The Soldat Tragedy

Author: eddy29456 <tc40sbenn[at]>

Rating : NC17 - So you don't download at work.

Feedback : Please

Time Frame : Summer 2001 to January 2002

Archiving : As you wish

Disclaimer : Buffy, etc. not my property, and no copyright infringement intended.

Author's note : A psychologist would have a field day with why, when I attempt to write a Tara/Xander Fic it turns out very depressing. Take heart, Xander does not commit murder and/or suicide this time. Which makes it way more cheerful than last time. I still think Cyclone writes happier Tara/Xander Fics. Maybe next time. But, it does have a unique (as far as I know) Spike destruction. (Not death - he's dead).

** Thoughts in Here **

"Xander looked at Tara. "How well do I like Willow? I love Willow! I'd do anything to help her!"

"Why do you ask," Anya queried, her gaze troubled.

"There is a cure for the bite of a Zantroth demon," Tara began, "a spell by Leonodus of . . . "

"Attica, and that is a tantric spell," Anya said, her gaze now angry. "Willow would have to be conscious."

"Using the Law of Contagion I could substitute for her," Tara said, her face feeling hot.

"Maybe. But I still don't like it," Anya said.

"What does tantric mean," Xander asked.

"It's a spell powered by ritual sexual intercourse," Anya explained. "Willow, because of the whole being unconscious and dying thing can't power it, but Tara, as the last person to have sexual contact with Willow, can work the spell in her place."

"So, it's a sex magic spell," said Xander, once again boiling the complicated down to the simple.

"Yes," said Anya.

"With Tara."

"Yes," said Anya.

"Um . . . shouldn't it be a girl with Tara?"

"The spell makes use of male and female energy. With just men, or just women, it fails," Anya said.

"Maybe Giles could . . . "

"The more the guy loves Willow, the less chance he'll die," Tara admitted.

"Oh. Anya, honey, I don't see an alternative," said Xander.

"Not doing the spell?"

"Willow dies. Are you that upset scared of me sleeping with Tara?"

"No, I'm much prettier than Tara. I don't like the thought of your entrails exploding, which could happen no matter how much you love Willow. I think about that, and I feel icky. Have Giles do it."

"So, even if I love her enough, she may die?"

"NO, Xander, even though you love her enough you may die. She'd be cured," Tara said.

"Oh . . . Okay, let's do it."

"Hey," said Anya.

"An, honey, you know I've got to do this."

"Yes, I know. This is the part where you say you'll always love me, even though you're planing to go save a girl you had an affair with by sleeping with her girlfriend. Then I say I love you, even though you're going to get your guts exploded for someone else. Then we kiss passionately. Let's do that now."

After Xander and Tara kissed, Xander and Tara left for a motel. As they went beyond earshot of Anya, Xander remarked, "Now do you understand my petition to remove 'Lifetime' from our cable lineup?"

"I have a whole new appreciation for the urgency."

As they arrived at the motel Xander said, "I've never done this before."

"Really? Anya, er . . . implied . . ."

"Not the sex," Xander hastily qualified. "But the ritual magic sex. Is it different?"

"Um, you want to tell me exactly what you and Anya have and have not done so I can answer that question?"

"Not really."

"Let's go with probably not that different."


As they arrived in the room, Xander asked nervously, "What's next?"

"Ritual purification. We'll use the bathtub."

"You first or me?"

"Um, it's kinda something we have to do together."


"Xander," Tara said, "We're going to be having sex in about 30 minutes, which is not going to work if you're embarrassed to see me naked, or be seen naked by me." Her ducked head and furious blush ruined the effect of the speech.

Xander looked at her. ** Smart remark, not good. Try honesty. ** "A question. This . . . um . . . thing . . . um . . . will it . . . um . . . work, with you being gay?"

"It . . . won't make it easier, but . . . it can be done."

After a ritual bathing and anointing with oils, Xander was ready, very ready, visibly ready. "Sorry about . . . " Xander trailed off with a hand waiving gesture.

"Well, it had to happen, before we could start. As a matter of fact, I have to be . . . "


"Yeah, and it would be good practice if you um . . . helped."

Xander helped. The process took lots longer than with Anya. He didn't comment.

After both Xander and Tara were aroused, Tara said, "Okay, now we light these candles, me the white, you the red, I need to orgasm after the white burns down to this mark. Then I say a little poem, in Greek, and you need to orgasm before the red burns out. We have to stay excited, we have to stay touching each other at all times, and we cannot touch ourselves. Got it?"


The situation was uncomfortable for both Xander and Tara. Both were involved in long term relationships with women they knew intimately. Xander knew the sort of things Anya liked, where she liked to be touched. How hard was a caress, how soft was a tickle. But, Xander was not averse to learning.

Tara's lack of experience was causing even more problems.

Finally, Xander's fear for Willow, Tara, and, last and in his mind least, himself, forced him to speak, "Tara, honey, I'm a little, ungh, too, ungh, close . . . slow down!"

Tara complies. "You're breathing funny."

"The white candle isn't halfway burnt. We're nowhere ready for me to be breathing hard."

Tara slowed down. Finally, the white candle burned down to the point where Tara could orgasm. She made a slight noise as she climaxed. She swiftly intoned the short couplet, and started again what had nearly killed Xander and Willow both earlier.

Xander orgasmed, the feeling of pleasure actually overshadowed by relief after two hours on the verge.

As he did, Tara went into convulsions. Her arms and legs thrashed, her eyes rolled back, and a loud scream filled his ears.

** Whoa, scary effects. ** Xander thought.

Xander's thoughts were actually the American translation of Giles' as Giles watched Willow scream and thrash. The nurse came in and glared balefully at Giles before moving to try to restrain the girl. When the redheaded invalid's arm hit the nurse on the head, it not only broke the cast but also knocked out the nurse. Another nurse came in, looked at the first nurse, then at the thrashing writhing Willow, and then glared at Giles. Giles thought about how he had laughed at the "Antique Brazilian Dagger" Monty Python skit when he first saw it. The skit was now much less funny. When the convulsions stopped, Willow asked, "What was that?"

Giles looked at her and said, "A side effect of the injury, perhaps?" A slight nod of his head toward the two nurses indicated to the redheaded witch that discussion of Zantroth demon poison effects should be postponed.

Willow said, "Well, can I leave?"

"Pupils the same size, responsive," said the second nurse, checking her unlucky colleague. A team arrived to take the unconscious nurse away for evaluation.

"You're running a fever," the conscious nurse said, looking at the monitor, "well, you were . . . I'm getting your doctor, that arm needs to be looked at."

"Feels fine."

The nurse swept out. "Alone at last," Giles said. "How's your arm?"

"It really feels fine, Giles. Why should it need a cast, just because I slammed it into a nurse's head?"

"Um, because the Zantroth demon snapped it over its knee before Spike took it down. Both the bones in your forearm had multiple fractures."

"It's fine now, how long was I out?"

Giles looked at his watch. "Less than twelve hours."

"Not possible."

"Yet true."


"The poison cure perhaps, the poison's mystical, but the arm . . ."

The entrance of the intern checked the oncoming lecture. "How are you feeling?"

"I woke up having convulsions attached to a catheter, you take a guess."

The intern, one of those annoying people who never actually required medical attention, nodded as if he understood the girl. Giles, who regretted not getting the "Have nine head injuries and we treat the tenth one free" punch card, winced in sympathy.

"I'll need to X-ray your arm to determine the extent of any further damage," said the young man.

"Of course," Willow responded.

"Xander," said Tara.

"Yes," responded Xander.

"Your eyes, they're glowing."

Xander ran to the bathroom and checked the mirror. Tara was correct, his eyes were glowing. He shut off the bathroom light and closed the curtains. The glow was not bright enough to be visible past dark glasses.

"Say, Tara," he said coming into the room. He silenced when he saw she was on the phone. Tara hung up and said, "No word on Willow, and no answer on her phone."

"Let's go, I have dark glasses in the car."

As Xander drove to the hospital, Tara worried. "What if we made it worse."

"She was dying, Tara, within a day she would have been dead."

Tara knew Xander was right. She worried anyway.

Arriving at the hospital Xander and Tara found Anya in the ICU waiting room talking to Giles.

"Where have you two been!" Giles was a bit distraught.

"They were off having orgasms, Giles," said Anya, matter of fact as always.


"Leonardo of the attic healing spell," said Xander.


"Leonodus of Attica," said Tara helpfully.

"You could have died," Giles shouted at Xander.

"He didn't care," said Anya, "he could have left me alone with the Brit, the brat, and the chipped vampire and he didn't care. No offense, Giles."

"None taken. Did you people consider the risks at all?"

"Yes, I decided Willow was worth it," Xander shot back angrily.

"Arguing solves nothing. How is Willow?" Tara was focussed on her girlfriend.

"Willow went into convulsions, but seems to be fine now. They are X-raying her arm now."

In a short while Willow was wheeled back up by a nurse. Tara asked, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. My arm's not broken. My bruises have healed. My appendix scar is gone. My doctor's a little freaked, but I'm great."

"Xander and I need to leave. We had a fight, I'm not mad any more, so it's time for make-up sex." With that, Anya grabbed Xander and dragged him to the elevator.

Tara went with willow back to Willow's ICU room. Willow was quite bored and anxious to leave the hospital. When her new doctor arrived, the first thing she said to him was, "Can I leave?"

"Ms. Rosenburg, three hours ago you had a high fever, renal function degradation, multiple fractures in your arm, and moderately high cholesterol . . ."

"You've been eating too much meat again haven't you, Honey," Tara chided.

"An hour ago you went into convulsions, and thrashed about so wildly that you broke a telephone and a nurse," continued the doctor, ignoring Tara's interruption. "And now, your arm is healed up so well the breaks don't show on X-ray, your kidneys appear fine, temp normal, cholesterol down, and your appendix has apparently grown back. Anywhere else, I'd write an article for JAMA, but here we actually have a protocol. You'll stay twenty-four hours."

The doctor had not left for too long when the two girls suddenly convulsed again.

"What the hell was that?" Willow looked at Tara.

"It felt like when the spell was cast that we used to cure you."

"That's gotta be a popular spell, that felt GOOD."

"I don't like not knowing when that's gonna hit," said Tara.

"Research mode," said Willow. "Grab the copy of Giles' occult library on disc, my laptop, and our books and we'll look stuff up."

"And call a cab," Willow continued as Tara left. "Don't be walking when one of those hits."

Tara was back to the house quite soon. Spike was waiting for her. "Giles called. I know what you did."

"I'm not sure it's any of your business, Spike," said the witch defensively.

"So you thought Rupert, Anya, and I should raise the bit?"

"You don't care about Willow at all, do you?"

"I promised to look after Dawn! If I'd promised to look after Willow, I'd care if Willow died. And if I'd cared if Willow died, I'd have promised to look after her."

** I love Willow, ** thought Tara. ** But anyone human, after knowing her this long, would care if Willow died. If Spike had found that Zantroth demon shredding Willow with no one else around, he'd have sat down with popcorn to watch the fun, in hopes of being able to lap up the blood when the demon was done. **

"Spike, I'm busy . . . " Tara's voice trailed into a scream as the convulsions hit again. She recovered and looked at her watch. ** Thirty-five minutes spacing - getting closer together, ** she thought dreamily.

"What's going on," Dawn asked, attracted by the noise.

"The witch here was screaming and kicking because," Spike sniffed, "she lost an argument." The last part sounded false to Tara, but Dawn didn't notice.

"It's complicated, Dawn," said Tara. "I need to get some stuff from our room."

Tara gathered up the materials and called a cab.

"One more time," Anya asked.

"Maybe instead we could talk about our hopes, dreams, aspirations, our . . . you've been leaving 'Lifetime' on while we sleep, haven't you?"


"Well, don't do that. In answer to your question, yes."

As she entered Tara's room, Tara had just put down the computer when the next round of convulsions started.


Both Tara and Willow thrashed and twitched. Finally, the two lovers looked at each other and blushed. Willow asked, "Was it good for you, too?"

Two days later, the humor had gone from the events. The intense rush of pleasure was turning painful, and happening four and five times each day. Worse, the two discovered a problem, an inability to achieve orgasm not connected to the events. Tara's sensitivity to magic had allowed her to discover the two were related, but no more. Finally, the witches consulted Giles.

Giles said, "Now, do I need to give the 'You should bring problems like this to me immediately' lecture?"

"No," said Willow.

"I will watch using the A Tirer la Courture spell Buffy used."

"Maybe we could . . . ," began Tara.

"Maintain the trance state during an event?"

"Good point," admitted Willow.

As Giles watched the two women talking, he noticed an image forming near them - Xander. Xander was naked, and becoming excited. When Xander orgasmed, the girls went into their spasms. Giles checked the time - 4:50 P.M.

He helped the women up and said, "I think I know the answer." He picked up the phone, dialed, and said, " Hello, it's Giles, . . ., Yes actually, I'm aware this is an inconvenient time, what were you doing in the last 15 minutes? . . . I have a good reason to want to know, Willow and Tara have been having literal fits, and a spell connected you and them on the last one, . . . , as I suspected, thank you, Xander."

"Um, well, as you may have guessed . . . "

"When Xander cums, we cum," Willow finished for the embarrassed Giles.

Um, yes, probably connected to the Leonodus of Attica spell Tara and Xander performed."

"D'ya think? What do we do," the redhead asked.

"We'll get together at the magic box and discuss it."

Giles, Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya sat together at the magic box. Anya listened to the story, and comprehension dawned on her face. "Ah, Xander is a Soldat."

"Soldat," Xander asked.

"A Soldat is a kind of amplifier to magical power. When the witch, sorceress, shaman, whatever has sex with the Soldat, the link is link is formed."

"So, why both Tara and Willow?"

"Possibly because of the spell making Tara Willow's surrogate," Giles said.

"How do you break the link between us," asked Tara.

"Oh, whichever magical one the link is with is killed. That would be either you or Willow, or maybe both, depending on what this surrogate thing did," Anya responded cheerfully.

"Um, Honey, isn't there another way," Xander asked.

"No, you can't kill the Soldat, because their death destroys the witch. I got occasional vengeance calls from witches on their Soldats, because any attempt by the witch to harm the Soldat with their own powers rebounded on the witch. So, they'd wish for some creative painful things, usually, and I could get quite creative, because the link gave the witches and the Soldat enhanced healing abilities."

"Isn't there any other way to break the link," Xander asked again.

"I know some witches asked for it from me, after studying it for hundreds of years themselves, and the wish wouldn't do it," Anya said. "I know this is hard for you. But, the thing is, every time you have sex, Willow and Tara will hurt, unless maybe if you're having sex with them. Even if you quit having sex, they'll hurt because you don't have sex with them. You don't want them to live in constant pain, do you?"

"Maybe," said Tara, "we should research this further."

Everyone agreed research should start.

Two days later, Giles was amazed. Few if any events produced more than one day of dedicated research from anyone but himself. But now, research had gone on in deadly earnest. Ironic that cutting of sex produced more effort than threats to kill. But despite the research, no fundamentally new information came to light until Xander said, "This book is wrong."

"Really, how so," asked Giles.

"Well, it gives the date for the death of the Soldat, Henry, as 1361, but he and Rosalynd were 'enjoined by lust and magic' in 1235."

"oh," said Anya, "that's because of the no aging thing."

"No aging thing," Xander asked for everyone in the room.

"Yeah, Soldats and their linked don't age after the link forms. Actually, they go back to looking 18 years old. Say, maybe Willow and Tara shouldn't die. I mean, they'd be in terrible agony, but you'd be young, Xander, for as long as we could keep them from committing suicide."

"Tara suddenly keeled over. "What's wrong, Honey," Willow shouted as she grabbed the fainting witch.

"I was examining the links," said Tara.

"Did you find out anything about how to break them," Willow asked.

"I can break the one between you and I fairly easily, and you're just linked to Xander through me. But Anya was right, the link between Xander and I is too deep in me to be broken without killing me."

"So," said Anya, "all we have to do is kill Tara. Decapitation works. So does burning, if the fire is hot enough to outpace the healing. I think decapitation would be best."

"Anya, I'd be happier if you were a little less eager to kill Tara and I," Willow said.

"Willow, I really don't want to kill you or Tara. Leaving aside that I like you, and you help kill monsters that would eat me, Xander will be sad if one of you dies. We only had sex once in the two weeks after Buffy died. I don't like Xander sad."

"Then why do you keep bringing it up?" Willow was so startled by the bizarre Anya logic she was genuinely curious.

"Because, eventually it will have to be done. And if you guys decide on your own, Xander will feel responsible, and blame himself. But if I keep repeating it, Xander will feel it's my fault, and he'll forgive me faster than he will himself. He's not very logical, but I love him anyway."

"Still in the room here," Xander said.

"Sweetie, you know I'm right."

"Okay, we break the link to Willow, then what," the young man said, having learned that there was no point arguing with his ancient fiancée when she spoke in that tone. "Can we maybe, I don't know, link Anya to Tara so . . . " "No!" Tara, Anya, and Willow were all emphatic. "The nature of the link between us precludes it, Xander," Tara continued.

"Anya," said Willow, "I think I need some supplies for tonight's patrol. Can you help me look? Xander, Giles, Tara, you stay here and examine the link for anything you missed the first time."

When they reached the storeroom, Anya said, "More doubtless expensive supplies for patrolling? I don't see why the magic box pays for all this. Shouldn't other businesses contribute?"

"Anya, I really didn't need supplies. Well, some salamander eyes, but I know where those are. I wanted to talk to you about Xander."


"Xander. You know him pretty well don't you?"

"Yes, intensive observation, long experience, and many magazine 'rate-your-mate' quizzes have given me a keen insight into his character."

"How will Xander feel when Tara dies?"

Anya started to cry. "He'll feel responsible, and guilty, and sad."

"Do you want that?"

"No, but what can I do?"

"If you'd been summoned by a petitioner, and she'd wished for good advice, what would you have told her?"

"To leave the guy, and find someone without the baggage. But I love Xander!"

"Oh, what would you tell the petitioner if she loved the guy?"

"The same thing. But it hurts!"

"Anya, I'm looking at either my girlfriend dying, or my girlfriend and my best friend making love really frequently, and staying 18 while I get old and wrinkly."

"Maybe if you don't break the link, you'll stop aging too."

"Oh, so I can feel my girlfriend and best friend making love for centuries? Maybe substitute for her so she can feel me with my best friend when she and I can't be together that way? Sounds great."

"Life sucks."

The two women ascended from the storeroom. Willow had gathered a few rare items that Anya knew were for personal use, but since she was quitting, she felt no obligation to stop Willow from stealing from Giles."

"Xander," Anya said, "here is your ring back. I have decided not to marry you. Giles, since I have decided not to marry Xander, I am going to leave this town, as monsters regularly eat people here. I appreciate the job, and hope I can use you as a reference. Xander, I am going to our apartment, and taking my things. I really did love you."

Xander said, "An, wait . . ."

"No, Xander, my mind is made up. Here is your engagement ring back."

** Oh, Goddess, he asked her to marry him. They were going to get married. He never told me that. I talked Xander's fiancée into dumping him. Xander, I'm sorry. What could I do? **

Time passed. People adapted. Xander pretended that being unable to be physically intimate with anyone but the two women, neither of whom desired him, didn't bother him at all. Willow and Tara pretended that having to physically intimate very regularly with Xander with results they could no longer call up in each other didn't bother them at all. Dawn pretended that the trio in her house, Xander Harris, Tara Harris, pregnant with twins, and Willow Rosenburg, 'old friend of the family,' were providing her with a 'Leave it to Beaver' style home environment.

Willow suddenly started at work. She was looking at part of the past - Riley Finn. "Riley, what brings you to Sunnydale?"

Though there was no one evident in the building to overhear, Riley's tradecraft curbed his first response. "I'm here about Sunnydale's unique feature."

"Ah," said Willow. "About time for me to get stuff together to leave. I think I'll blow off my advanced data structures class tonight."

"Grad school?"

"Finishing computer science degree at night."

Willow and Riley started tracking the mysterious "Doctor ," demon egg distributor. As they started, Willow called 1630 Revello and spoke to Tara. "Honey, Riley Finn is turned up, and we're out hunting demons. Tell Xander, and don't wait up . . . No, I'll eat out. Thanks, bye . . . love you too."

After they tracked down the "Doctor," who turned out to be the vampire Spike, Willow looked at him. Spike, their occasionally reluctant helper who'd killed the demon that poisoned her. Spike, who'd cared for Dawn as well as any parent could wish. Spike, who was going to sell demon eggs as weapons to kill humans. Willow threw a bolt of fire at Spike, burning through his neck. As the dry dust puff, it ignited, and Spike exploded like a fuel air bomb. Riley, outside, saw the explosion and screamed, "Willow."

As the fire burnt out, Riley rushed in to see Willow, horribly burnt, hair still smoldering. Riley helped her put her hair out. "You know," he said, "I could have handled this with much less mess."

"Mess is okay," said Willow.

Riley heard Willow's flat voice and took her home. As they left, Riley's wife Sam remarked, "Not what I expected."

"Not like I remembered."

Tara hung up the phone. Willow wasn't going to be there for her regular "Xander night." She wondered if she should "fill in," so to speak. ** Xander never acts like he's interested, with me. The time we tried all three of us, he just seemed too embarrassed to function. I wonder if he's into Willow. He had a thing with her in high school. Is he all 'not an adventure, just a job,' with me and all 'yeah, baby' when it's just the two of them? Willow and I never talk about it. Willow and Xander never talk to me about it being my decisions that got us here. I tried with Xander once, and he just looked at me and said he'd made a decision, and he'd do it again knowing what would happen. I've known better liars. I should at least offer though. **

"Willow is demon hunting with Riley Finn. You wanna . . " A gesture up the stairs made her intent clear.

"Um, I, uh, really not in the mood."

"You sure," Tara asked, gesturing at her belly. "Cause soon, with the twins, . . ."

"Yeah, . . . raincheck for tomorrow?"

"Sure," said Tara, knowing if she didn't bring it up tomorrow Xander wouldn't.

When Willow got home, she said, "I need to talk to Dawn." By this time her enhanced healing had healed her body, her eyebrows had even grown back. Her clothes were still mostly ash.

"Dawn's up studying, she'll be down before bed, you, um, might want to change . . . "

"Hey, Willow," Dawn interrupted. "what happened?"

"I was a little close to Spike when I blew him up."

Dawn was sure Willow was kidding. "What?"

"A man should kill his own dog."


"It's an expression. Means you should take care of your own mess. If, say, a vampire you didn't kill starts selling demon eggs as bioweapons, you should kill him yourself."

"Oh, god. Is he really dead?"

"Spike's been dead since before I was born. He's burnt dust now."

Willow scrubbed the remains of roasted clothing, Willow, and Spike off herself in the shower. ** Eyebrows grow back. Hair stays burnt. Stupid, inconsistent magic. ** As she stepped out and looked at herself in the mirror, she wondered, ** If I petitioned Anya for good advice, what would she say? **

Willow knew the answer, she'd known since she talked to Anya in the basement. Grabbing a Lethe's Bramble, she broke her tie to Tara. ** Goodbye Xander, goodbye Tara, I'll miss you. But you won't miss me. **

Xander woke up. He looked over at his wife, whom he loved so much. It had hurt so much when, after the Soldat link thing, Tara had realized she was a lesbian. But, she had picked him, and she had loved him, and she could only be with him. And he knew that, while he might not be her ideal, she did love him. And she was carrying their twins.

Tara awoke and saw Xander looking at her. She saw the love in his eyes. She knew he loved her. Her memories flashed back to the time she had told him about herself, her lesbian nature. She remembered overhearing him tell his "best friend" about it, and hearing the little redheaded bitch come on to Xander. She remembered him telling the little skanky bitch to never come near him again. She knew she could spend eternity with her Xander.