Xander watched as Buffy and Willow left the costume shop with their costumes. He didn't see exactly what Buffy had insisted getting Willow but he had seen Willow slip into her bag a ghost costume, complete with a BOO printed on the front. The same kind of ghost costume she'd worn for the last 5 years.
Willow wasn't the only one who was predictable.
Buffy had picked out a noble woman's gown. Why? To impress Angel of course.
Xander muttered a few choice words about Angel's parentage and sexual preference.
Turning back to the two-dollar bin, Xander rummaged around, looking for some inspiration. There was a toy gun which, combined with some army surplus fatigues he had back home, would complete a rather lame soldier costume.
It frustrated Xander to no end. He really wanted a costume that was different, original, and cool. His choices, however, were limited by his finances, which in turn were VERY limited.
He was about to take the toy gun when the creepy owner slithered up next to Xander. The guy was English, but lacking the warm gentle and slightly stuffy air of Giles. The guy gave Xander the wiggins.
"You came in with those two lovely young ladies, didn't you?"
"Er... yeah."
"And I take it you're looking for a costume for Halloween?"
'No, I'm here to buy a pound of fucking carrots.' Xander bit off his sarcastic response. Instead Xander put on his best plastic smile.
"That's me." Xander looked back to the two-dollar bin and grabbed the toy gun. "Got my costume. See?" he held up the toy gun to the slimy Englishman. The Englishman looked at Xander in dismay.
"That's not a costume."
"Yeah, well, five dollars doesn't stretch much further than a toy gun and a some army surplus."
The Englishman took the toy gun out of Xander's hand and tossed it back.
"You'll be surprised just how far five dollars will get you, especially with the deal I'm about to make with you."
Xander looked at him with suspicion.
"What kinda deal are we talking about here?" Xander mumbled, half expecting the deal to include sexual favours of some description or another.
"You promise not to dress up as some gun toting Rambo, and for five dollars I will provide you with a fine costume more befitting a young gentleman such as yourself."
"What's the costume? It's not a clown outfit, is it?" shuddered Xander as the moved to another part of the shop. He really didn't like clowns. He didn't fear them any more, but he still hated them.
"Good heavens, no! Nothing so crass! This is the clothing of a world famous soldier, spy, diplomat, writer, and adventurer."
Xander gave him a look that said 'Yeah, right, and monkeys fly out my butt'. The Englishman just ignored the look and found what he was looking for.
"I present to you Giacomo..."
"...just wait until you see Willow." Buffy told Xander, but Xander wasn't listening. Instead he was drooling at Willow who descended the stairs. Buffy had managed to talk Willow into wearing the punk rocker chick outfit. It had been a close run thing with Casper but Buffy felt vindicated by the look on Xander's face.
"Wills... I... uh, wow!"
Willow, who for her part was about to turn tail and run back up stairs, relaxed a little. She looked at Xander's costume in confusion.
"Um, what exactly are you dressed as?" wondered Willow.
"Can't you tell?" Xander held out his arms and did a little turn. The two girls looked him, the ruffled shirt, the trousers, the sword clipped to his waist. Buffy took a shot in the dark.
"The guy on the front cover of those cheesy Mills and Boons books that Willow has stashed under her bed?"
Willow whacked Buffy on the arm while Xander just rolled his eyes.
"Whatever."
Buffy giggled and even Willow had to smile. Buffy straightened her gown. The two hooked their arms through Xander's offered arms.
"Ladies, night of our sugared up rug rats awaits."
The wave of magic washed over the residents of Sunnydale. Those unfortunates who had unwittingly bought a costume from the chaos mage suffered the full force of the spell.
"Buffy? What's going on?" asked Angel only to freeze at Buffy's reaction. Buffy hid behind Xander in fear.
"I know not who this man is. Please protect my virtue good sir." She squeaked to Xander. Xander stepped up to Angel.
"If you be a gentleman you will respect the lady's wishes." Angel looked even more confused.
"Buffy, it's me. Angel." Blank look from Buffy "Your boyfriend!"
The redheaded punk rocker snorted with laughter.
"Boyfriend? You might be somebody's boyfriend. Probably some guy's boyfriend, but definitely not hers." Everyone looked at the punk rocker Willow.
"Oh come on! Can't you guys see it? The hair, the clothes, the name. He's obviously as gay as Elton John!"
"Gay? But he looks not in the least bit happy. Is that Elton fellow also unhappy?" Buffy enquired. Angel had had enough.
"Damn it! Something's obviously wrong. I've got to get you to Giles to figure out what's happened."
Angel's advance towards Buffy was stopped as Xander drew his sword, ready to do battle.
"I see that you do not respond to polite requests, so allow me to tell you to leave lest you feel my blade at your neck."
Angel saw the look of steel in Xander's eyes. No. It wasn't Xander. They weren't themselves. The way they acted, their costumes...
A light bulb lit above Angel's head as the whole crazy night finally made sense.
The costumes!
"I'll just go see Giles." Angel started off in the direction of the high school. "Find somewhere safe and stay there!" he ordered as he hurried off into the night.
With Angel gone, Xander sheathed his sword and went over to check on Buffy.
"Fear not, my lady, for my blade stands ready at your command."
Punk rocker Willow just rolled her eyes as Lady Buffy swooned at his words. He was cute, Willow allowed herself. And the hard, dangerous look in his eyes when he confronted that guy?
Seriously hot.
Any further thoughts where interrupted by a woman's scream.
It was a woman in a skintight outfit being chased by a large hairy beast. Before anyone could react, Xander raced over and intercepted the beast. A short but violent struggle ensued resulting in the beast taking off, but not before tearing Xander's shirt and leaving claw marks across his chest.
Cordelia, for her part, started to rant about how weird everybody was acting.
"What the hell is wrong with you people? Willow's acting like some Bon Jovi groupie, Buffy is single-handedly setting feminism back a thousand years, and Xander's... hurt." Cordelia noticed his injury for the first time. Moving over to him, she tore his shirt away to inspect the wound.
"It doesn't look too bad. Just a scratch really." Cordelia gently checked over his injuries. As she ran her fingers across his chest she noticed his lean, masculine body. Suddenly her intensions became less about healing and more carnal in nature.
"Doesn't look too bad at all." Cordelia purred.
Xander looked about, assessing the situation.
"Mi sa che qui potremmo avere delle grane." He muttered to himself, slipping into his native Italian. Three pairs of beautiful eyes blinked at him in incomprehension.
"It matters not. We need to find a place of safety fit for three beautiful ladies such as yourselves."
Xander's blade sliced cleanly through his opponent's neck. The bleached blonde head fell, bounced once, then it and the decapitated body exploded into ash. Xander looked down at last remains of William the Bloody and spat into the ashes.
"Veni, vidi, vici!" Xander exclaimed triumphantly. The three others watched Xander fight and defeat the bleached vampire with his superb swordsmanship. His bravery and skill with both sword and words had a profound effect on them. One that this Venetian incantation of Xander recognised well.
"Omnia vincit amor, et nos cedamus amori." He paused momentarily before explaining to the love struck trio.
"Love conquers all, let us yield to it."
Xander stared up into the darkness at the ceiling. Angel and Giles must have found out what was wrong and reversed whatever spell had hit the town. Xander was back in control of his body, a fact that inspired less enthusiasm than one might have expected.
Oh sure, there was some kick ass side effects that still lingered. The fluency in nearly a dozen languages, the swordsmanship, the memories and skills. The skills had saved their lives when Spike attacked and the memory of his dusting was a happy one.
But there was some major fallout resulting from the night and some of the other 'skills' he had gained.
Basically, he was a dead man. The deadest man in Deadonia. They had been lucky to chance upon Xander's empty place. The memory of what had happened both shamed and aroused him.
He was sandwiched between the naked and sleeping bodies of Buffy and Cordelia. Like a redheaded cherry perched on top of him was an equally naked and sleeping Willow.
The moment any one of the three awoke he was a dead man.
'Giacomo Casanova, you sliver tongued bastard' Xander thought to himself 'you talked me into this fucking mess, you fucking better talk me out of it.'