Xander dug through the cabinets by the light of the open refrigerator. "I thought you weren't hungry, Buff," he joked over his shoulder but didn't break his search.
"You got turkey?" she answered instead, her voice muffled by the confines of the fridge. Buffy turned to face Xander's back and set the loaf of bread and cheese down on the counter next to him. "All I saw was ham and it looked like it might have been from the first pig…ever."
He frowned tightly and reached to the highest shelf, finally hearing the crinkle of cellophane against his fingers. Xander grabbed the bag of chips he was looking for and pulled them down. "Was it brown?"
"Sort of an aquamarine tinge," Buffy clarified after a moment.
"That stuffs practically new!" Xander sounded affronted. "From the first pigs daughters son, at least." He pulled the meat out of the fried and opened the zip lock bag it was in, taking a deep breath, and then frowning when the smell threatened to gag him. "Yeah," Xander sealed up the bag and tossed into the back of the cold box. "Let's not eat that."
"Exactly," Buffy smiled proudly. "Shouldn't you throw that out?"
He watched while she pulled out four slices of bread and began making sandwiches. "Why? You not particular bout what you eat post Slay?" Xander's chiding earned him a glare but he continued anyway. "You gonna go Buffasaurus Rex on the prehistoric lunch meats?"
Buffy stacked the two cheese sandwiches she had just made on a napkin and turned to face Xander's grin with a too sweet smile. "Just for that," she scooped up the bag of chips with her other hand, "you can make your own."
"You weren't even hungry!" Xander whirled as Buffy passed him on the way to the basement.
"Well, now I am," the Slayer shrugged. "Get me something to drink." Xander slit his eyes at her grin when Buffy took a bite of the two sandwiches at once, "'oke fweese," she spoke through her mouthful.
"You've got a lot of nerve," Xander's voice held a mock serious bite, "coming into my home and eating all of my food…"
"I only took a little bite," Buffy smirked and held the rest of the sandwich out to him. "Its not even that spitty," she added when she him eyeing the rest of the food. Xander snatched the sandwiches from her and repeated her earlier action by taking a bite from each. "Hey!"
Now Xander grinned condescendingly and handed her back the rest of her food. " 'ow 're even."
"You have a bigger mouth!" Buffy's pouty voice sounded out over the telephone ring.
Xander was laughing while he backed to the phone that was affixed to the wall by the basement door. "If I argued that I'd have my ass kicked and I draw the line at that happening in my house." He caught Buffy's 'damn right' look just as he picked up the phone. "Harris' harem. We're fresh out of redheads, but I gotta kinda blonde I can send," Xander chuckled through his grimace when Buffy, moving with the speed of some kind of jungle cat was at his side and punching him in the arm. "Alexander speaking," he finally managed to choke out under duress while his friend pouted exaggeratedly in his face.
((Alexander Harris?))
"Yeah," Xander's brow furrowed at the solemn toned voice on the end of the line. "Who is this?" He turned his back to Buffy as he posed the question, but didn't miss her expression becoming more concentrated and serious in response his question.
((Dr. Hammond from Sunnydale Memorial Hospital.))
Xander made a sound of agreement in his throat but didn't speak. He could feel his throat constrict as the array of possibilities as to what the call could be about ran through his head. Usually he'd would have been wigged because it might have been about Buffy, but she was standing right next to him, as fine as the day she was born. His thoughts then scrambled to Willow. What if his Willow was hurt and needed him and…why would he be the first person that the hospital called? Her parents or Tara…or with Buffy they would probably call Giles… But what about Anya? They would have to call him if it were her. She didn't have anybody but him here anyway…
((May I ask the relationship to Anthony and Jessica Harris?))
"I'm their son," Xander spoke without thinking. He hadn't thought that was even possible before, but his ears had detached from his brain and caught the question. "What is this about?" He felt Buffy's hand fall lightly on his shoulder and tossed her a quick glance of appreciation before tuning back into the telephone conversation. He heard the audible inhale through the receiver that preceeded the answer.
((There's been an accident, son.))
The last possible senerio as to what could be wrong struck Xander the hardest. "Sh…should I…do I need to…"
((Can you get yourself down here?))
Xander nodded into the phone without speaking and simply let it drop from his hand. It felt numb anyway…everything about him did when he turned from the counter he was facing and started out of the kitchen, passing Buffy without breaking stride or pausing to acknowledge her.
"Xand? What's the matter?" Buffy pleaded to his back after casting the forgotten telephone one last glance before following her newly broken friend.
"Something happened to my parents," he said finally from the front door. He could feel the Slayer standing behind him as he walked back out into the cool night air. "I need to go…"
Xander wasn't waiting for Buffy now matter how methodical or stoically he was going about his current tasks of starting the car and pulling out of his driveway. The Slayer was left to herself to make sure that she was secure in the passenger seat, but Xander was still talking to her while concentrating heavily on the dark road ahead.
The two of them drove down the street toward the hospital. Xander was too involved with this driving to talk to Buffy. All he could focus on was the conversation that he had with the doctor.
The tone of the voice came him even more reason to worry.
True, the three of them never really got along. But, there was still some connection between them. No matter how much he felt that he should be angry with them, they still were his parents.
Within the last few years and through counseling, they started to rebuild their family and finally have a strong loving family vibe. They were on the road to recovery.
And now, he didn't know what to expect with the doctor. All that concerned him was to get down there and see what was happening.
Buffy looked at her friend as he drove down the streets. He looked so serious like as if he had one thing on his mind. She wanted to know what happened.
"Xand?"
He didn't respond.
She took a deep breath and tried again.
"Xander?"
This time her voice reached him. With his eyes still on the road and replied, "Yeah, Buff?"
Buffy smiled knowing that she was about to finally get some feedback. "What happened back at the house?"
The construction worker decided to be honest, "That was Sunnydale Memorial Hospital…"
Her eyes widened, "The hospital? What happened?"
His throat suddenly went dry. He gulped and was able to found his voice, "Dr. Hammond told me something happened to my parents. I don't know what."
The tone of his voice scared her. She knew that Xander was hurting, and that the best thing for her to do was to be there for him.
Throughout the last years, Xander was always her rock, her one person that she could always count on in case of an emergency, no matter how dangerous the problem was. Buffy wanted to pay him back for all his help, so Buffy told herself that she would do anything in her power to make things go over easier for him. "Do you think?"
He knew what she was getting at, and he didn't want that to be the truth. But he had to be realistic. "Do I think what?"
She looked at him, "Do you think that they'll be okay?"
The dark haired young man gulped, "I hope, Buffy. I hope."
For the next couple minutes, nothing was said.
Buffy watched him as he drove and could tell that he was extremely worried about his parents. She didn't know what happened, and neither did he, but one thing she knew he should hear were three words. Three words that would let him know that someone else in this world cared about him.
"Xand?"
"Hmm?"
A smile was made, "I want you to know something, Xander. No matter what happens within the next few days, I want you to know that somebody loves you. Y'know I love you, right?"
Xander took his eyes off the road and glanced at the passenger, "I know. I love you, too."
Xander and Buffy entered the hospital and walked over to the front desk.
A young brunette woman with green eyes looked up from her desk and said to the two former teenagers. "How may I help you?"
Xander looked at her white jacket and noticed her nametag. "Yeah, actually you can Jen. I'm looking for Dr. Hammond. My name's Alexander Harris. He called my house like twenty minutes ago."
Jen smiled, "One second please." Then she picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Dr. Hammond please come to the front desk. Alexander Harris is here to see you."
A few seconds later, she hung up the phone and turned back to the two young people. "Dr. Hammond will be here in a moment. Why don't you two take a seat in the waiting room?"
Buffy nodded, "Thanks."
Xander said the same thing.
Together, they made their way to the waiting room. The two of them sat in two vacant chairs.
Xander immediately left his blue chair and sent to the table that held the magazine. There were a ton of them, but he couldn't come to a conclusion. With a sigh, he left the table and went back to his chair where Buffy was sitting next to him.
When he sat down, Buffy wrapped her arm around his shoulders and placed his head on her shoulder. "I'm sure you have nothing to worry about, Xan."
She paused and then continued, "Do you want me to call the others? They might want to know what's happening."
A shake of the head was made, "I don't want to worry them, Buff. I don't even know if there is anything to worry about."
She nodded, "I understand, Xander. Right now, just relax and I'm not going anywhere." Then she squeezed his shoulders.
He smiled, "Thanks, Buffy."
The Slayer smiled in response.
Suddenly, the door opened and a man in a white jacket with short red hair, brown eyes, and glasses entered the room, "Alexander Harris?"
Xander gulped and slowly got up. Buffy shortly joined him and together made their way to the doctor. "I'm Alexander Harris, but call me Xander. This is my friend, Buffy Summers."
He nodded, "Right. My name is Doctor Victor Hammond. I called you and I have something to tell you. Come with me."
With that, he left the waiting room. Buffy slipped her hand into Xander's and they followed him.
The three of them walked down the white-lit corridor. Doors that lead to other rooms bordered the hallway.
Doctor Hammond opened his door and waited for Buffy and Xander to enter. When they did, he closed the door and said, "Please site down."
With that said, he went behind his oak desk and sat down. Buffy and Xander sat in front of him in the two vacant brown leather chairs.
He hated this part of the job. How would anyone like to hear the news that most people dread? But he had to do what he had to do. "I have some terrible news."
Willow was always better at this kind of thing. That's why Buffy opted to sit in the waiting room while they went into talk to the Harris' lawyer. Xander wiped his moist hands down his slacks legs for about the ninetieth time and kept his eyes focused on the man dressed in business attire who sat behind the large oak desk.
Every so often Xander glanced to his left to see Willow scribbling something down in the notebook that she had brought with her. Notes for later. Things that he would need to do. Where various funds were appropriated. Xander knew that neither he nor Buffy would have thought of that. Good old reliable responsible Willow Rosenberg to with the save on that one. Xander knew that he would have to thank her for her short hand skill because, for his part, he wasn't even in the room mentally.
He wondered what Buffy was doing in the lobby. There were lots of magazines there and he guessed that she was probably thumbing through an old copy of People or Rollingstone. The Slayer had commented when they had arrived and had been waiting for Xander's appointment that the office was old school and that Harry Perkins: Attorney probably wanted to reconnect with the younger market – gotten himself some choice magazine subscriptions. She had picked up one with Emenim on the cover but hadn't opened it when they had been sitting there. Xander wondered if this had been her mother's lawyer when she had… there were only a handful of lawyers in Sunnydale anyway. But Buffy would have mentioned it, right? He should ask her.
Willow was still writing. Perkins was still talking. Xander was still sweating. Buffy had it easy.
It seemed that all he could manage to do was sweat. Completely useless…just like his father had always told him he would be. Without Willow here Xander would be nothing. His mother had always said that he was lucky to have a friend like Willow. She grounded him and kept him out of trouble. He never thought and he should be thankful that his best friend was willing to act as his brain. Xander gulped and looked down at his hands on his knees.
He was useless and stupid.
Maybe that's why he hadn't cried yet. Maybe it was because he didn't know how to. How was he supposed to muster up emotion that he had mastered suppressing for the very people that made it necessary that he learn to do that in the first place. All Xander wanted to do was leave. Buffy and Dawn were going to help him clean out his parents room, find something classy for them to wear. Willow was going to call funeral parlors.
Xander wondered if he was going to have to get more jobs to pay for this. He suddenly remembered a commercial that said that the average cost of a funeral was $5000. Times two…he didn't have that. He laughed bitterly to himself. His parents were inconsiderate of him and they weren't even fucking alive anymore…
His parents weren't alive anymore.
Harry's speech had slowed uncertainly when Xander snorted and shifted in his seat, an impromptu grin breaking across his features. "…So, Alexander, you're not a minor so custody isn't an issue. Your parents estate wasn't too substantial," he broke and flipped through a file. "There's $54,567 in checking and savings…"
"How much does it cost to bury people?" The question sounded young and misplaced in Xander's ears when he blurted it out. He thought briefly of repeating it more sophisticatedly but then let it drop. According to the commercial after the funerals he would have about $44,000 to start his life over on his own. That was more than some people had, right? He felt Willow's hand land gently on his forearm and he turned to her. She had a small comforting smile on her face and all Xander could match her with was a wide-eyed nod.
"Is there insurance money? Wouldn't that cover it?" Willow asked the lawyer, who nodded back and pulled out a few more sheets of paper. He was skimming them over as he answered.
"Anthony's…your father's company policy should cover at least his funeral expenses," Harry spoke to Xander as comfortingly as he could. "Maybe your mother's," he was trying to sound hopeful, but somehow knew that he was failing miserably. Xander just kept staring through him and his redheaded friend was copying down what he was saying word for word. Harry couldn't imagine what this must be like for the young man, fresh out of high school and according to what he had gathered not in college. Things would never be the same for him and Harry felt genuinely bad for the kid.
"You think I can do it for under ten grand?" Xander's question was emotionless and cold and his eyes seemed just as empty to the other occupants of the room…lost. Willow touched his arm again and he turned to her. "I'm fine Will," he smiled and it seemed a little maniacal, "I gotta know this stuff. Right Har?" he finished and turned to smile brightly at the lawyer. "Tell her."
Perkin's nodded. "Yeah, you can do it for under ten thousand," the older man hesitated when he saw Xander nod triumphantly to the redhead. "Look, Alex, I know that this isn't easy…I have numbers of some people you can talk to…"
"I have people to talk to," Xander was still smiling and he nudged Willow's shoulder, making her rock in her seat. "Is there more? Is that the whole shtick?"
Perkin's shook his head and lifted the papers that he had procured from the file to read from them again. "The estate…"
"The money?" Xander asked.
"And the house, cars…"
"Car," Xander corrected bitterly. "Singular car."
"Car," Harry corrected, "and the possessions in the home," he awaited Xander's nod of approval. "The inheritance of the estate is to be divided between Alexander Lavelle Harris…"
"Ah the benefits of being an only chi…"
"…and Geoffrey Michael Duncan."
Xander and Willow stared at the man in a wide eyed confusion. "Who?" Xander sputtered. "Who's Geoffrey Michael Duncan?"
Harry stoped and looked up at the teens, "Cousin?"
Both shook their heads. "I don't know anybody by that name," Xander reiterated.
"Are you sure that the document is updated and correct?" Willow asked and saw Xander's lopsided grin out of the side of her eye. She just had a knack for questions that he didn't – that was why she was voted in instead of Buffy for this talk…well, actually Buffy had said that she was going to get them coffee down the street when they had arrived, but when she had returned and they were still waiting, the mighty Slayer had broken down and said flat out that she was going to wait in the 'comfy chairs' while they handled the logistics. She had assured them, however, that if Harry Perkins turned out to be a demon or monster she'd be in there in a second flat to handle it.
"This is the final copy," Harry assured. "Anthony had updated it just two months ago."
"Probably planning on getting out and being a pain in my ass," Xander mumbled under his breath while focusing out of the window.
"And that name was added then?" Willow asked after a quick sympathetic glance. She wished Xander would just let it all out…that he would be comfortable enough to give her that – to want her to help make him feel better, but he didn't.
Harry flipped through the file again and shook his head. "No, no that name was on the last four updates. The first dating July, 14 1981. Geoffrey Michael Duncan." He handed over the copies to Xander who took them without looking and passed them all to Willow.
She took them from her friend and scanned through them. It was true. This individual, whom she had never heard of, no owned half of her best friends material possessions. "How do we contact this Geoffrey to let him know. We've never even heard of him…"
"That being the case," Harry took the papers from Willow when she handed them back. "I'll have to contact my people searching team, try to find him and inform him of the situation."
"Well then do that," Xander spoke up. "Once you figured out who he is let him know how great it is that my parents loved him just as much as me."
"Xand…" Willow tried to call and reach for his hand, but Xander had pushed himself out of his seat. He didn't answer as he turned and flung open.
"I gotta use the bathroom, finish up for me?" Xander tossed over his shoulder to Willow before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.
Buffy was out of her seat as soon as she saw him, "Finished?"
Xander grinned despite his mood and the tears, be they from anger of grief, brimmed just under his façade of hardness. He knew that she was uncomfortable and hoping that the answer was 'yes', but noticed her not seeing Willow and understanding that that wasn't the case.
"I'm starving," he hoped his voice didn't crack. "Willow's going to finish the meeting, wanna go to Quizno's or something while we wait?" Xander didn't wait for an answer, he was going whether she wanted to or not, but he was fairly sure that Buffy didn't buy his excuse. She nodded anyway as he walked past her and he was vaguely aware as he felt the warm air outside engulf him and the sun beat down that Buffy was right behind him, shadowing him while he fought a pain that she was helpless from protecting him from, but determined to not let him stand alone.
"How about this one?" Xander held up a floral print dress from the closet for Buffy and Willow to see.
"It's a little bit festive, don't you think?" the blonde Slayer said critically.
Willow cast a glance at the indifferent expression on Xander's face as he tossed the dress onto a pile on the floor and turned back to the closet again. "Did your mom have any solid colors?" she offered in suggestion since Buffy left her response at her last remark.
"Yeah," the Slayer nodded agreement. "I know I'd rather be buried in a solid color. You'd be in style for eternity that way," she added the last bit rhetorically.
Xander's expression matched Buffy's tone while the Slayer went back to emptying the dresser drawers. Willow would never describe her friends as unemotional, per say, quite the contrary, actually. They just didn't do it normally. Buffy had taken a good three weeks to finally break down after her mother had passed, and it seemed that Xander was on the same path on internalization and suppression. He was acting so nonchalant that to the casual observer it wouldn't even seem possible that both of his parents had just died.
"Solid black? Or, like, what? Dark stuff?"
"Yeah," Buffy abandoned her task and went to Xander's side. She poked through the closet. "Like this," she triumphantly pulled out a navy blue sleeveless dress. "This should be good. Wills?"
Willow turned when Buffy called her name and saw both of her friends looking hopefully for her approval while displaying the dress.
"Sleeveless is alright isn't it?" Buffy asked glancing between the two of them and Xander shrugged.
"Yeah," Willow nodded. She swallowed the lump in her throat, suddenly feeling queasy at the whole situation. She wanted to talk to Xander, maybe get him to open up a little, but maybe she should have the same conversation with Buffy, too. They had all seen ay more people die in their lives than average, but he blasé attitude towards loosing people who meant something…people like your parents…Willow felt like she was bearing the brunt of the loss by herself while her friends passed it off as water under a very morbid bridge. "That one is good."
Buffy beamed at Xander who smiled back and tossed the chosen dress to the bed with his father's suit. "Wow," she commented after a moment and sat down on the edge of the bed and yawned a little. "Your parents had a lot of stuff."
Willow glanced over her shoulder when she heard Xander's weight crumple to the floor with a sigh of agreement. "Tell me about it. I just want to toss this stuff in a box and take it to the Good Will."
"Don't we need to sort it for that?"
Frivolous questions tossed back and forth behind Willow's back and she set back to stacking stacks of papers from the bureau she was standing at into boxes. She wondered why Jessica didn't just get a filing cabinet. At least that way she wouldn't feel like she might be throwing out something important. She would have to go through all of these papers to make sure there wasn't something hidden in them that Xander might need.
"Do you want me to drop off a box on my way home?" Buffy asked while leaning forward and pulling open a drawer in one of the night tables. "I can do that and then Dawn and I can pick up a pizza and come back here. Movie and veg night?"
"Oh, the Buff's walking on the wild side now?" he arched an eyebrow and tossed out a grin. "You're going to let the Dawnmiester stay out late on a school night? Bad parent, Buffy." He turned to Willow and leaned back on his hands and Buffy tossed a box of playing cards at him, "Call Child Protective Services Will…there's neglect," he picked up the box from his lap and threw them back at the Slayer with a grin, "AND abuse."
"That was not abuse," Buffy insisted with a pout. "Tell him Wills."
"Huh?" the redhead's brow furrowed when she noticed something in the drawer. A couple of papers stapled together in the back corner and she picked them up. "Yeah," she said distractedly, "I think that if Buffy abuses you, you'd know it Xand."
Buffy smiled and nodded at Willow's back, as she seemed to be reading something, and then stuck her tongue out at Xander. "You'd know it," she threw the cards back at him when he rolled his eyes.
"Wanna take some of this down stairs with me Buff?" Xander conceded and pushed himself off the floor. Buffy whined a little, but allowed Xander to catch both of her hands and pull her up from the bed.
"Putting it in my car?" the Slayer asked and stooped to pick up an over packed box of clothes. She caught Xander's nod while he gathered a slightly larger box.
"We'll be right back Wills," he tossed over his shoulder while he hurried out of the door ahead of Buffy and she could hear him clambering heavily down the steps while Buffy laughed at him. "It's heavy!!" his complaint floated back into the now empty room and she heard her friends head outside.
She was semi grateful for the silence in the room now and, as she glanced at the clock, a little more than grateful that Tara would be there soon. She just had to wait til the high school let out at three and her girlfriend picked up Dawn and then there'd be at least one more sane person in the house. She knew that Tara had spoken to Buffy after Joyce's death, related a sense of familiarity at having a parent die at a young age, and that had helped Buffy pull through. Willow wondered if she should have Tara have the same talk with Xander. She wondered if Buffy had even spoken to Xander about the situation, told him that she understood and that she knew what he was going through because she had suffered the same kind of loss. But the Slayer wasn't much for emoting so Willow didn't want to hold her breath waiting for an answer on that question.
And speaking of questions, she studied both pieces of paper that had been in the drawer. She had almost just tossed them into the box, but then Xander's name typed onto the aged paper caught her eye. Her best friends birth certificate – it was easy enough to gather that he would need that piece of paper readily available, so Willow moved to set it aside. But then something else on it caught her eye, besides the three pieces of paper, instead of the customary one. Harris, Alexander Lavelle, Male, 9 pounds 3 ounces, 21 inches, brown hair, brown eyes, twin: identical.
Willow's brow furrowed further and she reread the type print. Twin. She flipped to the second piece of paper, another birth certificate, reading it exactly like the first, except for one detail. The box was check single birth on the second parchment. <Huh?> Her mind worked a mile a minute but was coming up empty and she flipped to the last piece of paper, revealing yet another certificate and sounding off even more alarm bells and whistles. Harris. The second paper read. Geoffrey Michael. Twin: Identical. "What the…"
"What's that Wills?" Buffy asked as she entered the room ahead of a winded Xander.
"Nothing," the redhead said and hoped the reply wasn't too quick. She shrugged and folded the papers up. "Just tax stuff."
Xander made a cross with his fingers and pretended to back away, "Slay Buff!" he ordered melodramatically and pointed at the papers in Willow's hand. "Slay!" he nudged the Slayer towards Willow and she pushed back against him in a counter action.
"It's not pay for hire, Xand," she laughed and moved back to the dresser she had left earlier. "And when you say it like that you make it sound like I'm one of those helper monkeys."
Xander turned away from her and Willow discretely shoved the certificates into her pocket. She would have to ask Tara what she thought of it when she arrived.
"You're more than my little helper monkey, Buff," Xander said with a good natured seriousness. "You can lift heavy things too. You're like a helper gorilla." He shrugged when the Slayer glared at him with narrow eyes. "Orangutan?"
"I'm supposed to be getting an email from my Socio prof, can I use your computer, Xand?" Willow shut the drawer she was sorting.
"Sure," Xander nodded. After he had moved into the basement after senior year his parents had turned his old room into a makeshift office space. An office for what purpose, Xander guessed now, he would never know.
"Tell Tara where I am when she gets here?" Willow asked and received another nod. "Thanks Xand."
"S'lright, Slacker," he fired back at her sarcastically as he went back to work, smiling at Willow's glare as she left the room.
It was silent for a while after Willow left, only the sounds of shifting papers and scrapping and clanking hangers permeating the silence until Buffy heard, what sounded distinctly like a choked sob behind her. She knew that Xander was sitting on the bed and emptying his mother's night table and when she turned to face him his back was to her. "Xand?"
"Hm?"
His grunt of acknowledgement was surprised and he turned partway to face her over his shoulder. From where Buffy was standing she couldn't see tears but his voice gave away that their existence was more than a possibility. "You alright?"
"Yeah…" Xander hesitated and turned his back to her again. His fingers ran lightly over a small photo book that he had found in his mother's drawer. Over the years he had pilfered many pictures from both Buffy and Willow and created a small collection of his own, yet he never thought twice when sometimes the photos would disappear. He had always chalked it up to either of his girls reclaiming the snapshots since, as a guy, he didn't hold a strict belief in the art of framing. Seems, as he had heard many a time, taping quality photos to the wall was not the way to go. But now everything he had believed in had been proven wrong.
Every photo that had disappeared from his mirror of wall…every single one dating back to a time before Buffy replaced Jesse was in a small cloth-cover scrapbook in his mother's drawer. Not stolen by Buffy or Willow, but catalogued by a woman who regretted missing such precious moments in her son's childhood? Perhaps saved as a way to look back and fill in gaps to better understand the man that her boy was becoming…all memories of him that she wanted to share, but had never outright asked. His first tear since that night fell and he was helpless to stop it. Xander had fought it to the point of pain, but it fell all the same and Buffy had heard it. "I'm good," he finally mustered and hoped against hope that the Slayer had brought it.
When she was at his side, laying down the pile of shirts she had gotten from the closet beside her and sitting next to him, Xander knew that she hadn't. Buffy didn't say anything but he could feel her eyes affixed to the photo book in his lap, left open to one in particular of a back yard gathering that his parents had thrown last summer. Buffy hated the photo just because she could see herself in the background cramming a burger into her mouth while Xander hugged his mom in front of her. She had seriously scolded Willow on the art of informing people when photos were being taken after it had been developed, but Xander had thought it was funny and refused to throw it away – stood up to the Slayer to ensure the photos continued existence; a mighty feat indeed.
"It's okay Xander," Buffy said quietly and glanced up to look at the side of his face, noticing that tears were just about to fall. His face was contorted into a tight frown in an effort to stave them off and Buffy understood completely. Laughing would only get him so far. Xander was strong. Not her equal physically, but maybe her superior emotionally, but she didn't expect him to feel nothing at this loss. "It's hard," she continued and gulped herself as tears threatened to fall from memory alone. "I know it's hard…"
"I'm ok," he insisted but refused to look at her.
Buffy raised her hand and rested it on his shoulder and Xander jumped under her touch. "You're not," she said with as much conviction as he used in his denial. "And that ok. It's ok to not be alright, right now."
Xander turned to her and snorted back his tears unsuccessfully. "Is it?" she demanded of her. "Is it ok to cry an…and God," Xander broke down and immediately found himself pulled into Buffy's arms. She wasn't holding him too tightly but just enough to bury his face in the side of her neck while his arms hung limply at his sides. "I'm all alone."
Buffy carded her fingers through his hair and rubbed his back while she held him to her. "You're not," her voice dropped to a coddling tone as she rocked her friend. "You're not alone Xander. I'm here, just like you were when my mom died. I'm here." Xander sniffed loudly into her neck and laughed bitterly but didn't pull back. "You're not alone."
The tears were still falling and he knew that she could hear them even though she couldn't see his face. "My parents," he broke off with a sniffle, "…my parents are gone…it was finially good and they left…"
"It's okay Xander," Buffy kept rocking and stroking his back. "It's okay."
"I want to hate them," he pulled back finially and looked into Buffy's clear greenish/grey eyes. "Is it bad that I want to hate them? I hate me for hating them…"
"Don't," Buffy pulled him closer again. "Don't hate yourself." She hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. "I hated my mom when she left me. I hated her so much. She brought me here and then left when I still needed her, but I loved her. I loved her and I hated myself for hating her so much for abandoning me…and…and Dawn. Leaving me here alone to raise her…it's ok to feel that, Xander, it really is." Buffy let her eyes fall shut and turned her face into the side of Xander's neck and knew that he could feel her tears. "But you loved them, just like I loved my mom and that's why they'll always be with you, Xander. That's why, no matter what, your parents didn't abandon you."
He wanted to nod. To think her for sharing that with him when he knew that it was deeply personal, but he couldn't so he just lifted his arms and hugged her back.
"Geoffrey Michael Harris…" Willow spoke to herself as she typed in the name on the browser. "C'monc'monc'mon…" She was hoping that Buffy or Xander wouldn't call her, or worst yet com into the room and catch her.
Nothing. Willow cursed in her mind deleted the name in the search bar. The same name, almost, that the lawyer had mentioned in the office earlier. Not a cousin, but it seemed, somebody even closer. She typed in the same name again, this time ending it with Duncan, and crossed her fingers.
Long Beach High School track star Geoff Duncan wins again…
Long Beach High School football running back helps win Homecoming Game.
Long Beach High School sports phenomenon is going to blaze a new trail and UCLA this fall… Willow clicked on one of the options and waited a second for it to open and a picture to download, her eyes widening in shock when it did. A picture of Xander…
"Oh God," she whispered out loud just as she heard Tara and Dawn's greeting from downstairs.