"No! No, I won't let you."
"Oh, come now, Brian. It won't hurt."
"Yes it will! It always does. I never wanted this! Please."
"You know that if you struggle less it won't hurt as much, son."
"But mother, father-I can't do this anymore! Why are you doing this?"
"We didn't raise you right this time. You know that. Plus, Mariam wants a baby boy again. Don't you, honey?"
"Yes, my dear husband, I do. Come now, Brian. You know we can't have any other children. We've been over this ten times already. Why won't you just give in? Frank, dear, hand me that tranquilizer, will you?"
"Of course, Marian. Here it is."
"Thank you. Now, Brian, you know that if you don't cooperate I'll be forced to use this."
"Then use it, because that's the only way you're going to get me."
Sigh.
"Very well."
Bang!
Thump.
"Well, now that he's unconscious, let's get him strapped onto the rack, shall we?"
"Frank, I'll grab his arms and you get his legs."
"My, he's getting heavy, isn't he? At least he'll be easier to carry places soon."
"Help me tie him in place with the straps, Frank. There. He's secure."
"Let's get this over with, Marian dear. I want to catch Walker, Texas Ranger before we pack up and head to California."
"What's the name of the town we're going to again? I don't believe I've heard of it before."
"It's Sunnydale. I've heard that there's a Hellmouth there. Everyone there's really ignorant, too. Why, we could change Brian back to a baby a hundred times and they wouldn't notice."
"That sounds lovely. Maybe Brian will like it there. Frank, could you hand me that chalk over there? I need to draw an outline on the rack around his body. It's a good thing we did this after he just got out of the shower; he had really started to smell from playing all that basketball with his friends."
"Okay, now that you've finished the chalk outline, I'll recite the spell. Ready, Marian?"
"Ready, dear."
"Diana, Artemis, goddesses of the moon and virginity, hear us. For centuries we have served you faithfully. Please, here our plea! Keep us chaste and keep our son in our household by making him a child again! If you do so, we will forever remain virgins in your names. Hear us!"
Swoosh.
"Aaaaahhhh!"
"Brian, stop that racket! Oh, we should have remembered to soundproof this room. Frank, what if the neighbors hear him?"
"In a minute, it won't matter. Marian, look! His body is already reverting to its month-old state. It's done!"
"He's as precious as I remember! Come on, Frank; grab the last suitcases. We're taking our baby boy to Sunnydale!"
"What should we call him this time, honey?"
"Hmm…How about Alexander? We haven't used that one in over four hundred years, after all. As for our new aliases, I'm getting tired of using Martha and James. It's about time we come up with new ones."
"Whatever you want, Marian."
"Mom? Dad? I'm home."
"Hello, Xander. Why don't you go upstairs and put your stuff in your room? We need to talk to you about something."
"Um…okay."
"He's gone. Are we ready, Marian?"
"I've got everything out and ready, Frank. Let's hope he doesn't struggle this time too much. It's too bad we had to wait so long, but now all the people that knew Xander as a baby are dead. All we have to worry about are those friends of his."
"Don't worry about them, Marian. All we have to do is pretend he just disappeared after his baby brother was born and we don't know where he could possibly be. With the death rate in this town, they'll probably assume he died the same way their classmates have – drained of blood."
"Shh-here he comes."
"I'm back. What do you want to talk to me about-oh my god. Oh my god."
"Well, it looks like you remember it all again. I told you the rack was the trigger, Marian."
"Alexander, dear? Do you remember everything now?"
"Yes. I do. You're going to make me a baby again, aren't you?"
"Very good, son. Now be a good boy and climb onto the rack so your mother can draw your outline."
"You people are insane! I'm not going to go through that again!"
Sigh.
"Happens every time, doesn't it, Frank? Oh, well. Hyriondo Plebus Froisu!"
"Wow. He looks like he's as frozen as stone!"
"That's because he is. It's a little trick I picked up at that pub, Wally's. We'd better get him settled on the rack; the freezing spell will wear off any minute."
"Well done, Marian! I'll strap him down. It's going to take longer than usual, looks like. We need to get his clothes off, for one thing."
"The freezing spell should wear off in five, four, three, two-"
"HELP!!!"
"Alexander LaVelle Harris, cease that yelling at once! That's better. Now, you know the drill. Be a good sport, will you?"
"Let go of my shoes! Please don't…"
Rip!
"There, your shirt is off now. That's better. Frank, dear, help me with his pants and boxers."
"Certainly. There, now he's ready."
"He needs some preparing, now, doesn't he, Frank? Diana isn't going to want to change him back so easily since we let him get this old, and Artemis won't want anything to do with him unless he's clean and isn't squirming as much. Too bad we ran out of tranquilizer."
"Mom, dad, please! I thought you were happy this time."
"We are, dear. We're just extending that happiness for another ten years or so. You know we can't let you go. We want to keep you under our care forever, and look at you! Almost a legal adult. We couldn't have waited any longer. You know that, son."
OPTION #1: Xander doesn't become a baby
OPTION #2: Xander does become a baby
"He's clean enough now. We should get the spell underway. Want to do the honors, Frank?"
"Anything you want, Marian. A-hem!"
"Please, don't do this! I like it how I am now. Please…"
"Shh, Alex. It'll all be over soon."
Bang.
"Xander? Mr. and Mrs. Harris? It's Willow. The door was open…"
"Oh no, she's in the hall! Quickly, Frank! Gag and cover him!"
"Willow! Help!"
"Xander?! Oh my god, what the hell are you doing to him?"
"That's none of your business, Willow."
"Frank, this isn't a good sign for us. This has never happened before!"
"Hyriondo Plebus Froisu!"
Thump! Thump!
Kick! Kick!
"You both deserve it!"
"Willow, you can beat up my parents all you like. Could you untie me first, though?"
"Sure, Xander. There. What were they doing to you?"
"Nothing they haven't done before, unfortunately."
Gasp.
"Xander…your eyes…they look so much older."
"That's because they are. Look, I'll explain on the way to the library."
"What about your parents?"
"They haven't been my parents for twelve hundred years. Let's just destroy all this equipment and then leave. I need to get out of here. Thank you so much, Willow. I know all this must be really confusing for you, but believe me when I say I owe you a thousand favors for this."
"You're over a thousand years old?"
"Yeah, Buff, I am."
"Fascinating…your parents must be some kind of demon breed…You say that they found you on a roadside?"
"That's right. My real parents were killed when road bandits attacked our wagon. I was eleven years old at the time. My adopted parents took me in, but when I started talking about moving out and marrying, they panicked. They wanted to keep me so they made a deal with the goddesses Diana and Artemis to turn me back into a baby. They've been doing it for centuries. They're some sort of immortal demon breed so they never age. I never remember anything about my previous lives until I see the rack. Then I remember all of it for the minutes or hours until they change me back into a baby again."
"Oh, Xander…you're safe now, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, Willow. I know."
"But your parents are still alive."
"Doesn't matter, Oz. I went by Xander's house myself. The whole place was cleaned out except for your room, Xand."
"So they're gone, Buffy? Are you sure?"
"Yep, there's no doubt about it; the rest of the house was completely bare."
"Well, let's hope they stay far away, then."
"Amen to that, G-Man. Amen to that."
"How dare she! Steal our son like that."
"I know, Marian. She's a monster. We've been taking care of him for twelve hundred years! He was our oldest child yet, but it's not worth going after them. He's destroyed the rack. We need to get a new one, and by the time we have that one ready, he'll be too old to change back into a baby."
"I know, Frank, but I still want him back."
"It's all right, honey. We'll get a girl this time. I know you've been wanting one for five hundred years. It's about time we took in a daughter."
"Where are we going this time, Frank?"
"I figured we'd start somewhere big. We're heading for Los Angeles."
"He's clean enough now. We should get the spell underway. Want to do the honors, Frank?"
"Anything you want, Marian. A-hem!"
"Please, don't do this! I like it how I am now. Please…"
"Shh, Alex. It'll all be over soon. Go ahead, Frank."
"A-hem. Diana, Artemis, goddesses of the moon and virginity, hear us. For centuries we have served you faithfully. Please, here our plea! Keep us chaste and keep our son in our household by making him a child again! If you do, we will forever remain virgins in your eyes. Hear us!"
Swoosh.
"Aaaaahhhh!"
"Yes! It worked! He's changing! For a minute there, Marian, I was afraid it would fail."
"I was as well. But now he's back to his adorable baby self! I'm not sure what to call him this time. Any ideas, Frank?"
"How about…Charlie. We've never called him Charlie before, I don't think."
"No, I don't believe we have. Well, let's wait a day or so before we file a missing person's report at the police station for our older son, Alexander. Let's hope that Xander's friends buy the story."
"If they don't, we'll leave. I hope we don't have to, though. I've gotten quite used to this place, Marian, even if it's a Hellmouth."
"Yes, it is a place that grows on you."
Knock, knock.
"Xander? Mr. and Mrs. Harris?"
"Why, hello, Willow. Are you looking for Xander? I'm afraid he hasn't come home yet."
"Hello, Mrs. Harris. Yeah, I was. That's funny. He said he had to go home early. Who's that?"
"Oh, you mean our younger son?"
"Younger? I didn't know Xander had any siblings."
"Well, this baby's only a month old, so before that he didn't. This is Charlie."
"He's so adorable! Xander must be thrilled."
"Oh, yes, he is."
"Buffy, I wish Xander was here."
Punch. Kick. Parry. Kick.
"Me, too, Will, every day. Has it really been six whole years since he disappeared?"
"I find it hard to believe, too."
"Pass me that axe, would you?"
"Sure."
Snatch. Kick. Slice. Woosh!
"There. That's the last of that demon. Thanks, Will."
"No problem. I'd better get going. I promised the Harrises that I'd baby-sit Charlie while they went out on a date. Buffy, does Charlie look a lot like Xander to you?"
"Yeah, I've seen pictures of Xander when he was that age, and they definitely look alike. Well, see you later!"
"Bye!"
"Tag! You're it!"
"Hey! Where do you think you're going, mister!"
"Come on, Willow! I tagged you! Now you have to catch me."
"Well, in that case…you'd better run! Hey! No fair locking the door on me! How am I supposed to tag you when there's a locked door between us, Charlie? Charlie?"
"I unlocked it. You need to see this."
"What is it, Charlie? What's-what is that?"
"It's the rack."
"The what?"
"The rack. It's-oh, my god. Oh, shit!"
"Charlie Harris, where did you learn how to say that word?"
"Willow? Oh my god. I'm six again. I…no!"
"…Charlie? Are you okay?"
"I'm not Charlie."
"Of course you're Charlie. Aren't you?"
"No, Wills. I'm Xander."
"Xander? What…what are you talking about?"
"Will…look at me. In the eyes, please. I'm not really six! Please look."
Gasp!
"Xander…Xander? You're…Charlie."
"Yeah, Willow, I am. I always have been, but I didn't remember it until just now. My parents have been doing this to me for centuries, Willow. Whenever my mom wants a baby again, they make me into a baby again so they won't have to give up their virginity."
"What? What are you talking about? Wait-your parents are virgins?"
"Yeah. They found me on the side of a road once and took me in. They're really demons, Willow."
"This is all so hard to believe…I mean…is that really you, Xander?"
"Yeah, Willow. It is."
"They're going to pay for this!"
"Wills, they're immortal demons. Nothing can harm them! Can we just get out of here and make it so they can't do it to me again? Please, Willow."
"Okay. Let's get out of here."
OPTION A: Willow and Xander escape the house.
OPTION B: Willow and Xander don't escape the house.
"How dare she! Steal our son like that."
"I know, Marian. She's a monster. We've been taking care of him for twelve hundred years! He was our oldest child yet, but it's not worth going after them. He's destroyed the rack. We need to get a new one, and by the time we have that one ready, he'll be too old to change back into a baby."
"I know, Frank, but I still want him back."
"It's all right, honey. We'll get a girl next time. I know you've been wanting one for five hundred years. It's about time we took in a daughter."
"Where are we going this time, Frank?"
"I figured we'd start somewhere big. We're heading for Los Angeles."
"Okay, I'm packed. Let's get rid at the rack and get out of here."
"I've already got a spell in mind. Hold on. Incinderae-"
Bang!
"Willow? Charlie? We're back…hmm. I see you've discovered the rack. How…interesting."
"Stay away from him!"
"He's our son! Willow, I order you to step away from him at once!"
"Frank, wait. You know how I've always wanted a daughter."
"What? No! You're not turning Willow into a baby!"
"Stay away from us! Jeriousa Ibrium-"
Bang. Thump.
"Willow! What did you do to her?"
"It's okay, son. We only knocked her out with a tranquilizer. See what I have in my hand? Surely you recognize a tranquilizer gun with all of your memories restored. Now, onto the rack with you…Your mother and I were actually planning on doing this tonight, anyway."
"I want my baby boy back. And now, you'll get to have a sister! There. Now that you're strapped down, I'll go grab some blessed chalk…"