The Morning After

Author: Cyclone <cyclone[at]>

I swear by God and all that is holy, I wrote this BEFORE the Bombs & Souls trilogy debuted.  According to my computer, I started this on November 10, 2002.

Feedback: Please be gentle.

Distribution: Not here, not yet.

Rating: I'm gonna go say R.

Spoilers: Up to Once More, With Feeling.  All else after that will be thoroughly ignored.

Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss.  I'm just borrowing them for a while.

Summary: The Scooby Gang throws a party to try and cheer up Buffy... with some unexpected results.

Xander groaned as he tried to think through the massive migraine pounding in his skull. *Great,* he thought sourly, *someone must've spiked the punch.*

He was about to get up when his mind finally registered the warm and soft weight on top of him. He blinked his eyes open, hoping they would adjust before his head split open, and peered at...

*That is not Anya.*

Then his mind cleared, and the memories of last night flooded back. He lay his head back again and muttered, "Oh God. I'm gonna die."

His bedmate stirred and blinked sleepily for a moment, then looked up at him with a faint smile, "H-hi."

"Hi," he said, smiling back at her. He couldn't help it. She had a smile that could light up a room.

They lay like that for a long moment, looking into each other's eyes, and he thought absently, *God, she is so beautiful. If I'm gonna die, at least it'll be for a good reason.*

Finally, he broke the silence and said, "You know, I'm really not looking forward to being a rat. Or a troll. Or a troll rat. But it was worth it."

She blushed and looked away shyly, "R-really?"


"I-it was... m-my first time. W-w-with a man, I mean. I-I never thought... it could be so..." she paused for a moment, searching for the right word, "...s-satisfying."

He threw her a mock frown, "Was that a compliment or an attack on my gender?"

She shot him a playful look and giggled, "A l-little of b-both, I-I guess."

Once again, silence reigned. He could hear the faint sound of birds chirping cheerfully in the distance, and he idly wondered if they'd sing a dirge for his funeral.

He really needed to stop thinking about that. Instead, he decided to focus on what he had right now -- namely, the sweetest and one of the most beautiful women he had ever known resting nude in his arms.

On a whim, he leaned down and kissed her. To his pleasant surprise, she returned the kiss, and for the next few moments, they drank in the taste of each other's lips. When it was over, she smiled up at him, "How do you do it?"

He blinked in honest confusion, "Do what?"

"Turn me on like this," Tara replied. "You're a guy, a-and I don't like guys. Usually."

He blew out a sigh, "I dunno. Maybe it's a leftover from that botched love spell I cast a few years back."

She raised an eyebrow, "You cast a love spell? Do you have any idea how often those things backfire?"

"Well, I do now," he protested.

"What happened?"

"Well, it pretty much affected every woman in town except the one I tried to cast it on. Even Will got hit by it."

"Really?" Tara cocked an eyebrow. She could tell there was more to the story than that.

"Yeah. Found her in my room, nibbling my ear and wearing nothing but one of my shirts." He chuckled, "Wolfboy was not pleased."

"I imagine not."

His smile faded. "Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have-..."

"No, it's okay. What happened happened. We can't go back and change it. We... we just have to deal with it."

He smiled sadly at her, "Like... last night, for example?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "like last night. Xander, it-it was wonderful, but..."

He nodded, understanding, "There's Wills. And An."


"So," he mused quietly. "I guess... I guess we should get up. Face the music. Hopefully, An'll make it quick."

She smiled sympathetically, "No rush. I... I like lying here like this. You're comfortable."

"Thanks," he replied sincerely, both for the compliment and the temporary delay before they faced the inevitable.

Because he was quite certain that he would not survive the wrath of a former vengeance demon.


Filled with dread, Xander stepped out of the spare bedroom he and Tara had woken up in. The lesbian-with-one-exception witch was right behind him, and she murmured in his ear reassuringly, "Don't worry, Xander. I won't let anything happen to you."

He was slightly distracted by the fact that she took that opportunity to nibble on his earlobe. "Ah, Tara?"

She pulled back, "Oh, s-sorry. I just... it looked so tasty."

He couldn't see her, but he had a strong hunch that told him her face matched Willow's hair. His own face burned as he recalled what other parts of him she regarded as "tasty." Pushing that thought aside, he looked around for the other Scoobies, but the hallway was empty.

He took another experimental step, and when the world didn't collapse around him, he strode more confidently through the house, looking for the others.

When he found them, he froze in shock.

"What the hell is going on here?"

The three figures in Buffy's bed shifted and sat up groggily, giving him and Tara an eyeful. He almost had to physically tear his eyes away from the three pairs of exposed breasts -- two of which he hadn't seen before -- before he could speak again.

"Well?" he demanded, his voice an octave higher than normal as he tried to conceal his reaction to the sight.

Buffy, Anya, and Willow looked at each other, uncertain what to say or how to explain why the three of them were naked in bed together. In a scramble, they pulled the blanket up to cover their nakedness.

Willow was the first person to speak, "Oh boy."

Buffy's sentiments matched it, "Oh... my... God..."

Anya smiled at them, "Well, that was an interesting night. Perhaps Xander can join us next time." The other two turned scarlet.

Xander groaned, Anya's frank words had confirmed what he'd suspected - - he wasn't the only who wound up in bed with the wrong person last night.

Maybe he'd survive this after all.


Several minutes later, they were all seated in the living room in awkward silence. Dawn -- who had been in her room -- returned from the kitchen with several cups and a very large pot of coffee. They were going to need it.

Xander glared around, "Okay. So who spiked the punch?"

"I did," chorused three voices as three hands went up -- Willow, Dawn, and Anya.

Tara giggled, Buffy groaned, and Xander rubbed his eyes and muttered, "No wonder we were falling-down drunk last night. I still can't believe this happened!"

He stood up and began pacing, looking at each of them with a mixture of bewilderment and anger.

"Calm down, Xander," Tara said.

"'Calm down'? 'Calm down'?!" he stared at her incredulously, then pointed at the other three legally adult women in turn, "My first crush, my first love, and my fiancee just had a lesbian orgy last night, and you want me to calm down?!" He sighed and slumped back into his chair, "I am so gonna need therapy."

"Well," Willow said comfortingly, "look at it this way, Xand: After you, no other man will do." She paused, and her forehead wrinkled in uncertainty, "And did you just call me your first love?"

He bit his lip, "Uh, well, yeah. Y-you're my Wills." He threw a side glance at Anya, who smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry. I'm not jealous. She's right, by the way. Your kiss is bliss, and you make love like a Greek god. No man I've ever seen in my eleven hundred and twenty years as a vengeance demon -- and in that line of work, I saw a lot of men -- even came close."

Willow cocked an eyebrow, "Ooh, details!"

"Hey!" Xander protested. "Wait just one minute here..."

Tara wordlessly held her hands apart, and Willow goggled. Buffy shook her head in denial, "No way!"

"Oh, most definitely yes way," Anya said.

There was a long silence, until finally, Willow said, "This, I gotta see." She began to push Xander back toward one of the bedrooms.

"Can I see?" Dawn asked eagerly.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!" Xander protested, but his words fell on deaf ears.

"Can I? Can I?"

"No!" Buffy snapped, scandalized.

"Please...?" Dawn pleaded.

"Dawn!" Buffy snapped again

"But why not?"

"Because..." Buffy struggled to find a good answer. Too old? Nonono. She'd just bring up Angel. Hmm...

"Because he'd spoil your opinion of other men!" Willow chirped over her shoulder helpfully. "Yeah, that's it."

"Oh, come on, girls," Xander whined as he slipped past Willow. "You can't be serious."

This was beyond embarrassing.

Buffy paused to consider Willow's statement, then mentally compared what Tara had indicated with Angel, Parker, and Riley...

"I have to see this," the Slayer said, intercepting Xander and pushing him into the bedroom.

"Wha-...? Hey!"


"Wow..." Buffy and Willow said in stereo as they left the bedroom, stunned.

Xander followed, red-faced and pulling his pants up, "Are you quite done yet?!"

"Not really," Willow replied absently.

"But we'll get back to that later," Buffy reassured him.

Which, to be honest, wasn't all that reassuring. He shuddered. It was just like that time with the damn love spell. And Willow wouldn't need an axe this time.

"And the best part?" Anya said with a grin. "He actually knows how to use it."

Tara nodded in agreement.

"Okay! Time out!" Xander interrupted desperately. "Should we really be talking about all this in front of Dawn?"

"I'm not complaining," Dawn said innocently.

"Aw, c'mon, Xander," Buffy said, draping an arm across his shoulders. "Why so shy? You were a stripper, weren't you?"

Willow froze and frowned at him. And sniffled. "You were a stripper? And I wasn't there? No fair."

"This would be where I mention that those were off-limits then!" Xander said emphatically, ducking Buffy's arm. He didn't dare look at Willow, because if he knew her -- which he did -- she was giving him the puppy dog look. "And still are now!" he added.

Five voices sounded simulataneously, "Aww..."

"You know what?" Xander said. "I'll be going now."

*Away from the crazy woman sex house!* he added silently as he scrambled out the door.