Too good to be true

Author: Goat Boy <shezmania[at]>

Disclaimer: Buffy and co belong to Joss Whedon and his monkeys

Summary: the feedback made me laugh so here we go

Warning: haven't seen Buffy in ages; only thing I still like about the whole show is what you guys do with it…cheers (expect non-canon scenes and behavior from now on)

Pairing: shrugs

Rating: R for language and violence

Chapter 1

October 12th 10:00am Chicago

A fire is basically an intruder to the realm; a foreign entity which is composed of neither matter, gas, nor liquid. It's an entity which burns fuel in all forms. A burning bush in the ground is what greets the haphazardly dressed girl; of ethnic origin and Caucasian clothes she is intrigued by the sight of destruction in the back alley. The fire burns with little exertion as its approaching its end; all that can be seen within the fire is debris. A gust of wind picks up a mostly unscathed piece of material transporting it to next to the girl. As she opens it the words; and numbers make no sense. The only thing she can decipher is the handsome brunet in the picture. With a patch in his eye.

October 12th 3:00am Chicago

"Come out Mr. Harris, you know it's inevitable"

Xander Harris is running for his life. Again. A common occurrence in his short life; but this time its humans who are after him. No matter; with nearly a decade of experience in hiding/preying on those stronger, smarter, and more powerful then him he has gotten quite good at playing the helpless victim. Faking shortness of breath; a limp and stumbling in the dark in the hopes of trying to create a racket. Eventually his possible captors find him in the dark, secluded faux shanty towns of Chicago. Three men; all over 6 foot. All armed with blades designed to create fear; and this is what they receive.

"Come on guys; can't we just let this go…I mean it wasn't even that valuable of a book"

"Sorry Mr. Harris; but it's the rules…you fuck with us and you get fucked"

With this the three men position themselves by cornering Xander.

With his back against the wall; his hands shaking by his sides; and his labored breath the three should have asked why he is not sweating. If he lacked depth perception why has he not got any bruises; or cuts or even dirt on his clothes? His blue trousers are fine; his black leather jacket is open and his eye patch is fixed nice and tight. Could be the lack of light in the area; or that Xand ensured that the moon was hidden by shadows when they arrived. No matter.

As they enclose in on him bad guy number one cracks his knuckles; his large frame is hidden by a very big denim jacket. This obsessive compulsive iron pumper is build for short term demonstrations of strength massively disproportionate to his ample body. His left hand is covered with a leather glove that is stapled with metal studs; some of which are missing. His right hand only holds a gold ring on the pinky.

Bad buy number two is also well over six feet; but with a smaller frame. His frame is tackled with leather. Leather boots; tight leather trousers; tight leather vest; and a silver chain with a fake razor blade. Obviously someone who does not enjoy Big Macs he has a switch blade in his hand.

Bad guy number three; the leader is dressed like a mix of the other two. With leather biker trousers; and a very tight t-shirt is all that holds this mans body.

All that Xander views are numbers in his head. Numbers and facts; opinions; weaknesses; tactics; etc. Number one has a reach of three feet with his arms; but his muscle bound body will compromise agility. Strike fast and hard; many many times. Number two walks like he owns the place; but is more cautious then the other two as well as lacks any tattoos, piercing. The leather is for show; nothing else. Immediate pain will demotivate. Number three will be tricky; he is positioned a few feet behind his friends and he has a calculating look in his eyes. The bulge in his pants is also not a sign of fun; get rid of him first.

As number one breathes in Xander explodes into action; he strikes him into his stomach once; while spinning from the first strike in a blur strikes him in the sternum once then uses the denim coated mans body as leverage jumps up and kicks the leaders face. As Xander falls to his feet he is aware of the leather clad assailant behind him. Baddie number two comes in from Xanders left side; Xand ducks the hand and uses his left hand to entrap the knife wielding hand he twists the hand while using his right to get the knife he stabs the man once in his back then twists the mans left man into his breaking point while muttering "sing for me kiddo" then breaks the hand and shoulder tackles the man into the ground.

As he looks around he ensures his earlier kick disabled number three; then sees number one get back up.

"Nice trick kid" is rumbled from the mans lungs.

"Let's see if you can do that again"

With no effort at all the man rips his jacket in half and twists the two half's of the jacket into mittens to shelter them from the knife.

Xander slowly walks next to the leader and picks up the gun. A basic revolver is all that is found; he professionally opens it with one hand and empties the chamber before the beige hulk attacks.

"Never did like guns"

With this he picks up a combat knife from a sheath beneath the jacket. Now armed with two knives the man known as baddie number one to Xander; also known as 'Jackhammer'; or Jack Kline realizes Harris is more dangerous then he was informed. Surely nothing he could not handle; the dumb punk probably picked those moves up from some Asian movie. Fucking bollywood.

As the two stare into each other Xander starts walking with finality in his steps and a straight back; confident stride and the two weapons by his sides Jack is unafraid. With a few steps away Xander once again waits till Jack looks at the weapons as Xander slowly rotates his right hand with his combat knife so it faces his back his feet leave the ground in a leap. In mid air Xanders left foot twists behind the right; and his own body rotates on its axis the left comes up and strikes Jack in his left temple with the ball of the foot. With that the two weapons leave his hands and he drops to his feet. He hooks Jacks feet with his hands and pulls the tee trunks into the air; he quickly jumps into the air and knock Jack out with a few more kicks into his head.

As he climbs back up he sees leather boy cowering next to a wall.

"Wh…How the fuck did you do that"

With this Xander sighs; drops down next to their leader searching through his pockets. He drops down his finds into a dry spot on the ground; and recites a few words in Latin "comburo hinc ubertas"

which creates a fire in the pile of paraphernalia.

With his Xander walks away while muttering at no one; maybe at a leather wearing coward "fucking chaos mages; and their fucking games". With that he takes the 'prescription' patch from his head and drops it on the floor.

Chapter 2

Day after Halloween 1997

As school starts up; and the commuters arrive with their pretty SUVs to protect their children from the rest of the cattle Buffy Summers only has one though on her mind. Inside the beast I linger. With this she shakes the images of being devoured by a dragon and once again is pleasured with the image of Ethan Rayne being devoured by a Dragon.

"Are you sure your ok honey?"

"I'm fine mum; don't worry about it…it was just…too much latte"

Still cringing at the only solution as to why she shied away from any technology that did not pre-date the ideal that gentlemen were meant to be chivalrous while wearing a white wig. Looking back at the events of earlier hours she still wonders whether it's the hell mouth's influence that means her mother does not question the strange occurrences in her life; or Joyce's liberal attitude towards many facets of life.

Approximately 1:00am Halloween night

While Joyce was looking at the TV Buffy was in the bathroom using the sink to do her best to look normal; whilst ignoring the voices screaming in her head to cower from the throat of the demon that spew a unholy stream of liquid. As she came downstairs into the kitchen the microwave rings to alarm Joyce her mug of chocolate goodliness is ready; Buffy jumps into action disarming the foul beast with no face with a convenient knife picked from a stand and thrown at speeds that would make a baseball veteran shake his head.

The sharp break of glass (or his ghostly face shattered by the might of her holy hand) ensured Joyce is in the kitchen soon; being accosted by the image of Buffy looking embarrassed while proclaiming words in a quiet proud, regal English woman's accent that "the fetid demon is no more" Joyce could only shake her head and once again wonder why not San Francisco.

"So hun how are Willow and Xander doing"

With this Buffy gets glimpses of Xander battling demons with a expert swiftness; and a cold brutality that only someone like her could appreciate and Willow creating havoc as a Blond and throwing vampires, and demons around with ease and no physical effort only mental.

"Their fine mum; I'm going around Willows house after school that ok?"

"Sure thing honey"

With this the two come to a part; Joyce leaving the premises smiling at the friendships her first born has created and Buffy dreading the following hours.

With Buffy dealing with her issues; Xander looks on at her from across the road. Dressed in blue jeans, black shoes, and a tight t-shirt he sighs at the unfairness of it all. His costume was a mobster; a policeman; a surfer; a cook; a assassin; a politician; a lawyer; a taxi driver and more. A man who has killed in triple figures; some exact doubles of himself. A man with a perturbed sense of honor and etiquette when dealing death; only those who deserve to die do so is heard within his skull. But so is the phrase help the helpless; closely followed by ginseng tea revitalizes the body by raising the heart rate to amusing results. All the memories; and all the actions; all the characteristics; and the skills are now located within the psyche of Alexander Harris. He is Lawless. He is Gabriel Yulaw. He is Hans Law. He is every incarnation of the same energy source; the chi which connected over a hundred men is now located within Xander. He lacks the chi reservoir that made Gabe and Lawless so powerful; but that's a worry for another day. Now what he has to contend with is explaining how he was able to battle countless demons with ease. Another sigh.

As he walks up the steps to the school he meets the eye of Larry the head jock; and number one school bully. As their eyes meet the slightly unfocused look in Xanders eye; and the image of Xander knocking him out from last night is all that Larry needs not to start anything. With this he walks up into the building. His own night was equally disturbing to Buffy; or probably more so.


With quiet shell-shocked steps he dredges into his room; and collapses onto his bed. His last though being the voice in his head soldier clean the mess or drill sergeant Anderson will have your head. With labored breath he shuts his eyes and welcomes the darkness.

All that he feels is peace; comfort; nirvana.

A faint noise of a whistle is heard.

"Jin the customers order is ready"

The steps of a small Asian man leave the kitchen where Xander is huddled onto his bed in the corner of said kitchen. With great confusion he drags his limbs unto a upright position; with little effort he may add. With this he looks around him in confusion. A high tech; upper class kitchen with equipment standard in any clean; and very expensive restaurant greet him. A cough behind him in the corner of the kitchen turns his head; the man occupying the space brings further confusion into his head.


It's a man; actually it's a man wearing Xanders face. And wearing a Star Trek uniform.

"kid; listen. I'm here to lay down the rules the go; got it"


"shut up. The mage screwed up; he didn't expect your costume choice to somehow enable all of the Law's incarnations to be stored within you. That means you aren't normal any more got that; you have the skills; and memories of over a hundred people backing you up. Do not worry; as this is a dream you can accept this with relative ease. Be warned; I aint here to hold your hand. Ill instruct you with what happened to you; that is all"

Somehow Xander is calm; and accepts his fate. With his mind going in a million directions he has a few questions.

"am I safe…I mean; will these memories be a trouble when I am awake "no can tell kid; all I know is your doing fine now…what happens is next to you"

"ok; ummmmm…am I as strong as a slayer now, or more like the hulk?" "nope; your as strong as you were twolve hours ago kid. All that's changed is your psyche, and your memories. If you want to be stronger you got to do that on your own. Only thing different is that your brain is more accepting of pain; and that's because a lot of your visitors were trained in martial arts; and some were into S&M…infact when you are bored see what Hans Law got up.

"I see…who are you"

"me; I'm you kid…well you when you were possessed by the hyena…and no can do; cant help you there kid. All I am is a shadow in your head; for all I know Ill disappear today. Listen times up; you gotta get back to sleep. You got a lot of work to do."


Xanders minds eye is assaulted with by dozens of memories rearranging themselves; his own psyche already used to dealing with conflicting memories is nearing overload. Memories of people getting killed by his hands; people getting arrested; people served their lunch; people receiving their sentences; people getting fucked; and other scenarios are played out. Only way to ensure psychiatric health is for his unconscious mind to hide the new memories; bury them. This is done so that instead of muscle memory of a certain action he will receive a synaptic link to a memory which will explain why this is done so. But as a consequence of this he will receive over active dreams till the day he dies. A period of rest will mean he can shift through memories will a book; experiencing the mans memories; his thoughts; and his actions like he would his own. It's either this; or risk schizophrenia. With that thought in mind Xander Harris/clan Law awakens.