"No."
It was a firm no. Very firm. So firm that it came as a shock to the young blonde that it had been fired at. She shook her head and glared at the older man.
"Excuse me?" Buffy snarled, rising to her feet to tower over the other man.
"I said no." Giles returned her glare and crossed his arms across his chest. "I will not do it and that's final."
"But Giles, Adam's kicking our butt's out there!" The Slayer yelled, waving her arms around like a lunatic.
"I will not summon Xander and that's it!" The former Watcher yelled back, his face purpling in anger.
"Rupert." Jenny Giles spoke quietly, laying one hand on his arm and giving him a comforting squeeze. "If you don't do it, how many people will die?"
"That's not fair, Jenny." The Supreme High Priest and Head Temple Keeper For Sunnydale pouted in return. "You've read the rituals… you can't make me do that!"
His wife smiled at him and patted his cheek. "He's the only one that can help, you know. When he created his Pantheon of God's and Goddesses', he made the rules forbidding certain intercessions." She almost chuckled when an expression of distaste crossed his features.
He sighed in defeat. "Very well." He then turned his dark eyes onto his wife. "But you owe me for this." He said darkly.
Jenny blushed prettily. "I'll pray to Willow for extra passion tonight." She whispered in his ear, enjoying the low growl that escaped his throat.
"Why couldn't I be the Head Priest for Willow?" He muttered darkly, walking out the door to their cozy fifteen-bedroom cottage. He could remember when Xander had presented it to him as a wedding present two years previously. He chuckled whenever he saw the thing. It looked just like a classic Irish cottage… only three stories tall. Shaking his head, he had to admit that some things were definitely better. Climbing into his Lamborghini Diablo, he started the engine and drove off towards the temple, easily visible in the distance.
Giles cursed silently when he entered the temple and saw who was waiting for him. He rolled his eyes as Harmony Kendal, High Priestess to the Goddess of Fashion, stormed over to intercept him before he could make his way into the inner sanctum of the temple. Another thing that always brought a chuckle to his lips was the marble monstrosity that carried the title of temple. At ten stories tall and taking up an entire city block, it had huge chambers within for the worship of the deities it was constructed for. Not just for Xander, but for all the other Gods that he had helped to ascend.
"Giles! You have got to do something about that monster!" Harmony screeched. It was times like this that Giles was sure that the girl was part harpy.
"Which monster would that be?" Giles replied politely. Looking around, he was glad to see that the Chosen One of the Goddess of Fashion was currently missing. Any time he escaped from a conversation with Aura was always a blessing in his books.
"That Adam thing!" She screamed, glaring at the man who had the dubious honor of being the Chief Head Priest. It wasn't something that he had wanted, but it was extremely difficult to say no to Xander when he got on a roll. Granted, it had taken immortality, wealth, and fame to tempt him, but it was the promise of the library within the temple that had sealed the deal. A copy of every demonic text on the face of the planet resided there and he had to sheepishly admit that if it wasn't for his wife, he might never leave.
"We were blessing Georgio Armani's spring line when that… that thing… just burst in there and ruined everything! It shot up the racks of clothes before the holy examination could even take place! Holy Cordelia!" She informed him, snarling in her anger.
"Was anyone hurt?" Giles sighed, rubbing his forehead. True, headache's were a thing of the past now, but whenever he conversed with Cordelia's High Priestess it always felt like one was going to start. Idly, he wished that he still had glasses that he could clean, but Xander had fixed his eyesight as a gift.
"Oh, yeah, a couple of people were killed and it was really gross… but Georgio fainted! We can't have people like Georgio fainting during a blessing! It's just not done! And that's not all! That thing punched Aura in the mouth! Right in the mouth! Now the Chosen One has a split lip! How can Cordelia's Chosen Model do her job with a split lip!"
"Yes, well. I'm glad that we know what the important parts to life are." Giles muttered sarcastically. "I was just on my way to call for intervention."
"Oh." Harmony blinked several times. "Well, that's okay then. Anyway, I have to go. I have another line of clothes to inspect this afternoon. Prada I think. If it's good enough, I'll have to bless it and that's a long ritual to go through."
"Of course." Giles replied, letting the airhead walk away. He shook his head, spun on his heel, and walked towards the inner chamber. Oh, how he was dreading this. Just before he made it to safety, he was intercepted. The ex-Watcher eyed the young man who had appeared in front of him with a feeling of unease. He could remember how 'butch' Larry was in high school, and seeing him dressed like this made him uneasy. Larry was dressed in a pair of tight, pink leather pants. A pair of beige sandals were on his feet, showing off the light pink toenail polish. A very tight pink tee-top with an extremely low cut neckline adorned his chest. Throw in the various necklaces and loop earrings with the tight blonde curls on his head, and he was more than enough to make the older man uneasy.
"Larry." Giles nodded politely as he waited for the new God to come to the point. He stifled his sigh at Xander and Willow's choices, but he couldn't help but wonder what exactly was the point to a God just for gay people. On the other hand, he was grateful to Xander for making his mind impervious to the other higher beings.
"Giles, I just wanted to tell you that I'm off to San Francisco for a few weeks." Larry told him happily. "I've been asked to participate in the Gay Pride Parade as the guest of honor."
"I'm… happy… for you, Larry." Giles stated calmly. "I can only hope that you enjoy yourself." The images that invaded his mind caused him to shiver.
"Oh, and I'm going to open my own temple there." Larry added. "It just makes more sense in the long run."
"Of course." Rupert nodded his approval. "I don't imagine that there would be too much business in Sunnydale for you."
Larry just grinned and winked at the older man. "You'd be surprised." He said before disappearing in a flashing light.
Giles walked into the main prayer room and sighed. It was his first time in the room and he could see why. Every wall of the massive chamber was simply covered in pictures of Xander. It was almost like wallpaper, there were so many.
Turning his eyes to the floor, he made his way to the center of the room. Pulling out his 'Pocket Guide to Rituals Dedicated To The Great One Himself', he opened it and began to read out loud.
"Oh, Great One, How mighty art thou!
You are the mightiest of them all!
This humble being, simple dust beneath your feet,
Just Toilet Paper stuck to your arse,
Pleads for a hearing!
Alas, being smarter than the lowly Giles,
And much more handsome than him too!
You will… "
"Oh, sod this!" He muttered angrily, throwing the book down on the floor. He tilted his head back and screamed as loudly as he could. "Willow!"
A flash of light blocked his vision for a second. When he could see again, he found the small redhead from his past waiting patiently for him to speak. "Thank you, Willow. I'm afraid that I'm going to need your husband's help for the trouble we're currently having." He explained.
Willow lifted her eyebrow and looked at the book lying on the floor. She reached out for it and watched as it flew through the air and into her hand. Reading the cover, she snorted out loud. "Sheesh! Sometimes his sense of humor is truly horrible." She chuckled before looking at the older man. "So what's the sitch?"
"A half-demon, half-human cyborg that Buffy can't defeat." He said with a sigh. "Every time she faces him, she looses."
"A cyborg?" She asked, her face lighting up in interest. "Jenny hasn't said anything to me about that yet."
"Yes, well. Your husband has decreed that the other Gods can't interfere in matters such as this." Giles muttered.
Willow rolled her eyes. "Giles! From now on, just ask for me, okay?" She said in exasperation, smacking the back of her hand into his chest. "Let me go get him, okay?" She paused for a second, tilting her head to the side as if listening to something. "Oh, wow! I'd never of thought of that!" She breathed. Turning towards the older man, her smile turned into a smirk. "Jenny has asked that you be… empowered for tonight's little rendezvous."
"Pardon?" Rupert choked, taking a step backwards.
"Well, I am the Goddess of Love." Willow smiled, moving her hand as if throwing an invisible object. He didn't see anything, but when the energy hit him, so did arousal. He blushed and almost ran from the room in his hurry to get home.
"I love being me." The redhead smiled before flashing out of sight.
"Oh, Xander!" His wife called out for him. Xander sighed and looked at the stream he was fishing from with regret.
"Over here, Will!" He called back, reeling in his lure.
"You have a job to do!" Willow appeared in front of him with her arms crossed.
"Yeah, I know." He sighed, making his fly rod disappear. "Cordy already found me and ripped me a new one."
"So what are you going to do?" The redhead asked.
"I'll have to kill it, of course." He replied, gathering her into his arms and kissing her. "Then I'm going to take you somewhere and show you some Xander-lovin'." He promised her.
Adam looked at the demons gathered in the cave before him. It was a wide variety and the cyborg was pleased at the turnout. Chaos demons, Frost demons. Demons of every type and size were scattered around the cave.
"These are all I could find." Richard Wilkins informed him. He had missed his opportunity for ascension the previous year because of all the new higher beings springing into existence. A late night visit by the God Xander and a friendly warning as to what would happen to him, and the ex-mayor of Sunnydale had decided to forego the experience of being a true demon. Of course, that didn't make him a nice guy.
"Excellent." Adam returned, his software already examining each new species for weaknesses.
A bright flash of light caught everyone's attention. And there was the God, just standing there, looking extremely amused. "Hi, everybody!" He called out cheerfully. "How's everybody doing tonight? Good, I hope."
"What is this?" Adam muttered, focusing his mechanical eye on the new figure. He couldn't get a proper reading on the figure despite the different mode's he kept shifting it to.
"That's Xander." Richard muttered at his side, glaring with hatred at the holy figure.
"Ah, a being that thinks that it is a God." Adam nodded.
"Not thinks." Richard muttered. "He IS a God."
Stunned, Adam turned his attention back towards the dark haired youth.
"Now, do you guys really want to go on a blood bath in MY town?" Xander smirked, crossing his arms. "I think that you need to meet the new girl in town." He waved his hand and a dark skinned girl appeared in another burst of light. "Everyone… this is Kendra… she's the Goddess of human/demon interactions."
The mocha skinned woman looked around, probing the thought patterns of the different demons. A cruel smile adorned her face when she finished. "For conspiring to cause the bloodshed of humans, I find you all guilty. Your punishment is… death!" She snarled, throwing fireballs and lightning bolts everywhere she saw movement. Demons died in droves.
When it was over, Kendra, Xander, and Richard Wilkins surveyed the damage. Richard gulped in fear when he saw the burnt hulk of Adam lying at his feet. He was about to sneak out when Xander turned to stare at him.
"Richard, you've been a naughty boy!" The God told him, shaking a finger in his direction. "I think you need to be grounded!" Xander smiled at him. "I suppose that the Watcher's Council would have some fun with you. Plus it gives them something to do. Kendra, please take care of this."
"Of course." The ex-Slayer replied, disappearing in a flash of light. Richard Wilkins III followed immediately after.
Thus ends the saga of Xander the Magnificent verses Adam. Of course, there are many more adventures in the future, but those are tale's for another time.