REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Christina Georgina Rossetti - Remember
Xander sat in the backyard, staring up at the stars. A crescent moon was peeking over the line of trees and rooftops, casting a bit more light over the yard. It wasn't safe to be here, not out at night alone in Sunnydale, home of the Hellmouth.
But there had been a show on, something about the Incan people, and it had stirred up memories. Memories of Ampata, although that probably hadn't been her real name. The mummy girl that had posed as an exchange student, charmed her way into his heart, and nearly killed his best friend.
Ampata. He could have loved her, if not for that little need she had to suck the life out of people. Maybe he'd loved her anyhow, he knew that he'd cared. But he couldn't just let her go on killing people.
She'd been beautiful, intelligent, charming... She'd laughed at his jokes, and thought he was funny. She'd liked him. Since there had been nothing to gain in pretending such a thing, then it could only mean that she'd really liked him, that someone that pretty had been interested in him.
Of course, the path of love is never easy over the Hellmouth. Ampata was lovely, charming, intelligent... and needed to such the life out of people to continue her own existence. Sort of like a vampire, but without the whole blood factor. And as much as he'd like Ampata, as much potential as there had been to finally find someone that was interested... She'd had to go.
And that hurt, more than he'd ever imagined it could. To not only have to take down such a pretty girl, someone that just wanted to live and enjoy life, but who wanted to do all of that with him... Might have been easier to just carve out some little bit of his insides and toss it into a fire. Sometimes, doing the right thing sucked beyond all words.
He wondered what sort of life she'd had before, when she was alive. When she'd lived among her people. Had she had boyfriends? Or maybe they would have been called suitors then. Had there been loving parents to take care of her? Brothers and sisters? Was she part of a large family, or a small one, or even an orphan? What sort of career did she have, or want to have? So many things that he didn't know about her... He didn't even know what her real name had been.
She'd been such a vibrant person, someone so intense and alive... That sort of reminded him of Buffy a bit. She'd been smart and adaptable, sort of like Willow. And she'd liked him, unlike everyone else... He'd never met anyone like her before. And he wasn't certain if he'd be able to forgive himself for helping kill her.
Ampata... may her soul rest at peace. He would never be able to forget her.