You've got to be kidding me

Author: Michael Wilson <wyrdradio[at]>

Rating: PG-13 to R

Setting: BUFFY: Post Ending DOGMA: After the movie by a month or so

Spoilers: Season 7 ending of Buffy. Ending of Dogma.

Summary: While away getting something for Giles in New York City, Xander meets some more people and is given an offer he can't refuse.

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all things Buffy along with the Mutant Enemy company. The movie Dogma is owned by Kevin Smith and View Askew.

Author's notes: This is a BtVS/Dogma crossover... and a sequel to "One of the good ones" and "And so it begins..."

" ... " as always means talking while * ... * means thoughts.

Chapter 1

Xander's eye fluttered and blinked open.

"What?! What the fuck do you want now?! Huh... oh.. ok."

Xander winced at the voice and blinked again, trying to get his eye to focus. As it finally did, Xander noticed two things... one, he was lying on the floor, and two... the idiots were kneeling next to him.

"You in there?"

Xander groaned and closed his eye.

"What the hell happened to me?"

Jay looked at Bob and just shrugged.

"How the fuck should we know. We go get a soda and come back and you're lying on the floor drooling all over yourself like a fucking baby."

Xander opened his eye and sat up.

"Where's the cranky British guy?"

Silent Bob's eyes perked at that question and mimed angel wings to Jay. Jay nodded and smiled.

"So you are the one after all. He wouldn't show up to you if you weren't."

Xander looked up at Jay and just stared at him.

"Are you telling me he's real? I didn't just dream all that?"

Jay shook his head.

"He's real... seen him what... three or four times so far?"

Silent Bob nodded and rolled his eyes. Jay laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, he is kinda crazy."

He looked at Xander and reached out a hand to help him up. Xander took it, then brushed himself off.

"So all that shit with fallen angels and you two and this Bethany woman actually happened? And she's pregnant now?"

Jay nodded.

"Yeah... all true... and I think she's what.. a few months along maybe?"

Silent Bob nodded and mimed two and a half months. Xander watched them and sighed.

"Shit! Why me?"

Jay frowned.

"Why you what?"

Xander sat down and shook his head.

"Mr. Cranky told me that God wants me to do something for her... something a bit odd."

Jay smiled and sat down next to him.

"Yeah... what?"

Xander started to tell them, not noticing the woman walking up behind them...


Bethany walked into the airport and growled under her breath.

*Damn it.. where the hell are they?*

Jay and Bob had been told to go pick someone up at the airport... or so the note in the kitchen had said. She didn't understand why they were all living together, or for that matter, why they were told to stay where they were.

*All I get is a freaky dream telling me that we're not complete yet and that I'm supposed to stay put until then. No explanations for me... no, they can't do that.*

She rolled her eyes and looked around for any sign of her prophets... but couldn't see them.

"Ok... arrivals or departures... which would it be."

Logic said choose arrivals, but knowing those two...

"Departures it is then."

She spun on her heel and headed toward the gates, her frustration growing with each step. As she walked from gate to gate, she scanned the crowd for any sign of the hockey jersey or green trench that those two always wore. Finally, near the windows, she spotted them sitting next to some man. She walked toward them and as she drew near, she heard their conversation.

"... so then he tells me that as a thank you, she made her pregnant... which you both know already... right?"

Bethany watched as Jay and Bob both nodded then frowned when she realized the man was talking about her.

"Ok.. so then he tells me... every baby needs a father... and it seems God wants that man to be me."

Bethany blinked and came to a stop just behind them, a look of shock on her face.

"You've got to be kidding me..."

The End