You know the funny thing is that I knew from the start, I knew who she was from the start. I was depressed about Anya leaving then there she was, a beautiful woman who was paying attention to me. I didn't care who she was, we were having a good time and the night seemed to go on forever. When I was with her the night seemed endless, not in a bad way the fun just kept coming and it was good.
I was back to my old self regaling her with my rapier like wit, her laughter was as beautiful as she was. Light and free you couldn't help but add yours, even knowing who she was. I could feel myself falling in love with her, she was as smart as she was beautiful. We decided to go to the Bronze for dancing and a night cap. To my surprise I could dance like I always wanted to be able to, I felt free of my doubts and inhabitants so I let go.
It seemed like we danced for hours, then we went back to her place I wasn't surprised when we went to Angel's old mansion. It didn't matter, like it didn't matter who she was I knew what would happen here. It didn't take a genius to figure out I was getting some, and WOW was it ever good. I thought Anya had brought the best in me out, but nope she did… I did things I didn't realize a man could do. When we were finally done, when the sun was about to rise I went to snuggle but she was gone. I shouldn't have been surprised… I knew who she was from the start.
It's strange I could feel his purity from the start, I think that's why we're so enamored by him. Why so many of my children are drawn to him, it explains Anyaka's obsession why she didn't become a demon again when she left. His beautiful in a masculine way, both in form and spirit he makes even a demon believe in good.
I think I could fall in love with him. He amused and entertained me in ways I hadn't been since before the fall. I would like to believe I hate all of them, but him… he's above all the rest. Here he is in the worst spiritual place on earth, the dimensional gateway to the throne of hell itself. Yet he stays pure, pure in a way that most so called saints aren't.
Inevitably we find our way to the bedroom, it's the way it works I lead them there. This time it's different though I want to go. Not only do I want to be there… I yearn for it. I want to see if he'll be as good with his mouth as I think he is. To be honest though, I didn't expect too much, after all I've been here on earth since… forever.
He surprised me so many times that night I should have known he had a few more up his sleeve. Usually I had to 'enhance' my lovers in more then one way, and even then most of the time I felt less then nothing. He did more with one touch then most men did with all my enhancements. He did things that spoke of promises of more to come, his kiss lit a fire that threatened to consume us both.
I could feel something deep inside me come alive, he saw me the real me and didn't care. He saw me and still opened up to me, gave me everything and asked for nothing in return. For the first time in my very long existence I found myself liking a human. What exquisite pleasures we felt that night, beyond anything even in my experience.
I didn't have to enhance anything, neither size nor stamina. He made me understand things that had always eluded me, he had seen me yet he still taught me. I didn't want it to end, because once it did I would have to give him what he wanted and take what I no longer wanted. It's my role you see, not exclusive to men you know. Women are guilty of it too, the wanting… needing… coveting.
My shape changed with every person I served, my true form was spirit without form. I liked this form though, I wanted to claim it and keep it. You see most people summon me in a familiar shape, not him though he just summoned me with his purity. I don't know if it's his influence that makes me feel these things, and for once I don't question… I just feel.
The night had to end though, and I had to leave so he could make his choice. I saw him reaching for his drink… where he saw one I saw many. Power, wealth, respect, sexual prowess (that would be beating a dead horse…) there was a drink for every selfish urge.
To my surprise he took a drink even I hadn't seen before, like him it was beauty given form, it glowed with every color in existence and more. I don't know how to explain it at all, but when he drank it I didn't need to take his soul, maybe it's because his wants were for those he loves. Who knew a human could make a selfless wish?
So in return I gave him all the things that lesser men wanted, what he would need in this place. I gave him everything he didn't ask for and left, strange who knew the Devil could fall in love?
I'm lying in bed snuggling against the incredibly warm body beside me, I know I'm having the Angel dream again because the last time I checked he was still a vampire. I don't think anything can change that. The weird thing is he still has all the strengths of a vampire in my dream, which really isn't something I've ever thought about before.
Now that I think about it, spooned against my dream man. I don't think I could do normal, I mean I'm the Slayer and I need someone who can handle himself in a fight. I really thought Angel was that man, until the whole Angelus thing. It's like all my dreams have come true, and as soon as I open my eyes it will all be over.
Angel will be in LA again and it will all be over for the two of us. I don't think I can lose him again, even if he's just a dream, so I keep my eyes shut. Keep my eyes closed to the reality that he's gone. I start weeping through my closed eyes, dreamAngel is kissing my shut eyes, that's nice. His Irish accent is kind of endearing… wait a second…
So I open my eyes… only to find the reality is better then the dream. Angel's human… since when… since how… who cares? It's a good thing he doesn't have a demon anymore… I'm about to give him a few moments of happiness.
I always knew I was missing something, that ethereal part of my religion that not only explains the power I possess but tempers it. I couldn't find the answers I sought in Giles' books and I had no other source for information. Then it struck me yesterday out of the blue. I was looking in the wrong place, I was looking for the light in the dark.
Within minutes I had discovered what I sought, not all the answers. That's not what I wanted I wanted a place to find answers. Call me a geek but I like research… I love the hunt for knowledge searching for what I don't know. This will occupy me for so long, it's great I can temper my power with knowledge. Knowledge of neutral magic's and healing magic's, I can help on more then one front of our war and I love it.
I wonder if Giles knows all this, I wonder if he wants to do some research. He's been left out lately, and that's just not fair, hey I wonder what Xander is doing, I know where Oz is, but where's Xander, I haven't seen him lately, I hope he doesn't feel left out, my goddess I even babble in my head, weird, I wonder if Oz wants to the thing with the leather?, now that's an idea….
Cool, I can control the wolf. I wonder if Willow wants to do that thing with the leather?
Ok, this is weird. I don't know how or why but Jenny's back. She's back and naked… after we deal with the naked part I'm going to research.
Excellent I've been able to cross reference so many books, this is prodigious. See I'm so anal retentive I even use my exorbitant vocabulary in my head. Well on to research then. I should have a speech ready in an hour or so… then I can go explain to Jenny why she's….
Screw it I'm going back to the naked gypsy in my bed. Who cares why she's back. She's naked, human, horny and in my bed. The big words and the explanation can wait.
Well I have a great start here, now if I can just get back to work. Jenny's gone to get some food and clothes so I should be able so get some work done. Ahh…. forget it I'm going to watch the tape we made.
Jenny walks in the door and the research is forgotten again….
Her I am watching him again, he's looking better ever since our night together. I'm glad I was able to help him get over Anyanka, she never saw his true potential. His light that fills me, I find myself drawn to him spending most of my time watching him. I don't know why I don't just give in and be with him. It's kind of ironic… the great tempter being enticed by her greatest enemy. The form he chose for me, it's mine know and I can't be any happier with it.
Does that surprise you? The fact that I can't get a mere mortal out of my heart, that he did what countless angel's couldn't. Well to be fair he never was a mere anything, and he certainly isn't mortal anymore. That's part of his charm though, for most of them power corrupts, but not him… no he touches it without being corrupted by it. Do you see why I'm obsessed?
By all accounts I should be angry with him, he's demolishing my once great army. I can't seem to care though, he's my new obsession. The armies of hell are falling apart and all I care about is him. I think he knows I watch him, every once and a while he turns and looks at me. Gives me that crooked grin and my heart melts once more.
I'm not sure how long I can hold out, I'm not even sure if I should hold out. What's the point? He's the greatest thing to have ever have happened to me. Honestly though I thought you of all beings would be against this. I know, and I do give up as far as I'm concerned I got the better part of this deal.
So why don't I just go? I'm not sure, it's almost become a game between us I think. Anticipation is only going to make this all the sweeter. I'm not trying to be cruel I just want to see who gives in first. To be honest the only reason I haven't left is because this is the first decent conversation we've had in… well since before anything.
Yes, I know it's my fault and I accept that. Oh, look here he comes now. Sorry to cut this short I just need to see him, it's been too long. I knew you would understand.
I know she watches me, I can feel it her eyes on me. I don't mind at all. She changed me completely, the rest of the gang doesn't understand at all. They tried to oust me from the group again, it wasn't until the commando group tried to get me that they started treating me like a friend again.
This whole experience has changed me in so many ways, I almost can't relate to my friends anymore, we all try though. Our relationships with each other have changed, but I think it changed for the better. I'm able to help Buffy, well to be honest she helps me know. When the Hellmouth was opened we were ready.
As the hoards of demons poured out we killed them, killed them as they came. I think we may have destroyed an entire level of hell… opps!! The whole time she's been watching me, you think she would be mad I'm killing off her armies. But I feel nothing but love, it's strange being the Devil's obsession.
I just want her, I want her to come to me. I feel her right now watching talking to someone about me. She's in my heart you know, she lives there and I think I have a home in hers. I grow weary of this game though, soon I will go to her and take her hand. I want to bring her to the mansion. I bought it you see… a sort of shrine to the love we share.
It is a game, a battle of wills to see who will crack first. I don't think there will be a loser here though. Only two 'people' in love, and I think I'm about to crack. I find myself turning to where she sits, she thinks I can't see her but I can. It's just her friend I can't see, so now I go with my heart in my hand I go to see my lady love.
I hope there can be a happy ending in this story. I want there to be a happy ending for the Devil. I mean after all this time I think the Devil deserves her due, and maybe so do I.
It's strange you think you have the universe figured out, then you create it. I mean everything was going great… there I was, wherever I was and my Angels. Everything was good and so was I, then I had to go and make stuff. Well that just threw everyone for a loop. Lucifer's all like… I want that throne… mine, mine, and mine.
You know that really set off the whole kill everything that doesn't agree with me thing. I mean even I was getting sick of that. Well, then as everyone knows I got laid and that changed everything. It just proves that some good sex cures almost everything. Well, so here we go once again I thought I had everything figured out.
In a few centuries I would lay the smacketh down once more, smiteth the wicked and hug the righteous. You know all that hippy crap that bores the Baptists, which reminds me maybe they should get laid. Honestly… they bore me sooo much it isn't funny. Even I fall asleep during a Baptist service.
Meh, forget them, what really throws me for a loop is her obsession with this Xander guy. Not that I blame her, I just feel left out is all. Since before time I've been her obsession and now she turns her attention to Xander. It's enough to make me take my female form and she what the big deal is.
Sure, I've never seen humility like that in over two thousand years, few humans impress me and to tell you the truth he is one of them. This is the guy that ended the war between heaven and hell, both with love and at the end of the sword. I'm still jealous though, what if I wanted her or him.
Grrr makes God wants to flood something… stupid aliens you go squash now. Much better now back to the issues here, Lucifer left and joined him. Then she came back, humble beyond anything I've ever seen with her and begged my forgiveness. She looked so cute in the catholic school girl outfit how could I say no? I'm a forgiving God here, so after a brief conference between the trinity we decided to forgive and forget.
Oh, well maybe it's time for me to move on * sigh * it could have been good. The three of us, it would've been the best. Did I mention the guys hung? I mean honestly it's not genitalia at that point it's a bludgeoning weapon. One he uses with great proficiency, ok fine I'm not past it yet, I mean it's been over two thousand years and the things that guys does with his tongue * drool *
That's it I need some Xander lovin', I'm taking that female form out of the ol' God closet putting it on and going finding them. Find them and make a Xander filled sandwich. The universe can run itself for a while… I need to get some.
Wow, even better then advertised. Makes a girl want to remake that whole trinity thingy....