SQEE - IK.
"I think you're right, Rat. I just don't know quite how to do this." Xander sighed. "Tell them, I mean. I. Huh." Perched on a low wall, Xander watched as cars drove by on the busy street. "I might have... no. No, I can't do that. It wouldn't be right. Not after all this time."
IK. IK IK SQUEEK.
"You don't have to worry about that sort of thing, Rat. Unquestioning."
IK?
"Yeah. I guess I'd better."
Standing up slowly, Xander pasted a smile to his face, and walked down the pavement with a new spring in his step. A man who had come to terms with what he needed to do... a man at peace with himself.
The Grim Squeaker rode unmoving on his shoulder, silent witness to everything that was going to occur. Tiny claws clung to the fabric of Xander's shirt, and pricked his skin. Far from finding the sensation uncomfortable, he found it relaxing. Supportive. A sensation - an emotion - that had been missing all too often in his life of late.
Within minutes, the house Robin had been able to find them in Cleveland was in sight, and Xander wondered, not for the first time, how everyone would take this news.
As Xander stepped through the door of what he had not so affectionately named 'the Rest', he found himself assaulted by three people: one, he was welcome to see, the other two, or at least the way they were acting, he was less pleased to see.
Dawn effectively latched onto his chest, her arms tight around him; almost stopping him from breathing it was so tight. His arms came up automatically to give her a hug, before he wheezed out "Dawn, need to breath." And she let go.
Willow and Buffy were the next to pounce on him. Willow's, "where have you been?!" was high pitched and full of two emotions: worry and anger. Mostly anger.
"I've been out, Wills," Xander said quietly, "I just wanted some time to myself."
"You could have asked for privacy here! I could have put a silence spell on your room to stop you from being disturbed! But noooo..."
Buffy took over. "...It's dark, Xander! There are vampires out there! You could have got hurt!"
Xander blinked at her. Neither had even noticed yet one very important difference to when he had left earlier that afternoon. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "What, like I wasn't hurt enough already?"
Buffy sucked in a breath as if physically struck. "You know we're only worried about you!"
Dawn chose this moment to speak. She had been studying Xander's face since Buffy and Willow had decided to lay into him, and the expression on it was one that, if it had been on Buffy, would have told any and everyone to avoid Ground Zero at all costs.
"Xander... your eye..."
Xander's classic goofy grin appeared for a second, before vanishing again. "Great, isn't it Dawnie?"
This derailed Buffy somewhat. Xander's flippant attitude to the chewing out she had been trying to administer, and his complete disregard for her ire made her re-evaluate for a second. Her anger had mostly been a leftover of the guilt she felt for Xander's injury at the hands of Caleb, but it only succeeded in getting Willow more angry.
"Alexander LaVelle Harris! You've been messing around with magic again, haven't you!? I'm the Wicca! You should have come to me! Besides, that sort of spell is... is incredibly difficult! How on earth did you manage to do it?! Tell me, mister, right now!"
"Firstly, Willow. It wasn't magic. And it wasn't me."
"Then who was it? Did you decide to pay some cheap street magician to do that? I'm surprised you're still alive! And as for the witch, well! Her whoring her power like that...!" She spluttered to a halt, her rage making it impossible for her to speak.
"Wasn't me, Wills. And it wasn't a Wicca, either. I told you, it wasn't magic." Xander looked at his shoulder quickly, and nodded as if agreeing with something sitting there. "Look, Wills, lets not do this here... if you've got such a mad on for finding out, gather everyone together and I'll tell you. I've got to tell you at some point, anyway." His cheeky grin didn't reach his eyes, which to Dawn and Buffy looked disappointed - but unsurprised.
Buffy walked off to call a group meeting, and Willow stalked off, spluttering incoherently. Dawn watched Xander with wide eyed mix of fear and bemusement.
"Are you still you?" Dawn asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.
Xander smiled at her. "Yeah, Dawnie, I'm still me."
Giles sat at the head of the dinner table, what had been designated as the place where meetings took place, instead of in the random chaos of the lounge. Faith sat to his left, Buffy to his right, with Dawn next to her and Robin opposite Dawn, next to Faith. Andrew sat next to Robin - God only knew why he was still there - and Willow sat at the end of the table opposite Giles. The space opposite Andrew - which by default had been Xander's - was empty as he paced around the room.
All the people seated gave him worried glances as he seemed to be smirking at one point on the wall. Finally, he stopped moving, and spoke.
"Well?"
Giles was momentarily taken aback by the abruptness of the question. "We... well... well what?" he asked.
Xander gave him an amused glare. "I'm sure Buffy told you all why you're here... I've got my eye back. Shock, isn't it? Well, I just decided to stop pretending."
Buffy's eyes widened in fear. "You... you're the First!?"
Xander rolled his eyes. "God, no, Buffy. How could you even say something like that? I mean, hello?" he rapped his knuckles on the wall, "Corporeal?"
Buffy relaxed slightly, but continued to watch him with distrust evident in her eyes.
Finally, Robin spoke. "I think the question we are all asking... or meant to be asking, is 'how'?" There was a general consensus around the table, heads nodding. Only Willow didn't move.
"Who did you get to do that spell for you, Xander?!" Willow half shouted the question, "the only one I know of would have merely transferred the wound to the caster!"
Xander looked at her, his eyes sad. "I told you, Willow. No magic. I... got a friend to undo it for me."
Willow subsided at the glare from Giles, but sulkily muttered, "I'll find who did the spell... show me up, will she?"
Giles sighed. Willow's magic addition had come back full force since the spell to activate all the Slayers. It was all he could do to stop her from using magic to cook the meals: something that would quickly lead to everyone becoming either sick or very, very hungry. "Who is this friend, Xander?"
Every eye was on Xander.
The table jumped, and both Buffy and Faith leapt backwards knocking their chairs over as a voice spoke from behind Giles.
"I believe he means... me." Destiny appeared out of the air, and Xander gave him a nod in respect.
"And who are you?" Buffy asked in a dangerous tone.
"I am Destiny, of the Endless," Destiny stated simply, "and I broke a cardinal rule to allow Honour to regain his eye."
"Honour?" Giles asked confused. And then he gasped as the full realisation of what Destiny had said hit him. "Endless!"
"Indeed," Destiny nodded. "Honour is one of the Endless."
Giles couldn't seem to find his tongue, the rest of the table sat in shocked silence as he fought to express himself. Even Buffy was silent - but still watchful.
"I... I though the Endless... well..."
"Yes?"
"I thought the Endless were all um... all er, began with 'D'. You are Destiny, then Destruction, Delirium, Despair, Desire, Dream... Death." The last name was spoken in a whisper, as if to even say it was to call Death to him.
As it happened, she was already there. "You rang?" Death quipped, and smirked as Buffy jumped a hundred and eighty degrees round to see a black haired woman wearing leather pants and a skimpy top with a large silver Ankh round her neck inches from her face.
The punch was already thrown, too late for anyone to stop it now, but Death did not as much as twitch as it landed. She smiled disarmingly at the Slayer. "Hm. Not bad, blondie. Could maybe do with some more practice, though."
Giles continued, staring into Destiny's hood, almost in a trance. "There were seven, the perfect, but there came one more... Duty... there is no mention of Honour, anywhere in the Prophecies..."
Dawn blinked. "Wait, you mean there are prophecies about these guys?"
Giles nodded, still staring into the hood. Suddenly, Andrew screamed.
"Ahhhhhhh!" He bolted back out of his chair, and it crashed to the ground. His back hit the wall, and he cowered against it. "M...mmm... monster!"
Xander turned round, to see Dream standing behind him with his helm on. Xander rolled his eyes. "Had to make an entrance, didn't you?"
"Of course." Dream said soberly, removing his helm as he spoke. "Although I expected you to do this in a different fashion, I should not be surprised, should I?"
"Not really." Xander shrugged. "I preferred our talk outside."
Dream looked around. "As did I."
Willow muttered sarcastically, "Oh, goodie, the gangs' all here..."
Death shot Willow a disappointed look. "You know, if it wasn't for Honour here," she gestured at Xander, "you would be in my realms now... ever since that day on the Bluff."
OR MINE, a leaden voice intoned, one that reached into the soul and wrote the words directly onto that rather than going via the normal and accepted method of the ears and brain. AND WHILE I DO NOT DISPENSE JUDGEMENT, THERE ARE MANY WHO FEEL YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN... DEALT WITH.
Interestingly, the rooms' reaction to a seven-foot tall skeleton in a robe was not as violent as it had been for Destiny or the female Deaths appearances. The skull grinned down at the assembled people, Endless and mortal alike. The small blue flares - almost like miniature supernovas - fixed on something on Xander's shoulder. The voice came again; OH. THERE YOU ARE.
Dawn watched in awestruck wonder as a small skeletal rodent - a rat, she presumed - jumped nimbly down off of Xander's shoulder and landed on the table in front of her. It turned to regard her, and went;
SQUEAK?
"Why didn't I see you before?" Dawn asked quietly, "you have to have been on Xan's shoulder before..." She reached out a hand, and after the Death of Rats sniffed her fingers, tickled him under the chin. "Hey, you're kinda cute."
IK? IK IK SQUEEE-IK.
Xander leaned over her shoulder, the entire room was watching the interaction of Dawn and the Death of Rats - and whispered in her ear, "You're the first person he's ever let do that." Then he straightened, and spoke for everyone. "Oh, and he says, 'Cute? Cute... who are you calling cute?"
"Well... he is!" Dawn defended, "once you get past the whole 'skeletal rat' part, anyway. Besides, with all the Hellmouthy stuff I've put up with, this is nothing!"
Xander laughed. Death of Rats looked up at him severely. IK. SQUEEE. SQUIK!
Xander looked chastened for a second. "Yeah, OK, so it's nothing to laugh about. Sue me."
Faith shook her head. "None of this explains how you got your eye back, Xand."
Xander looked genuinely surprised. "You still want to know about that? Well, OK. I guess..."
He sighed, and looked round the room at each of the assembled people there... Endless and the other two 'Deaths' too. "Where are the others?"
"Others?" Buffy asked, nervously eyeing Death.
Xander smiled slightly, but it quickly vanished again. "Yeah, Buff. The others... you know, Giles just ran through them: Destruction, Delirium, Despair and Desire." He scowled. "Believe me; be glad that Desire isn't here... I'm in no mood for a family reunion right now."
"The eye, Xander." Faith was not one to be put off when she wanted answers... or anything else for that matter.
"Oh. Right... sorry. I'm who you always thought I was: I haven't changed, I'm still Xander. Only I decided to stop hiding."
"Hiding from what?" Robin asked with barely concealed distrust.
Xander spoke quietly as he turned toward the window to look out. His voice was barely heard in the room. "Me. I was hiding from me."
"OK... not getting it," Buffy quipped, "once more, Xan, only this time, do the big writing version with pictures."
"I am Honour... I used to go by the name 'Duty'. The Endless are built around an ideal, but then allowed to go their own paths: which ever direction those paths take them. The ideal they are built around partly determines how they will react to their freedom..."
Xander gestured behind the group and all turned to look where he pointed. Where no-one had been before, Delirium now sat against the far wall, eyes wide and giggling insanely. "Delirium, for example, seems to act like he's... she's, sorry... on drugs most of the time..."
"Death, despite being what humans consider to be 'the End' is far from it: she moves those who are prepared forward in existence. She does not kill. Killing things are left up to humans... mostly."
"What," Faith asked incredulously, "you're telling me that if we don't want to die, she'll just leave us alone?"
Xander opened his mouth to reply, but Death put a hand on his shoulder gently, and replied for him. "Yes, that is exactly what he is saying. But be sure that that is what you want, because once you are off my lists, you can never get back on."
"Did 'The Immortal' do that?" Buffy asked.
Death pulled a face. "Yes."
Dream spoke up, "Hob was a man I met around the time Shakespeare was dreaming of his plays: he did not wish to die, and my sister here was watching my back, so she heard his declaration and ignored him."
"I'm not omnipresent," Death said with a grin. "Unless you make your wish known when I can hear you, then I can't do anything about it."
Buffy almost whined. "But... he said that he was older than that..."
Dream shrugged. "Believe what you will, girl: Hob has this tendency to act out his fancies every few decades... maybe this one was to sweep you off your feet, maybe it was to use you or your abilities, maybe it was something else... who knows? It is a human trait: one I have never fully understood, even with all my attempts to. Although, more importantly," his eyes darkened as he looked at her, and found her guilty - "who cares?"
Buffy choked back tears at the tone, then looked Death in the eyes, not a small feat for a mortal. "I don't want to die."
Death nodded imperceptibly, and Xander shot her a warning look. She fluttered her eyelashes back at him innocently.
Giles cleared his throat. "This is all very interesting, but I believe that we digressed somewhere..." his sarcasm was not lost on the group.
"Were getting there, Giles," Xander said, "but it needs some back-story, first."
Giles nodded. Xander glanced over at Dawn. The Death of Rats was sitting on her open palm, and with her free hand, she was feeding him some popcorn. It seemed that the house - or some of the house, had just been about to settle down to a movie marathon. By all appearances, Death of Rats would be trying to get his jaws un-caramelled for the next month. His small scythe lay forgotten on the table as he used his two front paws to help his endeavour of removing the caramel.
Dawn giggled at the scene the small skeleton was making of himself. A muffled and forlorn, SQUEEK... was fuel enough to make her start to help him.
Xander turned back to Giles. "I am Duty. But as time passed, the name 'Duty' became tarnished. In my freedom, I sought for a brighter future for others, and 'Duty' as an ideal was not adequate. I can't remember the exact time I began to restyle 'Duty' as 'Honour', but if..."
"It was five years before Moses," Destiny interjected, "I have it noted here."
Xander nodded his thanks, and continued. "The Egyptians believed they were doing things out of duty... and they weren't necessarily what I felt was right. I... we... cannot force mortals paths, but we can change to reflect the times. Events since then have supported my decision to change in the way I did. Duty is not necessarily Honourable: Giles, an example there would be the Cruciamentum,"
Giles lowered his eyes at the reminder of what he had done then. "Not one of my finer moments."
"No, but you did what was right, in the end." Xander looked at Faith. "But that isn't the only example. A lot of your actions have been in the cause of Duty, but have not been Honourable. Your Duty to the Mayor, for example..."
Faith's eyes flashed in anger at the stabbing reminder, but she, too, accepted the words as an example, rather than a direct attack.
"And if Spike was here... well. And Anya. Neither of them were honourable. Not really. How can you call cursing males for a thousand years 'honourable'? And even 'Duty' doesn't really cover Spike."
"Leave him out of this!" Buffy declared, "He died a hero! For all of us!"
"I don't want to get into debating Spike or his 'abilities' with you, Buffy!" Xander snapped, and Buffy backed off in surprise. "He is getting what he deserves, trust me."
Buffy's reply was drowned out by Delirium, who suddenly felt the need to singsong from his corner. "Kidney and Liver and Lungs... what a wonderful treat they'll be, a bowl of puff-pops, just for me!" Mad giggling followed.
The room blinked as one, and Death raised an eyebrow. "Ooo-kay... Delirium, did you take your pill today?"
"Which pill are you going to take? The Red? Or the Blue?" Delirium's voice changed tone, deeper, and replied to her own question, "I'll have the purple, thank you."
"Huh?" Buffy asked.
Xander shrugged. "Don't ask. It's better not to know."
As Delirium seemed to have calmed down again, Robin asked, "your eye?"
"Oh. Right. I'm getting to that. Well, I guess you all know why I changed my name, now... the eye was easy, really."
"Easy?!" Willow exploded in rage. "EASY?!" She turned and stormed out of the room, and the whole house shook as the front door was blown off its hinges and Willow vanished into the night.
"That's not good." Buffy said. "I'd better go after her."
DO NOT BOTHER, Death said heavily. I WILL MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT HARM ANYONE.
OR HERSELF, he added almost as an afterthought as he stalked to the door. I DID SO WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXPLANATION, TOO... The skeletons bony grin and almost wistful tone made was a strange counterpoint to his action, which was to ready a deadly looking scythe.
"Maybe another time, eh?" Xander grinned at the skeleton.
PERHAPS. Death walked out through the door, without opening it. All of the people in the room heard the pistol crack of Death's fingers clicking, and a; BUGGER. FORGOT THE HANDLE AGAIN.
Desire watched from the opposite side of the road as the door exploded outwards, and Willow stormed away, energies crackling black and purple in the night.
Desire smiled. "Ah... so full of fire. It really takes so little to make her fall to her desires of power... its almost no fun at all, any more..."
He faded as a car horn blasted at Willow as she stalked across the road. A half a second later, he faded back in in surprise.
With one flick of her wrist, Willow turned the car that had honked her into a pillar of flame.
Desire raised an eyebrow. "Now that, I wasn't expecting..."
"Your eye, Xander?" Giles pushed again, "and this time, do please tell us before you get interrupted."
Xander cast an unhappy glance to the door where Willow had left, and nodded. "I got Destiny to rewrite the Book... I asked him to change the past."
The chorus of rapid fire questions and angry exclamations was exactly what he was expecting.
"You mean you can change the past?!"
"You did WHAT?"
"You..."
"Do you have any idea...!"
"...how dangerous that is!"
"Impossible!"
"It can't be done!"
Xander held his hands up. "Hey! Woah! Slow down there! One at a time."
Dawn gained Xander's attention through being the quietest question. "You mean... you could save Mom? That she never would have died?" The pain in her voice nearly broke his heart.
Buffy latched on to that, too. "Could you?" She spun on Destiny, and approached menacingly. "You could have saved my mother?"
Destiny looked at her from within his cowl. "It was her appointed time." The finality in his words made it sound like a complete explanation.
Xander put a comforting hand on Buffy's shoulder, turning her gently away from Destiny, before moving over to hug Dawn – who was fighting to not cry.
"It's not the same thing, Dawn... Joyce died of natural causes; nothing can save you when the time comes. It was her time, Dawn. Just be happy with the time you had with her..."
Dawn nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. The Death of Rats hopped on her shoulder and patted her hair sympathetically, a mournful SQUEE-IK trying to offer her some support.
"Could you have saved Tara?" Giles asked quietly, not sure whether the question should be asked. The group were worried about Willow's new explosion, and the Endless had spent a while explaining to them after her outburst, that following her would be fruitless: Buffy wanted to follow, but memories are strange things... all of them from the last time came flooding back.
Xander looked distinctly unhappy, until Destiny spoke. "It is not as simple as that. Tara had a destiny to complete... more of a destiny than simply being a recreative toy for the False Wicca... do not try to derail fate or destiny, neither like being thwarted."
"False Wicca?" Faith asked.
"Willow." Xander said flatly. On the betrayed looks of the Scoobies, he defended himself, "hey, what do you expect? Wiccan's are supposed to work for the Earth Balance! Not go 'grrr' when their lovers get killed. Hell, if she was pushing it to the extreme, she should be so involved in the earth and the 'balance' that she shouldn't even have a lover! Terra would be all she needed: if she had attained that level. And with her use of magic prior to that, she was already dangerously close to losing it. Even her start wasn't the greatest: her first spell was to curse a soul into a vampire..."
He saw Buffy open her mouth, and continued quickly, "OK, so it was Angel, and hehadasoul_. Whatever. It still goes against the natural order to curse an innocent with the hell of being a demon. Which is what the Romany's did when they cursed Angelus – and which, incidentally, they are now paying for – and what Willow did, what we all did – when we got your precious Angel back."
"I loved him!" Buffy shouted aloud.
"So you did," Xander shot back. "Interesting, isn't it? How those that deal in death are always drawn to it. Assassins... murderers..." he shot a meaningful look at Buffy and Faith, "Slayers."
"I often feel that people such as us should not visit cemeteries." On Xander's quirked eyebrow, Death shot back, "what? It was in a show I watched once!"
Faith opened her mouth, and shut it again before she put her foot in it. Robin reached across and squeezed her hand gently.
"We were all guilty of revelling in the darkness, Buffy. You did. Willow did. Giles did, although that was more before our time... I did. Faith did. Oz did. What, you think a werewolf is normal? Or how about multiple possessions? I was in as deep, if not deeper than any of you, because I was maintaining the 'normal' façade, even with everything I'd – we'd – been through. I didn't have a break from the Slaying, Buffy... when I wasn't hanging around with you or Willow, or Slaying, I was hiding from my parents."
Xander sighed. "I guess we've all got a little darkness in us somewhere, Buffy. It's just a matter of finding it. You found yours in your little love affairs with the things you were meant to kill... Willow found it in magic, Oz found it in his Wolf, and I found it in my family life. In many ways, Giles was the only one of us that was sensible... he had the brains to get out of his darkness before it consumed him. And no, I haven't forgotten Eghyon. The point is, Giles... you were tested, and survived."
"But the book is special. You can't bring back the dead, much as I would like to in some cases. You can't do lots of things. But it does tell you what's important."
"And what is that?" Giles asked.
Destiny looked at him. "Everything."
"Everything?" Giles and Robin echoed.
"The Book had the Past and the Future written in it."
Dawn looked at him. "You mean, we can read it and see what's going to happen next?"
Buffy jumped in, almost tearing the book out of Destiny's hands. "Hey! That's great! We can see how much we kick the next big bads butt!" The book landed heavily on the table, Destiny did not move to stop the blonde Slayer, although Death looked less than impressed. Buffy opened the book – or rather, she tried to. It refused to budge.
"Hey! It's stuck!" Pulling harder, Buffy strained at the cover. It still did not move. She wheeled on Destiny. "That's cheating!"
Destiny stepped forward to the table and opened the book easily. "It knows who tries to open it. Those unfit are not allowed."
Buffy growled at the insult, but barged next to Destiny to read the book now it was open. She turned a few pages, and frowned in confused anger.
"It's blank!"
Xander slammed the book shut, nearly trapping Buffy's fingers as he did so.
"Enough!" He handed the book back to Destiny. "The reason it's blank for you, Buffy, is that you aren't prepared for the knowledge it would give you.
I can read bits of it... the rest is blank for me, too. Only Destiny knows and has read all of the Book."
Destiny continued Xander's words. "Mortal Destiny is laid in stone... it cannot be changed. Therefore, they cannot read the book because they are unprepared for that which they would see. Instead of you reading the book, the book would read you... and devour you whole."
"Destiny rewrote the Book in the one place where it affected me, and no one else: where I lost my eye. Caleb was a minor nuisance, the First Evil stripped him of any humanity he had, so it didn't apply to him, either. The reason I suddenly have my eye back... is because as far as history is concerned, I never lost it. So my having lost an eye is corrected by history as it goes along. It took causality about five minutes to catch up when Destiny had finished... and that was this evening, while I was out for my walk. Dream and Death stayed for a while to make sure that everything had gone alright, but as you can see... it did."
"Would it work for others?" Buffy asked, her eyes dancing with hope, "if Angel lost his soul again, could you just rewrite history to give it back?"
Xander shrugged. "Not quite the same thing, Buffy. If you're talking about being a necrophiliac again, then no... because, firstly, a mortal would be involved, and secondly... that's just wrong! Haven't you learned yet?"
Buffy's eyes went from hopeful to murderous. Xander continued, "Oh, no, sorry, that's a continuation of point number one. I guess the second one would be: when did Angel get promoted to one of the Endless? Did I miss the memo or something?" He addressed the last question to Dream, who cocked his head and shrugged.
"Who made you an... Endless, anyway?!" Buffy demanded, "There are much more worthy people out there! Angel! Spike!"
"Hm... can't see any roots," Xander mused, "must have had some peroxide leak through the last time you did your hair, Buff... were you not paying attention, or did I not explain it in words of one syllable? I've always been Honour. Except when I was Duty. But that's neither here nor there. No one 'made' me a member of the Endless... no one 'decides' who is and who isn't. It's Xander... Alexander LaVelle Harris who I haven't always been!"
He turned to Dream, Destiny and Death. "Thanks for the backup. I guess I was kinda hoping my 'family' would understand better than they have done. I'll see you soon." Then he turned to the shocked and silent Scoobies. "I'll be... around. See ya."
He walked out again, back into the night.