

"No..." Xander answered with a Look. "That is - yes she knows me, and no, not a pervert."

"It's alright Gunn, I know him," Angel said as he came into view behind the black man. "Xander."

"Dead Boy," Harris said back with a nod. "Cordy around?"

"She's up on the roof," the vampire told him. "Take the stairs to your left, the door should be unlocked."

"Okay," Xander replied simply, surprised at how unannoyed Angel seemed to be acting towards him. "Mind if I put my bag down?"

Gunn took the offered duffel bag, and set it in just inside the door. Xander nodded in thanks, before he left for the stairs.


He walked around the small exit for the stairwell on the roof, before the former Sunnydalian found her. "Cordelia?"

His ex turned to face him with a smile on her face. She hugged him when he came near, "Long time no see, Doofus Boy."

"Backatcha, Cor," Xander said with a shrug. "You and Angel downstairs don't seem that surprised to see me..."

"Oh, we got news you were coming up here via the Sunnydale grapevine," Cordelia sort-of-lied, giving him the same line she had told Angel. "I heard you broke up with Anya...that was her name, right?" (And they say I can't act!) she thought with a hidden grin.

"You know about that?" Xander asked, a little down. "Hell, I thought we were doing okay, but then bam - after the 'this isn't gonna work out' speech on Friday night, Monday morning she goes after a senior in the business program at UC Sunnydale. Something about him being able to make lots and lots of money...something that she obviously thought I wouldn't be able to do."

"That's her loss," Cordelia stated firmly.

Xander looked at her in mild surprise. "Thanks," the 19-year-old said, as he leaned up against the ledge that she was upon as well. "So, you know I'm moving into town and all that?"

"Yeah," she told him. "And you're more than welcome to stay here, you know."

That got an even bigger look of surprise. "Really? But isn't Angel staying here with you already? And wouldn't your boyfriend...that Moyle guy...not exactly like your ex being around?"

"It's Doyle," Cordelia corrected him. "And he and I broke up a few months ago."

"Oh!" Xander exclaimed. "Sorry. Didn't know that..." Making up his mind then, Xander said, "Look, are you doing anything tomorrow?"

"Moving kind of fast there, aen't you Xander?" Cordelia told him. "Asking me out a few seconds after learning that I'm single?"

"Oh no, that's not it!" the young man said quickly. "My new boss invited me to one of his parties, and I thought you'd like to go."

"New boss?" Cordelia asked with genuine interest. "You already have a job here?"

"Yep," he told her. "Long story short...two fledgling vampires grabbed a limo full of women to munch on. And after some staking on my part, they were all alive to tell their boyfriend who saved them. And what I saved them from."

"Boyfriend?" Cordy queried. "You meant to say plural there, didn't you?"

"Nope. Only one boyfriend for all seven girls," her ex informed her. "He offered me a job to teach all the people at his place how to deal with the undead. And, uh, I'm hoping to use Angel as a teacher's aid. Might need you to talk him into it, though."

"Wait up," Cordelia said in confusion. "Who IS this guy?"

"Here's the invite," Xander said simply, as he took it out of his back pocket to show her.

As Cordelia read it, she finally figured out who the naked women that Anya mentioned were. "Hugh Hefner and Playboy invite you, Alexander Harris and one guest, to the Playboy mansion's Mid-Summer's Night Dream 2000 party!"

She looked up at him sharply. "Your new boss is Hugh Hefner?!"

"Well, yeah," Harris said with a shrug. "You know, I'm still trying to get used to it myself. Because hell, I've never before in my life seen so many good-look-"

At that moment, Cordelia cut him off by looping her arm with his and began walking him back to the stairwell door. "Xander, it will be my pleasure to accompany you to the party. And you 'will' be sticking to my arm like glue tomorrow, if you don't want me to start relating some 'very' embarrassing stories from high school!"

There was a definte look of fear and surprise at her nasty threat. "I will?"

"Hell yes!" she told him. There was no way she was going to let the stud that Xander had become, according to Anya, be left alone with dozens of clothing-challenged Playmates. "Because if I'm going to make a good impression on all the showbiz types, then I can't have my man wandering off to drool over..."

"Your man?" Xander said, coming to a stop. "Okay, now who's going fast?"

"Oh please, Xander!" she told him. "It's not like we're going to pick out china patterns anytime soon!"

"Okay..." he said, completely confused, trying to understand why Cordy was already calling him 'her man'. "But there is one thing we need to pick out. That I'm not sure if you have many..."

"And what's that?" she asked, pulling him into the stairs.

"Well, the party does have a dress code..."


Playboy mansion grounds
The Mid-Summer's Night Dream 2000 party
(Sleepwear required)
02:45 AM

Xander and Cordelia left the dance floor, and sat down at a table. He had lost count of how many celebrities and playmates he had seen. There were quite a few people Xander was sure he would have otherwise tried to talk to...

But when Cordelia had started to dance very close to him in a way that blew Buffy's sexy dance from junior year out of the water, Harris had lost all interest in talking to them.

The weird thing to the small-town California boy was that the dancing him and Cordelia were doing, turned out to be tame in comparison to the stuff other people were doing. And Cordelia looked very hot in her...he tried to remember the name of it...a red Mandarin collar mini-chemise.

Well, whatever it was, it sure as hell showed off a lot of...cleavage.

And by the way things were going, the former Slayerette was thinking he might just possibly be seeing it come off tonight, too.

Despite assumptions to the contrary, Xander Harris was not an idiot. When a woman, even an ex-girlfriend, hangs onto you like glue that way? When she sends death glares at another woman that comes too close, makes out with you like high school was just a warmup, not to mention the fact that Cordelia had stressed that Angel would be patrolling all night? Well, Xander didn't need to be a rocket scientist to do that math.

It had shocked the heck out of him, true, but no way in hell was he going to say anything to change Cordy's mind.

"There you are, Xander!"

He and Cordelia turned in their chairs slightly, as two men sat next to them. Hugh Hefner and Bill Maher.

"Mr.-" Xander began, but Hefner stopped him. "Just call me Hef, boy."

"Okay," Xander started again. "Hef, this is my date - the lovely Ms. Cordelia Chase."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Chase!" Hef said, as he took Cordelia's hand and gave it a light kiss on the back.

"You as well, Hef," Cordelia said. Turning to Xander she told him, "It's nice to meet at least one man with manners, who knows how to properly greet a lady..."

"Hey!" Xander said, annoyed, as Bill and Hef shared a laugh at Xander's expense. Still, that dig and others that Cordy had said during the night, proved to Harris that the woman he was spending time with was still the old Cordelia Chase.

"But seriously Hef," Cordelia told the older man. "It IS a great party. And I must say, that I love your magazine."

"You read Playboy?" Hef said casually. A woman reader didn't surprise him one bit, even if Xander's eyes got a little wide.

"Well, not for the same reason 'he' does!" Cordy said, jabbing her thumb back to Xander. "But I have read a lot of the interviews, and the photography in a lot of the pictorials is very good."

"Are you into photography?" Hef asked her, as Cordelia settled into her seat a little more comfortably.

"Well, I was back during early junior high. But our schools programs were cut," she told him. "Also, you have vastly different subject matter than our old teacher would assign us to snap pictures of."

"True," Hef responded with a laugh. "And I hope I'm not being too forward, but have you ever..."

Xander couldn't believe his ears. Was Cordelia being asked what he thought she was being asked?

"Well, I have thought about it. But posing nude is not my thing," Cordy said with a shake of her head. "Sorry."

"Oh, that's quite alright," Hef told her. "It's simply whenever I see a beautiful young woman, I just have to ask. And like you said, not every woman wants to express herself by posing nude."

Cordelia mulled it over. "But that's not to say I couldn't be available for say other photography, like say - advertising. Not everything you do requires nudity, now, does it?"

"Why, no..." Hef said with a smile. "Xander here is coming back the day after tomorrow. Why don't you come along, and afterwards we can chat?"

Cordelia could only grin back in delight. "I'd love to."

"Great!" Hef said, as he got up - followed by Bill. "I'll be looking forward to it. Have a pleasant evening and enjoy the party, you two. That is, after all, why we throw them..."


Harris Manor
Los Angeles, California
December 20th, 2028

Xander and Peter Harris arrived home, and even if his father was disappointed with the movie - the latest male scion of the Harris clan wasn't. "Did you see that part when the zombie tried to eat his brain, Dad?"

The middle-aged man sighed. "Peter, son - I've told ya before, that's not what zombies do in real life..."

The teenager groaned, "Oh, please Dad! Not another Scooby gang adventure!" before he went off to the kitchen to make himself a snack.

Xander watched his son leave, and wondered if THIS was how Giles had felt with him all those years ago. (Don't kids have any respect at all for their elders anymore? And oh dear God, could I sound anymore British?)

"Hey, Dad!"

Xander turned around, and saw his daughter Michaela near the stairs. "Mickey! You're back!" he said in delight, as he hugged his firstborn.

But Michaela squirmed, annoyed by the nickname. "Dad, I'm 20 years old! Could you please not call me that? It was embarrassing enough when I was a teenager..."

Her father just smiled, though. "Old dog and new tricks, sweetheart. When did you get home?"

"Today. Mom and I went shopping-"

"Oh, God!" Xander slapped a hand to his forehead. "It was bad enough when she was your age, but now that I've got to deal with two of you..."

Michaela just lovingly pushed her father away. "Mom told me to tell you that she wants to see you in the guest bedroom. Now scoot..." Then she went off to find her brother.

The 47-year-old man shrugged to himself, and went off to find his wife. And when he found her...Xander almost had a heart attack.

Because Cordelia was dressed in almost the exact same outfit she'd worn the night of the Mid-Summer's Night Dream 2000 party. And as she slowly took it off...Xander almost gulped in fear.

Because even after 25 years of marriage, he was still thrilled and often driven to babbling by the sight of his better half getting naked in front of him.

"Happy anniversary, sweetheart..." Cordelia whispered as she came closer.

"But it's not our anniversary," Xander said without thinking.

Cordy just stopped and stared at him, till Harris finally got it. "Oh! THAT anniversary..."

And what happened next for the rest of the night, was no one else's business - not even their two children's.

The End