The Nintendo Generation

Author: AlanP <alan.p[at]>

Summary: "We are the nintendo generation!" (Cereal Killer)

Crossover: NWN

Disclaimer: I own... lets see... the remainder of my glass of beer.

Feedback: Shure! Omake also welcome! I'd better get more reviews than I did for 'Betrayed', or I'll throw a hissy fit and go back to my assignment work. (Uh... joke! Joke!)

Pre-fic Comments:

Stupid muse. Then again, beer seems to be good for inspiring me to write more. Spirits just gets me depressed.

I know that there is one heck of a continuity hole here, timeline wise with regards to release dates and computer power. Close your eyes. The march of technology was way quicker in that universe or something, and these days everyone in the Buffyverse has a Cray in their garage, or something. It's a story, not the Bible.

Chapter 1

"Hey, G-man!"

"Please, don't call me that," Giles said, taking off his glasses to clean. "Now, what can I do for you?"

Xander took his bag off his back, throwing it onto the table. "Hey, you still got that computer in here from that Moloch dude last week?"

"Er, yes?," Giles said hesitantly, gesturing weakly in the direction of the beige box. "Might I enquire as to why you wish to know?"

Xander pulled a box out of his schoolbag. It had a character in armour with a huge battleaxe, underneath the title 'Neverwinter Nights'. At the base was a small balloon, with the text 'Including expansion pack "Shadows of Undrentide!"'. "Ta dah!"

Giles frowned. "And what is that?"

"Computer game," Xander answered. "Willow got given it, but she isn't into games, much, so she gave it to me. But... I have no computer..."

"I suppose you may use the library computer," Giles sighed. "On one condition -- no data quarters or catalogue shall go within a foot of the infernal machine."

Xander grinned. Giles had to be the only teacher he knew of in school who would take the absolute opposite approach to the normal party line. "Cool!"

He sat down at the keyboard, pushing the power button. Giles got himself a cup of tea while it loaded, then stood just behind Xander to watch curiously.

"What does one do now?," Giles asked. The computer was sitting at the desktop, waiting for input from the user.

"Uh... I think that you're supposed to put in the compact disc, I'm not sure," Xander said honestly. He only used these things in class, and even then relied on Willow, mostly. He was an old hand at getting Mortal Kombat to run on his Sega Master System 2, though.

The teenager pulled the first compact disc out of the long cardboard sleeve holding the four compact discs, while Giles sto--uh, borrowed the ringbound manual, browsing through the list of spells and feats halfway through it.

"Do you want to install Neverwinter Nights," Xander read off the screen. He clicked 'Yes'. "Sure!"

Giles sipped at his tea absently, paging through the manual. "Would you like a cup of tea while you wait for that thing to... install, is it?"

Xander nodded. "I think so. Got any hot chocolate?"

The Englishman looked mortally offended. "Hot Chocolate? For your information, I have China Black, Earl Grey, Darjeeling, Assam, and a great many other quality beverages, but I have never stocked hot chocolate!"

"That's a shame," Xander said obliviously. "Hey, it wants the second CD! This might not take so long after all."


"Xander!," Giles said excitedly. "There's a bandit, just behind those ruins!"

Xander peered at the screen. "Oh crap. Hey! Where'd that stupid bard get to?"

"Hey guys," Buffy said, entering the library through the double doors. "What's doing?"

Giles straightened up abruptly, acting as if he had been disinterested in the computer for the last few hours. "I have been very busy today, cataloging new purchases for the Library."

"Sure, sure," Xander said absently, sending his Fighter to kill the bandit with a click.

"Oooo! A game!," Buffy said, spotting what Xander was up to. "What's your highest score?"

"Cool! A flaming scythe!," Xander said, happily looting the bandit's corpse onscreen. "Uh, I don't think this has any kinda score... you just run around killin' stuff."

"Sounds good to me," the Slayer shrugged. "How far in are you?"

"At the moment, I'm in... chapter one, I think," Xander said. "G-man?"

"Don't call me that," Giles said unhappily. "And yes, we're still in Neverwinter, so I think we're still in the first part of the game."

"We?," Buffy asked. She gasped theatrically. "Giles! You should tell Miss Calendar you want help with this and score with her! Chicks love it when you're into the same things as them!"

The Englishman took off his glasses to clean them. "I have no romantic interest in Miss Calendar at this point in time, and I have no interest whatsoever in that infernal machine."

"I'll believe you, thousands wouldn't," Xander said. "Hey, Buff! Check out the flaming scythe! Human zombie torches, here!"

"Cool," Buffy said, watching the figure onscreen hit another zombie with his new scythe of fire. The zombie obediently caught alight, dieing quickly. "Hey, why don't I get one of those, Giles?"

"That...," Giles started, "is a good question, which I shall look into. If you'll excuse me, I have some cataloging to finish."

Xander and Buffy traded a look.

"He is so not a computer hater," Buffy smirked.

"Dibs on telling Will!," Xander grinned.

Chapter 2

"Hey, Xander," Buffy called out as she entered the Library. "How are you going with your Scythe of Fire game?"

"Neverwinter Nights?," Xander answered. "I think I finished that. I'm playing Thief right now."

"Oh, cool," Buffy said. She sat down by him at the computer. "Hey, there's a guard! Kill him!"

"I'm a thief in this game, Buff, not a murderer," Xander said, hurt. "And he'd waste me."

"Bummer," the Slayer said happily. "What are you trying to do?"

"Steal so much gold I'll have to hire two guys to make sure my pants don't fall down from the loot in my pockets."

"Really?," Buffy asked suspiciously.

"Not really. At the moment, I'm trying to frame a guard and get in in trouble."

"Ah, Buffy," Giles said, emerging from his office. "I had intended to talk to you about your patrol."

"Ah, yeah, patrol," Buffy nodded. "You know, I deserve a... holiday. Yeah. I mean, I just killed an evil snake dude."

"Ooo, diamond ring," Xander said, stealing it from the evidence vault in the game.

"Xander," Giles said, exasperated. "Kindly preserve your game, turn off that machine, and get to class."

"Okay," Xander shrugged, doing as he was told. As he walked out the door, he added, "G-man, no saving over my games again!"

"What? You're playing computer games, too?," Buffy asked her Watcher, incredulous.

"Perhaps," Giles allowed. "Now, as to patrols."

"Awwww, c'mon," Buffy whined. "I'm busy every night as it is with them!"

"For Halloween, you may have the night off," Giles said, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

"I want a night off--what did you say?," Buffy blinked.

"Traditionally, all vampires and demons stay at home for Halloween," Giles explained. "Given your dedication to your duties recently, it would not be amiss to reward you with a brief reprieve."

"All right!," Buffy cheered. She scooped up her bag. "Later, G-man!"

"Don't call me that," Giles said irritably to an empty room.


The next morning brought pain, and misery galore. Well, maybe not pain, but certainly misery.

"I can't believe he's making me go out on Halloween!," Buffy complained.

"Snyder said costumes are mandatory," Willow said. She didn't look thrilled either.

"Great. I was gonna stay in and veg," Buffy continued to moan. "The one night a year things are supposed to be quiet for me."

"Halloween quiet?," Xander asked. "Oh, I figured it'd be a big old vamp scare-apalooza."

"Not according to Giles," Buffy shrugged as they walked into the student lounge. "He swears that tomorrow night is, like, dead for the undead. They stay in."

"Those wacky vampires!," Xander grinned. "That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing! What costumes are you lovely ladies donning?"

"I dunno," Buffy shrugged. "Maybe... something medieval?"

"I'm willing to venture that you, Willow, will be... a... ghost!," Xander said, eyes closed, hands touching his forehead.

"Give the man a prize!," Willow smiled.

"Aw, c'mon, Willow," Buffy said disapprovingly. "Halloween is come as you aren't night! You can be wild and adventurous!"

"Oh no," Willow said earnestly. "Wild on me equals spaz."

"No way," Xander said firmly. "You could never look like a spaz. It's just not possible."

"What are you going as, Xander?," Willow asked.

"A thief?," Xander ventured.

"Like in that game?," Buffy asked. "What does he wear, anyway?"

"Black clothes, a hood," Xander began. "I can probably get most of it from home. I just need to find a hood, a blackjack, a bow, and some arrows."

"Maybe this isn't gonna be so bad after all," Willow began to smile.


Xander crept along the hallway. Sneaky thief, sneaky thief... he spotted Larry, dressed in a garish piratical outfit. He snuck past him, weapons hidden under his clothes, bow under his cloak. The football player didn't notice Xander.

"Go one for the master thief!," Xander crowed as he got to the foyer unmolested.

"Sneak past all those mean and nasty bullies, did we?," Buffy asked, arching an eyebrow aristocratically in her fancy gown.

"Absolutely," Xander nodded.

"Silence," Snyder said, handing Buffy a clipboard and torch. "Summers, here's your group. No need to speak to them -- the last thing they need is your influence. Bring them back in one piece and I'll consider not expelling you."

"Later, Princess Buffy," Xander called out.

"What on earth are you supposed to be, Harris?," Principal Snyder asked. "No, I'm probably better off not knowing. Here's your group of children. The same strictures apply to you."

With that, the diminuitive administrator scurried off.

"Okay," Xander said, eyeing up his group, "on stealing extra candy. Distract, distract, distract. While one of you has the old lady's attention, another has his hands in her bowl of goodies. Silence. Don't let her notice you taking extra candy. Hiding. Try to hide what you've taken until you've made a clean getaway. Any questions?"

All the kids shook their heads. The four boys looked at Xander with adoration in their eyes.

"Let's go, then!"

Chapter 3

Garret shook his head muzzily as he looked around. There was no way that he was still in the City, unless he'd gone to sleep for maybe a hundred years. He hated this nature stuff. Leaves tended to rustle, and branches tended to snap. Right when you didn't want them to.

Checking his armament briefly, he found that he only had his picks, his blackjack, his bow, and some broadhead arrows. No potions, no maps. More to the point, no contacts and no place to, say, live in. The worst part was that he had absolutely no money. Time to rectify that, he decided.

Garret decided to get to what looked to the more industrial part of town, with shops. Shops were good -- lots of easily stealable goods in a small area, typically.

He looked up at the sign of the first shop he came across. 'Ethan's Costume Shoppe.'

Well, Garret thought, every little bit helps.

Slipping silently through the door, he blessed the shopkeeper for dutifully oiling the door hinges. The master thief was slowed down for a moment when he saw the peculiar cash box, but his fingers somehow knew how to open it. He mentally filed that under 'to check out later', and quickly and quietly emptied the contents of the little compartments in the cash drawer into a leather bag. Judging by the money, he was pretty far gone from the City. Paper money... what next? At least it couldn't make clinking noises.

Garret's head shot up as he heard footsteps from behind the curtain at the back of the shop, slowly crouching to minimize his exposure. He quietly moved towards the door, shutting it behind him.

Okay, Garret thought to himself, I've got money. Knowing my luck, it's probably enough to buy me a loaf of bread and a glass of water. Now to find somewhere to live.

Taverns were good. You met all sorts of interesting people at taverns, in Garret's experience. Especially really dirty ones. Like people willing to sell cheap accomodation, and wishing to hire thieves.


Willow sighed. This was getting old, fast.

"Come on!," she implored. "You've got to believe me! We have to get to the Library -- Giles will know what to do!"

"I-I am going nowhere without a proper escort!," the semi-panicking lady gasped. "Is, is this Giles a scholar, a monk?"

"Ahhhh... sure," Willow said. "Ah! Cordelia! You're not a cat, you're Cordelia."

"What's your braindamage, Rosenberg?," Queen C snapped. "And why are we out on the street?"

"I am going nowhere," the Lady said imperiously. "Especially not with lowborn whores such as yourselves!"

Willow scowled, and waved an arm through Buffy again. The Lady screamed a bit. "GET MOVING, OR I'LL HAUNT YOU TO YOUR DEATH!"

Willow had quite a long fuse, and it had just burned out.


Willy looked up from the dirty glass he was rearranging the dirt on, as a thud announced activity. He sighed as he spotted the bouncer demon on the floor -- it was relatively normal looking, save it's lack of a mouth.

"Aw, man, why'd ya have to do that?," Willy moaned. "Now he's gonna want extra cash."

The black clothed man walking over the demon smiled, as he put his black iron weapon away. His mouth was the only part of his face that the hood didn't hide in shadow. "Taxation on stupidity, I'm afraid."

"What can I get ya?," Willy asked easily. "And that'll be a twenty on top of that for the bouncer."

Garret shrugged. Easy come, easy go. He threw a piece of paper with a '20' on it to the bar top, pulling up a stool. "A beer. Hey, anyone got a room to rent at the moment?"

"I think Buzz does. Over on Victoria Av."

"Thanks. Got a map I could have?"

"Sure, for two bucks."

The beer and the map were slid over to Garret, who slid some cash back.

He sipped it once, then put it back down. "This tastes like cat piss."

"Hey," Willy said, offended. "There're some people who'd pay top dollar for that beer."

True, they weren't human.

"I guess," Garret shrugged. "Man, looks like there're a lot of rich people in this town."

"Oh yeah," Willy nodded, glum. "And they don't share with any of us, neither. Man, we're just trying to get along and they keep jumping up and down on our rights."

The insults to Willy's merchandise were superceded by the chance for mutual bitching at Authority.

"It's like that everywhere," Garret said, trying to get the bartender to open up more. "Who's the worst here?"

"Goddamn Mayor if you ask me, and I never said that either," Willy hissed to Garret.

"I hear you," Garret said. "Here's another twenty for your troubles."

You had to put something in to get something out, was Garret's reasoning. Willy continued talking.

"And those Chases, too, on Fitzherbert Avenue. Showing off their diamond jewelry like they're better than us..."

Garret tuned out the complaints, adding the Chases to a mental list.


"Our house got burgled last night," Cordelia complained, at length. "Some scum stole my mother's jewelry, and all mine too. My God, it's like the Devil himself wants me to look bad!"

"Heaven forbid," Xander quipped, thinking of the sack of gold and diamonds sitting beneath his bed. "Hey, at least whoever it was had good taste."

Right by his blackjack and dark clothes, sitting on top of his bag of money taken from Ethan Rayne.

Chapter 4

Xander crouched in the shadows, watching as the mark walked out of his 'lair'. He shook his head -- what a useless vampire. Either Xander was godlike at sneaking around, or this vamp was a real newbie. He hoped that he was good at sneaking. If this vamp was a newbie, chances were there wouldn't be much loot. He pulled out a pair of fine gloves he had bought -- no point in taking chances with fingerprints.

He pulled out the blackjack, silently walking behind the vamp. With an easy, practiced motion he hit the vampire in the back of the head, knocking it out quietly and quickly. Once it was down, he frisked it for keys and a wallet, then pulled out a stake and dusted it.

Man, this sure is easy, Xander thought to himself. I have got to suggest this to Giles.

He put the blackjack away as he entered the lair, locking the door behind him. A grin slowly grew across Xander's face as he saw an open chest full of jewelry and money behind the door -- obviously looted by the vampire from it's victims.

Dead men have no use for money, was Xander's line of thought. He pulled out the empty leather sack, shovelling the gold, jewels and money into it. He paused on a strange knife. It was long and thin, shaped like an Italian stiletto but with no opening or closing ability. The razor sharp edges faintly glowed green, and a thin line of cursive writing trailed down the middle.


"Hey, Xander," Willow said. "Where were you last night? We was looking for you at the Bronze."

"Out and about," Xander shrugged. "I had to take care of something."

True enough -- vampires were things and not people in Xander's book.

"Oh," Willow said. "Tell us next time! Buffy was worried you'd been eaten by a vamp or something. What was up, anyway?"

"Hey, guys," Buffy said as she joined them at Willow's locker. "Xander, where were you?"

"I found out that vampires are really easy to stake once you've knocked them out," Xander grinned. He decided not to mention the money -- the girls would probably get conscience pangs and make him donate it to charity or something.

"Xander!," Buffy said. "You shouldn't be putting yourself in danger -- that's my job."

"I was fine," Xander said soothingly.

"Well, I don't want you to go out at night," Buffy said firmly. "Not without me around to protect you."

"Down, cave-Slayer," Xander said jokingly, smiling.


"Well, you were being... hey, what's the feminine version of the word chauvinistic?," Willow asked.

"Feminist?," Xander offered.

"No, that's empowering women as equals to men," Buffy said.

The bell then rang, forcing them to postpone their discussion for later.

"This isn't over, Xander," Buffy said threateningly.


"Hey, G-man," Xander said as he entered the Library. Buffy and Willow were mired in a discussion with Mrs Kerbopple about an assignment that Willow was to help Buffy with.

"Don't call me that," Giles sighed. "What can I do for you?"

"I was just wondering," Xander began, "how does the Council fund you?"

"Considering a career as a Watcher, are you?," Giles said approvingly. "You'd need to improve your grades, but with myself as a sponsor you'd do quite well. To answer your question, I have a set fund to provide the Slayer with weaponry, and another budget to purchase books and other research material."

"Cool," Xander said, so as not to alienate Giles with comments about Watchers being boring. "What about vampires? I mean, do you loot their lairs or anything?"

"When we can," Giles allowed. "I-I mean, we encounter most of them on the prowl, as it were, and have no way of finding their lairs. Anything that we do find, we are allowed to keep for ourselves unless it is above a set amount."

"Nifty," Xander grinned. "I was out and about last night and dusted one outside it's lair."

"My word," Giles said. "I'm impressed that you managed to dispatch a vampire on your own. We shall have to check it's lair tonight."

"I kinda knocked it out from behind, then staked it," Xander admitted.

"Very smart," Giles nodded.

"I also took all it's money -- it sure had a lot for a dead dude," Xander continued. "I brought half for you. There was also this funky knife, too. I don't suppose you know if it's safe for me to use as a letter opener?"

Giles snatched the knife so fast Xander was tempted to check his hand for friction burns.

"Good God! This knife had been thought lost or destroyed for centuries," Giles breathed. "This alone is worth a king's ransom, Xander."

"Ain't it a shame that we live in a democracy, then," Xander joked. "What about the Queen of England? Is a Queen's ransom less than one for a king?"

The librarian gave Xander a disapproving glare for a moment, before breaking out into a genuine smile. "I shall have to research this. Yes."

"What about the money?," Xander asked.

"Yes, yes, put it in the box under the counter," Giles said absently. "Now, where did I put that Arabic dictionary?"

Buffy stormed into the Library, stopping as she spotted Xander. "Giles! Xander's been putting himself at risk! You've got to tell him to stop staking vampires -- he's only a normal person!"

"Enthralling, Buffy," Giles said, comparing the script on the knife to an open book. "Look, he brought me the infamous Poisoned Blade, thought lost for centuries!"

"But--," Buffy began.

"Later, later," Giles said, opening another book. "Go... Slay something."

Buffy stomped out of the Library, after giving Xander a glare. She was trying to protect him, and he upstaged her!

Chapter 5

Xander sat there sharpening his knife as Giles and Cordelia researched the Judge.

"I wish you'd be of some assistance, Xander," Giles said, frowning as he looked up from his book.

"I want a million bucks, but it ain't happening," Xander said, drawing a finger across the knife to test the edge. "What if I want to use it, and it's blunt?"

"I found something," Cordelia announced. "This book mentions the Judge, but nothing useful. Big, scary, no weapon forged can stop him, took an army to take him down. Blah, blah, blah."

Xander exhaled deeply, thinking. "We need some insight, a weak spot."

"Well, we're not gonna find it here," Cordelia sighed, getting up to put the book back.

"Hey, G-man, can I borrow that Poisoned Blade I found?," Xander asked. "I think I've got the edges of an idea."

"I hope you didn't hurt yourself," Cordelia said acidly, returning with a fresh book.

"Ha, ha, ha," Xander said slowly. "G-man, has anyone tried to poison this Judge? I'm thinking Hamlet, but without the tragedy."

Giles took off his glasses, cleaning them. "I've found nothing to say he has unusual resistance to poison, so it may work. The Poisoned Blade is said to be able to lay low anything short of the heavenly hosts."

Willow returned from her phone call to Buffy, holding yet another book. "Poison? Uh, I think that that is of the bad and we shouldn't, uh, poison anyone since what if we hurt someone innocent by accident?"

"Well, I'll try and organise an incursion once we find Spike and Drusilla's base of operations," Giles said, thinking.

"Organise shmorganise," Xander snorted. "Gimme the blade. I'll find out, and do it."

"You?," Cordelia sniffed. "You couldn't organise a picnic."

Giles looked thoughtful. Slowly, he pulled out the box he had stored the blade in and handed the case to Xander, who slipped the slim knife from the box.

"Well, see you later," Xander said quietly, staring at the green glow of the blade.


Xander looked down as Angelus slipped out of the warehouse. Willy had been pathetic when he had visited the bar, pleading for him not to stake him like a vamp. Not that Xander would have, but Willy the snitch hardly knew that.

He pulled his black hood further, hiding his face in shadow as he pulled a strip of black cloth over his mouth. Having hidden himself, he opened a window in the skylight slowly and quietly, looking down below where Spike paced, er, wheeled around the room nervously. Drusilla was giggling to herself, and a giant blue smurf stood stolidly at the edge.

The thief slipped through, climbing down the decaying and grey wood with silent ease.

"I still say that you're just sitting on your arse," Spike growled at the Judge.

"Kitten, kitty, pussy cat's back," Drusilla laughed, clapping her hands. "He's come, and death follows behind him!"

Funny, Xander thought to himself. Almost like she's talking about me.

He mentally shrugged, and continued to slowly climb down, then slinked around the shadows to the Judge.

"Bad pussy cat!," Drusilla scolded, waving her finger at the door to the warehouse. "Bad cat!"

"What's wrong, Dru?," Spike asked, head turned.

Xander silently thanked her for drawing Spike's attention, as he drew the Poisoned Blade from the folds of his clothing. He dragged the edge along the Judge's blue skin on the torso of the demon, where the breastplate met the waist armour. Where it touched the skin, the flesh withered, turning grey. As Xander stowed the blade away, moving backwards, he could visibly see the corruption spreading.

"He's gone to dust!," Drusilla wept. "He's gone to dust, Spikey! That bad cat is to blame! I want a fur coat!"

"I'll find you your cat," Spike promised, eyes moving again. "I'll skin 'im alive, I will, I'll fix 'im proper before he gets a chance."

"Something... is wrong," the Judge said, standing up unsteadily.

"Oh, somethin' always bloody goes wrong around 'ere," Spike muttered.

The Judge fell onto his face, breathing shallowly.

"Oh bloody bleeding HELL!," Spike screamed. "Stupid bastard! Where the fuck is Angelus when you want 'im?"

Okay, this officially ruled in Xander's book. Although it made it easier for him to slip out with Spike so distracted, it did mean that he couldn't try and take care of the bleached Brit.