Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old Feels like I'm starting all over again The last three years were just pretend.
Xander looked up at the screen showing departures. He saw his flight having would soon be leaving and quietly began gathering his things. Amazing how in little less then two years he had managed to put together a decent wardrobe. He smiled as he recalled the many trips to various clothing stores, most of which he took under protest to fill out his closet.
"Alexander!"
He turned around at the sound of his name and smiled somewhat at the familiar face to go that voice.
"Giles. Come to see me off?"
And I said,
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
"Umm.... Yes, well no, not really." The Englishman stammered out. "I've come to ask you why?"
"Why what? I already told them I was leaving. Hell Cole took off last week."
"I'm aware of that. Are you leaving to follow in his footsteps now?"
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
Xander set his bag down as he stared at the older man. Giles had returned from England a changed man, in some ways for the better, some for the worse. And though he acted similar to stuffer Watcher he knew in Sunnydale, it wasn't quite the same man.
"Cole has nothing to do with this Giles. I'm doing this for me. Because I want to see the world. I want to see what's out there."
"I'm not as dense as many would have me believe Xander. Now what is this really about."
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Xander sighed, his smile fading a bit. "One of Anya's biggest fears was running out of time. She was always afraid that her life would be over before truly began. It turns out, she was right. She died never getting to see or do many of the things she wanted. The things that we talked about doing. She died before I could tell her how sorry I was. About the wedding, about hurting her. About everything. I never even got the chance to tell her I love you one last time."
Giles's eyebrows raised slightly at the younger man's confession. He struggled to find his voice briefly, "I see. Is this decision, because of her?"
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Xander's head dropped slightly as he seemed to ponder that question, "No, not because of her. It's for her and for me. I can't... I can't go thru my life thinking about what might have been or what may happen. I've spent so much of life living it for other people. Doing what they needed done, being by the phone when they call in the middle of the night. I lived for so many others, I haven't lived enough for myself."
"The others back at the school will miss you terribly."
Ooh, And it hurts to want everything and nothing at
the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
"I know but they can cope. Buffy can maybe stand on her own now with that bastard dead. Amy has her life on track. Willow is and always will be fine. Fred, Harmony, -"
"What about Cordelia and Dawn?"
"Cordelia...," Xander paused as he struggled with the question, "Like I told him earlier, Angel or Liam, I guess, is a fortunate man no matter how the cookie dough bakes.Either way he'll be with someone he loves"
"And Dawn?"
"Dawn will be fine. There's a reason why I picked her to be the new head of the school. She's strong-willed, independent and a good person."
"She didn't mean all those things that she said Xander. I'm just it was just with Andrew-."
"You don't have to defend her Giles. She said what she felt, I can't blame her for that."
"I see. So you've thought this through from all angles."
"Actually no I haven't. I just need to do this."
"Need to?"
"Yeah... I need to see the man I've become. And I can't do that here."
"Will you be keep in touch?"
"Yeah, I'll call every once in awhile. If there is an apocalyspe, I'll have your back and I'm not the only one that will."
"Alexander,"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For everything "
The former carpenter flashed him a rare, heartfelt smile, "No problem Giles. Oh that's my flight. I'll see you around."
Rupert watched him head down the terminal and board his plane. On one hand he desperately wanted to grab his former young charge by the arms and drag him back to the school. They still needed him, whether or not they wanted to admit it or not. He produced a calming effect on the younger slayers and his history with the others meant his absence would leave a gaping wound amongst themselves.
On the other, the events of the past year plus had so dramatically altered their relationships. Andrew's gruesome murder at the hands of the Daimon Taurkass, Travis's betrayal, Cole's presence, the secrets Xander had exposed that they all had kept hidden. The final battle against Taarkuas had been particularly gruesome resulted in numerous injuries before Cole had finally obliterated the demon with help from Buffy, Faith, Kennedy, Willow, Spike, Angel and Amy. According to Xander and Dawn, Travis's end had been self-inflicted but the watcher had little doubt that the half demon hadn't had a little 'encouragement' from his one time charge.
Sighing, Rupert Giles placed his hands in his pockets and left the airport.
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to....
The one thing that I tried to hold on to....
The one thing that I tried to hold on to....
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
I wish you would unclench your fists,
And unpack your suitcase
lately theres been to much of this
but don't think its too late
nothings wrong
just as long
as you know that someday I will
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
you're the only one that knows that
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
The air here was as crisp as it was back home, the skies just as blue, and the mountains just as sure. He could almost imagine that he was back home. On familiar ground, doing the same thing as he always did. Find the monsters, track them down, and kill them all. But then he would be lying to himself.
Cole grimaced as he looked over the surrounding landscape from the ridge he was on. This wasn't his world, no amount of pretending would change that. Granted he wasn't exactly broken-hearted at not being there anymore. He knew when he accepted his fate what the ending would likely be.
The hard part wasn't the ending, it was the journey to get to the end. A journey he expected to have ended years ago. Maybe he was wrong and that journey was over and now he was on a new one. He certainly had a new goal.
The hunter had gone from trying to save the world and the people on it. To saving himself from what he might become.... If he lost control again.
He couldn't let that happen again. Only when he had mastered his fist, would he return. Cole bent to retrieve his traveling bag slung it over his shoulder and began walking again.
"Someday I will be at peace."
I know you're wondering when
well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
we can end up saying
things that we always needed to say
so we can end up staying
now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror
nothings wrong
just as long
as you know that someday I will
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
you're the only one that knows that
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
She really wished she had seen him off. His decision to leave wasn't exactly a secret. He had been restless and spoke openly of seeing other places. The only question would be would he leave before she was ready to face him. Ready to say how she felt and why she felt that way.
It wasn't like she hadn't said the words before or that she didn't want to say them. It was just... she needed time. Time to sort out who she was, time to see what was in her heart, her soul. Once upon a time, he would have waited forever and a day to see her decision. Now he had made his own and was seeing it through.
Still, there was a chance. A chance that he would return. To them, to her. A chance for her to say what was buried inside of her.
"Someday, he will return."
you're the only one that knows that
How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able?
To see the signs that we missed
try to turn the tables.
Now the stories played out like this
just like a paperback novel
lets re-write an ending that fits
instead of a hollywood horror
nothings wrong
just as long
nothings wrong
just as long
as you know that someday I will
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
I know you're wondering when
you're the only one that knows that
someday
some how
gonna make it alright, but not right now
Funny how given everything he's been through, he still hates flying. Maybe it was his fellow passengers or the baggage check in, the airport, the staff at the airline or maybe it was the whole thing. He just never learned to like it. Of course it really didn't matter if he liked it or, flying was the only way to get where he wanted to go.
Or at least to the starting place to where he wanted to go. Where exactly he would end up was beyond him at this point. All he knew at this point was that he needed to go.
Xander fiddled briefly with his portable CD/Mp3/radio player. He turned the tuner dial from the fading strains of a vaguely familiar song to a modern rock station. As he listened to the song play out, he never stopped to figure where he had been. Only where he might go.
"Someday, I will be ready."
I know you're wondering when
you're the only one that knows that
I know you're wondering when
you're the only one that knows that
I know you're wondering when